I thought I had already discovered the silliest parenting trend of all time. Charging for playdates was by far the most absurd parenting idea I've come across for a while. Until today, when I learned that Gen Zers - that’s young people aged between 18 and 27 - are leaning rather too heavily on their parents for help with job-hunting, according to new research.

A poll of 1,428 American-based Gen Zers conducted by ResumeTemplates.com revealed that one in ten respondents got their parents to write their resume, and 16 percent got their parents to submit a job application for them. But that's not even the bonkers bit. Wait for it: 25 percent of Gen Zers say they have shown up to a job interview with a parent in tow. Take a moment to stop laughing. I had to.

As a mum of three, two of whom are Gen Zers, it took me all of two seconds to weigh up whether I'd ever go along to a job interview with one of my sons if they asked. Nope. Not if hell froze over. I'm all for cheerleading my kids and offering them whatever support they need as they grow up and make their way in the world. And let's face it, with the economy the way it is and the cost of living crisis ongoing, many Gen Zers have no choice but to rely on the bank of mum and dad. But I draw the line at anything as mollycoddling as accompanying them to a job interview.

Why? Because the first rule of parenting is this: raise them to be independent humans. If you could look that up in some kind of ultimate parenting dictionary I reckon you’d find ‘accompanying an adult child to a job interview’ listed as the very antithesis of raising an independent human.

Our primary role as parents is to equip our kids with the skills they need to live their own lives. As one of my favourite parenting mantras goes: "There are two lasting things we give our children. One is roots, and the other is wings." If a young person can't handle a job interview without asking their parent to come along and hold their hand, then something has gone very wrong in the process of parenting.

To be clear, I’m talking about young people who ask a parent to come along despite being fully capable of attending an interview alone. I have friends who accompany their children with additional needs and disabilities to various interviews and opportunities, which is the right thing to do. That's a completely different scenario.

And we're not just talking about supportive parents waiting in a nearby coffee shop during their kid's interview. Of the Gen Zers who bring their parents to interviews, 31 per cent had a parent accompany them to an in-person interview, while 29 per cent had them join a virtual interview. Among those who had a parent come to an in-person interview, 37 per cent said their parent accompanied them to the office, 26 per cent said their parent sat in the interview room, 18 per cent said their parent introduced themselves to the manager, and 7 per cent said their parents answered questions. The cringe is off the scale.

What impression does this create for the employer? Having conducted many interviews over the years, I can tell you that if a candidate asked to bring their parent along, I’d be horrified. An interview is an opportunity to demonstrate what you have to offer the company. If you can’t do that without your parent in the room, I’d question your ability to handle more challenging aspects of the job, like making difficult decisions or dealing with conflict. What happens if you have to go through a disciplinary procedure? Is your parent going to pop into the office to give me one of those menacing mum glares?

"Parents submitting applications without involving their child is certainly not ideal," says ResumeTemplates' Executive Resume Writer Andrew Stoner. "Young workers will not gain practical knowledge and experience with the application process this way, and they will likely be less invested and prepared for an employer’s expectations during the interview process. If young workers lack motivation or knowledge, their chances for success in recruiting, and even more in the job, are limited."

I’d never go to my Gen Z kid’s job interview because doing so would demonstrate a damaging lack of belief in the applicant. Gen Z kids are remarkably skilled and resilient, in my experience—not just at choosing perfectly ripe avocados or finding the best sourdough. They can problem-solve like ninjas when it comes to video games, and there seems to be no technical challenge they can't handle, for starters. The idea that they might need a parent in a job interview is laughably silly. If either of my boys asked me to accompany them to a job interview, I'd tell them to give their heads a wobble and stop underestimating themselves. When my kids lean on me for support, I bring every tool in my kit that might help them. But most importantly, I remind them of all the reasons why they can handle whatever life throws their way.

Having spent years mingling with other parents of Gen Z kids, I’ve witnessed a lot of overparenting that leads to young people not being able to stand on their own two feet. I know a surprising number of parents who completed their kid’s A-level coursework for them. But where does that end? How long before kids want a parent with them in exams, on a first date, or during a driving test?

Here's the other problem I have with this approach to parenting: if the job interview goes well and the Gen Zer lands the gig, how do they know whether it's on their own merits or not? By showing up to an adult child's job interview like some kind of stage mum, you risk denying your kid the chance to shine. So please, mums, just say no if your Gen Zer asks you to go with them to a job interview. Give them your best interview tips and coach them through how to prepare, by all means. Make plans to commiserate or celebrate together once the interview process is over. But please, just say no to overparenting and let them see how capable they are.

We also have to address the fact that letting your adult kids lean too heavily on you as they grow up sets them up for difficult days ahead. My dear dad, who died suddenly a few years ago, was the ultimate supportive parent. Throughout my career, whenever something big happened, my dad was always my first phone call. When I landed my first media job in London as a graduate, he was the first to know. When I was made redundant from it five years later, at eight months pregnant, he was there for me. 

My job here at GoodtoKnow was a dream gig that I applied for not long after my dad passed away, and when I got the call to offer me the job after a lengthy, nail-biting process, my dad was the only person I wanted to call. Not because he had fostered over-reliance on him, but because he had nailed this part of parenting. He was such a consistent cheerleader who encouraged my dreams so that I had the faith in myself to go for it when the big job opportunity came, and to win it entirely on my own merits. We all have to stand on our own two feet in the end, and it's better to learn how before we have no choice.

I know how tempting it can be to overreach into our adult children's lives. The parental urge to protect our kids from harm can be overwhelming, and it's not always easy to work out when to step in and when to step back. I imagine that parents who go to their kid's job interview do so because they want to shield them from setbacks, failure, and disappointment. But being on permanent standby to rescue young adults doesn’t help them at all. Roots and wings, remember? A parent's actions should never stunt a child's growth or clip their wings, especially not when they're adults.

Looking for more topical content on the parenting debate of the day? Discover Charging for playdates: money savvy or rude? and check out I'm a parenting expert - here's why Sports Day IS for winners and losers, and shouldn't be a non-competitive woke fest.

Brianna Weimar, a money-saving mum, has sparked a heated discussion online by claiming she charges other parents for playdates. Critics say her actions are rude, while others have praised her money-saving ways. Our Consumer Editor - and mum of three with decades of playdate invoices to backdate - wades into the debate.

Once upon a time, long ago in a far-off land, parenting was simple. Back then keeping kids entertained was an easier, more wholesome task. We didn't have to worry about how to reduce kids' screen time and we'd never even heard of overparenting - we just invited our kids' best friends over to play and the kids ran amok in the garden while we did... whatever it was mums did before scrolling.

But now even the humble playdate is fraught with modern complications that parents must navigate with caution. Playdates used to go something like this:

1. Your kid made friends with another kid
2. They begged to invite their new friend round to play
3. You made small talk with the other mum until you issued the invite
4. She said yes
5. The kid got dropped off to play
6. You had a couple of hours of peace while the kids played with Lego
7. The mum arrived, stayed for a cuppa, and a new friendship was forged
8. You congratulated yourself on a job well done

Back in those glory days, the worst that could happen on a playdate was a trashed bedroom. But you didn't even really mind tidying up the aftermath because you were just happy that your kid had a friend. Nowadays, however, playdates have become political. The hottest issue of debate? Whether to charge parents when their kids come over for playdates. I kid you not.

Brianna Weimar, a money-saving mum, sparked a furious internet debate with a claim that she charges other parents for playdates. She sends a Venmo request to the child’s parent, itemising everything the child has consumed during the playdate, from snacks to pumps of hand soap and even a proportion of the cost of colouring pencils used.

Imagine that. [Eye roll]

As a parenting journalist and mum of three, I’ve debated everything over the years from whether it’s okay to discipline another person’s child to whether Harper Beckham should have ditched the dummy by the time she was four years old but I’ve never heard a parenting debate as silly as this one.

Surely, this post was a ploy to boost her engagement and not a legitimate stance? Apparently not. The mum of two claims she started charging parents for playdates when the cost-of-living crisis took hold.

I get that. I have three kids and keeping the house stocked with the snacks they like is a costly business in today’s economy. The cost of regularly feeding and entertaining other people’s kids can quickly feel like a luxury we can't afford.

Let’s break it down. During the average playdate, here’s the approximate cost of what your little guest might reasonably consume:

• Squash - large glass, unlimited free refills
• Biscuits - all you can eat (until you clock on and start rationing them)
• Hand soap - 2-3 squirts depending on the little guest’s hygiene routine
• Cleaning costs - essential, since crayon will be trodden into the new carpet

That’s not even accounting for when a playdate involves staying for tea - or the inevitable cuppa or even a glass of wine for the parent who arrives at pickup time. Nor the wear and tear on your carpets and furniture. Then there’s the fact that any siblings in the household will justifiably demand their own playdate in the near future, incurring further costs. And so it goes on—I can practically hear the meter running.

Tot it all up and you can easily see how a playdate ‘costs’ a minimum of £10 and more realistically something close to £20 these days. Organise one a week and you’re looking at over £900 a year in playdate ‘costs.’ Ouch.

But how, I wonder, should one go about invoicing another parent for a playdate? (Asking for a friend.) Use a safety pin to attach the itemised bill to the child’s top at home time in case they don't have Venmo? Hand it over in a sealed envelope and ask the parent to sign to acknowledge receipt?

Then there's the question of how the other parent will react to being charged for a playdate. Ask if you take Apple Pay and cough up there and then? Or walk away hurriedly, muttering about not having any cash on her, only to ghost you at the school gates?

And what happens if the other mother thinks charging for playdates is a great idea and you start getting invoices every time your kid goes to someone else's house? Before you know it, there’ll be WhatsApp chats sharing online booking systems for playdates with pay-by-the-hour options and even menus to peruse so you can pre-book the snacks.

But why stop at playdates? Why don’t we invoice our friends when they’ve enjoyed our hospitality? Damn it, think of all the book club gatherings I’ve run over the years for my mum mates. They must owe me thousands! I wonder if it’s too late to backdate the invoices…?

Give me strength. Whatever happened to the village we’ve always been told it takes to raise a child? You scratch one mum’s back by giving her two hours to catch up on Selling Sunset (laundry, I mean laundry...) and she’ll repay the favour the following week. It’s a time-honoured tradition that has worked just fine for decades without money exchanging hands. And playdates don’t have to be costly. Meet in the park, bring refillable water bottles, and nab a packet of Lidl’s gingernuts for 55p—cheaper than chips.

Stephanie Lowe, Family Editor of GoodtoKnow and mum to six-year-old Ted, agrees. "I stand firmly in the 'if you can't afford the party, don't throw the party' camp," she says. "I get that not everyone has the money to 'host' so don't host. Make the playdate in a park if you don't want to share anything. Also, modelling is everything in parenting. If you are attaching a monetary value to making friends and getting to know people what message are you sharing?"

Playdates are the sharing economy in action. The moment you try to monetise them, you lose the essence of what a playdate is all about. You don’t ‘owe’ me for the juice and snacks your kid consumes at my house, because we both know my kid will get his money’s worth next time you invite him to play at yours. That's how it works. More importantly, when we invite our kids' friends over to play, we're teaching them sacred values like sharing resources and being generous. Turn those opportunities into transactions, and you risk raising kids who know the cost of everything but the value of nothing.

For me, this debate isn’t about the cost of playdates at all. It’s an example of the commodification of parenting, which is just a fancy way of saying that we’ve attempted to turn the whole gloriously messy human experience of having children into a business. The dangers are obvious; if we make raising children into an economy where we expect to recoup our costs and make a profit, we'll miss all the non-material riches that parenthood offers.

The most memorable playdates are those when you arrive at the park to find the other parent has a coffee ready for you, just the way you like it, with no invoice attached. Just last month, I handed out canned cocktails on the beach during an impromptu playdate with mum friends I first met when my eldest started school more than a decade ago. The true sign of a successful playdate isn't that your expenses are covered. It's that you're still buying each other drinks and choosing to hang out together long after the kids have grown up and moved on.

You can't put a price on that.

Body positivity is a huge conversation both online and IRL (in real life); it's not about 'promoting obesity' nor is it about 'glorifying thinness'. Body positivity is about loving and accepting the body you're in.

Body positivity is more relevant than ever – with nearly 11 million hashtags on Instagram, this is more than just a trend. When it comes to our weight, we are a society of extremes, and this is having a worrying effect on children and teens. More than 25% of children in the UK are obese by the age of 10. According to the NHS, record numbers of young people are receiving treatment for eating disorders (in an effort to tackle this, an eating disorders toolkit is being rolled out in schools to help students but more work needs to be done both in schools and at home).

It's thought that these rising figures have been partly fuelled by the stress the global pandemic had on families. But social media is also to blame. “In December 2021, the Royal College of Psychiatrists noted a significant increase in the number of children developing eating disorders and found that social media and witnessing family difficulty as two significant factors for this,” explains Kerrie Jones, CEO and founder of Orri, a specialist treatment centre for eating disorders in people over 16.

Celebrities are also influential – research by the Mental Health Foundation showed that 25% of young people (37% of girls and 13% of boys) have worried about their body image because they’ve compared themselves to famous people. In an encouraging – albeit somewhat belated move – Disney has announced its first-ever plus-size heroine, who overcomes self-doubt and body dysmorphia to become a body-positive role model, and there are some fantastic body-positive ambassadors, such as content creator Megan Jayne Crabbe, but cases of eating disorders are still on the rise. They also tend to develop during adolescence and, worryingly, have the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder, so talking to our kids and teens about body positivity is an essential part of parenting or caregiving. But what exactly is body positivity, and how do we approach the subject with our children?

What is body positivity?

Body positivity is about feeling good about your body and how it looks. It focuses on the health of our bodies – not just our physical appearance. It’s about liking your body regardless of age, gender, physical ability, sexuality, shape, size and skin tone. Self-acceptance is the goal, rather than comparing yourself to others or feeling like you have to look in a way that society deems ‘perfect’ or ‘ideal’.

It’s a wonderful premise, but – ­for many – easier said than done. A 2019 survey by the Mental Health Foundation found that 31% of teenagers felt ashamed in relation to their body image, while four in 10 teenagers said images on social media had caused them to worry about body image. Statistics such as these are proof as to why we need to explain body positivity to children and use positive language about bodies in general – not just about how your child looks but how you talk about your own and others’ bodies.

Is body positivity a good thing?

Overall, body positivity is very good for people of all ages. While the movement has been criticised (some say it lacks inclusivity or may promote obesity), it's made countless people feel better about themselves. Body positivity is about more than how we look physically—it’s about health, well-being, and confidence.

And it's more important than many people realise. “Negative body image is not a trivial problem – it’s linked to a poorer quality of life, mental health problems, and the risk of developing eating disorders,” says Adam Nice, senior policy and public affairs officer for the Mental Health Foundation. “Body positivity is protective against these risks. It helps people appreciate and accept their bodies, encouraging a healthier relationship with their physical appearance,” he explains.

Kerrie agrees: “The body positivity, body acceptance and body neutrality movements have been revolutionary for helping people to celebrate their bodies for how they are, or, empowering people to decide not to assign an arbitrary value to it,” she says. “Some people find body ‘positivity’ very difficult, so introducing different ways to relate to your body has offered multiple avenues towards a more ‘well’ relationship to our physical selves.”

Why is body positivity so important?

Our mental health, our sense of self, and even our place in the world is intrinsically linked to our body image and how we feel about the way we look. Children and young people are sponges who soak up information, which makes them especially vulnerable to external influences – both positive and negative.

People of colour can have it particularly hard. “For young people from non-white backgrounds, poor body image can become intertwined with experiences of racism and feeling ‘othered’ by wider society,” says Adam. Indeed, there’s a misconception that eating disorders are an intrinsically ‘white ‘ issue – in one You Gov poll commissioned by UK eating disorder charity Beat, four in 10 people “believed eating disorders were more common amongst white people than other ethnicities.” Yet they’re just as common – if not more so – amongst BAME communities.

Research shows that there’s a worrying correlation between confidence and body image. “A Girlguiding Attitude Survey found 52% 11-14-year-old girls avoid everyday school activities because they don’t like how they look – these activities included sport, public speaking, drama and raising their hand in class to ask a question,” says campaigner and broadcaster Natasha Devon who – as well as working with teenagers on mental health concerns – writes young adult fiction about teen issues (her latest book, Toxic – which is about young female friendships – is out now).

Another cycle that needs breaking is the passing down of parents’ insecurities to children. This seems to be more prevalent between mothers and daughters – unsurprising given female beauty standards women are expected to adhere to. One study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that ‘45% of girls reported that their mothers encouraged them to diet and 58% reported weight-teasing by family members.’

Not only does having a poor body image affect confidence, it can lead to other problems. “If a child or teen has negative thoughts about their appearance, they can be less likely to engage in healthy behaviours, such as socialising or exercising in public,” says Adam. “Disengaging from healthy behaviours can lead to poor mental health. Children with poor body image are also at risk of using drastic, unhealthy behaviours to alter their image, such as developing an unhealthy relationship with food,” he warns.

“People who don’t like or respect their bodies are less likely to eat a balanced diet and less likely to exercise in a sustainable way, long-term,” adds Natasha. “They will tend to see food and exercise as a means of self-punishment, as opposed to a way to improve physical health and feel good” – (the latter being the very definition of body positivity). “There’s also evidence to show people who have poor body image feel less entitled to be treated well in their friendships and romantic relationships.”

This is why a body-positive attitude is integral to wellbeing. "It helps children to feel comfortable in their own bodies, allowing them to value themselves in more meaningful, healthy ways,” says Adam. “And it helps to protect against mental health problems."

But teaching body positivity to your child is not just about making them appreciate and love their own bodies. We lead by example, so if we are highly critical of our own look, shape or physical 'flaws', our kids will learn these behaviours – even if we tell them that they are great and don’t need to change. Basically, if we are not body positive about ourselves, telling our kids to be will seem like empty words. We come in all shapes and sizes and some children – just like some adults – will never be a certain way, but if we berate ourselves for this our kids will learn to do this about themselves.

“I’d say to parents the most important thing is to address your own relationship with your body, first,” says Natasha. “And watch how you speak about other people’s bodies in front of them, too.”

“Embracing a more accepting and inclusive perspective towards our bodies grants us permission to exist simply as we are, recognising that we are more than just our bodies and that our bodies don’t exist in isolation from our minds and emotions,” add Kerrie. That applies to all of us.

How to be a body-positive parent

Being a body positive parent should start sooner rather than later. This is because we internalise messages about our bodies from a very young age (earlier than we’d anticipate), and the messages we receive can go on to form the narrative of our lives in adulthood, says Kerrie. “As such, having an awareness of this and being thoughtful about how we talk and think about our bodies, and other people’s bodies, is important,” she explains.

Adam agrees: “Body positivity should be on the minds of parents from the beginning. While it may not be possible to directly teach about body positivity at an early age, modelling good behaviour as a parent is crucial, as early stray comments about parents' own, their child's, or others' appearance can start to build a perception that conforming to a particular body image is valuable.”

If you haven’t started yet, don’t panic – better late than never. Plus, you have most likely been positive in other ways that have helped build your child’s confidence. “Sometimes the solution is to move the conversation away from bodies entirely – make sure your child knows they are valued for their intangible qualities; for example, being witty, kind or thoughtful,” says Natasha.

What counts is consistency and persistence. Big them up regularly – don’t worry about pumping up their ego. After all, who else tells our kids they’re loved and they’re great. Being specific helps. For example:

• That was a kind thing to do for your friend
• You’re very thoughtful for helping your sister/friend/gran
• You have a lovely smile/brilliant laugh
• You worked really hard on that test/tidying up

“Children learn through repetition and live in a world that seeks relentlessly to persuade them that how they look is the most important thing about them,” says Natasha. “See yourself as the counter-narrative. Even when it seems like you aren’t getting through, keep at it.”

How to talk to your teen about body positivity

All parents will know that delicate conversations with their kids can be tricky at best, a minefield at worst. You won’t get it right each time, but stick at it with honesty and tact.

“Don’t just tell your child they’re beautiful/perfect as they are,” says Natasha. “You’re not only reinforcing the idea that looks are the most important thing, but you might also give them a fear of their bodies changing which could rear its head around puberty.”

However, lying won’t help in the long-run. “Don’t lie to your child, either,” says Natasha. “How they look will affect their experience of life, but make sure they know that it’s the world’s problem, not theirs. Say something like ‘how you look is like wrapping paper on a present – it’s what’s inside the box that’s the most important thing’,” she says.

Developing a healthy level of self-respect is key – not only will this help kids and teens take care of their bodies, it will prevent them from letting others disrespect their bodies (through bullying or abuse). “It’s the only thing they’ll ever have that they truly own so make sure they realise that their body is theirs,” says Natasha.

It also helps to let young people be exactly that – young. Let them experiment and find their way in the world. “Making smart decisions when it comes to diet, exercise and experimenting with fashion, hair, makeup are part of a wider discussion about consent,” says Natasha. “It’s not what they do but why they do it that is important.” So, pick your battles, but if your child is going to what you believe are extremes (intense dieting, over-exercising, lots of piercings) ask yourself why they’re pushing so hard, and reach out.

For children to become well-rounded they need to know they are of value – not just for how they look but for who they are. “Celebrate aspects of them that aren’t related to external factors – for instance, their interest areas, education, how they are with their friends and relationships,” says Kerrie.

Adam recommends compliments based on behaviour. “While there's nothing wrong with complimenting a child/teen on how they look from time to time, it can feed into the idea that appearance is what you value if you don't balance it with other types of compliments,” he says. “While character-based compliments reinforce the idea that we are valuable because of who we are, not because of how we look.”

Do say:

• I love your positive attitude
• You’re really beaming today
• You have a great energy
• You’ve been very kind and supportive lately
• You have such a creative streak
• You look fantastic in that outfit
• That colour suits you
• If you’re full you don’t have to finish your meal, or have the rest later
• That exercise is helping – you're sleeping better/seem calmer
• Fancy a game of tennis, or going for a swim/jog/walk?
• I'd benefit from eating more healthily/doing some exercise
• I’m here for you

Don’t say:

• Are you going to eat/drink that?
• Your friend is looking very slim
• Have you lost weight?
• You need to do more exercise
• You’re not going out dressed like that
• Stop obsessing over your face/hair/weight
• You need to eat everything on your plate
• I hope you don’t get my thighs/bum/tum
• I look/feel so ugly
• I need to diet/I’m so fat

Support for parents and kids

Parents and caregivers don’t always get it right. Even with encouragement and support, children and teens can develop body issues.

“Children tend to think in a very black and white way: e.g. ‘if my body isn’t right, then I am not right’, which can lead to mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety and eating disorders if we’re not offered the intervention we need to reframe this thought process,” says Kerrie. So, if you don’t feel you are helping, there is support out there for young people with anxieties about their body, and for those who are developing, or have developed, disordered eating patterns.

“Eating disorders serve as a maladaptive coping mechanism; providing a false sense of security and control when otherwise we would feel out of control,” says Kerrie. “They also serve to numb overwhelming emotions, such as anxiety or sadness, by distracting and narrowing our focus onto things like food, calories, clothing size or body weight. Whilst this might sound like eating disorders are all about food and body size, they are in fact a symptom of more complex, underlying causes, and instead serve as a red flag that something isn’t quite right in someone’s life,” she says.

If you or your partner has body issues – and you are concerned that you may be passing these on to your children – there’s help for you, too. These organisations, books and Instagram accounts can educate and help both adults and young people.

Extra support

Organisations

Mental Health Foundation (guide for parenting for a healthy body image)

The Be Real Campaign (creating a body confident nation)

Beat (supporting those with eating disorders)

Children's Society (blog on building body positivity)

Childline (free, confidential online or phone counselling service for kids)

Books

Happy Confident Me Super Journal for Kids (£13.99, Amazon)

Everybody's Body: A Body Positive Picture Book For Children (£7.99, Amazon)

Minnie and Max are OK!: A Story to Help Children Develop a Positive Body Image (£9.34, Amazon)

Body Positive Power: How to stop dieting, make peace with your body and live (£7.99, Amazon)

Instagram

BBC Body Positive

Full Bloom Project

Megan Crabbe

Stephanie Viada

The Blair Witch 97

For more advice on life with teens you can also take a read of our guide on how to talk to kids about coming out or browse the best gratitude journals, positivity planners and activity books for kids. Elsewhere, you could get stuck in with some free self-care ideas.

If you've got a little worrier on your hands, or a teen who clams up when you want to talk about feelings, then you might be asking questions about their mental wellbeing. These gratitude journals and activity books could help.

Children's mental health can be a source of worry for many parents, but working out how to start a conversation about mental health is not easy. Some children may simply be too young to understand how to explain their emotions, while older kids may become withdrawn when the topic is broached. With recent NHS data showing that one in five children and young people in England aged eight to 25 had a probable mental disorder, many parents are looking for mindfulness activities for kids and other ways to help their children manage their feelings - and journaling is one hobby that could help.

Dr Charlotte Armitage, psychologist, psychotherapist and founder of No Phones at Home, which encourages families to put their phones away and focus on connecting, explains the benefits of using these activity books. "Journaling can help children to organise their thoughts and can be incredibly cathartic, because writing can help facilitate the processing of their emotions in a healthy manner. It involves reflecting on thoughts and feelings, working out how to structure these thoughts and behaviours, and then using our complex neural connections to enable us to write them down."

With this in mind, we've rounded up 12 of the best gratitude journals, positivity planners and other mindfulness activity books for kids and teens, to help them learn to process their emotions and cope with anxieties.

12 best gratitude journals, positivity planners and worry books for children and teens

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A new poll has revealed that more than four in 10 teenagers are worried about having children when they grow up, with many saying they do not want to have kids at all.

While you're busy wondering why your teenager is tuning you out, or dealing with a teen's many ‘annoying’ habits (that may actually be actually a sign of good parenting), it can be easy to forget that your child is on the verge of adulthood and putting in some serious thought as to what their future holds. 

And it appears there is one very big worry playing on the minds of teenagers across the UK when it comes to their futures; having kids. 

A new poll has found that more than one in four students, aged 16 to 18, are concerned about having children in the future. The teenagers' worries mainly centre around self-doubt, financial burdens, health and wellbeing, hindrance to personal aspirations, non-inclusive LGBTQ+ education, and a general fear of pregnancy and childbirth,

Senior author Professor Joyce Harper from University College London's EGA Institute for Women's Health, who conducted the poll, said, "Sadly, a number of female students expressed a lack of interest in future parenthood due to their fears about pregnancy and childbirth.

"Shortcomings in fertility education in schools also meant that students were left feeling both ill-informed and negative towards their own fertility and ability to have children."

For 931 of the students polled, the fear and worry is so strong they would rather not have children at all. Those who said they don't wish to have kids cited not only a fear of pregnancy and childbirth, but also climate change and the 'turbulent state of the world' as the main factors influencing their decision. 

One female student who didn't want to have kids explained, "The state of the world is in a shambles. Governments are corrupt. The environment is deteriorating... it would be cruel to put a child through any of our problems, especially since they are not getting better."

But two thirds of teenagers still said they do want to become parents in the future, though a whopping 45% said their dream is damped by the worries and reservations they have concerning parenthood. 

The main reason for teenagers' worries appears to be the lack of education they have received concerning reproductive health. The poll's researchers highlight some huge gaps in the curriculum  including not being told about reproductive issues like endometriosis, infertility and the impact of lifestyle on fertility.

When the students were asked how sex education could be improved, they prioritised inclusivity, 'sex positivity,' a need for honest, 'non-judgmental teaching' as the factors they were most interested in. 

One female student added, "All we've done in school is go over and over having safe sex and talked about periods which, whilst it is important, is barely scratching the surface of things people need to know about.

"If miscarriage and infertility were better taught, then that could reduce the guilt and embarrassment people who struggle with it would feel."

In response to the research, a spokesperson for Department for Education told Sky News they are 'currently considering a recommendation from the Women and Equalities Select Committee to make lessons on relationships, health and sex education compulsory for young people in post-16 settings.'

Parenting a teen? Keep up to date with family news like this is the real reason why your teenager is sleeping in late, and it’s not because they’re lazy - here's what the experts told us, and what to expect when your teenager starts dating - plus, how to make sure they're safe and feel comfortable opening up to you about it, as well as your favourite TV show could influence your teen's future career: The Great British Bake Off and Grey's Anatomy are among the series inspiring 60% of teenagers.

We go above and beyond for our kids, so when our efforts are met with constant complaints, it can be challenging to keep your cool as a parent. 

All children will moan, so try to take comfort from the fact that this behaviour is not a reflection of your parenting style – and feeling annoyed, frustrated, or angry when faced with constant complaints is normal. Parenting coach Jennifer Martin tells us: “It’s one of our many jobs to teach [children] how to talk to us and role modelling for them, without shame, is a key to success.”

Giving in to their demands without a method of correcting the behaviour will permit them to continue using those techniques to get what they want, which could be a downside of permissive parenting. Jennifer explains: “The best way to stop your children from complaining is to try and understand what they are asking from you. Once you know their end goal, you can teach them better ways to ask for the things they want or need from you.”

The sooner you find ways to redirect your child’s moaning, the easier your communication with them will become. Here’s how to do just that.

5 steps to stop your child from whining

1. Check their basic needs are being met

More often than not, whiny kids just want your attention because, you’re their number one person, right? First, Jennifer advises to check the basics with your child and make sure they aren't hungry, tired, bored or hurt. “Spend a few minutes on their level, with eye contact, exploring what the need is at that moment. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to turn the attitude tide, but if those needs are adequately filled and the behaviour continues, move on to the other strategies.”

2. Teach them to use their ‘big kid’ voice

If a child is whining for something they want, instruct them to use their ‘big kid’ voice instead of their regular tone. You can kindly show them the difference between the way they are speaking and how to ask like a big kid would. Jennifer explains: “Let them know that their ‘big kid’ voice is far more likely to get them the things they want in the future, and this creates positive reinforcement to use their regular voice, instead of whining or complaining.”

3. Be careful not to shame them

It makes sense that children don’t have the skills to maturely ask for the things they desire yet, so their moaning, whining and complaining will often get them a ‘quick win’ because parents don’t want to listen to it. When you feel yourself getting annoyed with the whining (which, you undoubtedly will), Jennifer advises taking some deep breaths and letting your child know that, in the long run, people won’t respond well to it. “Be careful not to shame them, but instead educate them that when using their regular voice, people will respond better to their needs. Role model to them in a calm way how you want them to ask for the things they want.”

4. Save it for later

So many parents will relate to having a child peppering them with requests for something they want when you’re out shopping, and as soon as you say ‘no’, the whining begins. Luckily, Jennifer has a genius strategy up her sleeve to offset this response: “Take a photo of the item they are asking for and add it to an album on your phone titled ‘gift ideas’. You can show them that it’s been added to the queue for upcoming birthdays, holidays, or as a reward for something in the future. Then when those dates come up, it’s easy to share with family or friends and reinforces the promise that you will purchase the things you already know they want.” Why didn’t we think of that sooner? 

5. Start a complaint book

Journaling has been a useful tool for adults to get their thoughts out of their head and onto paper, helping them to offload stress or worries, so why not encourage the kids to do something similar if they’re old enough to write? Jennifer calls it a ‘complaint book’, where children can write down a list of things they’re not happy with: “Once they’re done, create a second column on the page and ask them to write out ways they think they can fix the problem. They may need help with this at first, so plan to spend a few minutes showing them what you mean. This will begin to teach your child to find resolutions for themselves when faced with things that frustrate or aggravate them.” 

The final word? “Remember that consistency is critical and your child can catch on quickly if these are reinforced with regularity. Before you know it, your child will be asking for what they want, and whining and complaining will be a distant memory for everyone.”

For more parenting techniques, an expert reveals her discipline hack for kids of all ages and this is how to deal with children who laugh at you when you reprimanding them.

A psychotherapist has shared the five parenting phrases you should not say to your child when they are in the middle of a meltdown and avoiding them should make dealing with a tantrum that little bit easier. 

It doesn't matter how old your child is, when their emotions get the better of them, a meltdown is always hard to deal with. Whether you're struggling with school run meltdowns or navigating how to parent an anger-prone child, everyone has experienced the trouble of trying, and frustratingly failing, to calm down a child. 

To help, a psychotherapist has taken to Instagram to shed some light on the things not to say to your child when they're in the midst of a meltdown and many of them are phrases we often think of as harmless and even helpful. 

Zara Kadir, known online as the.therapy.shed, shared five phrases to Instagram, explaining exactly why they are not useful things to say. The first is, "Use your words.

"Imagine being asked to speak Spanish if you don't speak is," Kadir says. "This is basically what you're asking of your child. A dysregulated brain cannot access an emotional vocabulary."

The second phrase is the classic, "Take a deep breath. Following this instruction requires self-regulation which your child most likely developmentally cannot do," the expert explains.  

"I can't understand you until you're calm," is another phrase Kadir recommends to avoid. "This implies your child is making a choice to behave this way when they absolutely are not making conscious choices!"

The fourth phrase we're removing from our vocabulary is "Relax, it's not a big deal." As Kadir says, "It is to them, it's also quite possible that what just happened was the straw that broke the camels back."

Finally, we're also ditching the phrase, "'Well, that's what happens when you don't listen.' This is salt in the wound, if your child has hurt themselves or broken something, they've encountered the natural consequence of their actions and need you to support them."

The theory behind Kadir's recommendations is that an emotionally-charged child cannot 'think rationally' or 'self-soothe' and needs a parent to be 'calm and understanding' in order for them to feel heard and safe.

"When children are experiencing big feelings they aren't able to self-soothe or think rationally. This is not the moment to teach," she urges. "This is the moment to co-regulate by bringing your calm and understanding."

For more parenting advice and family news, keep up to date with pieces like 15 subtle ways your child expresses anxiety that you might have missed, and how to manage it flawlessly according to a therapist mum and telling your kids white lies to spare their feelings could backfire, according to science, as well as two thirds of parents notice negative effects of screen time on their children - here's how make it more positive.

A new poll has showed that two thirds of parents notice negative effects of screen time on their children, but screen time doesn't have to cause problems - here are our tips and tricks to get a more positive result out of it.

The topic of screen time is a divisive one, with solid and justified arguments on both sides of the conversation. While there are some benefits of screen time, everyone can agree that kids missing out on outdoor play, exercise, and ample homework time is a negative and it has even been linked to abnormal behaviour in toddlers. 

It's these negatives that have parents worried. A new poll has revealed that two thirds of parents have spotted negative effects in their child if they spend too much time looking at screens and 49% of parents are concerned about the amount of time kids spend looking at phones and tablets. 

The solution many have tried to implement is to reduce their child's screen time, but of the 88% who are trying to do so, more than a third are finding it too difficult to drag their kids away from their screens in order for them to do homework or chores around the house, the poll has found. If you're navigating the same issue, wondering why your teenager is tuning you out or if you're struggling with a child who won’t listen to your pleas to get offline, this TikTok parenting hack should make your kids listen more and pushback less. 

As reported by The Mirror, Matt Buttery, Chief Executive of Triple P UK and Ireland, the body who commissioned the research, said, “The amount of time children are spending on screens is becoming an increasingly pressing concern for parents in the UK, particularly following the pandemic. Research has shown that, whilst children do gain benefits from accessing social and educational information online, too much screen time can negatively affect children’s healthy development.”

It would be an impossible task to completely remove screens from a child's life but there are steps that can be taken to reduce screen time, to better increase safety online with life-saving questions to ask your child if they’re online gaming, and to better balance screen time with sleep by following expert tips to ensure screens aren't keeping kids awake all night.

Instead of banning screens, why not try to make screen time a more positive experience? The Mayo Clinic, who aim to solve the world's most serious and complex medical challenges, urges parents to 'keep in mind that the quality of the media your child is exposed to is more important than the type of technology or amount of time spent online.'

With this in mind, they suggest to ensure more quality screen time. They add to avoid 'violent content and apps with a lot of distracting content' as well as to 'eliminate advertising on apps, since young children have trouble telling the difference between ads and factual information.'

They also advise to, "Preview programs, games and apps before allowing your child to view or play with them. Better yet, watch, play or use them with your child. Seek out interactive options that engage your child, rather than those that just require pushing and swiping or staring at the screen. 

"Use parental controls to block or filter internet content [and] make sure your child is close by during screen time so that you can supervise his or her activities."

Keep up to date with other family news like don’t want your kids to grow up too fast? Science says this parenting style is the way to go and asking your kid this question could do wonders for their self-esteem – here’s why, as well as why you shouldn't tease your child about having a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’, according to parenting experts. 

A mum has taken to social media to share a slightly odd but absolutely genius parenting hack that will have your kids riding their bike without training wheels in no time- and all you need is a towel! 

As your children grow up, hitting all the various stages of their development, there are certain milestones that act as a rite of passage. None is so big, it feels, as a child learning to ride a bike and getting off those training wheels to run, or ride, free. 

Bike riding is great exercise for kids, but it can be scary to leave them on a mere two wheels and just hope they don't crash. But one mum has now shared a brilliant hack to help kids gain confidence while learning to ride and it's a bit unconventional but we love it. 

Taking to Instagram, Caitlin B, who is known on Instagram as Caitdallas, shared a video of her son learning to ride a bike while she used a towel - yes, a towel! - to help him balance and build his confidence without training wheels. 

In the video, Caitlin explains, "What you do is you get your beach towel and you put it up underneath their arms and you hold them up. You hold onto the towel to support them and the more practice, the more slack you leave on the towel until they gain the confidence to do it by themselves. And eventually, you don't even need a towel anymore!"

While she's speaking, Caitlin folds the towel to make it thinner in width and then places it across her child's chest and up under their arms, looping the ends round their back to hold onto them, creating a sort of lead holding them in place. 

In the caption of the video, which sees her son ride off into the distance with a tonne of confidence, Caitlin added, "This towel trick really helped build his confidence that he was capable of doing it and just offered a little bit of extra security for him in the beginning."

Parents were quick to fill the comments with their own success stories and thanks for Caitlin's hack. "I just tried it today with my eight-year-old who has been lacking in confidence and all it took was 30 minutes with the towel and she’s riding all on her own," one parent wrote, while another added, "You are a life saver, I’ve been trying to teach my kid unsuccessfully!"

Many commenters were quick to point out that the hack is also a great one for teaching toddlers how to walk. You secure the supportive towel in the exact same way as Caitlin shows in her video, and use it to help take off much of the child's weight as they stand. 

"Thats how I taught my daughter to walk," commented one user, with another adding back, "I used a towel to help support my son as he learned how to walk and it's such a great idea for learning to ride a bike! I'm definitely trying this out!"

In other family news, here are 5 easy ways to let children take risks (without your anxiety going through the roof) and 5 tips on how to teach kids emotional intelligence, as well as why telling your kids white lies to spare their feelings could backfire, according to science. 

New research has found an unintended consequence of telling your kids white lies, even little ones told in order to spare their feelings, and you're going to want to avoid doing so in the future. 

No matter your chosen parenting style, white lies are often a parent's best friend. Whether it's a forced 'It's beautiful' at one of their more unusual drawings or 'I've not got my purse,' when they ask for a treat while you're out, these little truth bending quips save a long conversation or argument and they're not harmful, are they? 

Well, new research has found that kids who are regularly told white lies by their parents are more likely to lie about things themselves. 

A study, published in Elsevier’s Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, looked at the behaviour of over 500 children aged between 11 and 12 to see how their relationship with the truth had been impacted by the various little white lies parents often use. 

The researches asked parents how often they lied to their children and the children were then asked how often they lied to their parents. The outcome? Honesty really is the best policy. 

“The bad news for parents is that sometimes, honesty may be the best policy," researcher Dr Setoh Pei Pei of Nanyang Technological University said. “White lies may be motivated by good intentions, but if children realise they have been lied to, this can also lead to lying from the child.”

The delicate white lies parents tell were split into two groups by the researches: instrumental and white lies. Instrumental lies are defined as lies used to get a child to change or stop what they're doing. Dr Pei Pei explains, “Instrumental lies are used to get a child to comply when they are misbehaving, for example, a parent threatening to call the police if the child is being naughty. 

White lies, on the other hand, are classed as lies used to spare a child's feelings, like saying they're brilliant at singing when you'd really rather they took a break from it. And luckily for us, these emotion sparing white lies are less of an issue than the more dramatic instrumental ones. 

“Instrumental lying makes it more likely that children will lie to their parents," Dr Pei Pei says. But it's easier said then done to stop using those little time-saving lies. So what do you do if your child starts lying to you as a result? 

According to The Centre for Parent & Child Support, there are three ways to respond to a child's lie. The first thing to do is not to panic about the behaviour. "Respond calmly," they say. "Try to avoid lectures as negative attention can encourage defensiveness and more lying."

They also counsel to respond in a positive way. "Try and point out the truth in a way that does not make your child feel defensive. For example, 'That's interesting that you think that because I read...'"

Third and foremost, you must try to 'understand the reason behind the lie.' They share, "Sometime children lie to feel better about themselves. Instead of responding with frustration, use it as an opportunity to help build their self-esteem."

For more family news, here are 5 ways to show kids you love them in a way they can process and struggling with school run meltdowns? A child psychologist has shared a tip for calmer goodbyes, as well as asking your kid this question could do wonders for their self-esteem – here’s why.

Good self-esteem is like a super power for kids, and as parents, it’s our job to make sure that they know how valuable and worthy they are. 

That said, it’s a tricky path to tread – we don’t want to destroy our kids’ confidence by pushing them too hard and instead, do our best to praise them for their achievements in a healthy, non-toxic way. 

Picture this: your child is so excited to show you what they drew during school pick-up or they come bursting through the door to tell you they scored a goal in their football match. Your knee-jerk reaction is to probably congratulate them and reward them in some way, but this could enforce the habit of solely relying on the external, such as grades or compliments, for validation. 

Wondering where to start? Licensed family and play therapist Carol Kim shared a simple technique to help parents to tune into their own worth. Kim’s young clients often engage in artwork activities, and is often asked whether she likes what they’ve produced. While recognising that it’s easy to say, ‘yes, I love it’ and ‘great job!’, if the goal is to have better self-esteem, Kim suggests asking them what they think of their drawing instead. Why? Doing so enables them to practice not getting the most of their self-esteem from other people’s opinions. 

How to boost your child's self-esteem

In her latest TikTok, the parenting coach suggests the response: 'You really want to know what I think? Actually, I want to know what you think. How do you feel about it? What are your favourite parts about your drawing? Are there parts that you don’t like?'. 

'Wow, I can really see that you enjoy the colours that you used. By the way, you know what I noticed here? While you were talking about your drawing, you were smiling and looking proud, I wonder how it felt for you. Oh, so you did feel proud? Well, let’s look at your drawing again and notice the proud feeling in our body.'

Kim explains that this exercise encourages kids to explore and value their own thoughts, feelings and perspectives, while also helping them to appreciate their own strengths and abilities. It might take a bit of practice, and while external validation has its perks, this technique gives children the tools to trust in their own opinions, feel confident in their abilities and bounce back from setbacks.

For more parenting hacks, here are 5 ways to show kids you love them in a way they can process and struggling with school run meltdowns? A child psychologist has shared a tip for calmer goodbyes.

The myriad of parenting styles on offer these days is empowering, sure, but it’s also confusing to know which one is right for you and your child. If that strikes a chord, this new research might just help you cut through some of the noise. 

Gentle parenting gets banded around a lot when it comes to raising little humans, and while there’s a common misconception that it’s a free pass to let kids do what they want, new research suggests that an approach to this parenting style (a positive and peaceful one), could have more power than you think. 

The study in question, funded by the National Institutes of Health, has found that good parenting might actually slow down how fast kids' bodies age when they face tough times. 

The study, led by Alexandra D.W. Sullivan and her team at the University of Vermont, showed that praising, encouraging and noticing kids' good behaviour can help protect their physical and mental health in the long run, even when they're dealing with things like poverty or family problems.

Growing up in tough situations, like being poor or dealing with family issues, can make kids' bodies age faster than usual. But this study suggests that positive parenting can help put the brakes on that. Basically, when parents are supportive and avoid being too harsh, it can make a big difference in how fast their kids' bodies age.

The study looked at 62 kids who were part of a program to help with behaviour issues. Half of the families got tips on positive parenting, like being supportive and avoiding yelling, while the other half got referrals to community services. Turns out, the kids whose parents were more positive had slower ageing in their cells, even when they were dealing with tough situations.

So, what's the bottom line? Being a positive parent can really make a difference in how your kids grow up, especially when times are tough. The researchers are now hoping to do a bigger study to see just how much of an impact positive parenting can have on kids' health as they grow up.

In other parenting news, here are 5 easy ways to let children take risks (without your anxiety going through the roof) and 5 tips on how to teach kids emotional intelligence.

Parents are being told that it's vital for them to let their children take risks in life as it is considered 'crucial to boost self-confidence', a new study has shown.

No matter what your parenting style - whether you're a helicopter parent or prefer gentle parenting - you've probably found yourself wondering why your teenager is drawn to taking risks. Well, according to new research, risk-taking is vital for child development.

According to the British Exploring Society, a youth development charity, young people who have been given the chance to take healthy risks experience a positive impact on their personal and professional growth later in life. The charity surveyed 1,001 respondents from the UK, all of whom were between the ages of 18-35 and found that being a healthy risk taker not only allows young people to become more confident (44 per cent) as they get older but also to become more spontaneous (34 per cent), have more enriched life experiences (33 per cent) and become psychologically stronger (30 per cent).   

English fashion designer and entrepreneur, Henry Holland, set up his own fashion label The House of Holland. He now also runs a thriving ceramics business called Henry Holland Studio and he agrees with risk-taking. He said, "I’ve learnt and earned my way through taking risks and approaching things in a way that feels right to me. You need to be confident. For every career decision that I have made and business I’ve run - I’ve learnt on the job. No specific training or education and I’ve always considered that a blessing. Why? Nobody ever told me how something should be done, and equally, they have never told me how something shouldn’t be done!    

"Working in creative fields you can overthink things and get frozen with indecision.  You have to be brave, believe in yourself, put yourself out there, and say - I think this is great - and that’s when you can achieve great things," Henry added.

Why taking risks is good for your child

Young people associate healthy risk taking with:

• Bravery (49 per cent)
• Confidence (53 per cent)
• Increased physical and psychological wellbeing (35 per cent)
• Being able to deal with challenging situations (51 per cent)

These are all essential skills for a happy and successful adult life.

However, when surveyed, young people don’t think they are learning these key skills until they are adults, with the average age being 21. Almost one-third (32 per cent) highlight that they start to face challenges where they feel as though they might fail and/or struggle with trying new things that challenge them between the ages of 16 and 20. This is also the age where over half (51 per cent) said they stopped relying on their parents/carers and started taking risks for themselves. 

CEO of British Exploring Society Honor Wilson-Fletcher MBE added, "Since I’ve been at British Exploring Society, I’ve noticed lasting changes in resilience and risk appetite in young people and their families. We commissioned research to find out whether our experience reflected a national picture because it’s our job is to prepare young people with the confidence and self-belief to live happy adult lives."

Despite knowing the importance of experiencing healthy risks, it is only natural for parents and carers to want to protect their children. Quite often they find themselves wrestling with their own fears and uncertainties, which is why letting go of the reins can be difficult and, unknowingly, they may pass their apprehensions onto their children by encouraging a cautious and risk-averse mindset. This is reflected in the research, as three-quarters of those surveyed feel that parents'/carers' anxieties about risk-taking can impact their risk-taking abilities. 

According to Bright Horizons child care centres, there are five ways parents can help their child take more risks.

5 steps to letting your child take more risks:

1. Analyse the risk vs the benefit - If you are anxious about letting your child take a risk ask yourself, 'What's the worst thing that could happen?' and 'What's the best thing that could happen?' These questions will help you be more objective and less fearful.
2. Consider your child - Think about your child's level of ability and then use that to guide you in the process. Whatever is appropriate for one child might not be suited to another. Examine their age-ability to do tasks like follow directions, understand consequences, and make reasonable choices.
3. Assess the environment - Be aware of crime rate, traffic and overall safety when deciding upon the level of risk-taking your child is capable of.
4. Teach them skills and set limits - for example, don't let them try to climb a tree until they've mastered climbing a playground climbing frame. Only when they are ready, will you be able to show them how to climb a tree safely.
5. Practice together - slowly give your child more freedom step by step so that by the time they are high school age they should be able to get their own shopping and get from place to place safely.

In other family news, here's how to set a strong boundary to stop your kid running away from you on the street, according to psychologist Dr Becky. Is your teen not taking your ‘unsolicited’ advice? Here’s how to make yourself heard (without being given the side eye).

As a parent, you know how much you love your kid and would do anything for them – but are they aware of the extent of your love?

When your child keeps running away from you on the street despite asking them three times to stay close, or your unsolicited advice is met by yet another eye roll from your teen, it can make you question everything you thought you knew about parenting. When you're in a hopeless place with it all, sometimes it helps to be reminded that the one thing kids really need to feel safe and special is love. 

And while saying ‘I love you’ might seem like the most obvious solution, children can actually find those words too abstract and grown up for them to process. Parenting educator and mum-of-four Gen Muir said in her latest TikTok video that adults have five love languages – some of which might look like gift-giving, physical touch or acts of service – but because kids process love differently to us, they’ll benefit from being physically shown how much they’re adored. 

Gen, (@connectedparentingau on TikTok), explained: “Kids process our love simply through connection. It's showing them we delight in them, that we orbit around them and that we want to spend time with them. We need to show them physically [because] the concept of ‘I love you’ is so abstract; it’s so grown up that a child at three, four, or 13 can’t process it in a way we can so we need to show them."

5 ways to make a child feel loved

1. Light up when you see them: When you see them at the school gates or your co-parent drops them off after spending the day at their house, show your excitement and let them know how happy you are to be reunited with them again.
2. Physical gestures: Cuddles, high-fives or ruffling their hair are great ways to express genuine affection. "Say their name and wink and watch the way it impacts them," Gen suggests.
3. Create love rituals: There's nothing more exciting for kids than being in on a secret that no one else knows about, so you could agree a code word to give your little one some more reassurance or try "pressing their little hand three times when you’re in public and tell them that it means I love you," advises Gen.
4. Stay connected when they're having a bad day: It can be easy to save all the hugs and kisses for the good times, but giving them positive attention when things aren't going so well can be just the ticket. Gen says: "Go in for a hug and hold on until they push you away – this hands the power of affection to your child and makes them feel so special and loved."
5. Carve out 10 minutes of 'special time': Wondering how to reduce kids' screentime for both you and your kids? A one-to-one – without any distractions – is a great way to show your child that you love them and really enjoy spending time with them.

So, why does it matter that our kids know how much we really love them? Gen says the reasons are three-fold: "When our kids feel truly worthy of our love, they cooperate better, they make better friendships and they feel better about themselves." We love to hear it.

Share the love this Valentine's Day with 6 adorable mini me pyjama sets, and these adorable Valentine's gifts for kids are great reminders to show how much you treasure your little ones.

Almost one in 10 children are exposed to age-restricted content including pornography within 10 minutes of going online, distressing findings show.

While many parents are concerned with how to keep child safe online and how too much screen time can affects a child's development, many might be surprised to learn how quickly a child who is surfing the internet can come across harmful material...

Internet safety company VerifyMy conducted a study of 2,000 young people aged 16-19 from the UK and US who disclosed the risks they face online and almost one in 10 young people have come across Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM), with children as young as eight years old coming into contact with age-restricted (18+) content, including pornography.

But what's equally as shocking is the time it takes for a child to surface this harmful content - with young people admitting that they have encountered content that they consider unsafe, age-restricted or illegal within 10 minutes of going online.

And that's not all, almost a third (29 per cent) reported seeing content related to self-harm, while a quarter (25 per cent) have witnessed extreme violence, and over one in ten (12 per cent) have been exposed to extreme pornography.

Meanwhile, just 11 per cent of young people inform their parents or caregivers if they see this kind of harmful content. Just nine per cent report it to the authorities.

As a parent you might be wondering how to tell if your child has seen something potentially harmful online, so GoodtoKnow has spoken to Dr Elly Hanson, a Clinical Psychologist, who tells us, "It’s often difficult to know what our children are seeing online, but if you notice an emotional change, for example, they become withdrawn or irritable, this might be a sign they’ve seen something that’s upset them.

She added, "My advice is to stay as close as possible to your kids through the tween and teen years, regularly check in with them about how they are and what’s going on for them, and if you have a particular concern, openly ask them about it. Emphasise that they’ll never be in trouble for seeing things that they’ve been sent or have come up on their social media feed and that your focus is always on their emotional wellbeing.”

The study comes as four-in-10 (42 per cent) parents have heard their sons make inappropriate comments because of what they’ve seen online, discussing topics that are sexual (32 per cent) or violent (44 per cent) in nature, and one-in-five (22 per cent) have noticed a gradual change over time in the language their sons use to talk about women and girls.

Vodafone, in partnership with Global Action Plan, has released a new study and film to drive awareness of the powerful online algorithms harming teen boys and has teamed up with Vodafone and the NSPCC who have created a new toolkit to help parents navigate conversations with their children about online safety.

Other key findings include:

• Over one in ten (11 per cent) report encountering such content once a week, while 10 per cent experience it two to three days a week and seven per cent are exposed to it every single day they go online.
• Over a third (35 per cent) of respondents indicated that their encounters took place via social media platforms, which the NSPCC also cites as contributing to an increase in grooming crimes. Almost one in five (19 per cent) have been exposed to materials shared by strangers, 14 per cent by someone they consider a friend, and 13 per cent by someone they interacted with online through channels such as online gaming or chat. 
• Despite respondents revealing that their schools/teachers (62 per cent) and parents/caregivers (48 per cent) have taken the time to teach them about online safety, young people are unsure what they should do if they encounter materials they identify as unsafe, restricted by age or illegal. While 36 per cent report the content to the website where it was found, 38 per cent simply close the site, 35 per cent ignore the material and only 11 per cent inform their parents or caregivers, with a mere nine per cent reporting it to the authorities. 
• The short and long-term effects of viewing this content were also found to have a detrimental impact on young people’s wellbeing, with 69 per cent stating it has a negative impact. Additionally, 44 per cent of respondents reported a direct impact on their mental health. 

Michal Karnibad Co-CEO VerifyMy said: “At the click of the button, our young people can be exposed to age-inappropriate content or even the most horrendous online content imaginable. Despite the best efforts of websites and platforms, schools, parents, caregivers and awareness days to guide online best practices, our findings show more needs to be done." 

However, rather than pointing fingers Michal believes now is the time to "act and implement pragmatic solutions to solve the issue of how we best protect children online".

Michal added, "Websites must ensure they have robust content moderation technology in place which can identify and remove any illegal material before it is published. At the same time, they must invest in age assurance technologies to ensure those accessing their platforms are the correct age and only see age-appropriate content.”

While there might be certain measures in place to make screen time safer, such as altering device security settings and adding parental controls, the research found that only half of respondents (49 per cent) encountered safety measures that should be in place to restrict their access to 18+ content. Of these, 53 per cent report having been asked to self-declare their date of birth, 32 per cent have encountered facial age estimation, and 27 per cent have been asked to provide some form of identification, such as a passport or driving license. 

Kate Edwards, Associate Head for Child Safety at the NSPCC, has shared some of the ways parents can help drive down the risks. She said, "Young people are telling us that avoiding a virtual world is almost impossible, so we must begin to have open conversations with them and build trust between family members to engender these discussions. Part of being able to do this involves adults understanding more about the online world, and how to keep their children safe, which is why we’ve been working with Vodafone to create a toolkit that enables parents to know where to begin in keeping their children safe when entering into the virtual space.”

Vodafone has an online toolkit which can be accessed at www.vodafone.co.uk/digitalparenting, it has been created in conjunction with NSPCC and supports parents in having online safety conversations with their children.

For more advice read our tips on how to reduce kids' screen time, plus  15 'life-saving' questions to ask your child if they’re online gaming - plus 5 expert tips for keeping your kids safe.

You're not alone if talking to your children about cancer is challenging. Charities and experts are there to help manage difficult conversations and offer their advice.

Talking to kids about cancer is never going to be easy. Don't be worried if you're not quite sure how to begin, that's a normal feeling to have. And, once the conversation is flowing, checking in on their mental health and helping your child use their voice to express their feelings, would be a great habit to start - there are subtle ways your child expresses anxiety, and tuning in to these can be useful for future conversations.  

Macmillan Cancer Support suggests one in four parents with a diagnosis are concerned about discussing it with their children. Along with the expert we've spoken to about broaching discussions around cancer, Macmillan's insights will make the process easier. BACP Accredited Member, Therapeutic Counsellor, and Life Coach Nicole Green, shared her insights relating to discussing a cancer diagnosis with a child.

She told us "How we talk about cancer to our kids will depend on their age and understanding. For very young children keeping the conversation brief and using simple language will be best. Use pictures, dolls, or soft toys if needed as props to help explain where in your body the cancer is and also the impact of the treatment such as hair loss. Young children will likely be more focused on the symptoms and side effects that they can see. Let them know if you will be in hospital or away from home and also how it might affects their usual routine."

This article will offer expert guidance on talking to kids about cancer, and how to change up what you tell youngsters about a diagnosis, in an age-appropriate way. We've covered the questions your children might ask, and what could be the best way to answer them. Although your first instinct might be to protect your child from the news at all costs, our expert shares why this might be detrimental.

How to talk to kids about cancer

Macmillan Cancer Support reminds parents that trying to protect children from difficult news and any associated worry and distress is natural. However, they stress that however difficult a parent might find having a conversation about cancer, parents are always the expert when it comes to their children, and know the best way of communicating with them. Experts from the charity, and BACP Accredited Member, Therapeutic Counsellor and Life Coach Nicole Green, suggest: 

• Allow yourself time to process a cancer diagnosis before discussing it with children. Speaking to a dedicated nurse specialist, psychologist or counsellor before having the conversation, can be a good way to come to terms with it before telling young people. As an expert in your child, you'll also know how they might react, and whether they'll need further support. Anticipating certain reactions and having coping mechanisms in place, could make the process run more smoothly. 
• Find out everything you need to know about your diagnosis. Once you've had time to process, arm yourself with everything you need to know about your diagnosis to prepare for your child's questions. Gather information on your type of cancer, what sort of treatment you'll be having, and what your future could look like. Speaking confidently about your illness will put your child at ease.
• Consider whether your child knows what cancer is. It's a word they might've heard, but don't truly understand the meaning of. Starting the conversation with an explanation of cancer will get everyone on the same page, and offer your child insight into what you're about to discuss.
• Choose the right time and limit distractions. Nicole Green said "If you are the person who has cancer and are telling a child then choose an appropriate time to have the conversation with no distractions. This will allow you to take the time to answer any questions the child has and to comfort them. Choose if you would like anyone else to be with during the conversation such as a close friend or relative, who can provide support for you and your child." 
• See the first conversation as a starting point. The initial discussion will be the beginning of an ongoing process of gradually offering your child small, relevant pieces of information and reassurance as you enter treatment. Your situation will always be evolving, and you'll want to keep the conversation going about any changes, every step of the way.
• Use words your children will understand. Avoid confusing medical jargon, and check they've understood what you've told them. The right words to express yourself will vary depending on age. To make sure they've understood, find out what they know and explain anything they have misunderstood. Simple language and short sentences will work well, and keep asking them if there is anything else they want to know.
• Allow the conversation to be directed by your children’s reactions and the questions they ask. Listen and keep the discussion as open as you can. Ask questions that encourage children to express their feelings, rather than initiate short responses. If your child struggles to answer questions or is very quiet, that's ok too, and to be expected with the arrival of such big news. 
• Explain how their lives and routines may be affected. Children like routine, and need to be warned if their daily structure is going to change. If they're prepared for changes, it'll be easier for them to adapt to their change in circumstances.
• Know when to end the conversation. Nicole Green told us "Be mindful of signs that your child has had enough and draw the conversation to a close and return to it later. Don't be surprised if the conversation is short and your child returns to an activity such as playing. Allow them time to process the information and reassure them they can ask questions any time they need." 

What cancer means

When discussing the meaning of cancer, Nicole Green emphasises the importance of using age appropriate language. She suggested the following strategies: "With young children a simple explanation around how the good cells within our bodies become outnumbered by bad cells, is appropriate. Add that this can make us sick and cause a tumour or lump in our body called cancer. 

Nicole added "When talking to older children about cancer the starting point would be to ask them what they already know about cancer, and what is their understanding of it. This will allow a natural conversation to flow from where their understanding is at the present time. Secondary school children will have studied cells and have a basic knowledge of this so you can build upon this in your conversation and explanation of good and bad cells but build upon it to talk about how these can create tumours."

Questions your kids might have, and how to answer them

Nicole Green reminds parents that initially, it’s important to answer just the  questions children ask, so that you can stay with their individual concerns or worries.

They might also ask:

• Will you die? Nicole said "Most parents dread this question. Parents are unsure of how to respond and worried about their children’s reactions. Consider saying something like 'People do sometimes die from cancer, but lots of people don’t. I’m not dying. I am going to see the best doctors. I'll have surgery and take strong medicine to remove the cancer, and I’ll be checked by the doctors regularly."
• Can I catch it? You need to reassure them that they won't catch cancer in the way they would a cold. Nicole's advice is "It’s really important to emphasise that cancer is not contagious and that it’s something that happens within the body, and no one has done anything to cause it happening and it’s no one’s fault."
• Why did this happen? In response to this, Nicole said "Referring back to the part of the conversation around what cancer is and how it develops will be useful to help them understand what happened in the body. and the process that caused it to occur."
• Who will take care of me if you die? Nicole told us "Again, reassure your child that you are not dying. Tell them changes in routine may happen to accommodate hospital visits while you are being treated may happen, and revisit the question in the future should you need to.

Nicole suggested collecting your child's worries in a worry box. She said "Using a worry box can a useful tool to allow your child to voice all of their worries and concerns. This can be as simple as you sitting down with your child and allowing them to write down or draw everything they are worrying about and feeling. These drawings and notes will then go into a box and stay there as long as they remain a worry for your child.

Using a worry box allows your child an avenue to voice their feelings and emotions and not keep them inside. It allows then to name and process their feelings in a safe and contained way. And once the worry is no longer a worry they can remove it from the box."

What if you choose not to talk to your kids about cancer?

The majority of available advice encourages parents to tell their child about their diagnosis early. There are many potential pitfalls involved with delaying breaking the news. Nicole Green said "Ideally, talk to your children as soon as possible after diagnosis but if  you choose not to tell your child you have cancer, then be prepared that they may find out another way."

She added "They may overhear conversations or be told by a someone else . They might notice you are unwell or see changes to your appearance and routines. It’s useful to plan for such things as children will worry and can become anxious and upset leading to further stress for them."

Children might feel hurt, or some level of mistrust, if they don't find out the illness straight away. Nicole told us "Be honest about why you choose not to tell them, it may be you didn’t want to worry them or didn’t know how to tell them. If they ask you outright it will be best not to lie to them but if you can’t have the conversation then ask a trusted friend or relative to be involved."

She concluded "Talking about cancer is never easy especially if it is you that has the diagnosis. Allow that you may get upset or angry and ensure you have support for yourself. It’s ok to cry and get upset in front of your child as this will show them that it’s ok to show your emotions and keep the dialogue between the two of going. Check in with them regularly or return to the worry box to ensure their feelings are validated."

Parents could also need to discuss the cost of living crisis, and want to have discussion with kids about money. Others might be wondering how to talk to their child about war - we have expert advice on how to broach these difficult topics.

So many parents struggle to set boundaries because they want their kids to be happy, but having clear limits gives your child physical and emotional security. 

When you’re struggling with a child who won’t listen and won’t do as you ask, empty threats are often fired in their direction, hoping that those bold claims - like taking away their iPad for a week or cancelling a playdate - will eventually enforce change. It’s rarely the case though, as kids will soon catch on when they realise your words don’t have weight, and the cycle continues, leaving you questioning, should we just let kids do what they want?

When it comes to teaching our kids good behaviour, it all comes down to boundaries and taking control as a parent. “A boundary is something you tell your child you will do,” writes Dr Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, in her latest Instagram reel. 

A common scenario you might find yourself in is when you’re out with your kid – walking to school or going shopping on the high street – and they keep running away from you. Frustrating and kind of dangerous, right? You need them to stay close so that you can keep them safe, but they don't understand that.

How to set an effective boundary to stop your kid from running off

Using this example, Dr Becky explains that it’s our job as parents to set a firmer boundary so that our kid can’t physically run away from us. You’re probably saying things like, ‘stay close to me’ and ‘stop running away from me’ on loop, but Dr Becky suggests trying this instead: “Hey, sweetie, it looks like you’re having a hard time staying close to me, so I’m going pick you up and carry you. My number one job is to keep you safe and right now, safety means holding you. At another time we can work on your walking more independently in a safe way.”

While it sounds like a gentle parenting technique, Dr Becky assures that it’s a sturdy and effective way of setting a boundary with your child. The author of Good Inside said: “In the second [response], I’m actually embodying my authority as a parent. I’m not going to let my kid get into a dangerous situation and I’m not going to let myself get frustrated over and over. A boundary is something you tell your kid you will do, and it requires your kid to do nothing. That’s how you get your kid to stop running away from you on the street.”

We trust that Dr Becky always suggests effective techniques for her followrs, but we have to agree with some of the Instagram comments that said it sounds good in theory, but would probably only work if you had one kid to look after at the time.

In other parenting news, if you do this one thing, your kids will listen more and pushback less and these expert-led tips might help everyone leave the house on time if you struggle to get the kids out the door.

A child psychologist has shared a small change you can make to your school drop-off routine to try and avoid a meltdown - but it's not always easy to implement.

Tears and tantrums at the school gates are not uncommon, and it can be exhausting for parents who have to peel away their little one morning after morning. Even if you've tried several settling-in ideas, helping a highly sensitive child go back to school can be tough to navigate and that moment when you part ways is one of many parents' back-to-school worries.

But there's one common drop-off habit that could be adding to children's upset. According to child psychologist Amanda Abel, one of the top things parents should avoid doing when taking their kid to school is sneaking off without saying goodbye.

Writing for Kidspot, Amanda said, "This is arguably the most anxiety-building mistake a parent can make during this time." She goes on to explain that this is because a lot of children start childcare around the time when separation anxiety is peaking - which is why the school drop-off can be such an emotional time for them.

Amanda warns, "As much as it may seem like a less painful option, NEVER sneak away when saying your goodbyes. Sneaking away will just create further anxiety for your child and confuse the concept."

If you've been fleeing from school when your kid's back is turned, you're most certainly not alone and we totally get why you want to save yourself the anguish of peeling away from a crying child. Plus, if they're starting to look distracted, you might not want to draw their attention back to you.

Fortunately, Amanda also shared some tips on how to manage a 'good-goodbye', so you can build a more positive drop-off routine.

How to manage a 'good goodbye'

• Pass your child to the educator.
• Say your goodbyes and tell them you’ll be back later to pick them up.
• A lot of children will have a meltdown and be upset at this time, but most are totally fine within five minutes - there are lots of distractions to keep them busy.
• Never lie to them and make sure to offer them realistic expectations; e.g. if another family member or carer will collect them at the end of the day, give your child full warning so they can mentally prepare for this.

Amanda adds that every child is different, and some will find the milestone of starting school or nursery more difficult than others. But she encourages parents to remember, "Attending kindergarten and/or daycare is a positive step for your child, it’s providing them with socialisation and educational opportunities that help prepare them for their future."

She adds, "Be consistent with your goodbyes and everyone will settle into their new norms in no time."

In other news, teachers have revealed the best ways to get your kids back-to-school ready and we've rounded up 19 great first day of school traditions to do with your kids. One mum shared the ten things she wishes she'd known before her child started school, and our Family Editor shared why moving schools was the best decision for her five-year-old.

We’ve all been there – the chaotic morning routine where getting kids out of the house on time feels like an Olympic sport. 

Just when you’re about to herd your kids out the door in the morning, there’s always something that crops up to bring the whole ordeal to a standstill. One child might be complaining that their packed lunch isn’t what they wanted, while another could have an “I’m not going to school today!” outburst from nowhere. You’ll rarely hear ‘smooth sailing’ and ‘morning routine’ in one sentence, but worry not, parents, because there are some hacks to try that could help everyone to actually leave the house on time. 

Amy Graff, a family expert from Babycenter, reveals her top tips to help you get your kids up in the morning and out the door, stat.

4 tips to make mornings with the kids easier

1. Choose outfits the night before

Laying out your kid's school uniform the night before will save the chaos of trying to find missing socks or t-shirts in the morning. There are no last-minute matching struggles, helping you to save time and make the rest of the day go smoother.

If your child doesn't wear a school uniform, involve them in choosing what they want to wear the night before. A pre-approved wardrobe selection not only avoids morning meltdowns but helps them gain some independence. Amy says: “Both my daughter and her brother set their clothes next to their beds, and then I review their choices, making sure they included underwear and socks.”

2. Agree on a schedule

Creating a family schedule for leaving the house on time can help parents delegate responsibilities, establish predictable routines and take the stress out of the morning.

Amy said this has been a game-changer in her family: “We held a meeting to brainstorm a list of tasks and talk about who should do what. And then we decided on an order in which the tasks should be completed. We agreed that everyone should get dressed before breakfast, as our kids wake up ravenous and the promise of a meal always motivates them. I wanted to involve the kids in creating the schedule so they'd also feel responsible for getting to school on time.”

3. Move to the music

If your kids have a case of snooze syndrome, you might be wondering seriously, how much sleep do teenagers need?. Music can be a powerful motivator for kids (and young adults) in the morning, as the upbeat, energetic tones have the ability to set a positive and lively atmosphere. Injecting some ‘oomph’ into the morning can nix that grogginess and get the kids excited for their day. Amy’s fail-safe song? Dancing Queen by ABBA, of course.

“ABBA's Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia will spring them into action. I play the music softly at first and then gradually go louder and louder. If they continue to play dead, I jump on their beds until they abandon ship. A little exercise wakes me up as well.”

4. Incentivise and celebrate punctuality

Positive reinforcement works wonders. Create a reward system for consistently on-time departures – whether it’s a special treat, a small bonus in their pocket money or extra playtime, make punctuality a cause for celebration. Almost all families will have trouble navigating morning chaos at some point, it's handy to have some of these sanity-saving tips in your back pocket to help establish a routine and ensure your day goes smoother from the get-go. And look, if it doesn't go to plan today, there's always tomorrow.

For more trusted family advice, a parenting coach claims if you do this one thing, your kids will listen more and pushback less and a psychologist reveals 3 reasons why your kid is being rude, and how parents can break the cycle.

A mental health expert has shared 5 tips for helping your child open up, and the signs they might be struggling to look out for.

5-11 February 2024 marks Children's Mental Health Week, and it's an opportunity for parents to teach emotional intelligence to their children. It can be a difficult topic to broach, but parents who are wondering why their teenager won't talk to them or have noticed that their child has become more withdrawn might find some reassurance from understanding how they're feeling.

This year, the theme of Place2Be’s official Children’s Mental Health Week is 'My Voice Matters', and is encouraging children and young people to use their voices and share what matters to them. With recent NHS data showing that 18 per cent of children aged seven to 16 years and more than a fifth of young people aged 17 to 24 years have a probable mental disorder, there's no better time to start the conversation.

With that in mind, Dr. Katy James, mental health clinical director at UK healthcare provider, Vita Health Group, has shared her advice for parents on how to help children and young people open up about their mental health. She has put together a quick guide for parents, which includes the common warning signs a child or young person may be struggling with their mental health, and advice on how to talk about it.

Dr. James explains, “It can be difficult to spot when a child needs support with mental health issues, and it can be tricky for young people to speak out about the challenges they're facing. So it’s really important that parents, caregivers and family members are able to recognise the signs that a child or young person may be struggling with their mental health, and they know ways to help them talk.”

Warning signs of mental health issues in children and young people

• Withdrawal – no longer doing the things they used to enjoy
• Significant changes in behaviour and mood
• Self-harming
• Changes to sleeping patterns
• Unexplained physical changes such as weight loss or weight gain
• A sudden, negative change in academic performance
• Isolation and withdrawal from social situations
• Refusal to attend school

Ways to help a child or young person talk about their mental health

“Talking isn’t always easy, but giving children and young people the space and opportunity to open up is one of the most helpful things we can do to support their wellbeing,” says Dr. James.

“It’s sometimes helpful for children and young people to talk whilst they are doing an activity. This can take the pressure off the child needing to make eye contact and makes the conversation feel much more natural and relaxed.”

Dr. James suggests that it could be helpful to try the following activities: 

• Cooking or baking
• Playing football
• Going for a walk
• Being creative - drawing, painting or arts and crafts
• Going for a drive together

If you’re trying to discuss a tricky subject with a child or young person, Dr. James suggests parents and caregivers follow these five general principles:

1. Help them to feel safe and comfortable
2. Show that you’re listening and hearing what they’re saying
3. Allow them to set their own pace and be patient
4. Avoid displaying strong emotions and stay neutral
5. Stick to facts - it’s okay if you don’t know the answer, be honest

Dr. James adds, “When children and young people are struggling, it’s important they understand that they are not alone. If you think your child is showing signs that they are struggling with their mental health, contact your GP for support. They may recommend a referral to another service for assessment or support to help your child manage this. It could also be beneficial to reach out to your child’s school as they can often make referrals into mental health support services available to them via education networks and local authorities.”

Online support services available for parents and carers

• MindEd - MindEd is a free learning resource about the mental health of children, young people and older adults www.mindedforfamilies.org.uk
• Action for Children - Parent Talk is Action for Children’s online advice hub, providing expert articles on common parenting questions. There's also a live chat to connect directly to a qualified parenting coach www.actionforchildren.org.uk
• Anna Freud - Anna Freud is a mental health charity for children and families, offering advice and guidance for parents and carers to help them support a child or young person experiencing poor mental health www.annafreud.org

In related news, one in five 16–25-year-olds miss school or work due to poor mental health, while 'teen-ternity leave' is an increasingly popular option for parents of older kids. And if it feels like your teenager is tuning you out, they probably are, but research proves it’s not personal, just science.

A parenting expert has shared the five most important things they believe every parent should talk to their teenager about before they start dating and the tips will ensure they go into relationships with a healthy understanding of boundaries and a good eye for spotting any red flags. 

Sending a child out into the world when they reach teenage-hood can feel daunting. You've watched your child grow from a tiny newborn into their own person, hitting every milestone in their life under you watchful eye and now it's time for them to go out on their own - and knowing what to do when your teenager has started dating isn't easy.

We hope that our parenting style has prepared them for independence and that, despite constantly having to ask 'Are you even listening to me?' that they actually were and did take the, often unsolicited, advice we gave. But before they fly the nest or just head out of the house more often, one parenting expert has urged parents to have one very important conversation with their teens about dating that will ensure they can better identify red flags in their romantic relationships. 

“Red flags in relationships come in many forms,” Jillian Amodio, the founder of Mums For Mental Health, told She Knows. “Common red flags include love bombing, abuse of any kind, obsession, jealousy, pressure, lying, and manipulation.” 

By detailing these five red flags and making sure kids understand what they are and how they can manifest in relationships, Amodio hopes that parents can better prepare their kids for healthier relationships. But before you can speak to you teen about the red flags, you need to understand what they are yourself. 

“If a partner is easily angered or triggered, regularly behaves in abusive or erratic ways, or engages in behaviour that is manipulative and disrespectful, only to be followed by lavish displays of affection, professions of love, profuse apologies, and gifts that’s called love bombing," she explains. As this behaviour can often be overlooked due look gaslighting or can even be romanticised due to the lavish displays of love that follow the abuse, highlighting this issue is especially important.

Of the second common red flag, obsession, Amodio says, "Obsession is sometimes cleverly disguised as immense love and flattery, but if it feels like too much, it probably is. Relationships should be built on trust, and each person in the relationship should also feel like they have the freedom to exist as an individual as well."

Obsession plays into the third red flag teens need to be on the lookout for, jealousy. “Sometimes this can be managed with open communication, and sometimes it is remedied with maturity, however, jealousy can quickly become a big problem."

A more obvious red flag that parents may more clearly notice is going on in a relationship their teen is having, is a partner preventing them from having their own interests. “Your teen should not be discouraged from pursuing dreams (such as attending a different school than your partner), hobbies, or interests just because their partner doesn’t like them or doesn’t want them to," Amodio explains. 

The fifth and likely most difficult red flag to talk about is boundaries and how to know when yours are being crossed. “This can be anything from holding hands and kissing, to saying I love you, having sex, going to someone’s house, attending a party, or engaging in risky behaviours such as alcohol and drug use,” Amodio says. 

When speaking with your child about this, it's vital to remind them that they shouldn't be afraid to use their voice. Amodio recommends telling them something like, “You have the right to say no to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, and your voice should be respected without pushback. A partner should never try to guilt, coerce, shame, force, pressure, or convince you to do something that you are not ready for, do not like, or that makes you uncomfortable in any way.

“If you say yes to something once, twice, or a thousand times, and then decide that you don’t want to do that anymore, you have every right to change your mind."

Learn more about parenting teenagers with our family news that features coverage like Calling all parents of teens – this acronym might save your sanity (and you’re going to want to tell your friends about it), ‘What worries me about becoming a teenager…’ – watch this insightful video from a kid on what he’s dreading about growing up (no, you’re crying), and How to respond when your kid says ‘I hate you’ – and 3 ways to understand how they’re really feeling. 

A parenting expert has broken down how to use ‘positive consequences’ to get your child to listen to you and understand the consequences of their bad behaviour better - here’s how to keep your cool and use them effectively. 

When faced with bad behaviour, a tantrum, or plain stubbornness from a child, it can be easy to lose your cool, especially when it's just be 'one of those days.' No matter what parenting style you chose to follow, the mental load of parenting day in and day out can often just become too much and snapping at bad behaviour is all too easy. 

But one parenting expert has now urged parents to remove the negativity from their reprimands, no matter how many times they've been forced to wonder if their child is actually even listening to them, and use 'positive consequences' to get that naughty behaviour better under control.  

Taking to Instagram, parenting expert Ralphie, known as SimplyOnPurpose online, shared, "Parents always want to be pointing a figure at what TO DO, not what not to do. Positive consequences do just that. They get the good going. 

"It's very natural for parents to use threats of taking things away to motivate their kids," she says adding the example, "If you don't keep your hands to yourself then we are leaving!"

But Ralphie wants us to flip that negative into a positive. "Using positive consequences adds to a child's life and creates positive association with the behaviour and parent," she explains. "If you can keep your hands to yourself then we can stay and play."

The simple idea at the core of positive consequences is to encourage good behaviour instead of punishing bad behaviour. By being gentler with the way we speak to kids during their emotional outbursts, we can show them that we acknowledge the feeling causing their bad behaviour while still condemning the behaviour itself. This gentle approach will help the child feel safe and make them more likely to listen to reprimands and change their behaviour. 

The idea goes hand in hand with many of the parenting hacks that have recently been shared online, from the gentle way to deal with children who laugh in your face when you reprimand them to the simple routine switch that will make your kids listen more and pushback less.

If you're struggling to get your kids to do what you ask them, this parenting coach's advice will be a lifesaver and stop all the pushback they give you.

Parenting is a constant learning task. As you go through each of a child's development stages, new challenges are placed in front of you and, at times, it can feel like an uphill battle no matter which parenting style you choose to subscribe to.

One of the biggest troubles parents often face is getting a child to simply listen to them. But whether you're wondering why your teenager is tuning you out or you're struggling with a child who won’t listen, parenting coach Tia Slightham has you covered with this brilliant trick that she promises will not only increase a child's listening, but also their cooperation with what you're asking them to do. 

Taking to TikTok, the certified parenting coach shared, "Here's the thing. Everything we ask our kids to do is lame; brush their teeth, turn off their device so they can go to bed, clean up so they can come have dinner. Everything is boring and lame so no wonder they don't want to do it! We ask them to stop doing the fun things to do the boring things."

So how can we get kids to do those boring, but essential, tasks? It's all about swapping the way we approach the timeline of the day, says Slightham. 

"What I want you to do is look at your day and flip flop the order in which your kids are doing things," she says. "I want you to ensure that the things they need to do are always done before the things they want to do." 

Her advice makes so much sense. Of course kids aren't going to stop watching their favourite TV show to go and take out the rubbish or do the other chores we set them. But they will do those 'lame' things in order to watch their show or do something else that they actually like to do. 

"Simply look at your day from morning to night and shift it, so the 'need to dos' come before the 'want to dos'," the expert says, emphasising how simple her advice is. 

TikTok users immediately loved the simple hack with one commenter sharing, "I can't wait to try this tomorrow! It makes so much sense." 

Keep up to date with our family news and parenting hacks like ‘Kids don’t have the skills to manage those feelings’ – a psychologist reveals 3 reasons why your kid is being rude, and how parents can break the cycle, and Questions to ask kids after school: 14 of the best from the experts, as well as Teen not taking your ‘unsolicited’ advice? Here’s how to make yourself heard (without being given the side eye).

As wise and well-meaning parents, it’s our instinct (and kind of prerogative) to offer some sage advice to counter the dilemmas our kids face on a regular basis. 

Sure, research has found that 14-year-olds are most open to life-changing advice, but getting them to actually take on board what you’ve said is easier said than done, especially when you feel as though your teenager is tuning you out. If this sounds close to home, we have some news for you.

A new study published in the Emerging Adulthood (EA) journal has found a tactic that’s going to encourage your teen to not only listen to your well-intentioned advice, but to actually take it on board. Involving a diverse range of 194 ‘emerging adults’, the researchers from the University of California, Riverside, asked participants to recall a time when their parents offered them advice to help them regulate their emotions – in other words, cope with how they’re feeling about a problem.

The study group was then asked to fill in a survey asking whether they thought the interjection from their parents was helpful, and if it regulated their emotions as intended. Lastly, the researchers asked if the teenagers were the ones to reach out and ask for their advice, and whether they thought their parents were supporting their independence.  

Essentially, the study found that teens are in fact open to unsolicited advice from their parents, but only if the parents respect their independence and trust them to make their own choices. If teens sense a lack of trust, the advice comes off as insincere or unhelpful. 

Madeline Newman, the first author for the journal paper, told UCR News: "If youth feel like their parents don't 'get them' or 'understand them,' it's possible that youth conclude that the parental advice does not apply to them. Emerging adulthood is a special time of the lifespan, when there are new opportunities for freedom and decision-making, but still lots of ties to family of origin. So the way parents support their youth during this transitional phase will set the stage for later adulthood.”

3 tips to offer advice to your teenager (without annoying them) 

1. Timing is key: Choose a time when they’re not deep into a Netflix series or furiously texting in the group chat. A casual, relaxed setting might just make your golden nuggets of wisdom more palatable.
2. Be sensitive and tactful: Instead of dropping advice unexpectedly, try approaching it like a friendly suggestion. Share personal experiences, slip in some humour and make it feel like you’re on their team rather than a university lecturer.
3. Listen first, advise second: Resist the urge to jump in with solutions straight away. Let your teen spill their thoughts and feelings first. Being a good listener not only earns you brownie points but may also allow your advice to actually be considered, rather than ignored.

We know it's hard, but trying to embrace your teens’ need for independence, rather than resisting it, could be the solution to making yourself heard.

In other family news, we've asked the experts what to expect when your teenager has started dating. Elsewhere, these are the 15 'life-saving' questions to ask your child if they’re online gaming and a new survey shows teens disrupt sleep just as much as toddlers do.

Kids are great at pushing buttons and will no doubt cross the line at some point, but it turns out there’s more to their rudeness than just being defiant or answering back.

If your inability to stop yelling at your kid when they’re being rude to you just ends with your leg in the mum guilt trap, let us put your mind at ease. One of the main culprits of the ‘I’m not going to school!’ argument or bedtime battle is most likely down to where they’re at in the child development stages, so with the constant back-and-forth, the behaviour continues and your tolerance gets chipped away.  

The good news is, when we teach kids how to problem solve or express frustration in a healthy way, you can reduce rudeness and make meaningful, lasting change at home. Clinical psychologist and parenting expert Dr Becky Kennedy shares three reasons why your kid is being rude to you and her top tips to stop the cycle.

3 reasons why kids are rude to parents

1. Disconnection

It turns out that adults crave attention as well as kids, so when we experience a lack of it, we feel disconnected and have a tendency to increase conflict – sound familiar? Dr Becky, who is also a number one New York Times best-selling author for her book Good Inside (£14.99, Amazon), explains: "Disconnection is the same reason why we're rude to adults in our life – we want more positive attention; we want them to listen and understand instead of judge, and so rudeness is a sign that we’re looking to be more connected."

2. Lack of skills

Kids aren't just mini adults – yes, they might be born with a full range of emotions but they lack the skills to effectively manage them. "Kids are rude when they’re disappointed or they’re angry and they don’t yet have the skills to manage those feelings so they explode out as rudeness," says mum-of-three Dr Becky.

3. Children always want their feelings to be heard and believed

Acknowledging your kid's feelings goes a long way, and by demonstrating how they can say their thoughts out loud will help with their emotional development. "All of us will escalate the expression of our feelings if we are met with invalidation or minimisation, so the more you hear out and believe your kid’s feelings the less often they’ll be rude," concludes Dr Becky.

So, the next time you're about to react to your child being rude, Dr Becky's parenting truth could help: "Before we intervene, we have to understand."

For more parenting tips, find out how to respond when your child says I hate you and discover 3 reasons why punishments don’t improve kids’ behaviour.

Ever wonder why some kids can’t sit still and seem to have an endless supply of energy? 

You don’t need us to tell you that exercise for kids is incredibly important, but you might not know that kids actually crave things to do - like play outside, climb trees, jump in puddles, play fight with siblings and explore their surroundings by crawling into small spaces or racing to the park.

In fact, new data shows that kids aren’t moving enough. The Active Lives Children and Young People Survey found that fewer than half (47 per cent) of children are meeting the Chief Medical Officers’ guidelines of taking part in an average of 60 minutes or more of sport and physical activity a day. Youth Sport Trust Chief Executive Ali Oliver MBE said: "Daily movement is essential for physical and mental health, and play is fundamental for social development. Unhappy and unhealthy children do not learn, and this has consequences for education."

And while it can seem like 'disruptive' behaviour (and can get very annoying when you’re constantly saying, ‘stop tackling your brother’ or ‘don’t run off’), kids are actually designed to be on the go. Here are three reasons why moving and getting outside is so good for them.

3 science-backed reasons why exercise is good for kids

1. Exercise improves kids' behaviour

Regular exercise isn’t just great for encouraging kids to stay fit – it also improves their behaviour, including those who live with autism, ADHD, and anxiety and depression, according to research published in the Behavioural Brain Research journal. According to one study within the same research group, kids from kindergarten (around ages four and five) to 10th grade (15 to 16) who participated in exercise twice a week, saw major improvements in self-control and received fewer timeouts from their caregivers. 

2. Exercise boosts kids' mental health

The conversation around children’s mental health is louder than ever, so it could help to know that getting kids outside and moving can do wonders for their mood. For example, one 2017 study found that moderate to vigorous physical activity at ages six and eight is linked to fewer symptoms of depression in middle childhood. 

3. Exercise could help kids catch up at school

New research from Sheffield Hallam University also found that physical activity can help improve children’s schoolwork. The study, involving 60,000 students and 4,000 teachers, analysed how they feel about work, and their physical and mental health. It turned out, getting kids moving in school isn’t just for the benefit of their health, it’s a key player in helping them catch up on what they missed during the pandemic – and keeping their mental health in check.

So, instead of thinking you have a ‘naughty’ child, consider letting them play outside (one of our best outdoor toys and games for kids should help) or plan a trip to the playground to meet those movement needs.

Find out more about the child development stages as they grow up and how to help a highly sensitive child go back to school.

A Harvard-trained toxic-parenting researcher has revealed the one thing she no longer asks her kids when they come home from school and it's all to make sure they can talk to her about their achievements in a healthy way. 

Every milestone in a child's life is cause for celebration, whether it's their first steps, their first word, their first day of school, or a brilliant grade on an important test. 

It feels important to mark these big moments but one parenting expert has found that it might actually be harmful to do so. That's because by being overly-focused on your child’s achievements, you could also be subconsciously sending them a very harmful message - that their value as a person is contingent on their academic performance.

Award-winning journalist and parenting researcher Jennifer Breheny Wallace, who wrote the book Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It, says that by prioritising a child's academic achievements over their other qualities as a person is detrimental and her research into the stress it can cause for kids has led her to make a huge change to her own parenting style. 

"As much as you might worry about how your child fared on a big test, or if they earned a spot on a varsity sports team, you risk compounding your teen’s anxiety by asking probing questions as soon as they walk in the door," she told CNBC News.

"Achievement culture is becoming toxic. What I mean by that is: When our sense of self is tangled up in our achievements, we can’t separate ourselves — our inherent worth — from our external achievements or external failures.”

It's not just Wallace who has uncovered this. Research by Erica Komisar, a clinical social worker, psychoanalyst and parenting expert, also revealed that many parents today are pushing their children too hard and creating more anxiety for them as they fail to separate academic achievements from their worth as a person.

So what did Wallace do? She didn't stop pushing her children to do well, or stop asking about how that big test went. She simply just reframed her questions and learnt to talk to her kids about their achievements in a healthier way.

“When my kids come in the door, instead of asking them, ‘How’d you do on the Spanish quiz?’ — which I used to do before I wrote the book — I now ask them, ‘What did you have for lunch?’” says Wallace. “I lead with lunch. I talk about things that have nothing to do with their achievements.

“Guess what? My kids are going to tell me. It’s on their minds,” she says. “They don’t have to think that I’ve been worrying all day about one Spanish quiz. Instead, they should be getting the messaging from me that I care about them as a whole person.”

One specific tip that Wallace picked up from a psychologist she interviewed for her book is to try and limit potentially stressful conversations with your kids about their academic performance to just 'one hour over the weekend.' While you're talking to them, look out for subtle ways your child expresses anxiety that you might have missed so you can know when you're pushing them too far and, if it gets too much, try out these simple and effective ways to manage stress. 

Hearing the words ‘I hate you’ cuts deep for parents, causing alarm bells to go off in your head and worrying that you've done something to upset them.

You never know where the outburst might come from – maybe they didn’t like a boundary you set as an authoritative parent (one of the strictest parenting styles), and the ‘I hate you’ statement can make you think you're doing a bad job, further amplifying your mum guilt. Don't worry, you're absolutely not alone if you can relate to this. While it feels heavy in the moment, understanding what’s really going on with them can help build skills and trust between you.

Kids' – especially toddlers' – brains haven't fully developed self-regulation skills, and when they say something hurtful like 'I hate you', they’re just expressing how they’re feeling with the tools they have at the moment. Parent coach Kristin and licensed child therapist Deena (@biglittlefeelings on Instagram) say that this is because the part of the brain that handles emotions is still "under construction" and have devised three strategies on what to do when your child says they hate you.

How to respond when your kid says they hate you

1. Translate the words to see the feeling: First, try connection before diving in with any correction to help your child use your support and guidance. When your child says 'I hate you', respond with: 'Those are words that tell me you’re really upset with me'. Kristin and Deena say: "You’re helping them build insight and perspective in the context of your trusting relationship."
2. OK the feeling: When children are angry or upset, validating their emotions – good or bad – can make them feel seen and heard. You could say: 'It's OK to be mad at me.' Essentially, "this is what they’re trying to express in the first place, help them find those words and create a safe space to share," Kristin and Deena explain.
3. Teach those coping skills: It can be tempting to fight fire with fire, but try to take some deep breaths (we know it can be hard in the moment) and approach their statement of hate in a calm and empathetic way. "You’ve proven that you can handle anger without abandoning, shaming, or getting angry back, so now it’s time to encourage the constructive release, because you’ve made your relationship safe enough to do so," say Kristin and Deena.

The tips are about getting your child to open up and by responding to the feeling beyond the behaviour, you'll be able to build more of a connection with them. Don't be put off if your child doesn't want to share right away; this isn't the goal, Kristin and Deena say: "Remember, we’re not expecting them to share right off the bat. If this is a new strategy you’re using it may take them a little time to dip their toe in the pool of ‘share more about it’ pool."

In other parenting news, discover 5 reasons to let your kid fail, according to a teacher and child psychotherapist Dr Becky reveals why these four words are “better” than empty threats.

If you're worried about why your child isn't top of the class or is often on a losing sports team, fear not, for there are five simple ways you can make sure your child is more successful, whatever their ability.

While there are positives to be gained from letting your kids fail, it can be so hard for parents to just sit back and watch their child or teenager lose interest in exams, homework and even their favourite sports. But as science says kids with 'intense interest' in dinosaurs have higher intelligence, so it's not always possible to push your child into all things Jurassic.

And now you don't have to as an expert psychologist has shared his top tips for nurturing your child's 'hidden potential'. Psychologist Adam Grant says: “Success is less a matter of natural talent,” he says, “and more about nurturing their ‘hidden potential’.”

The New York Times-best-selling author of Think Again explained, "I used to believe that you could judge where you would land from where you start; I thought the child prodigies, the best athletes, the most naturally gifted musicians, the most brilliant students were the ones who had the talent to go on to achieve greater things in the future."

But after years of research, he's discovered that it's the opposite “that there are many late bloomers” he said, or people who struggle seemingly without “a natural aptitude for a task or a skill but, with the right opportunity and motivation, go on to exceed their own and other people’s expectations”.

His research was sparked by a 1980s study of 120 Olympic swimmers, neurologists, concert pianists and other high-achieving adults, who "were rarely identified as having extraordinary potential by their early teachers and coaches – not even by their own parents, in most cases.”

But when they did flourish, the penny dropped, and it wasn't because they had superhuman abilities but rather because they cared and were willing to put in the work needed.

"That was really the beginning, for me, of getting curious about hidden potential,”  Adam admitted.

Adam Grant's 5 five rules for success (at any age)

1. Think like a scientist

Adam believes that too many people spend a lot of their time thinking like preachers or prosecutors where they attack someone else's views, or like politicians where they only listen to people who already agree with them. And this is what stops children, and adults, from learning, as they automatically assume they're right and others are wrong.

“Thinking like a scientist doesn’t necessitate buying a microscope, but rather not letting your ideas become your identity. Recognise your opinions are hypotheses; your decisions are experiments. And when you do that, you’re much quicker to recognise when you’re wrong, and that means you can be faster to get it right."

2. Become a (sea) sponge

While the usual phrase 'soak it up like a sponge' means to take every bit of information in, Adam advises that becoming a 'sea sponge' is more effective. This analogy means to absorb good information and get rid of harmful information. He said, "Ask for advice that leads people to coach you, rather than feedback, which is backward-looking."

3. Start giving more

People who give are said to outperform takers, according to reports in Adam's 2013 book Give and Take in which he claims if you're always the one being 'coached' it puts you in the position of 'depending on others for guidance'. Takers are more likely to burn bridges and miss out on learning opportunities because they only agree to something when it directly benefits them. Meanwhile, givers who teach others are reminded that they have something to offer.

4. Embrace imposter syndrome

While imposter syndrome is considered counter-intuitive, Adam stresses that it is a sign of "hidden potential". He noted that so-called imposters actually work harder than their peers in order to 'close the gap between what people think they're capable of and their own beliefs in their capabilities'.

5. Seek excellence, not perfection

When looking for star potential, Adam warned that "progress comes from maintaining high standards, not eliminating every flaw." and he advises anyone who is doubting how far they've come to consider how their past self would view their current achievements. "If you knew five years ago what you'd accomplish now, how proud would you have been?"

Adam had no natural talent as a child, despite his success as an adult, and therefore he fits this theory. Having been nicknamed Frankenstein, he couldn't touch his toes, was told he needed remedial classes for writing and was too shy to speak publicly. Fast-forward to his adult life he made the US Junior Olympic diving team, has written five books and has addressed large audiences through TED Talks.

The dad of three, said, "I had hidden potential in all those areas. We assume that’s not for me, I don’t have that talent, I don’t have a knack for that skill," as he blames underestimation for the failure to discover hidden potential, and believes it has "dire consequences... we limit ourselves and the people around us."

Speaking about why parents are the worst placed to spot talent in their children, Adam explained, "You don’t have the independence and the objectivity that you need to be an accurate judge.” He puts this down to two factors - either parents “over-identify” with their children in a bid to revive their own perceived hidden potential, and “want their kids to live their dreams for them”. Or their expectations are too high, which can have deleterious effects. 

In other family news, did you know Grandparents say they learn more from their grandkids than their own children - here are the 20 things they've picked up and Here's one thing you might want to avoid doing with your kids as it can cause them anxiety, according to a psychoanalyst.

Letting your kids fail helps them learn, and one teacher has shared five reasons why. Here's what you need to know...

As children move through the child development stages, they're learning new things all the time. Parenting styles and types of play can influence their development, but one expert has shared that even making mistakes is important for children's learning, arguing that we should be allowing our children to fail more often.

Katie Plunkett - aka @kidtalk.co on Instagram - is a full-time teacher and educator, and is passionate about child development. She's gained over 350,000 followers on Instagram for her parenting advice and, most recently, she's shared why it can be crucial to allow your kid to fail.

In a carousel post titled, "You should let your kid fail. Here's why..." Katie shares five reasons why it can be beneficial for children to make mistakes. In the caption she writes, "It’s okay (and actually very beneficial) to let our kids experience failure. It helps them to build character, enhance problem-solving capabilities, learn from mistakes, gain independence, and develop emotional intelligence."

Katie adds, "When we shield our kids from ever experiencing failure, we are shielding them from all of its benefits, too."

5 reasons why you should let your kid fail

1. Experiencing failure builds character: Research by Dr. Carol Dweck indicates that kids who have experienced failure are more likely to be empathetic and show kindness.
2. Experiencing failure enhances problem solving: According to a study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, children who fail and try again approach problems more creatively in the future.
3. Experiencing failure leads to learning: Research by clinical psychologist Dr Jason Moser shows that making mistakes enhances brain activity, prompting deeper learning.
4. Experiencing failure fosters independence: Developmental scientist Dr Holly Brophy-Herb notes that children who tackle their own problems often grow into adults with greater confidence and decision-making abilities.
5. Experiencing failure builds emotional intelligence: Children with the opportunity to make mistakes learn to manage disappointment, maintain motivation and develop adaptive skills.

Acknowledging that it's not easy for parents to see their children fail, Katie explains, "I know, it can be an absolute gut-punch to watch our kids struggle - but it’s an essential part of their growth. Failure is inescapable in the real world. Don’t we want our little ones to develop the toolset to handle this on their own in the future?"

And Katie's followers were quick to agree with her advice. One Instagram user commented, "I absolutely agree. When they fail, they learn. We just have to be there to let them understand the situation and guide them through it". Another added, "Great post. Let them learn instead of fixing everything for them will make them independent".

Meanwhile, many were quick to add that the advice applies to everyone, not just kids. One follower commented, "True for any age. Don’t make excuses for them but help them sit with it, learn and then move on and don’t dwell on it further." Another user wrote, "It's holds relevant to the grown up adults too".

In other parenting news, we've looked at how to teach children emotional intelligence, and why LEGO is great for young children’s development. Elsewhere, a child psychologist has shared three reasons why punishments don’t improve kids’ behaviour – and #2 makes so much sense.

We’ve all used the classic ‘if you do that one more time’ when kids cross boundaries or break rules you’ve set.

The way you discipline your child (or not, depending on which of the parenting styles you choose) is personal to you and even more so now that experts are coming forward with solid evidence proving punishments don’t improve kids’ behaviour. Whether your kid stays glued to their iPad when it’s time to get ready for school or continues tormenting a sibling when you've asked them to stop, last warnings are a common technique for parents who have simply had enough of their child’s bad behaviour. 

If you’ve said “if you do that one more time” like, a thousand times, it’s probably lost its impact, right? That's because when parents resort to threatening misbehaving children, they inadvertently set themselves up for failure and reinforce the child’s belief that they can get away with pretty much anything - especially when the last warning is followed by a threat that you don’t follow through with. Sound familiar?

Thankfully, Dr Becky Kennedy has all of our backs. In her latest Instagram reel, the mum of three breaks down warnings, and uses this example when a child continues to throw the ball in the house and the parent responds with “if you throw the ball in the house one more time, you’re losing your iPad for the week”. 

Dr Becky's four magic words to replace empty threats

The clinical psychologist claims this sturdy – not soft – intervention is better for everyone: "Hey, you’re having a hard time having that ball and not throwing it inside the house. I am taking it, I'm putting it away, and a little bit we can go outside and throw the ball. I will not let you throw it in here again; I won’t let you. I’m saying I won’t let you, not because I want to be a dictator to my kid, but because I want to protect my kid from having another version of this bad behaviour feeling frustrated and then by the way giving them a punishment I don’t even wanna keep." Embodying your authority and setting a boundary is a much better alternative to empty threats, she adds.

It seems that a lot of parents are faced with this dilemma and found Dr Becky's advice so useful, with one user commenting: "I swear, the only “parenting coach” on Instagram that actually makes sense. I have tried the “gentle” method and I do not have “gentle” kids- it has only created more chaos and frustration in our house but THIS makes sense in a no nonsense way. THANK YOU!"

Another said: "Boy do I wish you were around when my kids were young. They are all grown adults and I feel like I follow you just to torture myself that I did so many things wrong. Sometimes I save your posts. For what? My kids are 27, 30 and 32!". Dr Becky to the rescue again.

For more parenting tips, this is how to deal with children who laugh in your face when you reprimand them and this find out the tools you need to teach your kids how to manage their anger.

Picture this common scenario: a challenging parenting situation comes up (which is inevitable) and your knee-jerk reaction might sound something like this: “go to your room!” or “no iPads for a week!”. 

If you follow a tiger parenting style, threats and consequences might be how you were taught to discipline your child, but more evidence is stacking up that a gentle parenting approach (without shame, blame or punishment) could transform behaviour and boost your little one’s confidence in the long-run. Instead of removing privileges or taking away something your child values, Dr Becky Kennedy is an advocate for a connection over correction approach when it comes to ‘bad’ behaviour. In her latest Instagram reel (find her @drbeckygoodinside), the parenting psychologist and author of Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming The Parent You Want To Be, reveals three reasons why punishments don’t really work.

3 reasons why punishments don’t improve kids’ behaviour

• Punishments don’t build skills: Children are born with a full range of emotions but lack the skills to effectively manage them, leading these emotions to manifest into bad behaviour. “The way to improve behaviour is always to build skills and punishments never do this,” says Dr Becky. 
• Punishments add shame: When we constantly implement consistent and corrective actions, like taking away a toy or not allowing your child to have dessert for the next three nights, it can make them ashamed of themselves: “Shame leads to a frozen state, and if a kid is in ‘freeze’, they can’t learn, they can’t grow and change,” explains Dr Becky.
• Punishments reflect to a kid that they’re a bad kid: Children react to the image of themselves that we reflect back to them, and that’s how they build their identity. The mum-of-three advises: “We can’t be saying to a kid ‘go to your room’; ‘what’s wrong with you’, and then expect them to improve their behaviour. Kids have to feel good inside before they bring out that goodness as good behaviour.”

Dr Becky’s post was flooded with praise from parents who agreed with the psychologist, like this comment: “yes! And thank you for such valuable content, amazing and definitely a life changing book and podcast!”, but users were also interested to know how they can get a partner on board if they believe punishments are the only way. Another agreed and said: "is this a guy thing??? My husband does the same. I hate it. I don't parent like him, but it feels "wrong" for each of us to do our "own" way of parenting since we are a family that lives together." Understanding that punishments might not be the most effective approach in guiding children requires a shift towards compassion and empathy, and by doing so, we not only build stronger connections with our children, but also create a nurturing space where they can learn, grow and thrive.

Learn more about the different parenting styles to find one that suits you and in other news, should we just let kids do what they want? See the reaction to being a 'yes' mum.

There are 15 common signs your child is expressing anxiety, but parents can easily mistake it for a temper tantrum, according to a therapist-mum. Here's what she suggests you should do about it instead of getting cross.

Parenting is not easy, and if you're suffering from 'mum guilt' or are struggling with how to explain the mental load to your partner while trying to juggle work, home and looking after your kids then even the slightest thing your child says, such as "I can't sleep" or "I don't know" when you ask them a simple question can make you lose your patience, especially at bedtime.

But mum Melissa, who is also a therapist on TikTok, @momtherapist, has discovered the hidden ways children communicate anxiety - and it's not as easy to spot as you'd think. After all a child might not be able to express anxiety through commonly known symptoms including sweating, trembling or shaking, having heart palpitations or feeling irritable, tense or restless.

She said, "Kids talk about anxiety in a whole lot of ways that parents don’t pick up" and proceeded to share on TikTok 15 ways kids say they're feeling anxious without actually saying it.

15 ways kids say they're feeling anxious, without actually saying so...

1. My tummy hurts
2. I don't wanna go to school
3. I'm not hungry
4. I hate you
5. What if...what if...what if...
6. I need to pee again
7. I can't sleep
8. I don't know
9. My legs hurt
10. I just want to stay with you
11. Nobody wants to talk to me at school
12. Nobody likes me
13. My arms hurt
14. I think I'm getting sick
15. I don't like it

In response, some parents have admitted they can now recognise these traits in themselves from when they were a child, while others are noticing these phrases cropping up with their own children.

One parent shared, "As a mom of a child with anxiety: be their safe space to vent, scream, cry. Provide a consistent, safe and stable environment. Learn to pick up on these."

Another parent added, "When I was in first grade I missed a month of school because "my tummy hurts" my mom took me to a million specialists and put me on a bunch of meds for stomach problems. turns out I just have severe anxiety."

And a third parent said, "Thank you for this! I was trying to figure this out a few weeks ago before my son's online class. He was saying he didn’t want to go to class and so that’s when I got curious as to what he was feeling. Now I know what other stuff to look for."

Melissa explained what she does to help her children understand what they are feeling. She explained, "If kids understand what they’re feeling and when they’re feeling it, then we can cope with it appropriately.”

"We're just going to help them spend a little less time on their worries," the therapist added and suggested parents invest in keeping a worry-timer, a 10-15 minute set time where parents listen to their child's worries. She clarified, "We're not going to solve problems or offer solutions. We're just going to listen."

She also suggested saving a child's worry for a worry time and keeping the child "distracted by doing something fun or enjoyable."

In other family news, another change of behaviour in children might make you think Is your child not playing with their toys? 3 reasons why and what to do about it and what to do when they say 'I'm NOT going to school today'.

Do you always ask your child about their day at school but don't get much response? A teacher has shared her top conversation starters and it involves the SOCK formula (and no, not the kind you wear on your feet).

If you're doing the school run in the afternoon, one of the things most parents cannot wait to ask their children is how their day has been with a series of questions to ask kids. But when you're met with a wave of silence or just the typical one-word answers, it's only natural to think that something is wrong or that there's something they're not telling you. Your mind might naturally go into overdrive thinking it could be because they've shown 'mean' behaviour at school instead.

But we can help you transform your deadly silent car journey home or relatively quiet stroll into one where you cannot stop your child from talking about what they've done - and it's all thanks to teacher Katie Plunkett.

She shared on her Instagram some tips for parents to put into practice - and it's NOT asking them 'Did you have fun?' as Katie explains why parents must scrap that question.

She said, "We often greet kids with this question after events, sometimes before they even buckle up or walk through the door. Kids sense our relief when we get a positive response, which can lead them to associate fun with approval and safety. However, instilling the belief that every experience should be “fun” creates unrealistic expectations. While we desire their happiness, we risk raising a generation chasing constant fun and facing perpetual FOMO (fear of missing out)."

Instead, she suggests taking a different approach. and it involves the smart word S.O.C.K. She explained, "If you really want insight into your child’s experiences, try asking a S.O.C.K. question..."

What is a S.O.C.K question?

1. Specific - What was something challenging you faced? | Can you tell me about how you felt when....? | Is there someone new you met or talked to? How do you feel when you’re with [friend’s name]? | What was the coolest thing you saw or did?
2. Open-ended - What was the most surprising part of your day? | What would you change about today if you could?
3. Creative - What’s one new thing you learned today?
4. Kid-friendly - Who did you spend the most time with today? | What’s something special about one of your friends? | Did anything make you curious or wonder why? | Was there something you didn’t understand but want to?

Katie added that asking a child “Did you have fun” is "vague, leading, and sets unrealistic expectations. S.O.C.K. questions are accessible, engaging, and get kids talking."

Katie offered parents a chance to receive a link to 50 free S.O.C.K. questions by commenting 'TALK' on her post, and hundreds have done so. So if you struggle to get your kids to open up, clearly you're not alone.

One parent said, "I appreciate these questions as my eight-year-old loves to talk and some open-ended questions would be great starting points."

Another parent said, "I love this! I remember being a kid and being clueless as to how to answer my mom at the end of the school day!"

And a third parent added, "This is wonderful, no putting them on the spot or making them think negatively."

In other family news, “This is not the answer” – why the latest government scheme to increase school attendance has enraged parents, and we totally get it and 'Are you even listening to me?' If it feels like your teenager is tuning you out, they probably are, but research proves it’s not personal, just science.

If playing with Barbies and Slyvanian families feels like a chore, you’re not alone. 

It takes a lot of strength to openly admit ‘I hate playing with my kid’ and, as a new parent, you probably think you wouldn't need a handbook on how to play with a newborn – it just comes naturally, right? Well, not always. As with a lot of parenting hurdles, you’re expected to just ‘know’ how to play with your child (and find it as fun as them), but if you don’t enjoy playing pretend, a parenting psychologist is here to put your mind at ease. 

Dr Becky Kennedy is back with another more-than-helpful explainer on why you might not like playing with your kid. In the Instagram video, she reveals three logical reasons why you feel this way – and they all make so much sense. In fact, there are a lot of parents who don’t feel playful, get distracted with other things when they’re supposed to be engaged or even dread playing with their kid. 

3 reasons why you might not like playing with your kid (even though you’re a good parent)

1. Your parents didn't play with you: If your mum or dad didn't play with you when you were younger, it's bound to affect the way you interact with your child. Dr Becky says: "The way our parents interacted with us becomes the unconscious model of how we think about interacting with our kid, and so if you did not have a parent who got on the floor and who played with you, it makes sense that it feels awkward to play with your kid because it’s new."
2. You're in productivity mode: As parents, we never fully switch off, so it's no wonder your brain is reeling with other things you could be doing, like cleaning the house or getting dinner on: "We’re always thinking what can we accomplish; what can I order; what can I clean up, what can I do around my house, and so play feels a little frivolous, but just remind yourself play is how kids learn, play is important, play is connecting and in all those ways play is productive," Dr Becky assures.
3. It's not easy being silly: We'll say what you're probably thinking: playing games can be repetitive and boring, and when you're exhausted and burned out with the mental load, getting into character for your child's entertainment takes a lot of strength. Dr Becky explains: "Being silly actually requires a lot of vulnerability and being vulnerable requires a lot of bravery, so if being silly maybe barking like a dog or playing pretend feels uncomfortable remind yourself you’re being brave every moment you try it."

So many of you felt seen and heard by Dr Becky's reasons, with one user adding their own: "I think there are other reasons, too. I work full time. I’m exhausted. My brain literally has nothing left in the tank to play creatively."

Another comment that received over 100 likes read: "I think if we can engage in play for very small amounts of time (I’m talking 10 minutes in the timer), then engage in other meaningful activities like cooking, gardening, building, etc that we can tolerate for much longer, our kids can get a really well rounded experience of present, engaged time with their caregivers!".

So there you have it – if you're feeling guilty for not wanting to play with your kid, you really shouldn't.

Learning how to like play isn't easy, so we've looked into sensory play and its benefits. If you need some inspiration, these best toys for 5-year-olds will help in the entertainment department.

Sibling rivalry is so common between kids, especially when brothers and sisters are constantly vying for your attention. 

We know that parents grappling with the everyday squabbling and bickering that goes on between their kids will have tried preventing sibling rivalry and family conflicts in any way they can in order to keep both of their kids happy, but boy, it sure is exhausting when you’re having to separate brothers and sisters on a regular basis. 

If that sounds familiar, take comfort in this new study which has found that siblings who fight during childhood actually fare better in later life – and the reason why the second child is more likely to succeed. Scientists from the University of Cambridge's Centre for Family Research said that arguments between brothers and sisters actually increase social skills, vocabulary and development, as well as nurturing a competitive spirit.

Professor Claire Hughes, one of the scientists who conducted the study, said: "When children are arguing, my research makes the case that they are actually benefiting from the confrontation. Parents who are being worn down by constant bickering among children should take comfort in the fact that their children are learning important social skills. Second siblings do better in our tests and children who have better social understanding go on to be more popular in later life. In fact, the balance of our evidence suggests that children’s social understanding may be accelerated by their interaction with siblings in many cases."

The study, called Toddlers Up, analysed 140 children across a five-year period, which included video footage of children interacting with family members, friends and strangers, and revealed that siblings can have a profound effect on a child's social skills, even if their relationship is "less than cordial".

So, although it appears healthy sibling rivalry does exist, just note that the project team warn that sustained sibling rivalry can result in behavioural problems and issues with relationship-building later in life, it's the milder forms of conflict that have a beneficial impact on development in childhood.

In other family news, Prince Harry shares Archie and Lilibet's 'sibling rivalry' has similar aspects to his and William's and find out why your second-born kid might be more naughty.

Children can exhibit mean behaviour in a number of ways, but more often than not, kids reverting to meanness is a pretty natural part of their development. 

Raising kind kids is probably one of your top priorities as a parent, so it can be uncomfortable to hear – or see – that your child is displaying different types of bullying at school, and it can be even more concerning if cyberbullying is added to the equation.

Firstly, we want you to know that you won't be the only parent going through this, and actually, kids can act out by name-calling or excluding other kids because they’re still navigating the social dilemmas and situations of playground drama – and don't know how else to handle it.

Psychologist Dr Alicia del Prado and author of It’s Time To Talk (And Listen) appeared on the CBS/KPIX morning show to talk about how to handle your child demonstrating mean behaviour. Firstly, she said it's important to come from a place of compassion to help parents effectively address their child's misbehaviour: "Underneath the mean attitude and actions are often complicated feelings of anger, helplessness, loneliness, sadness, and struggle," she points out.

“By understanding the reasons your child is being mean, you will have the knowledge to help them change their behaviour. Don't vilify your child, but also don't be in denial about what they are doing. Show them unconditional love and let them know you are there for them, while also pointing out what is incorrect and needs to be fixed. Think about your own experiences with "mean" behaviour. Your self-awareness about your own history will help you be able to communicate authentically as your children navigate what is happening with them.”

5 tips to handle a 'mean girl' situation

1. Avoid vilification: Instead of vilifying your child for displaying “mean behaviour”, seek to understand their experiences and emotions.
2. Open communication: Encourage open communication about instances of “mean” behaviour to create a safe space for your child to express themselves.
3. Foster empathy: Focus on fostering empathy in your child rather than resorting to punitive measures. Help them to understand the impact of their actions on others.
4. Teach emotional regulation: Guide your child in developing emotional regulation skills, helping them navigate complex feelings and respond to situations with empathy.
5. Model kindness: Set an example by modelling kindness and positive behaviour, reinforcing the values you want your child to embrace.

Overall, Dr Alicia would encourage you to advocate for a compassionate and understanding approach to help shape your child's behaviour positively but just know, you're doing a great job.

If your child is having a hard time at school, we’ve found some of the best books on bullying for them and you, and try some of these kindness activities for kids to boost their mental health.

Parents are being warned over the hidden dangers of training their child to be obedient, as a child development expert highlights how you could be putting your child MORE at risk.

You might wish your child would do everything you tell them to, especially if you often ask yourself 'is my teenager even listening to me?' when you're trying to get something done at home. The thought of an 'angel' child might be a dream, as you frantically search for ways to discipline your children after your child laughs in your face when you reprimand them.

But a parenting expert has highlighted the hidden risks of training your child to be obedient. Jessica Milburn shared on her @responsive-parenting Instagram account some important things to consider.

She warned, "Training your child to be obedient makes them easier prey for predators. But no one wants to talk about that. We just want obedience because it’s convenient. Because it’s what the school, child care, swim teacher and the soccer coach all expect. It makes everyone’s job easier… well you know who else’s job it makes easier? Predators. Obedience… at what cost? That’s what I think about… at what cost?"

Jessica went on to highlight one parenting method that doesn't focus on obedience as she shared some exciting news with her followers. "There are other ways to parent that don't focus on obedience as the main goal. One of these methods is Responsive Parenting. I have some exciting news… I have released a new EBook [Finding Your Calm]!! I have taken the Connect Instead of Correct Challenge and turned it into a book. Why?! Because I basically explain how to connect instead of correct in most of the common scenarios that parents ask about."

So the next time you're feeling envious of your friend's child who does everything they're told to do, or feeling pretty low when your child pushes back, refusing to do something, remember that them saying 'no' could well protect them from predators.

In other family news, if you're struggling with discipline this might help: ‘I’m a psychologist and here are 4 ways to teach your kids how to manage their anger’. Meanwhile, did you know that 14-year-olds are most open to life-changing advice, according to new research - here are 7 quotes for teens from some of the most inspiring names in the UK.

The 10 longest words in the dictionary have been revealed, as well as how to pronounce them - if you're a fan of busting out Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious at every opportunity then you can seriously impress your kids with these.

If you're looking for things to do with the kids at the weekend that don't cost a lot, or that will capture their attention when they come home from school and you're running out of fun facts for kids, then you might want to put their reading skills to the ultimate test. But this is no ordinary test - see how many of the 10 longest words they can pronounce or spell (and if you really want to impress them make sure you master it first).

The English language constantly evolves, with more than 700 new words, phrases and senses being added in the latest Oxford English Dictionary (OED) update. From TikTok slang to the downright bizarre, you’d be surprised to know about the sorts of words that even have a place in the dictionary. 

Placing the focus on the bizarre, the language experts at Preply have revealed what the longest words in the dictionary are, as well as what they mean and how to pronounce them. And we think your kids will be obsessed...

1. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

Taking the crown for the longest word in standard dictionaries is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. It is made up of a staggering 45 letters, this word refers to a lung disease triggered by breathing in very fine silicate or quartz dust. 

Here's how to pronounce it

“Nyoo·muh·now·uhl·truh·mai·kruh·sko·puhk·si·luh·kow·vol·kay·now·kow·nuh·ow·suhs”

2. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

Being the second longest word in the dictionary, it is ironic that hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the name for a fear of long words. Yes. You couldn't make it up. Unfortunately learning how this 36-letter word is spelt won't help in a game of Scrabble as there is a maximum of seven tiles per play.

Here's how to pronounce it

“Hi-poh-po-toh-mon-stroh-ses-kwee-peh-dah-leejoh-foh-beejah”

3. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

A term coined by our favourite British nanny Mary Poppins, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious refers to something extraordinarily good or wonderful. surprisingly it's only got 34 letters, meaning it's been pushed to third place. But if you or your kids struggle sounding it out, there's always the song that will help. However, we can't promise you'll get it out of your head before you get to the end of this article.

Here's how to pronounce it

“Soo·puh·ka·luh·fra·juh·luh·stuh·kek·spee·a·luh·dow·shuhs”

4. Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism

In the medical world, pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism is an inherited condition that causes short stature, round face, and short hand bones. But let's hope that not many doctors have to write it out in full as remembering the order of the 30 letters will be a struggle - let alone fitting it onto a medical record. We wouldn't like to be the ones to have to write that on one of those spa day pre-treatment forms!

Here's how to pronounce it

“Pseu‧do‧pseu‧do‧hy‧po‧par‧a‧thy‧roid‧ism”

5. Floccinaucinihilipilification

Floccinaucinihilipilification refers to the act or habit of categorising something as having no value or being worthless. Despite its meaning, the word has an ample 29 letters and is generally used in a humorous context. And if you're looking for an ultimate comeback in an argument then you might want to practice this one and we're sure you'll leave them speechless.

Here's how to pronounce it

“Flok-si-naw-si-ni-hi-li-pi-li-cay-shun”

6. Antidisestablishmentarianism

History enthusiasts may already know this, but antidisestablishmentarianism refers to a political movement in 19th-century Britain that was determined to separate the Church and the state. Despite being 28 letters long, it's one of the easier ones to remember.

Here's how to pronounce it

“An·tee·di·suh·sta·bluhsh·muhn·teuhree·uh·ni·zm”

7. Honorificabilitudinitatibus

Derived from Medieval Latin, honorificabilitudinitatibus refers to the “state of being able to achieve honours” and if you really want to impress your kids at university, why not stump them by writing the 27-letter word inside their graduation card? 

Here's how to pronounce it

“Ho-no-ri-fi-ka-bi-li-tu-di-ni-ta-ti-bus”

8. Thyroparathyroidectomized

Thyroparathyroidectomized refers to the surgical removal of the thyroid and parathyroid glands. Thankfully the official name is not used that very often as even we'd struggle with writing the 23-letter word down on our work absence record.

Here's how to pronounce it

“Thy-ro-para-thy-ro-dec-tom-ized”

9. Dichlorodifluoromethane

What do you call a colourless nonflammable gas that is liquefied by pressure? Dichlorodifluoromethane. But this 23-letter word isn't one to repeat after too many alcoholic drinks or you could end up coming out with a different word - and one that you don't want your kids repeating.

Here's how to pronounce it

“Dahy-klawr-oh-dahy-floo r-oh-meth-eyn”

10. Incomprehensibilities

Finally moving on to the more pronounceable words, incomprehensibilities - this 21-letter word refers to the state of being impossible or very difficult to understand.  

Here's how to pronounce it

“In-compre-hen-sibil-ities “ 

In other news, Is your child not playing with their toys? 3 reasons why and what to do about it and Rishi Sunak launches crackdown on ALL parents to cut the number of kids holidaying during term time, but families believe the issue ‘isn’t the parents’

They received so many new, shiny toys for Christmas and birthdays, but your kid isn’t playing with them, so what’s going on?

Chances are your house resembled a ransacked Hamleys over the last few weeks, with your kids’ toys strewn all over the living room floor ready to be played with. But now the festive season is done and dusted, you’ve noticed that their carefully-selected personalised books and puzzles have been cast aside never to be seen again. 

A world of discovery, adventure and fun awaits, so why aren’t they playing with their new toys? Your initial thoughts might be that you’re doing something wrong or, if they’re a bit older, they’re ungrateful for that stunt scooter that was at the top of their Christmas list. It can be easy to say, “You’ve got so many toys, just go and play!” but parenting strategist and independent play expert Lizzie Assa says there are other ways to handle the situation and revitalise playtime again. 

3 reasons your kid isn’t playing with their toys

• It’s too hard to make a choice
• They need help getting started 
• They can’t open and sort the materials they need

In a recent post on her Instagram (@theworkspaceforchildren), the first thing Lizzie advises is to simplify the set up. A toy sitting on the shelf or away in a box somewhere is out of sight out of mind, but a toy that is laid out and ready to play with is inviting, she says.

She gives this example: “Take the puzzle off the shelf, out of the box, and put it out on the table. You’ve removed the barriers to play, and your child will be able to sit down and get started!”.

This, in turn, will provide ample space and minimise restrictions so your child can explore freely to foster their imagination and cognitive abilities. 

Expanding more about the topic on her blog, The Workspace for Children, Lizzie concluded: “By reducing overwhelm, creating inviting play setups, and being a boring presence near their play area, you're not just encouraging them to play; you're also nurturing their ability to engage and explore independently."

In other related features, if you’ve noticed a decline in your kids’ playtime, try these expert-approved game ideas. If you hate playing with your kid, you’re not a bad parent, as our Family Editor discovered.

Do you have a child who laughs in your face when you try to reprimand them? One expert explains how to deal with it.

No matter whether you opt for one of the popular parenting styles or prefer to do things your own way, chances are you find disciplining your kids difficult. Sure, there are plenty of expert hacks for disciplining kids of all ages when you're struggling with a child who won't listen, but it's rarely a case of one-size-fits-all.

One problem many parents face when they're reprimanding their children is a child who laughs back at them or escalates their behaviour further, despite being told to stop. If that sounds like you, trust us, you're not alone, and we've found some expert insight that might help you deal with the challenge.

Mum of three and psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy has shared her tip for dealing with this behaviour on Instagram, and we think it's worth a try. She reminds parents that "none of this is intentional and they're not actually mocking you, they're just out of control and this is their form of a tantrum."

The solution? Avoid lecturing or yelling at the misbehaving child. Dr Becky explains, "These kids need us to embody our authority, to go stop that dangerous behaviour and then to actively practice the skills they need outside of a hard moment, so they can use that skill the next time they're in a hard moment."

In the caption, Dr Becky writes a few important things for parents to remember when their child laughs or escalates their behaviour while being reprimanded:

1. I also have one of these kids.
2. No, your child is not a sociopath. Nothing is wrong with you or your kid.
3. For the kids we are describing here – their form of dysregulation is escalated behavior and laughing. It’s the way they feel out of control. This IS their “tantrum” – it just looks different than what we expect.

She adds, "These kids need an approach to their rudeness and defiance that actually helps them build the skills they were missing – this is the ONLY way kids change."

Some of Dr Becky's followers were fans of the tip, with one commenting, "Agreed. Those skills you mention in the calm moments would be super helpful." Another said, "Love this and your advice!"

But others were confused, with one asking, "How do we access our authority? What can we do in that moment, please?" One follower added, "Can you give an example of practising the skill when they aren’t having a hard time?"

Fortunately, Dr Becky added some more specific advice in the comments. Replying to one user who asked, "Can you give an example script of what to do when you stop your child from, let’s say, jumping off a chair, and they start to freak out or run away or whine?" Dr Becky gave a detailed response:

"'Ughhhh you really wanted to jump on a chair! Jumping on the floor just isn’t as much fun, huh? I get it sweetie…' – and if your child says back, 'So you’ll let me jump on that chair?' Share back, 'No, sweetie. My number one job is to keep you safe and right now. Safety means making sure you don’t jump on that chair. Still, I know that stinks. And I get that.' and let’s get real – if things escalate further as they can with kids and your child says, 'If you don’t let me jump on that chair, I’m going to hit you!” take a deep breath and stay back, 'I won’t let you hit me, sweetie. I’ll stop you. Because you’re a good kid having a hard time and I’ll always protect you.'"

Another follower asked for some tips that could be used when parenting a tween. Dr Becky offered the following script: "My answer is no and I totally understand that you’re upset. I mean that – it stinks to be 11, and to be as capable and independent as you are, and still feel like your parents get to control decisions that feel important to you."

In related features, find out what gentle parenting is, what tiger parenting is, what permissive parenting is and what helicopter parenting is too.

Navigating our kid’s emotions can be a tricky business – especially when you’re faced with an angry child. 

Tantrums and outbursts are probably quite frequent in your house right now, with the ‘I’m not going to school today!’ argument at the centre of it all. But when you think you've tried every discipline hack in the book, know that there are other ways to help children manage their anger. Because contrary to what you might think, anger is actually a healthy emotion, claims child psychologist Jazmine McCoy. And although you’d be forgiven for wanting to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible, the founder of The Mom Psychologist says that treating each confrontation as an opportunity could help your child learn how to deal with their anger in a healthy way. After all, research conducted at George Mason University suggests that self-regulation (managing emotions and impulses) is beneficial to children’s mental health, improving their cognitive performance and positively impacting their ability to make friends at school. The end result? A happy and successful child, Jazmine says. 

There’s no need to walk on eggshells when you feel like your child might explode with rage either – instead, try facing it head on: “Anger is an emotion that’s a message,” says Jazmine. “It’s here to tell us something important. So let’s pay attention to it.”

4 ways to help your child cultivate healthy anger

1. Implement clear boundaries

It’s tempting to question why they’re acting this way, but it may help for your child to know that you're on the same team. Jazmine recommends parents make it clear that they are here to help and that they acknowledge how their child is feeling in the moment. But that’s not to say door-mattery is on the cards, as Jazmine said you can still state boundaries and reiterate that they must not be crossed. “Say your child gets angry and starts to yell. You can draw a boundary: ’Hey, [this is] important. I want to hear what you have to say. But it is hard to understand when you’re yelling ... Let’s calm our bodies down.”

2. Acknowledge your child’s emotions

Often, kids won’t have the emotional maturity to communicate how they’re feeling without having an angry outburst or getting upset – and that’s where you come in. In a post on her Instagram (@themompsychologist), Jazmine suggests making your child feel seen and heard by saying: “Wow, you’re really upset about this. When you’re ready, I’d love to hear more about what’s going on for you and what you need.” By doing this, you’ll be able to have a rational conversation and talk things through.

3. Try to deescalate the situation

Deep breathing is useful for stressful situations, particularly when it comes to kids, so instead of saying ‘Take a deep breath for me’, do the practice together, and your child might respond better if they realise you’re not trying to force them into something.

4. Don't fight fire with fire

We understand that it's not realistic to approach every situation with your child perfectly so it comes down to the messages we send and how we model our anger, says Jazmine. “Do we just yell and [then] pretend like nothing ever happened? Or do we say, ‘You know what, I feel frustrated, I take accountability, I’m apologising, and this is how I’m going to change [and] cope with those feelings. And I’m going to model this for you."

By modelling this type of behaviour, it'll give our kids the confidence to know that anger is OK, as well as how to deal with it in a healthy way.

Parenting is a minefield and you might be wondering, is lying to your kids OK or the four TikTok parenting trends that are well worth your while.

Be honest – how many times have you lied to your children about something? 

From the seemingly harmless “of course he is!” response to ‘is Santa Claus real?’ to more serious conversations about difficult topics such as how to talk to your kids about war, most parents might lie to their children to keep them happy, protect them or avoid disappointing them, for example.

You’re certainly not alone if you fall into this camp. Research from Mamia, Aldi’s baby and toddler range, revealed 85 percent of parents have lied to their children, with some doing this on an average of 10 times a week. And although telling little white lies could be seen as a parental right, another recent article published on ResearchGate explored how parental dishonesty affects children’s ability to socialise and their future wellbeing.

If you're in the habit of stretching the truth when it comes to your kids, worry not. Here are five things to consider before telling another lie.

5 things to bear in mind before lying to your kids again

1. Try modelling honesty: You probably already know that children will learn by imitating their parents, so one of the best things you can do is to be honest yourself.
2. Come clean: If you get caught out with a lie you've told your child, honesty is the best policy. Help them to understand your reasons behind concealing the truth, and apologising goes a long way – especially for a child in their early teens.
3. Avoid becoming a repetitive liar: The occasional white lie probably won't do your child any harm, but lying on a regular basis could cause distrust between you and your child further down the line.
4. Parenting style is important: There are many ways in which you choose to raise your children, such as gentle parenting and tiger parenting, but research from Brigham Young University has found that authoritarian parenting – considered the strictest kind – "generally yield children who employ deception for more prosocial reasons."
5. Think about how you give feedback: Giving praise to your child is a real confidence-booster, but it can be tricky to navigate when you don't actually mean it. For example, if your child isn't particularly good at playing football, instead of saying how well they played in a match, try being supportive and objective: "Learning something new takes time" or "I've really noticed how much you've improved."

If you're struggling with the back-to-school battle, try this the next time your kid says, 'I'm NOT going to school today!' and a psychologist reveals 3 tips on how to navigate parenting with a new partner.

Going back to school after the holidays can be tough on kids – they’re thrust into a structured routine and it may also involve readjusting to academic demands after a break, which can feel overwhelming. 

Now that the magic of the festive period is officially over, you’ve probably seen the ‘When do kids go back to school after Christmas?’ message pop up on the Mum WhatsApp group more than once and your child’s back-to-school anxiety might be behind the increasing meltdowns. Nobody likes going back to school – heck, even adults dread the return to work – and a smooth start to the year isn’t realistic for a lot of families, so first know that you’re not alone. 

Dr Becky Kennedy (@drbeckyatgoodinside) is someone who knows the back-to-school battle well. As a psychologist, she offers helpful solutions to real-life scenarios, making parenting just that little bit easier. In her most recent post, the mother-of-three shared what her five-year-old said on the morning of the first day back after the Christmas break: “I’m not going to school today, you can’t make me!”.

“This is how my five-year-old started his morning and what made it harder is he knew his sister was staying home because she is sick so he added, ‘she’s staying at home, why can’t I? It’s not fair!’,” she recalled. First, she explained to her followers what she didn’t do: “I didn’t say, ‘that’s ridiculous, you can’t stay home just because she’s sick’ or ‘you’re going to school, get dressed now!’. I reminded myself, Becky, often protest is on the pathway to cooperation but when we push back, we kind of stop a kid in their moment of protest instead of allowing them to work through it.”

Instead of getting frustrated and having to deal with the fallout – which we can totally relate to, by the way – Becky recommends asking yourself, what does our kid need from us to get less stuck and insistent on this ‘no’?. So she said this in response: ‘Oh, you wish you didn’t have to school to school today’ and then he said ‘yeah’, and then I said, ‘I know, it’s hard to go to school on days when a sibling is staying home.’ He really felt heard by this and a couple minutes later, he ended up getting dressed and cooperating.”

Users were quick to comment on their desire to put this to the test, with one saying: "Great reminder that protest can lead to cooperation and taking the time to listen to my child, and for them to be heard." Another resonated with the back-to-school blues and commented: "This is helpful! One of our kiddos just flat out doesn’t enjoy school. She sees someone regularly for play therapy and we know it’s nothing deeper, just doesn’t jive with school. All good but it is a struggle many days to get out the door."

One mum even commented on the success rate of Dr Becky's tip: "This literally happened with my 5 year old this morning! I paused before doing what I normally would – which would just be to tell her to get dressed and get downstairs. I stopped for a minute and asked her, you don't want to go to school today do you? And she said, yeah. And I said, it's hard to go back to school after winter break. And she said, yeah. And then she proceeded to get dressed. :-)".

Going back to school probably won’t be your kids’ favourite. so try this hack to help make the transition as smooth as possible.

If your child doesn't enjoy reading books, here are 3 activities to try if your child struggles with reading. Elsewhere, the young person in your life is going to love these 7 quotes for teens from some of the most inspiring names in the UK.

If your child has trouble with reading, it’s understandable that you might be concerned – or even putting the blame on yourself that you’ve done something wrong, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. 

And you’ve probably tried everything, from an online book club to tuning into Cbeebies bedtime stories, so if you’re out of options, you’ve come to the right place. Children develop at different speeds, and will pick up things such as social skills or learning how to tell the time at their own pace, but reading is a whole other ball game. In fact, research supports that reading doesn’t come as naturally to children as speech would, for example.  Even if they’re trying their hardest, it can be disheartening for you to watch – and knock their confidence – but there are a few things you can do. The paediatric professionals at Sensational Brain, an online resource to help develop education, have devised three exercises you can try to improve your child’s reading skills, to rule out retained primitive reflexes and ocular motor deficits. 

3 activities to try if your child struggles with reading

1. Fly to the moon: In prone, lift arms and legs and visually track thumb nails to the side and back with both arms.
2. Quad with head turns: With visuals attached on either side, read from left to right one item at a time while turning your head so your ears face the floor.
3. Hand held - wall mounted visual tracking: Grab two visuals and attach one to the wall and hold one in hands. Alternate reading one item from the wall, then hands, and repeat as if copying from the board.

In the Instagram post, the experts at Sensational Brain explain: “If your child, clients or students struggle with reading, it’s important to rule out retained primitive reflexes and ocular motor deficits.” In other words, it’s crucial to dismiss whether they may have issues with their eye movements that could potentially contribute to their reading difficulties.

One user commented: “Thank you so much for finally explaining some ways to work on this! A lot of people I see in offices working on these things and I have no idea what to do to help and most people can't access the services.” Another said: “I wish I had this info for my daughter who is now 19.” And other messages of thanks also poured in. The bottom line is go easy on yourself – you’re doing the best you can and some kids will just need more time and practice to improve their reading skills. Find out Kate Middleton’s favourite book to read with Prince George, Louis and Charlotte and discover the best books for toddlers.

A health expert has urged parents not to feel guilty about the amount of sweet treats their kids have been eating over the holiday period, saying that it’s actually good for them to develop healthier relationships with food. 

With Christmas over and New Year's just around the corner, it's likely that meal plans have been thrown out the window in favour of easy meals and lots of snacking on delicious holiday treats. 

But while you may want to go into the New Year with resolutions to atone for that dietary splurge, as well as resolutions for kids and parenting resolutions like the plan to stop yelling at your kids so they're happier and more successful,  one health expert doesn't think that's a good idea. 

In fact, they say you shouldn't feel guilty at all about all the sweet treats, chocolates and hefty deserts your children have likely been munching their way through over the holidays. Why? Because it's actually good for them!

How can junk foods be good for kids, you may ask. Well, according to  Virginia Sole-Smith, a health journalist and author of the bestselling book Fat Talk: Parenting In The Age Of Diet Culture, more relaxed approaches to eating 'bad' foods can help children to avoid disordered eating and body image issues as they grow up. And New Year's resolutions about eating healthily, especially after the splurge of Christmas, sends them mixed signals about food and the enjoyment it does, or does not, bring. 

“I would think of holidays as a time to enjoy special foods you don't get to eat often, to be with loved ones, and to focus on this as a time for pleasure and celebration and being together,” Sole-Smith told Fatherly. “Holiday treats are not something you have to earn, and they’re not something you have to atone for afterwards.”

Instead, by letting kids enjoy the foods they want to eat, even if it is just over Christmas and New Year's, you're showing them the importance of listening to their bodies and making their own decisions. If you alongside them are indulging and enjoying yourself, they are less likely to develop the self-criticism for 'over-eating' that older generations often internalise. 

“Short-term, they're not eating a lot of vegetables and they're eating a lot of cookies,” Sole-Smith admits. But this weighs out in the long-term. “They're building trust and body autonomy, and that serves their health in a lot of really important ways.

"I think parents get really stressed because there are a lot more treats around during the holiday season. But if you're consistently taking this approach, you're going to see your kids regulating on their own terms, which will mean there will be times where they'll be a little more discerning about which treats they're really excited to have versus feeling like they have to eat everything because who knows when they'll get it again? 

"They'll be more likely to take what they're really hungry for, what really is going to taste good to them, and leave the rest."

For more family news, read parenting expert shares number one thing that destroys kids’ confidence, and why it’s completely normal to feel disconnected from your partner after having a baby, as well as relationship expert on ‘the right time’ to walk away from a relationship even when you have kids.

A parenting expert has shared the number one parenting choice that destroys kids’ confidence and it's something everyone has been guilty of at one time.

Pushing your kids academically is a good thing, right? You want them to do their best and by studying, attending extracurriculars and going the extra mile with homework, they will find success and thank you in the future. 

New research by parenting researcher Jennifer Breheny Wallace however,  reveals that instead of improving your child's chance at success, by pushing them so hard to be successful, you're actually be deteriorating their desire to succeed. She calls this 'The Encore Effect.' “The idea is kids, particularly in affluent communities, can carry a particular burden, which is to replicate their parents’ wealth,” she told CNBC. 

So why is this a problem? Surely every parent wants their child to be better off than they were? Of course they do, but by pushing this onto kids and not realising the changing economic climate where tuition fees are higher, colleges/universities are harder to get into, and high paying jobs are near impossible to walk into, the child is put into an impossible situation. 

“Parents and kids know today that it is much harder as we’ve ushered in this steep inequality. It is no longer a given that each generation will do as well as their parents, if not better."

Using the example of an eighth-grade boy she spoke to, Wallace shared that he wanted to be an architect. Or, at least, he did until he researched the price of his parents house, compared it to the annual salary of an architect, and changed his dream to one with an annual income that meant he could actually afford a house like his parents have. 

“It does not take a forensic accountant to uncover a parent’s lifestyle," she explained. "So for kids, if you aren’t able to replicate that, it registers to a child as not being able to measure up to their parents and it can feel like a failure to not be able to do as well as your parents.”

The major problem is, according to Wallace, that children are not pursuing things they enjoy anymore due to the pressure of future success and the desire for high earnings. 

While some parents think they're encouraging their children to do their best and fulfil their potential, what's really being told to the child is that they need to earn a high salary and have a successful career to be worth anything in the world. 

“Kids today are conflating their sense of self with their achievements,” Wallace said. Instead, she recommends that parents reassess the idea of success to, in turn, help their kids separate their academic achievements from their self-worth.

To get more parenting advice and family news from experts, why not read these questions to ask kids after school: 14 of the best from the experts, or learn how to reduce kids' screen time. 

A renowned educator has revealed how an 'unpopular' parenting rule helped her to raise three extremely successful children, two on whom are CEOs and one whose a doctor. 

Choosing a parenting style can be a difficult task. 2023's most popular parenting trend has undoubtedly been gentle parenting, but the style has received just as much criticism as it has praise. So where do you start? 

Of course, how you raise your child is an incredibly personal choice to make, one you make alone after reading up on all the facts. But one expert and renowned educator has urged parents, no matter what style they use to parent their kids, to try out her 'unpopular' parenting rule as she believes it was the key to her now grown-up children's successes. 

Esther Wojcicki, 81, is known as the 'Godmother of Silicon Valley' not just for the amount of students who leave her classes as entrepreneurs in the tech field, but also because her own children are incredibly successful. You may know two of her three daughters; Susan Wojcicki, who is the CEO of YouTube and Anne Wojcicki, who is the co-founder and CEO of 23andMe. Her third daughter, Janet Wojcicki, while out of the public eye, is a doctor and professor of paediatrics. 

Esther is also the author of How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results - available on Amazon. She's clearly got the credentials to back up her parenting style. But that doesn't mean everyone will like what she has to say when it comes to her favoured parenting rules for children. 

Arguing against helicopter parenting in a recent piece for CNBC, Susan wrote, "There were many unpopular parenting rules I followed as a young mother. But my number one was, 'Don’t do anything for your kids that they can do for themselves.' The more you trust your children to do things on their own, the more empowered they’ll be."

Using what she calls the 'I do, we do, you do method,' Susan encourages parents to show their kids how to handle daily tasks such as setting their own alarms, picking out their school clothes, helping with meals, and checking their own homework only a few times before then leaving them to do them alone. 

She writes, "Chores are especially important. Washing dishes was a big one in our house. All my daughters stood on a little stool at the sink and washed the dishes after dinner."

The idea behind leaving kids to figure these things out for themselves is that practice makes perfect and through that practice kids will gain confidence as they learn to do things for themselves.

"Mastery means doing something as many times as it takes to get it right," Susan says. "To be clear, I’m not saying you should make your kids do things they don’t understand or aren’t capable of, nor am I saying you should let them play in the street if it isn’t safe, or walk to the store if the neighbourhood is dangerous.

"The idea is to teach them how to cope with what life throws at them. When you trust kids to make their own decisions, they start to feel more engaged, confident and empowered. And once that happens, there’s no limit to what they can achieve."

If you'd like to raise a future entrepreneur or CEO like Esther, you could also try giving your baby one of the most successful baby names of 2023. In other family news, A parenting expert reveals her discipline hack for kids of all ages, A toddler expert shares her simple tip for preventing sibling rivalry - and she promises it will be 'life-changing', and This clever hack stopped an 11-year-old being abducted - and it's so simple. 

Chances are, you’ve probably shared images or – unknowingly – information about your child's life online, but this may affect your relationship with them further when they're older, we ask the experts if 'sharenting' is over okay and if it can be done responsibly...

Social media is as much a part of our lives, questions about online safety for kids and data protection are more relevant than ever, especially as platforms such as Facebook celebrate almost two decades of existence. You're not alone if you've posted a cute first-day-of-school picture or some fun holiday snaps of your child. After all, who can resist when they look so adorable? And, it's nice to be reminded of these memories. Sharing helps us receive that immediate buzz of connection with family and friends but as we read their comments and the 'likes' roll in, it can be easy to forget about the long-term impact of our innocent posts.

We’ve looked at the latest studies and research and spoken to a BACP registered counsellor Ashley Duncan to help guide you through 'sharenting', and its potential impact on children so you can still enjoy sharing pictures of your kids if you want to, but in a way that feels safe – and won't affect your relationship with them when they're older.

What is 'sharenting'? It's a play on words of sharing and parenting...

'Sharenting' has become a part of our vocabulary since the early 2010s, thanks to Wall Street Journal writer Steven Leckhart. Combining ‘sharing’ and ‘parenting’, it was described as “a phenomenon in which parents overshare content about their children on the internet”. It also became an official term in the Oxford English Dictionary in 2022.

The statistics are eye-opening: about 80% of parents with young kids post their photos online, according to a report by OFCOM. In the US, a study found that 92% of two-year-olds have an online presence. The landscape is similar here too, as recent research has found that 13-year-olds would have had their picture posted on social media 1,300 times.

That’s a lot when you consider that many people who have young children now consider themselves lucky if they have more than one or two photo albums documenting their childhood. So much has changed – and quickly.

Are there benefits of sharenting?

Parents participate in sharenting for various reasons. Mostly, it’s out of pride in our children. So many of us are eager to share milestones and daily adventures with family and friends. “Sharenting allows parents to share joyful, funny or proud moments with others,” says Ashley.

It also serves as a platform to seek support when faced with a child-related dilemma and provides a digital archive to preserve cherished memories. Sharenting can also be a fun way to take part in trends or traditions like back-to-school, Ashley adds.

What are the risks of sharenting?

The dark sides of sharenting can be worrying and pretty sinister, quite frankly. But, it's not just about people taking your information – it can impact parent-child relationships, as Ashley explains:

1. Lack of consent: “Sharenting raises some important considerations around children’s rights,” states Ashley. “Very young children simply can't give consent to having photos and videos of themselves posted online. Older children may have some understanding of social media, but their understanding of the possible risks and long-term consequences of things shared may be limited.”
2. Identity: Concerns have also been raised that parents are forming their child's identify online - and this can go on to negatively impact the development of their personality in real life. They may feel the way their parents portray them, conflicts with how they would rather present themselves.
3. Embarrassed teens: A 2019 study found that by 13 years old, children felt embarrassed and self-conscious by the act of sharenting, and some perceived it as bragging. 
4. Affecting the child-parent relationship: “Parents may be putting a lot of energy into getting the right photo and posting it online,” says Ashley. “This can be distracting. For very young children particularly, attentive interaction is essential for healthy development.”
5. Privacy: Sharing a picture of your child’s first day of school, could reveal which school they go to. This concern goes beyond their day-to-day safety - research conducted by Barclays has predicted that 7.4 million incidents of identity fraud per year could be linked to sharenting by 2030. 
6. A digital footprint from an early age: 'Digital kidnapping' is a recent term and involves the unauthorised use of someone’s images, personal information or identity on the internet. The average child will now have a digital footprint before their first birthday, according to a paper published in the National Library of Medicine.
7. The threat of AI: Children are especially vulnerable to having their pictures lifted, altered and shared. “Images shared publicly online can be accessed and altered by anyone, and sadly images of children are targets for predators,” warns Ashley. Ashley.

5 tips to responsible sharenting

When deciding what to share, Ashley recommends these five tips to help you find a balance:

1. Check your privacy settings. Most importantly, make sure you know exactly who has access to what you’re sharing online, says Ashley. “Take extra care not to show things like school uniform logos, and avoid sharing images of [your] children undressed, such as when they’re in the bath or swimming.” 
2. Think carefully about how the content you post will ‘age’ with your child. It turns out that social media content has an expiry date too, so “a video of a funny dance might be sweet today, but in 10 years it could be a source of embarrassment for a young person trying to make new friends at college or settle into their first job,” says Ashley. 
3. Avoid drawing attention to your child’s looks. “Instead, you could ask them about the fun they're having, and tell them what you're enjoying about being with them,” Ashley suggests. 
4. Start the conversation around social media with your children. Help them understand the benefits and risks when the time is right, Ashley advises. “Ask their permission to share things about them, and respect their right to say ‘'no’.”
5. Implement more phone-free time. We get it – the algorithm is designed to keep you coming back for more, but as an experiment, Ashley recommends putting your phone aside for frequent, extended periods of time during the day when you're with your children. “Allow yourself to engage and be present in whatever you're doing together without taking any photos or videos,” she suggests.

Sharenting is in our everyday lives. It’s become customary – obligatory even, because, did you even have a baby if you didn’t post it on social media? As the stats show – the digital footprint for the younger generation is starting much earlier, and growing faster than ever before.

Sharenting is most likely here to stay, but the good news is you have a choice. Striking a balance – and knowing where to draw the line – will help you do so mindfully. There are ways to minimise the consequences of posting your child’s photos online.

If you're wondering what makes the best childhood memories, we reveal how to create long-lasting moments with your kids and the top 10 positive traits children learn from their parents.

Conflict and disagreements are part-and-parcel of parenting – no matter how old your kids are.

Struggling with a child who won’t listen can even make you feel like you’re not doing a good job – heck, even Beyoncé’s gentle parenting technique has been heavily criticised recently, but instead of fighting fire with fire, one parenting expert recommends another way of disciplining your kids when tempers flare. 

Nik Bowers (@nikbowers on TikTok) posted a video on the platform that is designed to “deescalate tempers”, and it’s one you’re going to want to save if you’re having discipline issues.

Recognising that teens are tricky to navigate, in particular, the parent educator promised that “no matter how old your kids are, this will work.” 

When you first have to discipline your child, Nik encourages parents to take a pause and think it through. The next step is to give them a choice in the repercussion of their behaviour: “So, you can say, ‘well do you want to do four hours of chores or lose your driving privileges? Do you want to miss this party or do you want to lose technology for the weekend?’.

“They ultimately make choices in their consequences, but then when they do complain about it or whatever, it’s like, ‘okay well, you chose’, and it actually can deescalate the situation   because just that small amount of choice isn’t a bad thing.”

Nik, who worked with children from age four to college for more than 20 years, captioned the video: “I love choices. Teens do not like consequences but it hits different when you can choose.”

Her technique, that she posted to her 11,000 followers, has received praise from other users. 

One account said: “I frickin love this thank you!”, while another commented: “I feel like this could be applied to the classroom with success. Thanks for the idea :)”. 

Power struggles are something many parents have to deal with and it can be easy to lose your temper with your child. To help you remain calm, Nik suggests turning the situation into a positive one. 

In a post on her blog Raising Beautiful Messes, Nik says: “For example, if your child is refusing to do their homework, try asking them to help you with something instead. This will show respect for their feelings and needs while still getting them to do what you need them to do.”

In celebrity parenting news, Claudia Winkleman admits the real reason she’s cutting back her workload and this is how Julia Roberts parents her teens to ensure they all stay 'deeply in love'.