How do you address the topic of toxic masculinity with a teenage boy? It's an issue that's left parenting writer Debra Waters feeling anxious. She shares her own experiences, talks to two experts and asks three other mums for their thoughts...

When I gave birth to a boy, I worried about how to raise him to respect and love women and see them as equals, without belittling his ‘maleness’. I wanted my son to feel like he could cry when he needed to, that he didn’t have to hide his sensitive side, and that he could always ask for support. But even I, to my shame, occasionally told him to get it together – not because I think that men crying is bad (quite the opposite), but because I didn’t want him to be judged by his peers.

For decades, terms like ‘macho’, ‘red-blooded’ or ‘cocky’ were used to describe the masculinity expected from boys and men. But these days, the expression ‘toxic masculinity’, which has been around forever, suddenly seems like it's everywhere.

And, as my 13-year-old son has grown, Andrew Tate’s popularity has surged. Here’s a man who’s the epitome of so-called ‘toxic masculinity’: he’s extreme in his view of what men, and women, should be; he’s compared women to animals and property and condoned violence against women; and he favours brute strength over communication. But these opinions aren’t just harmful towards women, it’s damaging to men (and boys) who will ultimately suffer from this disconnect from women and their own emotions.

When I first watched Tate's videos I laughed – surely, no one thought this was reasonable or progressive. I wasn’t laughing when I found out that, by the time Tate was banned from TikTok in 2022, his videos (on that platform alone) had been viewed 11.6 billion times.

This made me realise that many boys – including my own – feel disenfranchised or unsure about their role in society. In an attempt to counteract this, I’ve told my son how loved and valuable he is, and I explain to him that women have been marginalised for thousands of years and that’s why they’re fighting back, but I have less and less control over what he hears and sees as he gets older. In truth, it’s a minefield and not just for mums, but for dads and carers, too. Mostly, it’s a minefield for our boys.

How I approached it with my son

It’s not always easy having a conversation with teenage boys, but persevering pays dividends.

• 1. I reviewed his relationship with women - I’ve found that, while my son feels shy talking to girls at school, he’s more relaxed with females he’s grown up with (e.g. relatives and family friends), so I gently encourage these relationships. I remind him that the girls at school will be feeling just as insecure as he is. It’s worth being aware that ‘boys with low self-esteem and poor social skills, who don’t have healthy friendships and relationships with girls, may be vulnerable to indoctrination by toxic influencers,’ says Alicia Drummond, the founder of Teen Tips and The Wellbeing Hub. 'So, if your child lacks confidence keep an extra eye out'.
• 2. I don’t allow (or use) disrespectful language - Last month, my son asked me if it was ok to call a woman a bitch, even if it wasn’t to their face. No stars for guessing what my response was. However, the fact he asked suggests he knew it was wrong (he was probably testing boundaries, too), so I calmly explained why it was a degrading term, even as a joke. I’ve also become aware of the language I use about men and myself. A casual ‘dickhead’ remark if a driver cuts me up could be perceived as negative by my son, as can calling myself a ‘stupid cow’ if I’ve dropped the milk. If I’m saying these thing about others and myself, what’s that telling him?
• 3. I pay attention to who he's following online - When my son shows me a funny meme on TikTok or Instagram, I’ll have a quick scroll through his phone to see who he’s following, then I try to enquire casually and without judgement. ‘Ask: Who are you following? What ideas do they have? What do you think about those ideas? What would you do if you saw something that you found upsetting?’ says Alicia. If you see or hear anything alarming don’t panic or get angry or they might retreat.
• 4. I compliment him (and others) - My mum used to say, ‘If you don’t have anything good to say about someone, don’t say anything at all’. While that’s easier said than done at times, I’ve found that since I’ve starting talking more positively at home, my son’s responded to this. So, my partner and I big each other up in front of our son; I tell him his dad’s a great cook/supportive boss; and we tell our son regularly that it’s ok to be fed up/angry/sad/upset and that we love it when he's kind/funny/caring. The more your child hears positive, enthusiastic words, the more they’ll (hopefully) adhere to them.
• 5. I ask questions - If my son says something 'bad' and I respond with, 'You can't say that!' he gets very embarrassed that he 'got it wrong'. Now I say, 'Why do you think that?' By posing it as a question, he has time to think and consider why what he said may have been demeaning. Phil Mitchell, a senior accredited therapist specialising in working with male victims of abuse, advises, ‘If any child – boy or girl – expresses derogatory views about the opposite sex, this should be explored and discussed along with how young people see themselves.'
• 6. I avoid lectures - I'm conscious this could cause my son to become defensive and less likely to open up in the future (this has certainly been experience). Alicia suggests, ‘Rather than criticising, try to get them thinking. You might says things like: "Do you think your views about women are ok?" or "How do you think you’d feel if someone treated your little sister/cousin/mother like that?"' I've found this to be one of the most effective ways of getting my son to question his relationships, rather than sounding like an attack.
• 7. I ask how he feels about himself - Each time my son puts himself down, I correct him and tell him he's funny/bright/kind/helpful – and give examples, so it sounds believable. Phil says, if your son has become worried about how he looks or how much he weighs, or he’s putting himself down in terms of "traditional masculinity", this could also be a red flag. Now, I keep an eye on my son's diet, exercise levels and any requests for protein powders or energy drinks.
• 8. I avoid the term ‘toxic masculinity’ - I found that when I used the term 'toxic masculinity', my son became defensive and rightly so, I referenced it at first, so my son knew what I was talking about, and then moved away from it. Phil agrees, 'Parents need to focus less on masculinity being a problem and more on masculinity being a healthy and natural expression in many boys and young men.'
• 9. I speak openly and honestly - I know the most important thing is to talk about the messages my son may be seeing - even if he seemingly doesn't want to. ‘If we don’t, we won’t give children an alternative perspective or narrative for what they’re seeing, and without an alternative narrative, why wouldn’t they believe that what they’re watching is what they should be doing?,’ says Alicia.

What does 'toxic masculinity' look like? 

This is how toxic masculinity can manifest – not only towards women, but towards how boys/men feel about themselves.

Against women: believing men at the dominant sex, and that women have their place; ‘benevolent sexism’ (a patronising attitude towards females); resorting to violence, emotional abuse or derogatory language against women.

Against themselves: not talking about feelings; needing to be ‘tough’, physically strong, assertive or good at everything; hiding tears or their feelings of vulnerability; homophobia; being afraid to admit they’re gay or bisexual.

Why we've seen a rise in 'toxic masculinity'`

• Social media - We all know, these days it's hard to keep kids safe on social media - and it plays a a huge part in influencing impressionable teens, and that this is spilled over into our children’s lives outside the home.
• Online pornography - ‘Reports show sexual harassment (both on and offline) is a serious problem in our schools', says Alicia. 'Social media and online influencers who seek to indoctrinate boys into anti-feminist ideology - along with the availability of online pornography - lie at the root of the issue.’
  She added, ‘Pornography has led to the normalisation of violence in sexual relationships.' The good news is that talking to your children about pornographycan correct this, and schools are also working on the issue. ‘Messaging around consent and behaviour within relationships has become more helpful in promoting discussion.' adds Alicia.
• 'Men shaming' - In less than a decade, there's been a powerful backlash against men, which – while fair from a female perspective – can feel very personal to young boys who are trying to find their way in the world, and who may feel like they're being tarred with the same brush as abusive males. 'While the Me Too movement and the Everyone’s Invited website highlighted the inappropriate behaviour of some boys and young men, it resulted in education that shamed them,' explains Alicia.
  I've had numerous conversations with my son about this, as has my partner. Explaining thousands of years of female oppression to a child is tricky, and I've found that the best way to do this is to counteract it with the good men do, too. I also make sure to say that I don't think this of my son; rather, I'm explaining how things were or are, so he can understand.
  Hard facts and statistics can be useful here, so it's worth checking Women's Aid for info you can share.
• Home environments - Environment plays a part, too – if boys are exposed to violence or misogyny at home this will colour their world view. It's thought that, in England and Wales alone, 1 in 4 women will be subjected to domestic abuse and 1 in 5 kids will live with an abusive adult. That's not to say that a child who is exposed to this will become abusive, but it can play a huge part in their emotional development.

Is the phrase 'toxic masculinity' unhelpful? 

Youth charity Young Minds defines toxic masculinity as ‘a term used to describe the negative aspects of exaggerated masculine traits, which boys and men may feel a pressure to conform to because of cultural or societal expectations.’

Some experts argue, that while this term is a convenient description, we shouldn’t be using it. 'It’s deeply important not to refer to masculinity as “toxic”, which shames and blames boys. This will shut down important conversations that explore masculinity in helpful ways,’ says Alicia. ‘Furthermore, it drives boys to seek places where it’s OK to be male, which can land them in the problematic world of online hate and make them vulnerable to the influencers who promote the objectification, dehumanisation, control, and violation of women.’ Instead, we should talk about positive masculinity.

One pilot study from 2020 highlights how most participants thought the term “toxic masculinity” insulting, probably harmful to boys, and unlikely to help men’s behaviour.

What other parents say

Here, three mums talk about their experiences and what helped.

'The aggression was troubling - my son had an arsenal of ideas to belittle his sister and mock females'

Nicole, London:

‘The toxicity began about two-and-a-half years ago – it reared up and bit us hard during the rise of Andrew Tate. My son is very dyslexic and was really struggling to adapt to year 7 – truly a jungle for a lot of youngsters, a lot of vying for power and trying to adapt trying to win respect. So when Andrew Tate began to give vulnerable (and not so vulnerable) boys a way of 'winning' they were ready and listening.

‘I noticed a noticable change in my son’s language and attitude. This became arguments and fighting with his sister. She's a determined young person who was used to being able to direct the relationship with her little brother. This changed – not entirely a bad or unnatural thing – but I think it was accelerated by Andrew Tate and his ilk. The language used between the two of them and the levels of aggression were troubling. My son had at his disposal an arsenal of language and ideas to belittle his sister and mock females. Refereeing between my son and daughter was extremely difficult. I think it was damaging in the short-term but has perhaps built a new level of understanding between them.

‘I think many young men are quite confused by the gender conversations
there are today – it's hard to negotiate successfully and can easily polarise. Masculinity has also undergone many attacks from a widening base, and I think that young men want to reclaim a sense of pride in being male. Negotiating these shifting sands is difficult for anyone, let alone when you’re young and have little context and life experience.

‘My advice? Don’t accept disrespectful language or behaviour at any time. Push back and clamp down immediately. Get involved – watch Andrew Tate to understand. This was really important, to be able to hold an informed and balanced discussion with my son, to not be ignorant when I ask him not to be! Know your subject, be open minded, don't panic, and believe in your son.’

'He saw us an old and the internet as representative of his generation'

Hannah, London:

‘Smartphones have given younger teens access to the internet and ways of finding out things without their parents knowing. Lockdown cemented this. I noticed when my son was 14, he began to talk about the ideal male face and body. He then started to show me pictures of impossibly muscular individuals with huge jawlines that he’d found online. I contradicted it, telling him that women don’t like that type of man, but he told me that I was old and didn’t know. His self-esteem plummeted and he started to dislike himself. We found that he had tried to buy growth hormone online. With him, it was all about how he saw himself as lacking.

‘I would look out for negative self-talk beyond the usual - and very specific stuff about different body parts not being up to the perceived ideal. Luckily. we had open lines of communication, but he wasn’t open to critiquing these ideas.

Because he saw us as old and the internet as representative of his generation, it was very difficult to break through. But we kept saying what we thought, calmly suggesting he think about what the motivation is for people to put these things out there.

‘It’s a long game that parents have to play, and I think a lot is about brain development and how they need to think differently to you. When they’re ready, they’ll begin to see other perspectives.

BEAT, an eating disorder charity (as he began to restrict food) were helpful. I spoke to his uncle and his cousin in his 20s who’d also experienced this sort of online material and he was able to give us some context.’

'Homophobia is rife in teenage boys and my son doesn’t want to become a target'

Lisa, Yorkshire:

‘I think there’s been a rise in toxic masculinity because of shifting gender roles, a backlash to the Me Too Movement which has given the likes of Andrew Tate a platform, and accessibility of online porn and the dominance and violence towards women a lot of that content contains. Signs can hard to pinpoint as everyone experiences things differently, but from what I’ve seen, higher levels of anger and frustration and/or a change in mood such as depression or anxiety could be signs of toxic masculinity, as well as an inability to express emotions and a suppression of who they are. My son is gay and while his family and female friends know, he’s not shared this with his school friends, because, I believe, homophobia is rife in teenage boys and he doesn’t want to become a target.

‘I’ve talked to my son about the importance of consent since he was little – whether that’s asking another child if they can play with their toy to, more crucially, sexual consent. Ask, don’t take, and NEVER assume. I frequently talk to my son about the fear all women feel walking through a dimly-lit park, so he understands that the threat of physical and sexual assault is something we’re forced to live with. And when he was old enough to understand, I talked to him about porn to mitigate his perception of what he is watching. I warned him that it’s not representative of real sex. I also make him help around the house and do chores to counteract expectations that I should do it because I’m a woman. Fortunately, he sees my partner do (almost!) as much cooking and cleaning as me, which rejects the notion that it’s “women’s work”.

If parents are concerned, don’t ignore it but don’t try to force an answer. Let your kid feel like they can trust you, let them feel safe. There’ll always be things they won’t want to talk about, but a safe environment will help. I always encourage him to speak to me about how he is feeling. which he often does, and he sees a counsellor at school now, who helps him find ways to express his emotions in a healthy way.’

Further advice

Young people’s charity, Young Minds, has a helpful article on toxic masculinity written by a 17-year-old boy, which you could show your child.

For parents, Phil suggests Martin Seager’s work around male archetypes and creating male-friendly services, while Alicia recommends Laura Bates. ‘She’s written two brilliantly researched books on the subject: Everyday Sexism and Men Who Hate Women.’

Parents want the best for their children, but sometimes this can get lost in translation. With research showing that half of teens and young adults feel their parents don't take their mental health concerns seriously, we share how you can show your support.

The mental wellbeing of young people is a growing concern, particularly now that research has found one in five 16–25-year-olds miss school or work due to poor mental health. The lasting effects of the COVID-19 pandemic and the prevalence of social media have both been widely discussed as potential culprits for a decline in youth mental health, after an NHS study found that rates of probable mental disorder in those aged 17 to 19 years rose from 1 in 10 in 2017 to 1 in 6 in 2020, and then to 1 in 4 in 2022.

Whatever the cause of this alarming rise, parents of teenagers and young adults will hope that their children can come to them with their problems, and look to the adults in their life for tips on how to manage stress and other negative emotions. However, this isn't always the case, as research has found that half of Gen Z (those born between 1997 and 2012) feel their parents don't take their mental health concerns seriously.

The study, which was carried out by Springtide Research Institute, surveyed 3,139 students in middle school, high school, and college in spring 2022 and discovered that 49 per cent of respondents agreed with the statement "My parents/guardians don’t take my mental health concerns seriously."

They also found that 49 per cent had talked to a mental health professional such as a therapist, counsellor, or psychologist in the last three months, and that 53 per cent of respondents agreed with the statement "I wouldn’t want my parents/guardians to know I am meeting with a school counsellor or therapist."

Students from marginalised groups are even more likely to say their parents don’t take their mental health concerns seriously, such as LGB+ students (52 per cent) compared to straight students (41 per cent), Black students (53 per cent) compared to White students (43 per cent), nonbinary students (57 per cent) compared to female-identifying (45 per cent) and male-identifying (43 per cent) students, and below-average income students (49 per cent) compared to average or above-average income students (44 per cent).

Why is it that so many young people feel this way? Well, one explanation could be that teens and young adults don't want to worry their parents. A third of students surveyed agreed that "My parents/guardians wouldn't want me to get help at school because they would be worried I might be treated differently or be given fewer opportunities."

But we know that parents want to do all they can to help their children if they're worried about their mental wellbeing. If you feel like your child might be struggling, youth mental health charity YoungMinds suggests some steps you can take:

• Start a conversation: You might start by letting them know that you’ve noticed they don’t seem very happy at the moment, voicing your concerns in a caring and non-judgmental way.
• Listen and provide support: Try not to ask too many questions, come up with quick solutions or gloss over their sadness. Empathise with how they’re feeling and remember they’ve taken a risk in opening up to you – let them know they can talk to you as often and for as long as they need to.
• Encourage them to speak to someone else: If they don't feel able to talk to you at the moment, remind them of other people in their support circle or point them towards professional services.

If you are concerned about your child’s mental health, make an appointment to see your GP or contact Young Minds’ free parents’ helpline for advice on 0808 802 5544. 

In related news, new research has shown that teenagers in the UK feel 'hopeless' about their futures and believe their lives will be worse than their parents', while it turns out losing a grandmother can impact teenage boys' mental health for as long as seven years. If you're worried about your child's mental health, we've asked the experts to explain 12 signs of depression in children and what to do if you're concerned.

Knowing the signs of depression in children is an important step towards being able to get professional help early and prevent it from having a long-term impact on a child's life.

Feeling sad, irritable or in a bad mood is as normal for kids as it is for adults, but when feeling low lasts for weeks or longer, parents may start to worry about their children's mental health. It's not just teenagers and young adults that can struggle with mental health, much younger children can be affected too. In fact, a 2018 NHS study found "a slight increase over time in the prevalence of mental disorder in 5 to 15 year olds", rising from 9.7 per cent in 1999 and 10.1 per cent in 2004, to 11.2 per cent in 2017. This trend has continued, as further NHS research found that in 2022 18 per cent of children aged 7 to 16 years had a probable mental disorder.

Though children may find it more difficult to articulate their feelings if they're struggling with low mood, early detection is important, so you can give them the right support before it escalates. GoodtoKnow spoke to children and young people's mental health charity Place2Be to find out about the signs of depression in children and the steps parents can take if they're worried about their child's mental health. Programme Leader for Family Work Judah Racham and Regional Clinical Lead Cecilia Corbetta explained: "Recognising the signs of depression in children is crucial for parents as spotting the early signs means we can support children effectively and seek help if necessary. 

"It's important to remember that every child is unique, and the manifestation of depression can vary widely. If you observe these signs and have concerns about your child’s mental wellbeing, seeking support from your child’s school, a GP or other health professionals is essential."

Emotional signs of depression in children

1. Persistent sadness

Feelings of sadness are normal, but if these emotions last for a long time it can be a sign that a child is struggling with their mental health. This may also manifest as crying more often or more easily, or having more tantrums than usual.

Dr Danielle Grey, clinical director of mental health service Purple House Clinic Birmingham explains: "Persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness are central to depression. Children may feel overwhelmed by a sense of despair, often without a clear cause, which can make day-to-day life seem insurmountable and joyless."

2. Irritability or anger

As Dr Danielle explains: "Depression doesn't only manifest as sadness; it can also lead to increased irritability, short temper, or frustration over small matters. This change in mood can strain personal relationships and exacerbate feelings of isolation and misunderstanding." For children, this may manifest as frequent crying or emotional outbursts.

Counselling Directory member Chris Boobier echoes this, saying: "Maintaining regulated feelings when depressed and not ‘blowing up’ is difficult. Help your child manage their feelings with the co-regulation of your feelings, which means not reacting to their irritation, staying calm, talking, and hugging. "

3. Social withdrawal

When people are feeling low, they are more likely to withdraw socially. As Dr Danielle explains: "Depression can lead to withdrawing from social interactions and avoiding friends or family. This isolation can be a coping mechanism to hide your feelings or due to a lack of energy and interest in engaging with others, further exacerbating feelings of loneliness."

Behavioural signs of depression in children

4. Loss of interest

Losing interest in activities that were once enjoyable - including hobbies, clubs, or social events - or having less energy and motivation to participate in them is a common sign of depression. Chris Boobier tells us: "Lacking motivation, interest, or avoiding activities usually enjoyed indicates emotional overwhelm. Persistent low feelings override any others, leaving a sense of ‘no point in trying’ and reducing self-esteem."

She adds, "When it feels like things are hopeless or can’t be changed, a child will withdraw to reduce further pain. It would feel worse to go to dance or football and mess up because they feel so bad already, rather than not go at all."

5. Changes in sleep patterns

Depression and sleep problems are closely linked, and can each exacerbate the other. Children suffering from depression may find it more difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep at night, or they might feel excessively sleepy in the day.

Dr Danielle tells us: "Sleep problems, including difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or sleeping much more than usual, are common symptoms of depression. These disruptions in sleep patterns can contribute to the fatigue and lethargy often associated with depressive states."

6. Changes in appetite

Depression can significantly alter eating habits, leading to either a decreased appetite and weight loss, or increased cravings for food and weight gain. These changes may reflect the emotional turmoil and stress the child is experiencing.

Trauma-informed counsellor Chris tells us: "Whether it’s comfort eating or not eating enough, both can be signs of depression. A reduced appetite is usual when experiencing stress and worry, while food may be used as a way to cope with difficult feelings. This in turn leads to low mood or tiredness when not maintaining healthy eating habits."

Physical signs of depression in children

7. Unexplained aches and pains

Physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches as well as joint pain can also be a sign of depression in children as well as adults. One study published in The Primary Care Companion to The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry explained that this is partly because depression and pain share a common neurochemical pathway - they are both influenced by serotonin and norepinephrine.

Unfortunately, this sometimes means depression can go undiagnosed, because the symptoms may be attributed to something else.

8. Significant weight loss or gain

As mentioned above, depression can result in either a loss of or increased appetite, which may result in dramatic changes in weight. In particular, research has linked obesity and depression - though some studies suggest that obesity actually puts children at higher risk of suffering from depression, rather than feeling depressed causing obesity.

A study published in the British Medical Journal concluded, "We found strong evidence that obese female children have a significantly higher odds of depression compared with normal-weight female children, and this risk persists into adulthood. Clinicians should consider screening obese female children for symptoms of depression."

9. Fatigue or lack of energy

Depression can be a drain on a child's energy, and you might notice that they put less effort into activities such as their schoolwork or those hobbies they used to enjoy. From the outside, it might seem like they are giving up easily or not bothering to try, but for a child struggling with constant low mood, even small tasks can feel like an enormous effort.

Cognitive signs of depression in children

10. Difficulty concentrating

Trouble concentrating and/or making decisions is a common sign of depression, and can come hand in hand with other symptoms such as a loss of interest in activities that were previously enjoyable and feelings of hopelessness. People struggling with depression may have difficulty concentrating because they no longer see the point, and for children, this can make school a challenge too.

11. Low self-esteem

Having good self-esteem is an important part of having good mental health, and kids with low self-esteem may experience feelings of worthlessness and a negative self-image, resulting in persistent low mood and causing them to struggle to cope with difficult situations they are faced with.

Though it's natural for children's self-esteem to go up and down over time, experiencing low self-esteem over a long period can make it harder for children to look after their mental health. Feeling loved and valued by the people around them is key to raising children's self-esteem.

12. Suicidal thoughts or behaviours

It can be hard to understand from the outside, but some children may self-harm if they are struggling to manage difficult feelings or are feeling overwhelmed. Unexplained cuts, burns, bruises or other markings as well as keeping themselves covered even when it's hot can be signs that a child is self-harming.

Chris Boobier tells us: "Whilst self-harm brings short-term relief, longer-term it creates a cycle of guilt and shame which continues to drive the need to harm. Helping children to recognise the strength of their emotions and ‘cope in the moment’ with an alternative action like exercising, hitting a cushion, shouting, snapping twigs, holding ice cubes, or writing down thoughts and then ripping them up can begin to help break the cycle."

What can cause depression in children?

There are a variety of external factors that can trigger feelings of low mood and depression in children and young people. Examples include bereavement, illness, family dynamics, bullying, undiagnosed learning difficulties and other school-based problems.

Dr Danielle explains: "Sometimes children might feel overwhelmed by their experiences and can struggle with low mood, but there is often a reason why they feel this way. Children will face situations that lead to difficult emotions, and it is important that they realise this is a normal part of growing up. It’s ok for them to have good and bad days, and parents need to be able to support them so that they can then notice their emotions and help them build resilience."

She adds that social media can exacerbate mental health issues in younger people, saying, "While it can have some benefits, social media can also affect mental health. How children react to notifications, likes, and comments can significantly influence their self-esteem and mood. Obsessive checking of their devices for social media updates can indicate a dependency that may lead to anxiety or depression if interactions are perceived negatively."

What age can children experience depression?

While it is less common for very young children to be diagnosed with depression, children can experience depression at any age and even those as young as preschool age may show symptoms.

However, Judah and Cecilia from Place2Be explain: "The prevalence of depression in children increases as they enter adolescence, with rates rising significantly during this stage of development."

They add that it's important to note that depression in children can present differently than it does in adults, and the symptoms listed above like irritability, social withdrawal, changes in appetite or sleep and physical complaints are just some of the signs.

Stevie Goulding is a senior manager within the Parents and Carers Services at mental health charity Young Minds. She tells GoodtoKnow: "At Young Minds we have quite a unique insight because we support from the age of nought to 25. And we see that even primary school aged children can show symptoms of low mood and depression, but often the difficulty is that younger children might not be efficiently diagnosed with depression until they are teenagers."

What should I do if I think my child is depressed?

Addressing depression in children requires patience, understanding, and professional guidance. By taking proactive steps and seeking appropriate help, you can support your child through their challenges and help them on the path to recovery. 

Judah and Cecilia from Place2Be suggest taking the following steps if you are worried about your child's mental health:

• Pay attention to changes in your child's behaviour, mood, or routine. If you notice symptoms such as persistent sadness, irritability, changes in sleep or appetite, loss of interest in activities, or withdrawal from social interactions, it's important to talk to your child about what they are experiencing.
• Let your child know that you are there for them and that you are willing to listen. It's important to provide a supportive and non-judgmental environment where your child feels safe to express their feelings.
• Encourage your child to engage in physical activity, eat a healthy diet, and maintain a regular sleep schedule. These habits can have a positive impact on mental wellbeing.
• Learn about depression in children and adolescents. Understanding the condition can help you support your child better and work effectively with mental health professionals.
• Seek support for yourself. Supporting a child with depression can be challenging - it's essential to seek support for yourself, whether through friends, family, or a support group. Taking care of your own well-being will enable you to better support your child.
• Speak to your child’s school. Every school will have a designated mental health lead or will be aware of local support.  
• Speak to your GP. The CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) waiting times vary, and your GP may be aware of local services that can support your child. 

Dr Danielle adds: "It’s really important to talk openly with your children about any feelings or issues they may be going through, so it becomes part of daily life. Take time to understand how your child is making sense of their experiences and why they are struggling with difficult emotions. If your child does not want to talk, let them know you have noticed they are struggling and you’re there to listen."

If you are concerned about your child’s mental health, make an appointment to see your GP or contact Young Minds’ free parents’ helpline for advice on 0808 802 5544. You can also visit place2be.org.uk for advice for parents and carers.

Matrescence might be a new word you’ve not heard of before, don’t worry you’re not alone, in fact you’d be forgiven for wondering if this was a typo as the word isn’t in mainstream conversation… yet.

During pregnancy and early motherhood, women undergo seismic psychological and physiological changes. Yep, yet this life-altering transition is neglected by society, women are expected to 'bounce back' after birth and 'work like they don't have children and mother like they don't work'. The expectations on mothers these days are unrealistic and unfair.

Anna Mathur, psychotherapist, author of Raising A Happier Mother: How to Find Balance, Feel Good and See Your Children Flourish as a Result, and mum-of-three tells us; “I sometimes wonder if society isn’t aware of matrescence because it’s easier that way. It’s easier, and cheaper perhaps, to assume that the transition into motherhood is black and white – you aren’t a mother, and then you are.”

Now the concept of matrescence, like adolescence, is opening up a whole host of new conversations about the challenges of modern motherhood, helping to create a new mothering culture. In this article we look at matrescence, what it is, what it means, and how it might feel for new mums, we talk to experts and other mums to get their experience.

Matrescence

"Simply put, matrescence is the process of becoming a mother." Anna tells us, "It’s the recognition that becoming a mother is an evolving and shifting of every mental, emotional, hormonal and social experience and identity. It’s a challenge of the belief that we become mothers the moment our baby emerges from the womb, or the moment the sperm meets the egg."

I'm Stephanie, Family Editor here at Goodto and I'm the first to admit that before I had my child at 35 years old I had little to no idea about what becoming a mother would actually do to me. I knew what it would do to my body, of course I did, society chats at length about mother's bodies and 'bouncing back', but everything else that goes with it, was a surprise, to say the least. Becoming a mother altered me, my self, my mind, my thought processes, my relationships, my career... in short it altered my everything - in a way I was not at all ready for. The weight of responsibility was almost too much to bear, I thought that I would still be the same person.

I'll be honest, life from a mother’s perspective - the work mother's do - had never really interested me before, real work happened in an office, after all, right? When in fact, motherhood has been the hardest, most enlivening and extreme psychological, existential, social, and physical 'work' of my entire life.

A 2023 study from Science Direct found that the maternal brain undergoes significant structural and functional neuroplasticity - which means the ability of the nervous system to change its activity by reorganising its structure, functions, or connections after childbirth - as well as cognitive adaptations during the peripartum period, which are long-lasting and present throughout the lifespan. In other words, it changes the very core of us.

"Matrescence is regularly misunderstood and confused with post natal depression." Dr Alexandra Saks, M.D. says in her TED talk. She goes on to add; "If women understood the natural progression of matrescence, if they knew that most people found it hard to live inside this push and pull, if they knew under these circumstance ambivalent was totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of - they would feel less alone and less stigmatised. And I believe it would reduce rates in post partum depression."

In a research paper she did for Psychology Today Dr Saks talks about her work on 'the developmental transition to motherhood' and explores “matrescence,” a term coined in 1973 by Dana Raphael, a medical anthropologist who also popularized the phrase “doula.”

What are the symptoms of matrescence?

While there are no 'formal symptoms' as such Dr Saks reports a pattern that she's observed. She writes; "Though [many women] may not meet diagnostic criteria for this postpartum depression [that term] seems to be the most familiar one they have to frame their distress. Here’s what many of them describe;

• “I love my baby but I don’t have the right maternal instincts.”
• “I’m not enjoying this, mostly I feel tired.”
• “I feel so guilty because I wanted a baby more than anything, but sometimes I find myself feeling bored and even resentful.”

"These descriptions of discomfort are natural to matrescence and not diagnostic of any specific disease." Dr Saks writes.

Mum-of-3 Emma thinks educating new mums about matrescence would perhaps make this new life stage a whole lot easier.

“If only there was an explanation that I could’ve referred to throughout new motherhood! An all-encompassing term that calmed the nerves and made it all feel less weird. This would’ve been everything,” she tells us.

“I think I always needed validation at those times of panic when I realised ‘loving my children is easy but I have no idea about the rest of it’. I almost wish I could do it all again from the start - knowing what I know now. Which is still nothing. Other than it’s OK to know nothing but to feel absolutely everything. And that it’s all part of a process, with a WORD and everything!”

It’s no coincidence that matrescence sounds like adolescence. Both are times when body morphing and hormone shifting lead to an upheaval in how a person feels emotionally, and how they fit into the world. Anna agrees, telling us; "When we recognise the huge shifts that happen in a woman as she moves towards motherhood, and navigates the early weeks, months and years, then we have to acknowledge the need for recognition and support through these shifts and changes."

Talking to Positive News, author of Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood Lucy Jones says that after giving birth, she felt 'as if I had been rewired'. She goes on to say; "Many new mothers are lonely, anxious, depressed, burnt out and blame themselves for it. But the more I researched, the more I realised how impossible the institution of modern motherhood is today."

It's important to remember you're not alone, and it's okay to talk about what you're thinking and feeling. For Suzie, a mum of two, having a label for this period in her life has really helped her feel less alone.

“Adolescence, going from childhood to early adulthood, takes years to go through, and for me the process of becoming a mother has been a similarly long journey,” she tells GoodTo.

“My kids are 8 and 6 now and I think it's only recently that I've figured it out and love this new version of me! Nothing is the same after kids - your body, your work, your sleep, your brain, almost your every waking thought. And it's nice to have a label for it and know you're not alone. The more we talk about these things and the mixed and complex feelings we have, the better."

How long is matrescence?

No one really knows. Some say up to ten years after baby is born, others that it depends from person to person. According to Aurelie Athan, Matrescence advocate and clinical psychologist; "The exact length of matrescence is individual, recurs with each child, and may arguably last a lifetime."

Parenting writer, Jayne Cherrington-Cook, feels like she’s only just come out of her matrescence - and her son is 14. She tells us: "I felt like I lost myself when I became a mum. It was harder than anything else, and I thought I'd bounce back quickly. Learning that this phase can last for years is comforting. Becoming a mum in my late 30s, I'm now facing peri-menopause, but surprisingly, I feel more prepared for this transition than I did for motherhood!"

No matter the length, Anna tells us; "In recent years, we are shining a light on the hormonal shifts that happen through perimenopause and menopause. Women are advocating for themselves within society and the medical system, for this huge and often behind-the-scenes, taboo, to be recognised, acknowledged and accounted for.

And, as we call for matrescence to be recognised, we begin to acknowledge the need for more emotional, physical and practical support that might be needed in order for mothers to thrive."

How do I prepare for matrescence?

Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to talk about what you're feeling or going through - with friends, other mums, your partner.

Anna tells us; "When we recognise that we aren’t alone in some of the emotions and challenges we face in motherhood, it powerfully chips away at shame and taboo, paving the way for more honesty and vulnerability. Honesty strengthens community, and when people don’t feel alone, they’re more likely to seek and accept support."

Suzanne Holt worked with a coach when she found herself dealing with matresence. The experience led her to set up her own business, INSIDE Coaching.

“After I had my son, I got lost!” she tells us. “Not in the first year, the really tough year of sleepless nights, but in the years following my return to work! That lost feeling crept up on me slowly. It felt like I didn’t fit in situations where I’d felt effortless before. It felt like being a square peg in a round hole. It felt like everything was harder - making decisions at work, making plans to see friends, making time for myself, finding the time and energy for things I used to enjoy! Slowly all of the pieces that I built my identity on fell away and I felt lost, alone and very vulnerable.”

She continues: “Working with a coach and discovering matrescence helped me to connect with this brand-new version of me. Now, as a leadership coach for mums in construction, I use matrescence as part my training programmes."

Going through matrescence is like going through adolescence according to research from Science Direct, with this in mind Anna says that it would be transformative for each mother to be given insight into what to expect through matrescence; "We expect those going through puberty and menopause to experience challenged emotions and resources, yet the expectation tends to be that new mother’s should feel happy and grateful despite the fact that they’re also going through huge hormonal shifts."

She goes on to add; "When we normalise very common experiences (e.g experiences of emotional flux, exhaustion, overwhelm, impact of tiredness etc.), we can more easily talk about it and access support. Yet what often happens when something isn’t widely understood, is that they get pathologised and medically labelled, giving the impression that something is ‘wrong’, when truly the mother is having a very normal response to their vastly changed circumstances."

Matrescence - the best podcasts to listen to

1. The Matrescence Podcast: Hour long podcasts with Australian hosts Kelly Wilkes and Bree Holling sharing evidence-based information with personal insight to help you make informed and empowered decisions, grow as individuals and mothers and find solidarity in this journey that is matrescence. The episodes are a joy to listen to.

2. The Motherkind Podcast - Matrescence: the word we all need with Lucy Jones: This 40-minute episode is a great listen with Lucy Jones. She is an investigative journalist, award-winning author and has just written a new book called Matrescence.

3. Overwhelm in motherhood & matrescence: Sarah is a Motherhood Occupational Therapist and provides incredible sensory, motherhood support and matrescence education!

The early years of motherhood can feel the hardest, remember you're not alone if you hate playing with your kid, struggle with toy rotation or if you don't want mum friends.... you do you. And know that no matter your choices or style, we promise you're not alone in it.

Wondering how to manage stress? You're in good company. We've asked the experts for their top tips for busy parents.

Parents may be familiar with the signs of anxiety and stress. After all, raising a human is no small task and comes with an abundance of worries and pressures, from daily dilemmas such as figuring out what to do for dinner, again to bigger issues like how they're coping with school and sometimes even more serious worries like their health, on any given day. This can leave many parents looking for relaxation exercises and self-care ideas to help them quickly wind down, but if stress is affecting your life more significantly, it's important to understand how it works and how to manage it.

“When we are stressed our bodies produce additional hormones,” explains Debra Longsdale, a therapist and clinical director of Priory’s private therapy services. These are mainly adrenaline and cortisone. “Adrenaline raises heart rate and increases blood pressure, and our body reacts by sending blood to our major organs to prepare and equip us to go into ‘flight or fight’ mode,” she says. “And when we become ‘stressed’ our bodies produce more cortisol, releasing glucose from our livers for faster energy.”

We can usually cope with these hormonal changes in the short term, but if stress isn’t dealt with promptly it can cause problems. These include increased inflammation in the body and a weakened immune system, warns Debra. With this in mind, we've put together a list of expert-approved tips for managing stress, so busy parents can enjoy some well-earned relaxation.

Symptoms of stress

“Cortisol spikes can trigger a surge in insulin, which can lead to us craving more sugary food, while chronic stress can also lead to the production of noradrenaline, which can lead to poor sleep, an irregular heartbeat, and higher blood pressure,” she adds. “Other hormones can also be released – causing an emotional rollercoaster in terms of mood swings, fatigue, and lower libido.”

The result is myriad issues, from aches and pains to forgetfulness. If you are suffering from some of the following symptoms, learning how to manage stress should be your priority:

• Aches and pains
• Crying
• Digestive problems
• Fatigue
• Feeling worried and overwhelmed
• Forgetfulness
• Headaches or migraines
• High blood pressure
• Indecision
• Lack of focus
• Low libido
• Palpitations and/or panic attacks
• Poor diet
• Sleep disorders

How to manage stress: 12 tips from experts

1. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

CBT is often recommended for stress because it provides practical steps that help us change our mindset relatively quickly.

“CBT is globally recognised as one of the most successful and broadly applicable therapeutic approaches, as well as one of the most intensely researched forms of therapy,” explains cognitive behavioural hypnotherapist Denise Iordache. “The evidence base is staggering and overwhelmingly strong,” she adds.

So, how does CBT ease stress and what does it involve? “CBT can help us manage stress better because of the emphasis placed on noticing patterns and learning how to develop new, practical, and more helpful coping strategies,” says Denise. She explains that people can expect 8-20 sessions over about six months. In between sessions individuals are given set exercises and experiments (basically, homework) to “challenge their existing way of thinking and behaving, develop new, more helpful coping skills, and ultimately drive long-term, sustainable change.”

Denise adds: “In a recent review of clinical articles, randomised controlled trials and other literature, the effectiveness of CBT was evaluated in stressful conditions among clinical and general populations. This review highlighted that CBT promotes more balanced thinking and improves our ability to cope with stress.”

If you think CBT might be helpful, you can find a therapist on the British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP) website. It doesn’t work for everyone, though, so if it’s not for you don’t be disheartened – there are other ways to learn how to manage stress.

2. Exercise

A balanced lifestyle, we are told, should include a healthy diet, 7-9 hours of sleep a night and exercise. All of these are good not only for our physical health but our mental health.

“Exercise and other physical activity can be the best way to reduce and manage stress,” says David Wiener, a training and nutrition specialist for fitness coaching app Freeletics. In fact, a study in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry found that just 20 minutes of physical activity three times a week can have a positive effect on stress, depression, and anxiety. This activity can be cleaning or gardening – it doesn't have to be trasditional exercise.

While exercise can’t ‘cure’ stress, it can help boost our body’s ability to utilise oxygen, improve blood flow, strengthen the immune system and help us release feel-good hormones such as endorphins and serotonin, says David – all of which work towards easing the physical and mental symptoms of stress. It also acts as a much-needed distraction.

“Exercise won’t make your stress disappear completely,” adds David. “But it will help to clear your head and allow for a more rational mindset.”

Next time you're feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of family life, see if you can make time for a 20 minute walk or jog, or you can even exercise without leaving the house by following an 15 minute workout online.

3. Prioritise sleep

Prioritising rest is huge for parents. Sleep has become a sought-after commodity, and we know that trying to fit in life and raising kids doesn't equal eight hours of solid sleep a night. When you have children broken sleep is a given, but here are some tips to help you recognise just how important sleep is over doom scrolling at 11 pm (no judgment, we all do it).

Stress disrupts our sleep, if we sleep badly, we’re less able to cope with stressful situations, according to one study in the Behavioral Sleep Medicine journal, which can then create a vicious cycle of poor sleep and stress symptoms.

“Good sleep is essential for managing stress,” says clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr Julie Smith. “It only takes one terrible night’s sleep to affect your performance, mood, and concentration, so start placing sleep at the top of the priorities list.”

Prioritising sleep doesn’t begin as you get under the duvet – it starts in the evening. “It’s really important to make time to relax and wind down before bed, to eliminate some of the stress for the day,” says Lisa Artis, deputy CEO of The Sleep Charity. “You can do several things to relax – whether that’s having a warm bath, knitting, drawing, relaxation exercises, reading, or listening to music. Some people find setting aside some time to write down feelings in a notepad is beneficial to clear the mind.”

Because stress causes hyperarousal, which can upset the balance between sleep and wakefulness, you need to have a good sleep routine in place, says Lisa – starting with how you treat your sleep space. Your bedroom should only be used for sleep, and little else. “It’s not a place where you work, do chores, or sort finances out – it needs to be a sanctuary,” she says.

Then, you can think about your evening routine. It might be a good idea to stick to the same activities once your kids have gone to bed each night, to help reset your body clock and calm an anxious mind. A bath, a warm drink, a book, and then lights out at the same time every night are some things you can incorporate into your evening.

4. Assess your diet

When we are stressed it can affect our eating patterns and what we choose to eat, resulting in us adopting poor habits and reaching for naughty but nice foods to relieve the pressure and momentarily distract us from worries.  

If this happens to you, don’t be too hard on yourself, says registered dietitian Helen Bond. “When you’re stressed your body releases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which not only make you feel hungrier, but can lead to comfort eating,” she explains. “It’s not surprising that stressed spelled backwards is desserts!”

While the odd treat won’t do you any harm, eating too much refined, fatty or sugary food won’t help your symptoms. Helen recommends breaking the cycle of comfort eating by incorporating more healthy family meals into your diet – namely, those that include more protein and complex carbs. “Include adequate protein such as lean meat, oily fish, beans and pulses, eggs and low-fat dairy products, and complex carbohydrates such as wholegrain, wholewheat, wholemeal varieties of cereal, bread, rice or pasta wherever possible,” she says. 

“These foods release their energy slowly and will help keep your blood sugar levels stable, so you’re less likely to give in to emotional eating.” She also suggests replacing biscuits and other sugary treats with health snacks, such as nuts, seeds, hummus and tzatziki with crudities. While these sound dull in comparison to a chocolate bar, they’ll provide a steady stream of energy – not the blood sugar crash pastries and cakes provide.

It also pays to avoid the ultimate quick fix – coffee. “Too much caffeine can enhance feelings of stress and anxiety and interfere with your sleep,” warns Helen. She advises limiting your intake, opting for decaffeinated drinks (including soda) and drinking more herbal tea. Chamomile, lavender and mint tea are all known to relieve symptoms associated with stress and anxiety.

5. Breathing exercises

Breathing comes so naturally that we’re not even aware we’re doing it – we do it between 20,000-22,000 times a day, after all. But stress can alter our breathing patterns and exacerbate symptoms, which is why knowing some breathing exercises for anxiety is so important. 

So why does our breathing change? Again, it’s down to the fight or flight response, says Stuart Sandeman, a breathing coach, founder of Breathpod and author of Breathe In, Breathe Out.

“This automate, primal response of the nervous system increases your breathing and heart rate to keep you safe,” says Stuart. “It’s something you are hardwired with. Your body and mind don’t know the difference between a threat in your environment, let's say a tiger, and a threat fabricated through your to do list – it triggers the same response,” he explains. “With conscious control of your breathing, you can reverse this response to turn stress to calm.”

Stuart recommends that “if in doubt, breathe it out”. This is because “a long drawn-out breath will promote a calming response to your body and mind.”

If you want to know how to manage stress through breathing, Stuart suggests the following:

1. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four – feeling your belly rise.
2. Hold you breath for a count of four – keeping calm and still. Breathe out through your mouth for a count of eight, relaxing your shoulders, face and jaw.
3. Repeat as required.

6. Find time for yoga

Yoga is a tried and tested technique for reducing stress and anxiety levels. As well as being around for millennia, a study in the Journal of Evidence-Based Medicine found it to be an effective treatment for inducing calm – even more so than walking. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to be super bendy or fit – yoga can help people of all ages and fitness levels.

“Research has shown a yoga can bring us a multitude of benefits including that it can reduce stress and anxiety,” says yoga instructor Hannah Barrett, author of Yoga Happy. “Benefits can be harnessed not only through the physical practice of yoga poses but through the quieter practices like breath work, mindfulness and meditation,” she explains. “These can help us to activate the parasympathetic nervous system – our rest and digest system – bringing the nervous system back into balance.”

Hannah recommends practising asana (physical postures) to help you release tension, gain strength and flexibility, and reduce the risk of aches and pains. These moves also help to release our happy hormones (endorphins) that help combat stress.

Here, Hannah suggests two stress-relieving yoga poses: child’s pose and legs up the wall:

Child's pose

1. Kneel on a comfortable surface bringing the toes together and knees about hip-width apart.
2. Lay the torso down between the knees and either reach the arms out in front or place them alongside the body.
3. You can place pillows under the torso for a super restorative version or bring the knees to touch and lay the arms back, releasing the fronts of the shoulders.
4. Stay here for 5-10 breaths or however long needed.

Legs up the wall

1. On a comfortable surface bring the hips against a wall, with the upper body flat and the sit bones as close to the wall as is comfortable.
2. Gently raise ether legs straight up, resting them against the wall.
3. There's an option to place a pillow under the sacrum and bend the knees if needed. Stay here ideally for 15 minutes or more for deep relaxation and restoration.

Poses are just one aspect of yoga. “An integral part of yoga is marrying the movements with your breath, helping to ground you in the present moment,” explains Hannah. “This enhances your awareness, boosts concentration, and can help to calm the mind.” 

If you are new to yoga, it’s worth doing live online or in-person classes at first so you learn to breathe correctly while practising the moves.

7. Try the Emotional Freedom Technique

The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another practical suggestion that some health professionals suggest. If you want to know how to manage stress or anxiety naturally, this method requires some simple but specific tapping to relieve symptoms.

“Repetitive finger tapping [the basis of EFT] can sometimes help to release negative emotions,” says Steve Clarke, a psychotherapist and hospital director at Priory’s Roehampton Hospital. “It’s been called a psychological version of acupuncture in that it involves making contact with a number of acupuncture points. The specific points to tap are the end-points of the major meridians – meridians are believed to be channels of subtle energy which flow through our body,” he explains.

Here’s how to try EFT, says Steve:

1. Focusing on your negative emotion (e.g. stress), tap on a ‘meridian’ point (the eyebrow, side of the eye, under eye, under nose, chin, collarbone, under the arm and top of the head) 3-7 times, repeating your negative thought in your head.
2. After each emotion, take a deep breath and exhale.
3. Continue this until you feel calmer and relieved.
4. When you feel more relieved, repeat the technique whilst you tap through a 'positive round', repeating more uplifting phrases. These can be affirmations such as ‘I am calm, I am not stressed any more.’

8. Practise mindfulness

Once regarded as a fad, mindfulness – the act of focusing the mind on the present – has more than proved its usefulness as a tool for treating mental health issues, including learning how to manage stress.

“The reason mindfulness is the NHS’ recommended ‘go to’ technique when we’re stressed out is quite simply because it works,” says Anna Richardson, an accredited cognitive hypnotherapist for Mindbox, which offers evidence-based techniques for managing stress and anxiety. "It's so effective that the University of Oxford has set up its own dedicated Mindfulness Research Centre – where they’ve discovered in controlled trials that mindfulness meditation is a cost-effective approach to preventing depression, and a powerful alternative to antidepressants,” she says.

Mindfulness, continues Anna, isn’t just about “letting things go” by ignoring how we feel. “It’s a calm state of acceptance, regardless of whatever thought or feeling we may be experiencing,” she explains. “With regular practice, mindfulness teaches us to dial down the body’s response to stress – and researchers have discovered that it can even change the structure of the brain in the regions associated with attention and emotion regulation.”

If you can find out of your busy family life to practice mindfulness, Anna suggests the raisin exercise. “The raisin exercise is a lovely five-minute introduction to mindfulness meditation. As with all mindfulness practice, be sure to sit down in a quiet space, with no distractions,” she says.

1. Take one raisin, and place it in your right hand. Be prepared to explore this simple object with all of your senses, and without judgment. Maybe you love them, perhaps you loathe them – it doesn’t matter.
2. Focus on the raisin. Scan it, explore every part of it. Turn it around with your fingers and notice what colour it is. Notice the folds and where the surface reflects light or becomes darker. Next, explore the texture of it. If any thoughts come into your mind like ‘Why am I doing this?’ or ‘I hate raisins!’ then acknowledge these then bring your awareness back to the object.
3. Bring the raisin to your nose and notice the smell. Have you ever considered before that a raisin might smell?
4. Next… bring it up to your ear, squeeze it, roll it around, and hear if there’s any sound coming from it. Whatever you notice, just accept it with curiosity. 
5. When you’re ready, slowly take the raisin to your mouth. Notice how the arm knows where to go. Perhaps you’re aware of your mouth watering. Gently place it on your tongue, without biting it. Explore the sensations of this object in your mouth.
6. Bite down intentionally. Notice the taste it releases as you slowly chew, and how this little dried fruit changes in consistency.
7. When you feel ready to swallow, consciously notice the intention to do so – before feeling all the sensations of this little object travelling down to your stomach. 
8. What did you notice about the raisin when you experienced it with all five senses? Sight, touch, sound, smell, taste? What, if anything, surprised you about doing this exercise?
9. Before you go on with your day, take a moment to congratulate yourself for taking the time to come off automatic pilot and experience mindful eating.

If you enjoyed this technique, try applying it to other daily chores like brushing your teeth, or making a cup of tea. You’ll find that by just taking five minutes out of your day to approach mundane tasks mindfully, you’ll be on the right path to reducing your stress response and being a calmer person.

9. Get in touch with nature

Being in and around nature is another increasingly valued way to manage stress. The Japanese have been forest bathing (shinrin-yoku ) for decades and now research backs it up. “Science shows we need to spend regular time in nature – ideally two hours or more every week  – to regain and maintain our physiological and psychological status quo,” says Anthea Payne, founder of Forest Bathing Isle of Wight. 

“Nature prompts hormonal and chemical changes that positively influence our health and wellbeing.  For example, levels of the stress hormone cortisol dramatically fall whilst in a natural environment,” she explains.

A plethora of scientific studies have revealed that many health conditions are positively affected by exposure to nature, including improved immunity, blood pressure, and cognitive function; regulated blood sugar levels and reduced cardiovascular disease. Even pain is positively affected, says Anthea, as well as concentration, creativity, depression, stress, anxiety and even ADHD in children she adds.

Indeed, forest bathing is so well-regarded that it’s now recommended as an activity in its own right. And it doesn’t matter how you spend time in nature ­– walking, cycling or camping all counts. “Forests can restore our balance and help us move from the ‘fight of flight’ state, one of anxiety and stress, to the ‘rest and digest’ state where we can find restoration and relaxation," confirms Ellen Devine, wellbeing projects manager at Forestry England.

If you are a city dweller who can’t get to a forest or into the countryside, a park with trees and greenery will still have an effect, and it makes for a great family day out too. Ellen says: "Put simply, nature makes us feel better." 

10. Reduce (or give up) alcohol

Many of us will reach for a glass of wine as a way of managing stress, but this isn’t necessarily what’s best for us.

“While a glass of wine can feel relaxing after a hard day, drinking too much or too frequently can make stressful feelings more intense - and will make you feel much worse in the long run, as it’s a depressant,” says Helen. “Make sure you always stick to no more than 14 units of alcohol per week; spread across three days or more, and have some alcohol free days, too.”

This advice is echoed by Ruari Fairbairns, the CEO of One Year No Beer. Not only do we reach for alcohol in times of stress, in many situations it’s the root cause of stress, he warns. For Ruari, the benefits of not drinking alcohol can be “transformational”. However, if you’re used to using booze as a crutch, this is easier said than done – though there are ways to give up alcohol.

“You can space out your drinks using non-alcoholic beverages as spacers,” advises. “It’s always a good idea to drink water in between your alcoholic beverages to slowly reduce consumption and train your brain to stay hydrated. It’s also wise to avoid your triggers – situations in which you are used to drinking, such as certain places and people. Avoiding these will prevent you from drinking when you otherwise might not. Once you try techniques to reduce consumption, you’ll be able to learn how to say ‘no’ when someone offers you a drink.”

While this might sound difficult, the rewards can include feeling much less stressed. “Reducing and then cutting out your consumption impacts multiple areas of your life and brings a sense of calm,” says Ruari. “You will also see an increase in impulse control as well as all the hugely publicised benefits of losing weight, increased productivity and better sleep,” he says.

11. Take up a hobby

If you want to know how to manage stress in an enjoyable way, try a new hobby. Not only are hobbies enjoyable, they focus the mind and distract us from our worries.

"Hobbies are incredibly mood-boosting and are a great way to support positive mental health,” says Hiba Binz, the founder of emberly – a self-development platform offering online courses. “They fuel happiness and give a sense of wellbeing because the act of taking part in something we love releases those all-important endorphins,” she explains. Not only that, they are a great opportunity to be creative and can be used as a form of self-expression, she adds.

Hobbies – whether it’s painting, gardening, playing piano or learning a language – can be a form of play, which a study in the journal Leisure Sciences has shown to reduce stress and encourage coping strategies. What’s more, they encourage us to be in the moment, which – like mindfulness – can be an incredibly helpful strategy for relieving stress. “Taking part in an activity requires concentration, which focuses the mind, keeping the participant in the moment. This has the added benefit of preventing the mind from ruminating and drifting to thoughts which may cause stress and anxiety,” says Hiba.

12. Volunteer

Volunteering is perhaps a less well-known way to manage stress, but a surprisingly effective one. According to research conducted in November 2021 by the Royal Voluntary Service, 81% of the people asked said it improved their mental health and wellbeing, while a whopping 94% said it gave them a sense of purpose.

“I’ve seen first-hand how good volunteering is for our own mental health,” says Catherine Johnstone CBE, chief executive at the Royal Voluntary Service. “We’re social creatures and staying connected to our communities can do wonders for our wellbeing. There’s nothing more rewarding than seeing the measurable difference you have made to someone’s life through volunteering. Feeling fulfilled and taking pride in what you have done are incredibly positive feelings that can improve our state of mind long after we’ve finished the volunteering task at hand,” she explains.

Understanding how to manage stress

When it comes to learning how to manage stress, it pays to remember that everyone is different and what works for one person won’t work for another. Sometimes, stress will simply diminish or go away after a challenging period such as when your child finishes their exams or when problems in a relationship are resolved.

“Everyone has their own levels of stress tolerance or emotional resilience, and this can be affected by many factors like the amount of sleep we have had, food we have eaten, if we have exercised, our relationships, work demands or family conflict,” says Debra Longsdale. What’s important, she stresses, is to understand what your own signs and triggers are. 

Preparation is also key to stress prevention, adds psychotherapist Steve. “Plan out your week or day ahead and create a checklist of things that need to be completed by priority,” he advises. “Give yourself enough time to complete each task and schedule regular breaks to avoid burnout.”

This golden nugget of wisdom is echoed by Dr Julie who recommends that you shouldn't work to exhaustion and then take a break, as this can be too little too late. Prevention is better than cure so nip stress in the bud by taking small, good quality breaks every day, she advises. By following some of these suggestions, you can learn how to control stress before it controls you.

Continue reading

CIf you've ever had a panic attack you'll know how scary it can be. If you haven't, it helps to be aware of panic attack symptoms and how manage them.

Every year in England, 1 in 4 of us will suffer from a mental health problem. Conditions can range from stress or depression, to debilitating phobias, to panic and anxiety. In fact, according to mental health charity Mind, every week 6 in 100 people are diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) and around 1 in 100 with a panic disorder.

A panic attack can be incredibly frightening. Ironically, though, it's a sign that your body is acting as it should – at first, anyway. “A panic attack happens when your body triggers the ‘fight-or-flight’ response, where you experience symptoms that are essentially trying to ‘pump up’ your body into action," explains psychological wellbeing practitioner Holly Thurston. "This is a normal response to a fearful situation. However, sometimes this response is triggered when there’s no real threat.”

There is a wide range of panic attack symptoms, some of which can be very alarming. It's not uncommon, for example, for people to believe they are having a heart attack or that they are dying. What's more, just the thought of having one can trigger one, so it can be a difficult cycle to break.

"Panic attacks can be maintained by worrying about what symptoms mean," continues Holly. "If we worry about the dangers of our symptoms this will make us feel anxious, and when we feel more anxious these symptoms appear or become stronger. We are hyperaware of these symptoms and so we think that there must be something really wrong with us. In turn, we worry more," she explains.

The good news is that if you recognise panic attack symptoms, you can avoid known triggers or – if one occurs – use tried-and-tested ways to calm down. Not only is educating yourself an act of self-care, you’ll be able to help other sufferers.

What is a panic attack?

A panic attack is an extreme response to either a real or imagined fear. Symptoms can affect us physically, mentally or emotionally.

"Panic attacks are a rush of intense psychological, behavioural and physical symptoms – an exaggeration of the body’s normal ‘fight or flight’ reaction," reiterates Dave Smithson, operations director at Anxiety UK. "This is often a sudden period of intense fear that may include palpitations, sweating, shaking, shortness of breath, numbness, or a feeling that something bad is going to happen."

Panic attacks can feel impossible to escape from, but there are ways to minimise them. They rarely last long and are not dangerous – although it can be hard to believe this when you're in the midst of one. "Panic attacks usually last between 5-20 minutes," says Mind's head of content Kerry McLeod. "Some people have one then don't ever experience another, whilst others will experience them regularly, or have several in a short space of time."

Panic attack symptoms

These are some common symptoms of a panic attack. Whether mental or physical, these symptoms can have a negative effect on our emotional wellbeing.

Physical: 

• Breathlessness and/or rapid breathing
• Chest and/or stomach pain
• Faster heart rate/palpitations
• Feeling faint or dizzy
• Feeling very hot or cold
• Ringing in the ears
• Nausea
• Numbness
• Shaking
• Sweating

Mental: 

• A feeling that something bad will happen
• Having a desperate need to escape
• Intense fear
• Losing sense of reality
• Thinking you might die
• Worrying you're having a heart attack

Panic attack symptoms vs heart attack symptoms

It's not unusual to think that the symptoms of a panic attack are, in fact, the same as having a heart attack. There are similarities, such as chest pain, rapid heartbeat and sweating, but there are also marked differences.

"One difference between a panic attack and a heart attack is that heart attacks frequently begin during physical exertion, such as walking up stairs or running," says Holly, who works for livelife, a UK social enterprise providing affordable, NHS-quality online therapy. "However, panic attacks can occur when we're resting or not doing anything."

The length of time of the attack also matters. "Panic attacks get better and are usually over within 20 minutes," she explains. "Whereas a heart attack would last longer and get worse over time."

It's also rare to faint during a panic attack, while a loss of consciousness is common with heart attacks, she adds. "And seek medical attention if you experience intense chest pain that lasts longer than a couple of minutes, or chest pain that spreads to the jaw or shoulders," she says.

If you are unsure always call 111 for urgent medical advice, or 999 for an ambulance.

How do you calm a panic attack?

In the lead-up to, or during a panic attack, you may struggle to believe that there are ways to calm yourself down. However, there are some excellent techniques for managing panic attack symptoms and for shortening an attack, as well as ways to prevent attacks.

Ways to manage a panic attack

• Breathe deeply and slowly. Breathing exercises can be a very effective way of reducing stress and anxiety. "It's good to find a breathing technique that you like, such as ‘box breathing’," says Holly. "This involves closing your eyes, breathing in through your nose and using stomach breathing (your stomach should rise instead of your chest) while counting slowly to four, holding your breath while counting slowly to four, then slowly exhaling for four seconds. Repeat these steps around three times." For more advice on how to breath to manage your emotions, read Stuart Sandeman's book Breathe In, Breathe Out (HQ, £16.99 from Waterstones).
• Stamp on the spot. As well as being a distraction, "some people find this helps control their breathing," says Kerry.
• Focus on something structured and repetitive. Counting out loud is useful. Or repeat a mantra over and over, such as 'I am okay, I am safe, I can get through this moment.'
• Imagine a peaceful setting. Picturing your happy place – a beach or meadow, for instance – or remembering a moment when you felt safe, such as hugging your mum, can boost feelings of wellbeing.
• Focus on your senses. Kerry recommends sucking a sweet or chewing gum, or cuddling something soft. You could also try aromatherapy. For instance, applying Tisserand's Total De-Stress Pulse Point Roller Ball (£6.41, Amazon) to your pulse points and inhaling the scent can reduce anxiety.
• Try not to fight it. This may seem counterintuitive, but knowing that a panic attack can't harm you and that it will be over soon can help you gain control of the situation. "Acknowledge and accept that you are having a panic attack. Remember that it will pass," says Kerry 

Ways to prevent a panic attack

• Practise mindfulness and meditation. If you are less stressed in your day-to-day life you are in a stronger position to cope with anxiety-inducing moments or situations. Mindfulness and meditation are natural ways to relieve stress that can ground you and help you face your fears. A 2020 study found that daily mindfulness training can actually make it easier for us to forget our fears. "These are a great way to remain calm and present, and not to be controlled by fears and worries," says Dave.
• Start talking. Therapy can help you recognise and manage the feelings that lead to panic, as well as help you understand any unhelpful thoughts that perpetuate your anxiety. You could try counselling, cognitive behavioural therapy or psychotherapy. Speak to your doctor for a referral or visit a mental health charity website for information. "Anxiety UK has a national team of talking therapy practitioners that offer therapies such as counselling , CBT, CFT, and clinical hypnotherapy," advises Dave.
• Keep a diary. Kerry suggests noting down difficult thoughts or feelings. "This might help get them out of your head and make them feel less overwhelming. You can then reflect on them when you feel calmer," she says.
• Avoid stimulants. Alcohol, caffeine, smoking and street drugs can all raise our heart rate and trigger a panic attack. If you're prone to panic, or are more stressed that unusual, avoid these.
• Take regular exercise. It's well-documented that exercising releases endorphins and reduces stress. One study found that regular exercise reduced anxiety by 20%. Even a daily 20 minute walk or a quick run can make a difference to mood.
• Try exposure therapy. While it's important to use techniques such as breathing to manage anxiety, in the long-term it's possible to become too reliant on these 'safety behaviours' and hide behind them, rather than treating the cause of the panic. To get to the root of the issue, Holly suggests exposure therapy. "It's helpful to expose ourselves to situations that make us feel anxious, and to remain in those situations without escaping them or using safety behaviours. Over time, the anxious feelings will naturally start to decline," she says. To do this, start small and work your way up. "For example, if you experience panic in shopping centres, then your first goal might be to go to a shopping centre at a quieter time of day, with a friend or family member for support, and stay in the situation until the anxiety subsides. Then, slowly increase your exposure," she suggests.
• Consider medication. If your feelings of panic are particularly severe, your doctor may suggest medication such as anti-depressants or betablockers. Because of the addictive nature of tranquilisers, these are increasingly only offered in extreme cases, and only for a short period.

It also helps to treat yourself kindly afterwards. “Following a panic attack, it’s important to pay attention to what your body needs," says Kerry. "For example, consider practising self-care such as finding somewhere quiet to rest, or eat or drink something."

You can also benefit from telling someone close to you what happened, what your symptoms were, and what helped, so they can support you in the event of another attack, says Kerry.

What can trigger a panic attack?

The most commonly known panic attack trigger is stress – such as a job interview or bereavement – or a threat to our wellbeing, such as experiencing a traumatic event. There are physiological reasons too, such as a lack of sleep, having a genetic predispostion, or the menopause.

Common panic attack triggers:

• Stress. This can be caused by a job interview, job loss, exams, a relationship break-up, bereavment, or moving house.
• Shock. This could be because you were in – or witnessed – an accident. Or you were the victim of a crime, experienced trauma, or received bad news.
• Menopause. Hormonal fluctuations – and in particular low oestrogen – can trigger anxiousness and panic. Indeed,  a 2020 study found that 58% of women aged 44-55 years suffered from anxiety. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) can keep anxiety at bay, as well as manage the 'embarrassing' symptoms that can trigger panic. "Women may start to panic when experiencing hot flushes in social situations, due to distressing physical sensations," says Holly.
• A lack of sleep. Research indicates that sleep therapy can benefit people who suffer from anxiety or panic attacks.
• A genetic predisposition to anxiety disorders. There can be a biological cause for people's anxiety, which may be treated with medication and/or therapy.
• Sometimes there is no obvious trigger or reason for a panic attack. If this is the case, managing symptoms is the best course of action.

Panic attack vs anxiety attack

Panic attack vs anxiety attack are two interchangeable terms. Often, people will use them to mean the same thing, although some health practictioners believe that there are differences.

"Panic attacks and anxiety attacks share similarities, but they are two different things," says Holly. "The main difference is that an anxiety attack is triggered by a current stressor or event, such as an exam or presentation, whereas panic attacks can be unpredictable and often appear to come out of the blue with the particular stressor unknown," she explains.

"Whereas anxiety is an emotion often described as a general sense of dread or fear, a panic attack is usually characterised as an episode of sharp, intense anxiety where extreme physiological and psychological symptoms are experienced," adds Dave. "It's also often described as a sudden rush or spike of intense anxiety."

When to see a doctor about panic attack symptoms

Sometimes, a panic attack is an isolated incident, but as panic attack symptoms can be frightening seeing a doctor can be very reassuring. A health professional can check that you don't have any underlying health conditions, then offer advice and support on how to manage any future panic attacks.

"In general, if you're having frequent panic attacks then it's important to see your doctor," says Holly. You may have a panic disorder, which requires treatment. "You should especially contact your doctor when your panic starts to interfere with your daily life," she says. "For example, if you change your behaviour to try to prevent a panic attack. Examples include not going out alone or taking time to plan your escape route. Or, if you start to avoid certain situations due to worrying about having a panic attack there."

A doctor or therapist is usually your best option, but some people feel uncomfortable talking about their mental health. If this sounds like you, Mind's article on seeking help for a mental health problem is really useful. You can also contact Anxiety UK or call their helpline (03444 775 774) for advice.

For more advice, visit:

• Mind's useful contacts for anxiety and panic
• Mental Health Org
• Anxiety Care UK

It's not unusual, in our busy lives, to have stressful days. But what happens when those days occur too regularly and we become overwhelmed? Know the signs of stress and you can find ways to manage uncomfortable symptoms and relieve the strain.

It's normal and healthy to have some level of stress in our lives. Stress, to some extent, keeps us going and can actually be good for us. But modern life can generate too much of it and that's when we come unstuck. The result can be myriad symptoms – from stomach pain to insomnia.

Chief De-Stressing Officer of The Stress Management Society Neil Shah is keen to debunk a common myth – that we should live our lives completely stress-free. He told us, "Stress is a nearly universal human experience. We all, at some point in our lifetime, have experienced it. Without the stress response, humankind wouldn’t have survived to experience the 21st century. Our cavemen ancestors used the onset ‘fight or flight’ stress response to equip them to deal with threats and danger," he says.

A little stress gives us the get up and go to achieve short- and long-term goals. Moreover, it can protect us. Neil explains why: "In the modern world, this ‘fight or flight’ mode can still help us survive dangerous situations, such as reacting swiftly to a person running in front of our car by slamming on the brakes."

The challenge, Neil explains, is when we're stressed in inappropriate situations. "When blood flow is going only to the most important muscles needed to fight or flee, brain function is minimised," he says. "This can lead to an inability to ‘think straight’; a state that is a great hindrance in both our work and home lives. If we are in a state of stress for long periods, it can be detrimental to our health."

What is stress?

Much like the signs of anxiety, and signs of depression, stress is a physical response to challenging situations that can also cause psychological problems. When we are stressed, our body releases a variety of chemicals and hormones such as adrenaline, cortisol and norepinephrine to provide us with energy and alertness. We suffer if this energy isn't channelled correctly.

Everyone handles stress differently and one person's tipping point won't be another's. Our ability to handle stress depends on personality, life experience, genes and our current circumstances. What stress isn't is just pressure, however. Sir Cary Cooper, a Professor of Organisational Psychology & Health at the University of Manchester and a clinical advisor to Anxiety UK, the UK’s leading user-led anxiety charity, explains why they're not the same thing. "There is a difference between pressure and stress," he says. "Pressure can be stimulating and positive. But when pressure exceeds an individual’s ability to cope then you are suffering from stress."

In a nutshell, stress is when you have too many demands put upon you that you're reasonably able to manage or have the resources for.

Signs of stress can be both physical and behavioural. "Behavioural symptoms are associated with changes of behaviour," says Professor Cooper. "While physical symptoms can take many forms: difficulty sleeping, feeling anxious most of the time; gastrointestinal problems, palpitations and headaches, etc," he continues.

11 signs of stress

1. Changes in behaviour

One of the first psychological signs of stress is changes in our personality. If you find yourself or someone close to you behaving differently, it could be in response to overly demanding situations.

For example, says Professor Cooper, extrovert people become withdrawn; when usually humorous they lose the sense of humour; when normally friendly they become aggressive. "The change of behaviour over a period of time is an indication that the individual has moved from the pressure zone to the stress zone," he explains.

Prolonged stress can have a negative effect on our mental health. Research shows that it can alter the 'pleasure chemical' dopamine in our brains, explains Dr Rhianna McClymont, Lead GP at digital healthcare provider, Livi. "This is one of the reasons long-term stress makes us more vulnerable to mental illness," she says.

How to ease it: If you find you're snapping at loved ones or feeling unusually grumpy, try calming your mind. 'Breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques and meditation have become popular stress management strategies over the last few years, and they’re supported by good clinical evidence," says Dr McClymont. One study, for example, found that focusing on the present moment – an aspect of mindfulness – can help people adapt and cope with stressful moments. The Headspace app (from £14.17 a month) is an excellent resource at your fingertips that offers guided meditations and mindfulness techniques. According to a study published in PLOS ONE, practising mindfulness meditation for 10 days, using the Headspace app, reduced stress by 14%.

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CXvXnh1l6zz/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

2. Anxiety

One of the most common signs of stress is anxiety. This can lead to physical symptoms – such as heart palpitations and a racing heart – as well as feelings of worry, fear and agitation.

How to ease it: Anxiety, depression and stress often come hand in hand. "It may be that counselling would help a person to manage stress more easily," says Geri Burnikell, a spokesperson for SupportLine – a telephone helpline that provides confidential emotional support to those who are isolated or at risk (call 01708 765200 for advice).

Geri continues: "Counselling will help you look at ways of eliminating unnecessary stress, ways of learning positive healthy ways of coping with stress, and the importance of not letting stress build up to a point where it becomes overwhelming." The mental health charity Mind has some useful info on how to find a therapist.

It's also important to stay in touch with close friends and family. Stress can make us irritable and withdrawn at a time when we most need extra support. "Even when you don’t feel like it, trying to maintain your social life is important," says Dr McClymont. "It might even help to talk to friends and family about what’s going on in your life, but if you’re not comfortable with that just socialising with them can help you feel more positive."

3. Stomach problems

An upset stomach, poor digestion and IBS can all be attributed to stress. This has become especially prevalent in recent years as experts learn more about the Microbiome Gut Brain Axis (MGBA). This is the symbiotic relationship between our gut health and our brain and, therefore, our mental health. For instance, stress can have a negative effect on the bacteria on our gut, increasing the risk of leaky gut, which can result in inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).

How to ease it: There's increasing evidence that live bacteria known as probiotics – when taken either in supplement form or by eating certain foods – can ease stomach issues and relieve signs of stress. Studies show that, in some cases, probiotics influence certain neurotransmitters, as well as cortisol (the 'stress hormone') and serotonin (the 'feel-good hormone'), which may ease mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. Research is proving so promising that probiotics have been dubbed 'psychobiotics' due to their benefit on both the gut and brain.

You don't need to have stomach problems to benefit from probiotics. Try Bio-Kult Brighten (£14.95 for a 60 day supply | Amazon), which contains 14 live bacteria strains as well as calming B vitamins, magnesium and zinc. Alternatively, give Symprove a go. While it's a more expensive option (£79 for a four week supply | Amazon) it's highly rated and it comes as a liquid – a better option for those who don't like taking tablets. Eat more probiotics, too – so include more kimchi, miso, sauerkraut and yogurt in your diet.

4. High blood pressure

One of the potentially more concerning signs of stress is high blood pressure. Known as the 'silent killer', high blood pressure (or hypertension) can lead to a host of problems. Untreated, it can increase the risk of aneurysm, dementia, heart attack, kidney failure or stroke.

While it's debatable whether stress causes long-term high blood pressure (our blood pressure should go back to normal after a stressful events, says the British Heart Foundation), what chronic stress may lead to is an unhealthy lifestyle – such as smoking, drinking and eating junk food – which can raise blood pressure.

How to ease it: If you're stressed it's advisable to get your blood pressure tested by your GP. You can also buy a home blood pressure monitor, though it's always wise to get expert advice from a health professional. If your readings are frequently high look at ways to reduce your blood pressure. Regular exercise, cutting down – or better still – quitting alcohol, caffeine, salt and smoking, and losing weight can lower blood pressure. Meditation, mindfulness and breathing exercises are also very beneficial.

5. Forgetfulness and disorganisation

What makes you more stressed when you're already stressed? Losing your car keys? Forgetting a friend's birthday? These moments are common signs of stress and, again, we have cortisol to blame.

Cortisol can interfere with the formation and recollection of memories, especially during sleep when our brains consolidate memories, according to research. So, when we are regularly stressed, this impacts on our ability to remember things, including learning and the ability to do our job effectively. Indeed, being forgetful and disorganised are also indicative of burnout. This – like stress – is when we are overloaded to the point of exhaustion.

How to ease it: If you are trying to do too many things at once, the chances are that if you manage to achieve them all, they won't have had the same level of your focus as if you'd concentrated on one task at a time. In fact, research shows that multitasking negatively affects our performance and possibly even our IQ! Slow down and see where you can simplify your life. At the very least, avoid obsessively scrolling through your phone. Neil suggests spending less time on your devices. With the time you gain, aim to plan your day on paper instead, read a book, write in a journal or meditate. Even 10 minutes twice a day can make a big difference.

6. Increase in blood sugar

When we're constantly dealing with life's demands, the body adapts in numerous ways. One organ that responds is the liver, which releases extra glucose to help us manage stress. However, if our stress is chronic, this regular boost of glucose can affect blood sugar levels. "Long-term, this constant release increases our risk of developing type 2 diabetes," explains Dr McClymont. "And it can make it hard for us to maintain a healthy weight."

Although stress doesn't cause diabetes, it can worsen a pre-existing condition and may contribute to the development of type 2 diabetes. According to researchers at Diabetes UK 'high levels of stress hormones might stop insulin-producing cells in the pancreas from working properly and reduce the amount of insulin they make.'

How to ease it: Symptoms of high blood sugar include feeling thirsty and needing to wee more often, tiredness and blurred vision. Your doctor can test to see if you're prediabetic or diabetic. In the meantime, give your liver a break. Avoid alcohol (which is, in itself, a stimulant that may provide temporary relief but isn't good for stress), refined and sugary foods.

"One of the best things we can do for our physical and mental health is to eat a healthy diet," says Dr McClymont. "This means lots of fruit and vegetables, wholegrains, and lean proteins." Following a Mediterranean diet is recommended.

7. Difficulty sleeping

A lack of sleep and stress are inexorably linked. One can create the other and vice versa, leading to a vicious cycle where the more stressed you are at not being able to sleep the less you sleep – and the more stressed you become. Sound familiar?

"Getting enough sleep and sticking to regular hours can make a huge difference to how well we cope with everyday stress," says Dr McClymont. While that's easier said than done (according to one report more than 4 in 10 adults said poor sleep in the past month made them feel more stressed and overwhelmed) there are ways to make sleeping a more tempting and less anxiety-inducing prospect.

How to ease it: Make a concerted effort to improve your sleep hygiene. There are a number of changes you can make. If possible, try to get some exercise and fresh air during the day, change your mattress or bedding if they're uncomfortable and take a warm bath with magnesium flakes before bed (we like BetterYou's Magnesium Sleep Mineral Bath Flakes, £9.95 | Superdrug) as this will help your muscles relax. Try to sleep in a well-ventilated room – according to The Sleep Charity the optimum temperature for a good night's sleep is a relatively cool 16-18°C (60-65°F).

"Remember that stimulants like late-night screen time, alcohol, big meals and nicotine can stop us getting to sleep," adds Dr McClymont. "Caffeine can affect us six hours after drinking it, so cut out the coffee early in the afternoon," she advises.

You could also buy a CBD supplement. According to one questionnaire of 5,000 adults, 1 in 7 consumers who buy CBD use it to relieve anxiety and stress. "CBD has been shown to interact with several receptors which regulate fear and anxiety-related behaviours, including serotonin receptors," says Dr Leon Barron, a GP and tutor at UCL Medical School. “There has been a lot of research into the use of CBD for anxiety, and good evidence of benefits."

If you're unsure about trying CBD you could sample a soothing tea – Aldi's Diplomat Night Time Infusion is getting rave reviews and costs a mere 69p for 20 teabags. Or, if you prefer, opt for Dozy Bears Gummies (£16.99 | AMAZON). Containing a blend of botanicals and vitamins as well as 5-HTP and tryptophan, this supplement can help relax you and aid sleep. However, always check with a health professional before taking supplements. For example, if you're on certain antidepressants it's better to avoid 5-HTP.

8. Headaches or migraines

Different types of headaches, as well as migraines, are all symptomatic of a stressed body and mind. Stress is a very common trigger for headaches. Poor posture and tension – which being anxious and wound-up causes – are also triggers.

"The release of stress hormones [such as cortisol] can cause changes in the blood vessels around the brain, causing tension headaches and migraines," says Dr McClymont. For example, one study found a link between 'stress let-down' – the day after a stressful day – and an increase in migraine attacks, leading the researchers to surmise that regular stress management is key to the prevention of headaches, rather than allowing the stress to build then be released.

How to ease it: Regular exercise is a brilliant way of preventing cumulative stress. Scientists believe that although exercise initially raises the body's stress response, activity then seems to lower stress hormones, resulting in reduced stress levels overall. The key is frequency – exercising most days will help to keep stress levels under control. Aim for a daily walk or cycle, or a relaxing yoga class. Signing up to Gympass is a good incentive – from £7.99 a month you can get access to gyms, studios and wellbeing apps.

"Exercise is particularly good for stress relief," says Dr McClymont. "Even a little bit of time outdoors can energise us. And it can help us maintain a good sleep pattern and improve our mental and physical health."

9. Frequent colds and infections

One of the most common signs of stress is getting run-down and frequently sick. Numerous studies link stress to a reduced immune system, slow wound healing, an altered immune response to vaccinations and even cancer.

"Stress initially inhibits the immune system," says Dr McClymont. "The chemicals our body releases to deal with immediate threats aren’t designed to keep us healthy long-term. People affected by chronic stress can find their immune system affected, making them susceptible to colds, flu and other infections."

How to ease it: Take up a mind-body therapy such as yoga, Tai-Chi or meditation. Meta-analysis of 34 studies found that these therapies can have a positive effect on the immune system and an individual's antibody response to vaccines. Listening to music can also be very calming. Search for 'music for stress' on YouTube for an array of playlists to lower your heart rate and help calm your mind.

1o. Skin issues

Just to add to your woes, stress can also cause breakouts and aggravate skin conditions, such as eczema and psoriasis. This is partly because stress affects our immune system and increases inflammation in the body. This then has an effect on our skin health. Hives and an itchy scalp are also signs of stress.

You skin may also suffer because your diet changes. You may eat more sugary or refined 'comfort' foods. Or drink more alcohol and caffeine and sleep less – actions which can contribute to problem skin.

How to ease it: Take care of your skin during stressful times by taking care of yourself. Eat and sleep well to the best of your ability and find ways to relax. Stress causes us to let our self-care routines go. If this rings true, set reminders to take off your make-up and moisturise after showering. An omega-3 fish oil supplement can give your skin a much-needed boost.

For people suffering from psoriasis, one pilot study found that psoriasis sufferers who underwent CBT with mindfulness showed a significant improvement in the severity of their skin condition.

11. Hormonal imbalances

Chronic stress not only contributes to low libido, but it's also bad news if you're trying to conceive. While the jury is still out as to whether stress causes fertility or whether it's infertility that contributes to stress, studies indicate that a decrease in anxiety and depression in women suffering from infertility may lead to higher pregnancy rates.

"Long-term stress can impact hormonal balance and reproductive cycles. Especially for women it can disrupt periods and make us more affected by the mood and emotional changes," explains Dr McClymont. "Stress and related conditions can also affect sex drive and even fertility."

How to ease it: If you're suffering from any suspected hormonal imbalances such as PMT, a low sex drive, difficulty getting pregnant, or perimenopausal symptoms, see your GP. They will be able to refer you for further tests.

You can also help yourself by winding down as much as possible. Follow the advice in the previous points, such as eating well and exercising, therapy, breathing exercises and so on. Acupuncture is also a possible treatment for stress-related infertility. One study of IVF patients found that an acupuncture regimen achieved pregnancy 64.7% of the time, whereas those without acupuncture achieved pregnancy 42.5% of the time. The report states that acupuncture was associated with less stress both before and after embryo transfer. Plus, it possibly improved pregnancy rates.

When to seek medical advice

If these signs of stress seem familiar, see your doctor. First and foremost, you'll need to look at the underlying causes of your symptoms. Next, if you get a clean bill of health, you'll need to deal with the stress that's causing your symptoms.

If any of these signs of stress are persistent you should see your GP, advises Professor Cooper. "Find out if symptoms are a physical illness. Do they have an organic basis or are they associated with stress, anxiety or depression," he advises.

"Remember, it’s always OK to ask for help," adds Dr McClymon. "Stress and related conditions are incredibly common, and there’s a lot of experienced professional advice available. If you are struggling to reduce your stress and any stress-related symptoms through self-coping techniques and lifestyle changes, [such as the ones recommended here] getting support from a GP can be the first step."

Self-care is the order of the day. Exercise, massage, yoga, mindfulness, a healthy diet and enough water may sound like wellness tropes you hear over and over but they really do help relieve stress and anxiety. You can also find further help at The Stress Management Society and Anxiety UK or get self-care reminders and chart your progress using an app such as Thrive or Calm.

We all have days when we're fed up. Perhaps we are tired or hungover or have a dose of the winter blues – all of which can lead to a low mood. But when a 'down' day becomes a 'down' week that turns into a 'down' month it's worth knowing what the signs of depression are.

"Depression is a common mental disorder and is quite different from just feeling sad or unhappy," says Richard Colwill, a spokesperson for the mental health charity SANE. "Common mental disorders cause significant emotional distress and interfere with a person’s ability to function."

Cases of depression are on the rise. According to the National Office of Statistics (ONS), levels are higher than before the pandemic. About 1 in 6 (17%) adults experienced some form of depression in summer 2021 as opposed to 1 in 10 before coronavirus took hold. While this upsurge is, to some extent, pandemic-related, there are certain age groups that seem more vulnerable. "In recent years, there's been an increase among men and women in later middle age, as well as among young women," says Richard. For example, between 21 July-15 August 2021, around 1 in 3 (32%) women aged 16-29 years suffered from moderate to severe depressive symptoms, according to the ONS.

While these are concerning statistics, as well as it being a particularly challenging time – which makes increased rates an inevitability – we are becoming better educated about our mental health. Therefore, more cases are reported. However, many of us are still unsure as to what actually constitutes the condition or feel afraid to admit to it. By reading up and understanding the signs of depression you can help yourself or others who are struggling.

What is depression?

The signs of depression can differ depending on who is feeling them, but the key symptoms are feelings of hopelessness and unhappiness that persist for more than a few weeks. "If you experience mild depression, you might find that you get less enjoyment from the things you previously enjoyed," says Rosie Weatherley, on behalf of mental health charity Mind. "You might feel like you want to withdraw from loved ones, have trouble eating, sleeping and exercising, or, conversely, do these things more than you normally would," she explains.

Many people manage depression by self-care. This means eating and sleeping well, exercising, taking time to relax, and talking to friends and family or having therapy. Moderate to severe depression can also benefit from these actions, but sufferers may also need more intense therapy or medication.

"If you’re experiencing severe depression, you might be thinking about or doing things to harm yourself. Or you may struggle with suicidal thoughts," says Rosie. "You might also experience hallucinations – seeing or hearing things that others can’t – or delusions when you experience an altered state of reality."

There are a number of reasons why we might become depressed, and no one is immune. These can range from having a genetic predisposition – people with a family history of depression are more likely to experience it – to life-changing events, such as the death of a loved one. Even positive events such as having a baby can trigger postnatal depression in women, as well as male postnatal depression.

“The causes of depression vary from person to person, but we know that there is a link between worsening mental health and major life events, such as bereavement and redundancy," says Rosie. This applies even for those who have never struggled with their mental health before. "Problems with things like housing, finances and benefits are also linked to poor mental health."

11 signs of depression

Signs of depression can be multiple and – at times – surprising. What's more, if you have depression your symptoms can differ from someone else with the same condition. They can be both psychological and physical and vary between individuals, explains Michelle Morgan, an ambassador for Mental Health First Aid England and author of Own Your Awkward (Amazon | £10). Her book charts her experiences of depression that will resonate with many. "Yet what I experienced could be very different compared to someone else," she says.

Michelle struggled with low mood, feelings of hopelessness and tearfulness, guilt and irritability. She had little motivation and stopped enjoying activities that were normally enjoyable. She also found it difficult to make decisions and suffered from a lack of energy and disturbed sleep. "I can remember experiencing all of these at some point in my depression, but it took me far too long to talk about how I was feeling, and then even longer to ask for support," she says.

Our checklist, below, details some of the more common signs of depression. Have a read and if you suspect your lingering low mood is concerning take this NHS self-assessment test for depression. You can also watch this video, courtesy of Mind, where sufferers talk about their experiences.

https://youtu.be/m82jEQXRurg

1. Low mood that lasts longer than two weeks

If you feel low, desperate or hopeless for more than a fortnight, you may be depressed. These feelings can occur because of an event in your life – anything from a big life change to trauma or illness – or appear out of the blue for no apparent reason. For women, their menstrual cycle may play a part – there is a link between women who get PMT or suffer from PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder) and depression.

How to ease it: If you notice changes to your thoughts, feelings and behaviours that are affecting your daily life, last longer than two weeks, or keep returning – talk to someone you trust, ideally your GP. Rosie Weatherley, on behalf of mental health charity Mind, told us, "A health professional can carry out an assessment to help decide whether your symptoms of depression are mild, moderate, or severe. This will be based on the type, severity, length, and frequency of the reported symptoms, and the extent to which they affect your day-to-day life."

2. Loss of pleasure

If you find that doing the things you once loved – such as hobbies or spending time with friends, children or pets – no longer make you happy, you could be experiencing a loss of pleasure. Known medically as anhedonia (the inability to feel pleasure), it's one of the telltale signs of depression. It's also found in people suffering from chronic illness or substance abuse.

"We can feel disconnected from interests we enjoy, like sex, sports or games when struggling with depression. This is because our hormones are unbalanced," says Grace McMahon, a life coach at BeingWell, which provides expertise on how to live well. "We don’t get those dopamine reward hits or serotonin boosts like we usually would. So we don’t find that joy we once did in finishing a painting or jigsaw, in exercising or pleasure."

How to ease it: Although anhedonia can cause social withdrawal, Grace's recommendation is to reach out sooner rather than later. "Let someone you trust know how you’re feeling," she says. "Perhaps they’ll help with errands or encourage you when you can’t encourage yourself."

3. Lethargy

Lethargy means a lack of energy and enthusiasm in daily life. Although it can just feel like tiredness at first, lethargy is more akin to that 'meh' feeling you get when you can't be bothered with anything, or you don't feel like waking up in the morning, socialising or exercising. Even people with mild depression may find it harder to care for themselves, their pets or their families.

These are the three core symptoms we associate with depression: low mood, a loss of pleasure in things you normally enjoy, and a lack of energy or motivation, says Richard. He adds: "Depression can rob you of your ability to engage in the world around you. Even simple tasks can feel next to impossible if you become very unwell."

How to ease it: Again, if this feeling doesn't go away, your best course of action is to speak to a professional. "If these symptoms are persistent, and last for more than two weeks, consult your GP," he advises.

4. Feeling numb

Also known as emotional blunting, feeling numb can be another of those signs of depression. You may have difficulty accessing your emotions and feel out of touch with your feelings. "Depression zaps our joy, it causes us to think and feel very negatively," says Grace McMahon, a life coach at BeingWell. "Many report feeling ‘numb’ when depressed. There are no feelings towards anything, which further zaps our motivation to change it," she explains.

It's not unusual to self-medicate when you're depressed as stimulants can offer relief or escape. But this is only temporary. "It can be tempting to turn to alcohol or other drugs to help cope with symptoms, but you should avoid these as it can make things worse," says Richard Colwill, a spokesperson for the mental health charity SANE. In fact, according to the Royal College of Psychiatrists 'self-harm and suicide are much more common in people with alcohol problems'.

How to ease it: While it may not work for everyone, taking time out to try and 'reignite' our joy and to do things that make us feel happy or safe can be very useful. "This can be tricky when we really don’t feel like anything is joyful," says Grace. "So start small and start familiar, then it doesn’t seem too daunting."

Grace suggests taking five minutes out of your day to do something nice. Build on this time until you've had an hour of joyful activity. This could be a walk in nature, having a massage, spending time with a pet or friend, going for a swim, doing crafts or writing in a journal.

5. Loss of appetite or overeating

When we are depressed our basic functions, such as eating and sleeping, are affected. Some people – especially those whose depression is accompanied by feelings of anxiety – may find their stomach is too churned up to eat and could lose weight. Others may 'eat their feelings' and self-soothe by overeating.

"Appetite can be a problem for some people with depression, who find it difficult to eat. Although, conversely, for others overeating can be a problem," says Richard.

How to ease it: To counteract this, Richard suggests sticking to a routine. "One strategy to tackle this would be to focus on eating at regular mealtimes – especially breakfast – and avoid snacking," he suggests.

Limit or stop drinking alcohol, caffeine and sugar as these are stimulants that may cause fluctuations in mood. And swap junk and refined foods for nourishing meals (the Mediterranean diet is a good option) that contain lean protein like chicken and fish, and wholegrains that provide a steady source of energy.

6. Trouble sleeping

Studies show that stress and anxiety impacts our sleep. And so can depression. In fact, the link is so strong that research undertaken by members of the Psychopharmacology Unit at the University of Bristol found that around three-quarters of depressed patients showed symptoms of insomnia, while hypersomnia (daytime sleepiness) was apparent in 40% of young depressed adults, especially women.

A lack of sleep is also one of the proven risk factors of suicide in people with major depressive disorder (MDD), so getting enough sleep or, at the very least, rest is integral.

"Problems with sleeping are common," says Richard Colwill, a spokesperson for the mental health charity SANE. "Many find it hard to sleep, while others sleep too much and struggle to get out of bed in the morning," he says.

How to ease it: While it may feel like the last thing a depressed person feels like doing, exercise - such as running - can help lift the mood by stimulating endorphins (feel-good hormones). "Regular exercise helps regulate sleep, though it needs to be tailored to what you feel capable of doing. Walking each day (especially if you have access to a park or countryside) is a helpful start," says Richard.

It's preferable to exercise outside for numerous reasons. Although more research is needed, there's a link between depressive symptoms and vitamin D deficiency. Getting plenty of sunshine is one of the best ways to get your fill of this vitamin. Being surrounded by nature also improves mood and wellbeing. Visit the Mind website to learn about ecotherapy and how it can help you.

Another option is a natural supplement to help you sleep. We love Healthspan's Night Time CBD Oil Drops (Healthspan | £17.20). As well as CBD it contains natural extracts of chamomile, hops, lavender and lemon balm to help you relax and fall asleep. However, if you are on any medication, check with your GP before taking this product.

7. Anger or irritability

Some of the less well-known signs of depression are anger and irritability. Depression is associated with lethargic, passive behaviour and feeling the need to hide from the world. But it's not unusual to feel angry when depressed. This anger is brought on by feelings of guilt, desperation or fear. Or it can have a biological basis – i.e. fluctuations in certain brain chemicals. Whatever the cause, it can be very disturbing to witness someone fly off the handle. And suppressed anger can lead to self-harming.

"Signs of depression include angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over the small things," says Grace McMahon, a life coach. "Our emotional regulation is not able to function as usual. We all have the logical brain and the emotional brain. When we’re depressed the emotional brain takes over and our thought processes lose logic. Spilt milk? Logical brain would get us to wipe it up and move on. Emotional brain gets frustrated. This can ruin most of the day," she explains.

How to ease it: Anger can be hard to manage and it may take time to find ways to calm down. Avoid drugs and alcohol, which can affect mood and make people more short-tempered, especially on a hangover or comedown. And be kind to yourself. "We often try to push negative feelings out the way to feel better, but they usually just come back stronger and longer," says Grace. "Allow yourself these feelings and be compassionate."

You could also try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). This type of therapy challenges learned behaviours and provides tools to enable you to manage certain emotions. For example, in this case study a young man showed a significant decrease in anger as well as depression after undergoing CBT. The online CBT register is a resource that can help you find a CBT practitioner.

8. Brain fog

Brain fog can occur during a depressive episode, in pregnancy or the lead-up to menopause, or be a symptom of Long Covid or another chronic illness. It's a form of cognitive dysfunction that affects our memory, attention span, and our ability to think clearly and learn and retain information. Prioritising tasks and making decisions may also become more difficult. If you're not aware that brain fog is one of the signs of depression it can be a worrying symptom. Some people even believe they're developing dementia, hence its alternative name: pseudodementia.

"Depression clouds our executive functioning – that’s our thinking processes, like memory, learning, and attention," says life coach Grace McMahon. "Which is why it can interfere with our daily lives and make it difficult to maintain a routine."

How to ease it: While it's an alarming symptom, brain fog is manageable. "Get some rest, whether it’s physical rest by sleeping, or mental rest by watching a funny series, having a bath or going for a gentle walk," advises Grace. "Depression is emotionally draining, so we need to rest to recover and help our brains reset. Sometimes physical rest can be hard to come by when feeling depressed, so mental rest or relaxation can help here."

Certain supplements can help to lift brain fog. Omega-3 fish oil is excellent for brain health in general and has been linked to relieving depressive symptoms in people with major depressive order, especially those taking antidepressants. Try Aavalabs High Strength Omega-3 (Amazon | £17.99).

There is also promising research indicating that magnesium can ease depressive symptoms. Try Nutri Advanced Magnesium Glycinate (Nutriadvanced | £20.80).

9. Feeling of worthlessness and guilt

Depression is still a misunderstood condition. For those who have never experienced it, it can be hard to fathom how all-consuming it can be. If people show a lack of sympathy – usually out of ignorance rather than malice – depressed people can feel even more worthless and guilty for not enjoying life. Alternatively, sufferers often beat themselves up for feeling low when others seem to have worse lives. Or they may feel guilty because they struggle to enjoy their children or support their spouse or friends.

How to ease it: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or counselling can help you work through these negative feelings. It doesn't matter if your illness isn't 'physical' as such. Remember that you are unwell and deserve to get better as much as anyone else.

"There are no quick fixes for depression, but small changes and steps to feel a bit better each day will help us get back to our usual selves," says Grace. "Even then we’ll have good and bad days, so don’t be too hard on yourself."

10. Sexual dysfunction

A low libido (sex drive) - and wondering why you've gone off sex -  can also be signs of depression that many will experience. According to research published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry around 40% of women with a sexual disorder such as a lack of desire, or an inability to become aroused or to reach orgasm experience concurrent depression.

How to ease it: As well as not feeling 'in the mood' many depressed people will withdraw from intimate contact. But if you can manage it, you may find that sex or masturbation is helpful. This is because these acts release the mood-boosting chemicals dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin that relieve stress, improve mood and aid sleep. If you can't face sex and you have a loving partner, cuddling or holding hands can release oxytocin. This 'love hormone' can ease anxiety and help you feel closer to another person.

Somewhat ironically, antidepressants and certain other medications can also affect libido or cause sexual dysfunction. If you think this may be the case, talk to your doctor.

11. Suicidal ideation or attempts

In extreme cases, someone with depression may fantasise about ending it all, or may attempt to commit suicide. It's immaterial if this is a cry for help. If someone is considering suicide they will need immediate help and support. "When depression consumes us, we can feel there is no other way out," says Grace McMahon. "Or that we don’t want to be here with those thoughts anymore. We feel worthless about ourselves which can lead to guilt, suicidal thoughts or attempts."

How to ease it: If you, or someone you know, is at this stage it's essential they get help. "It’s so important to seek professional help for depression to prevent getting to this point and help us come back from it if we’re already there," says Grace. "Speak to your GP about options. It can be scary, but they’ve heard it before and can offer different treatment approaches to help you."

Contact your GP to request an urgent appointment. Closed surgeries usually provide details of an out-of-hours doctor. Alternatively, call a friend or loved one, go to A&E, or call a helpline such as the Samaritans on 116 123 or the National Suicide Prevention Helpline on 0800 689 5652.

When to seek medical advice

If you are persistently depressed, low or tearful these are signs of depression, so talk to someone. While friends and family can be brilliantly supportive, a professional can provide more practical help rather than a shoulder to cry on. GPs are well-versed in treating depressed patients. They will offer advice and recommend lifestyle changes, therapy or medication depending on the severity of your symptoms. However, if you don't feel you are getting the help you need from your GP you are perfectly entitled to change doctors.

Unfortunately, waiting lists for therapy or counselling through the NHS can be long. If this turns out to be the case for you, find a private therapist. Many offer a sliding scale of payment, depending on what you can afford. You can meet someone in person, or have virtual sessions (this has become an increasingly popular option since lockdown). Take a look at the Counselling Directory to find a counsellor or therapist nearby. Again, if you don't 'gel' with your therapist don't feel you have to stick with them.

Treating depression sooner rather than later can make life easier. "This is especially important as evidence suggests that the earlier you begin treatment, the better the outcome is likely to be, as depression can become entrenched over time," says Richard Colwill, a spokesperson for the mental health charity SANE.

You may find that people will say something did or didn't work for them. While it's helpful to hear other people's experiences, try not to compare your experience to theirs. "There’s no one ‘cure’ or treatment for poor mental health. You must have some patience and perseverance to find what works for you – we are all different," says Michelle. "Stick with it though, as there really are so many different and effective ways to support your mental health."

Michelle designed her own personal support. Called The M-Plan (Move, Meditate, Make, Meet, Meaning and Mindset) it gives prompts to check in with what she needs daily to support her mental health. "It’s flexible and I use it to give myself space and permission to consider what would feel beneficial to me," she explains. "I also take medication and have therapy when I need some extra support. I’m not ashamed of any of the supports I use to look after my mental health; in fact, I have more moments of joy in my life than ever before," she says.

"Everyone with a mental health problem deserves to be able to access the help that they need," says Rosie Weatherley, on behalf of mental health charity Mind. "No matter what kind of depression you have, treatments are available."

For more advice read SANE's factsheet on depression or visit the MIND website.

Breathing exercises for anxiety can go some way to help both adults and children create calm in any situation. 

It's just one of the many natural anxiety remedies out there, but it doesn't require any input from anything or anyone else. These exercises can help on the spot to calm nervousness and help sufferers focus on what's going on without that restless and tense feeling.

Anxiety and feeling overwhelmed can present itself as rapid breathing, tightness in the chest, shaking and nausea. Restlessness and feelings of danger, panic and dread are also common, as is insomnia, problems falling asleep and unpleasant, vivid dreams.

"It doesn’t matter who you are, you will sample anxiety at some point in your life," says anxiety expert, Karl Rollison. "The cause could be an intense, negative situation like the sudden death of a loved one, or it could be a combination of negatives happening in succession like job loss, relationship issues and financial woes."

Research has also shown that anxiety has many causes. "These include over-activity of the brain which leads to a chemical imbalance and this could result in anxiety," says registered psychologist Dr Juliet Anton. "Another cause is a family history which could increase the chances of us experiencing anxiety ourselves." The third cause of anxiety is when individuals have a history of stressful and/or traumatic experiences in the past which leads them to feel anxious about what could happen in the future.

Naturally, breathing exercises for anxiety are not going to be the go-to method of treating the condition if you have a generalised anxiety disorder. If you find that anxiety is a frequent and debilitating feature of your life, it's best to make an appointment with your GP who will be able to give more information.

Here, our experts explain what anxiety actually is, what causes it and provide easy-to-follow breathing exercises for anxiety that both you and your kids can try at home.

10 of the best breathing exercises for anxiety to try

1. Abdomen breathing 

How to practice abdomen breathing exercises for anxiety at home:

1. 'Sit down and get comfy, don’t do this standing up,' says Karl.
2. 'Place each hand either side of the bottom of the ribs, as you breathe in imagine you are breathing in through your hands as well as your mouth.' Notice how much deeper you can breathe.
3. 'Now, breathe in for the count of 4. Really fill the lungs,' says Karl. 'When you have filled them as much as possible take another breath in, if you do this right you should suddenly be very aware of your stomach.'
4. Pause. 'Then breathe out for the count of 12. Really empty the lungs. You should be bent forward. Now breathe out a bit more,' says Karl.
5. Pause then breathe in again. 'Keep repeating: breathe in quick and deep, pause, breathe out long and slow, pause,' says Karl. 'As you do this you will suddenly feel a positive shift. Stop if you get dizzy.'

2. Breathe focus 

When deep breathing is focused and slow, it can help reduce anxiety. You can do this exercise by sitting or lying down in a quiet, comfortable space.

1. Notice how it feels when you inhale and exhale normally. Mentally scan your body. You might feel tension in your body that you weren't aware of.
2. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose.
3. Notice your belly and upper body expanding.
4. Exhale however is most comfortable for you.
5. Do this for several minutes, paying attention to the rise and fall of your stomach.
6. Choose a word to focus on and vocalise during your exhale. Words like “safe” and “calm” can be effective.
7. Imagine your inhale washing over you like a gentle wave.
8. Imagine your exhale taking negative and upsetting thoughts and energy away from you.
9. When you get distracted, gently focus your attention back to your breath and your words.

Practice this technique for up to 20 minutes daily when you can.

3. Equal breathing

This means you’re inhaling for the same amount of time as you’re exhaling.

You can practice equal breathing from a sitting or lying-down position. Whichever position you choose, be sure to get comfortable.

1. Shut your eyes and pay attention to the way you normally breathe for several breaths.
2. Then, slowly count 1-2-3-4 as you inhale through your nose.
3. Exhale for the same four-second count.
4. As you inhale and exhale, be mindful of the feelings of fullness and emptiness in your lungs.

4. Resonant breathing

Resonant breathing, also called coherent breathing, can help you calm anxiety and get into a relaxed state.

1. Lie down and close your eyes.
2. Gently breathe in through your nose, mouth closed, for a count of six seconds.
3. Don’t fill your lungs too full of air.
4. Exhale for six seconds, allowing your breath to leave your body slowly and gently. Don’t force it.
5. Continue for up to 10 minutes.
6. Take a few additional minutes to be still and focus on how your body feels.

5. Lion's breath

How to practice the 'Lion's Breath' breathing exercise for anxiety at home:

1. Get into a kneeling position, crossing your ankles and resting your bottom on your feet. If this position isn’t comfortable, you can sit cross-legged.
2. Bring your hands to your knees, stretching out your arms and your fingers.
3. Take a breath in through your nose.
4. Breathe out through your mouth, allowing yourself to vocalise “ha.”
5. During exhale, open your mouth as wide as you can and stick your tongue out, stretching it down toward your chin as far as it will go.
6. Focus on the middle of your forehead (third eye) or the end of your nose while exhaling.
7. Relax your face as you inhale again.
8. Repeat the practice up to six times, changing the cross of your ankles when you reach the halfway point.

6. Guided meditation

You can practice guided meditation by sitting or lying in a cool, dark, comfortable place and relaxing. Then, listen to calming recordings while relaxing your body and steadying your breathing.

Guided meditation recordings help take you through the steps of visualising a calmer, less stressed reality, and help you gain control over intrusive thoughts that trigger your anxiety.

Breathing exercises for anxiety for kids

Children can also experience anxiety. This may be about school, meeting new people or doing things alone for the first time. According to the NHS, severe anxiety can harm a child's mental health and emotional wellbeing, affecting their self-esteem and confidence, just as it can with adults. This may cause them to withdraw and avoid situations that make them feel worse- such as not wanting to go to school and friends' parties- meaning they miss out on experiences important not only for their intellectual growth but for their wellbeing too.

There are a variety of breathing exercises you can teach your child so they can use them when they're feeling overwhelmed and you're not there.

So what are they?

7. Feather breathing

How to try the feather breathing exercise for anxiety with kids at home:

• Collect different coloured feathers with your child.
• Ask your child to hold the feather in their hand.
• Take a deep breath (show your child how to do this)- you can help them learn how to take a deep breath by asking them to put their hands on their bellies and feel the rise and fall.
• Inhale slowly for a count of 3.
• Then, slowly exhale through the nose and while exhaling blow gently up one side of the feather and down the other side.

8. Flower breathing

Similar to feather breathing, the flower breathing exercise lets your child focus on something tangible to help instil a sense of calm.

• Collect a flower, or have your child visualise their favourite flower.
• Then ask your child to breathe in deeply, while doing so take a BIG whiff of the flower’s scent.
• Now hold your breath for a count of 3.
• Exhale through your mouth for a count of 4.
• Repeat for five minutes.

9.  Breathing buddies 

This one is great for toddlers and preschoolers

• Ask your child to lie down and put their favourite teddy on their tummy.
• Ask them to inhale deeply for a count of 3.
• Then, ask them to exhale for a count of 4.
• Prompt them to watch the teddy rise and fall as they breathe in and out.
• Do 5 to 10 rounds.

10. Shapes breathing

Trace each of the shapes five times with your finger as you breathe.

• Trace the edge of the shape and count, 1, 2, 3, 4
• Pause
• On the exhale, trace the other side of the shape, exhale for 1, 2, 3, 4
• Pause
• Repeat on for the next half of the shape.
• Trace the shape for a total of three times using this technique.

Why do breathing exercises help with anxiety?

The great thing about breathing exercises for anxiety is that they can be employed anywhere at any time. They’re free, non-addictive and have zero side effects.

"Most of our automatic bodily functions that are outside of our awareness like our heart rate, blood pressure, digestion and urination are controlled by our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)," says Karl. "This system also controls two subsystems, one is ‘fight or flight’ the other is ‘rest and digest.’'

Imagine they are opposite ends of a seesaw. When we experience stress our ‘fight or flight’ system is activated. "As mentioned, we breathe in longer and harder than we breathe out in order to oxygenate our muscles ready for action,' says Karl, 'when this happens we produce the stress hormone cortisol." When we relax, ‘rest and digest’ is engaged and we produce oxytocin which is known as the ‘love hormone’.

"Cortisol and oxytocin have a symbiotic relationship - as one end or the seesaw goes up the other comes down," says Karl. "So the first thing is to acknowledge that, although ‘fight or flight’ is controlled by our ANS, WE can step in and take control back."

We do this by wilfully stepping up the production of oxytocin to help us relax. Remember, as this side of the seesaw goes up the cortisol end goes down. "There are loads of ways to do this including meditation, exercise, listening to music, hugging a loved one or caressing the skin," says Karl. "However, the easiest and most convenient way that can be done anywhere, at any time is to shift our breathing patterns. When we breathe out longer and harder than we breathe in we bring ‘rest and digest’ online."

What does the research say?

In a 2018 study from Trinity College Institute of Neuroscience and the Global Brain Health Institute, they found that there is a neurological link between respiration and focus. The study showed that those who incorporated intentional and consistent breathing exercises for anxiety affected the levels of noradrenaline in their brain. This is a natural chemical messenger released when we are challenged, focused, or emotionally aroused. When we are stressed, we produce too much, and when we are sluggish, we produce too little; those who practiced daily breathing exercises for anxiety produced the sweet spot of noradrenaline and showed improved ability to focus.

What is the 7/11 breathing exercise for anxiety?

This is called 7/11 breathing, because you breathe in for a count of 7 and out for 11, it also sounds like shop opening hours, making it easier to remember. If you find that breathing for that long isn’t possible, it doesn’t matter. As long as your out breath is much longer than your in breath, it will still work.

• Aim your breath deep into your stomach. Do check you're doing it properly, it can be useful to place your hands on your stomach, so you can feel it getting bigger as you breathe in.
• Next, allow your lungs to empty, then breathe deeply into your stomach while counting to 7.
• Once you reach 7, breathe out gently to the count of 11, so that the out breath is much longer.
• Repeat this for 2 to 3 minutes or until you feel calm and relaxed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lszsXjozezU

What is the 4 7 8 breathing technique?

The 478 exercise is said to make you fall asleep in as little as one minute, and is said to promote a better night’s sleep, with just 5 steps and can be done anywhere and everywhere. Based on an ancient Indian practice, Pranayama, which stands for “regulation of breath” the exercise, eases the body into a state of relaxation and calmness.

1. Make a whoosh sound by exhaling completely through your mouth.
2. Now, close your mouth and quietly inhale through your nose, counting in your head to 4.
3. Hold your breath for 7 seconds
4. Exhale by making a whoosh sound again, do this for a count of 8.
5. Repeat this cycle another 3 times, so in total for 4 breaths.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Dv-ldGLnIY

Can breathing exercises help with sleep?

According to stress.org, breathing exercises can be really useful for helping us unwind and remain calm during our bedtime routines. It is also cheap and readily available, and there lots of different methods out there. As mentioned above, the 4 7 8 method is particularly helpful for aiding a restful night's sleep.

The body scanning technique

Body scan meditation is another way to release tension before bed, that you may not even be aware of, but is affecting your ability to rest. This technique requires you to focus on different parts of the body and bodily sensations in a gradual sequence from head to toe.

1. Lie down in bed and focus on relaxing as you exhale.

2. Feel the bed underneath you and how it is supporting you as you continue to exhale and relax.

3. Visualise each part of your body, starting at your head and moving through your whole body to look for spots that feel tense. As you move through your body, exhale and focus on relaxing tense muscles.

4. After you've finished looking for tension throughout your body, focus on your exhales. As you exhale, repeat a mantra to yourself that helps to induce sleep such as simply the word "sleep" or another cue that helps you to start to drift off.

Repeat this daily and you should start to feel the benefits!

Stress is a modern epidemic – 40 per cent of us Brits experience stress and burn-out EVERY day. Could gratitude meditation help? We explain how, along with other tips for combatting burnout.

From workload pressure to juggling family demands, stress-related sickness costs the UK economy more than £5 billion a year

But there are ways to beat our 24/7 culture. It’s all about managing our life force, the Qi energy in our body, says Qi Energy practitioner Master Oh.

Stress levels and Qi energy levels are intrinsically linked. With high levels of stress come low levels of Qi energy, and with low levels of energy come higher levels of stress.

‘Most people think stress is due to external influences, but it really comes from within us,’ says Oh. It is our inability to manage the thoughts and emotions that are causing our stress levels to soar.’

‘Over time, this lack of energy flow creates chronic pain and fatigue in the body which is essentially burnout,’ Oh explains. There is no quick fix, however Master Oh has five tips to help encourage positive energy and start the re-energising process.

1. Be grateful

Gratitude is the emotion with the highest vibration. When we appreciate what we have and feel deep gratitude, our mind is positive and our heart is open.

Try this meditation:

• Sit in a comfortable position, either sitting on the floor or in a chair with your back straight and your shoulders relaxed.

• Close your eyes and start by taking in deep breaths, bringing the air down to your abdomen. Feel your abdomen expand with every breath in and contract with every breath out.

• Slowly bring your mind to someone or something that you are grateful for. No matter what, there is always something in our life that we can feel grateful for.

• Focus on the deep feeling of gratitude, notice how it makes you feel, stay with this feeling. Allow the feeling of gratitude to grow inside you with every breath.

• Feel how your heart responds, wanting to give something back. Let this feeling of love permeate your whole body.Try the Master Oh stress test to see who high your levels are.

You’ll get a personalised recommendation on more steps to combat stress and re-energise your life.

* According to the Health & Safety Executive.

2. Embrace positivity

Living beings have three vital ingredients: mind, body and spirit. If you support your spirit by practising a positive, happy and loving mind, you will feel better. That’s because a positive mind enables your energy system to remain open, so Qi can flow freely, allowing you to better deal with stress.

3. Get physical!

Introduce a daily form of exercise to oxygenate your body, improve your circulation and bring down your heart rate. This also eleases endorphins which are ‘happy’ hormones. Don't have much time? Try these 15 minute workouts.

4. Try these stress-busting foods

Studies have shown that vitamin C is a highly effective stress buster, so treat yourself to a daily lemon, grapefruit or kiwi. Omega 3 can help with stress because it supports your nervous system. Avocado, linseed and olive oil are good sources.

READ MORE: What’s the difference between good fats and bad fats? The popular diet terms decoded

5. Make time to reflect

Use moments alone to reflect on what you need to change in your life. These may be deep patterns or lifestyle choices that are unsustainable. This can seem daunting in the beginning, but by recognising what needs to be changed, you will be putting your health first.

In the UK, almost six million people tune into a podcast each week. And with podcasts available on a whole host of subjects – from food to fashion and everything in between – there really is something for everyone. Plus there’s the added convenience that we can listen to podcasts on-the-go, meaning we squeeze in a listening session whether we’re on our daily commute, making our way back from a school drop off or relaxing on a holiday sun lounger.

And with figures revealing that around 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year, it’s no wonder there’s been a boom in podcasts focusing on this area. Featuring candid interviews with everyone from celebs to experts in the varying medical fields, and touching on anxiety, post-natal depression and more as well being informative and entertaining, they make those who tune in feel like they’re not alone in what they’re facing.

1. How Did We Get Here? podcast with Claudia Winkleman

Strictly Come Dancing co-host and mum-of-three Claudia Winkleman has teamed up with Professor Tanya Byron, a psychologist who’s most known for her stints on TV shows such as The House of Tiny Tearaways, for a brand new podcast.

Each episode will see real-life parents and family members being invited in for an unscripted conversation covering topics including parental estrangement, trauma, inheriting mental health issues, family dynamics and more, with Prof Byron picking apart each story and working to find solutions. FIND OUT MORE

2. Happy Mum, Happy Baby podcast with Giovana Fletcher

This popular podcast with mum-of-three Giovanna Fletcher, continues the conversation about motherhood started by her book of the same name.

Each episode sees Giovanna talking to different guests – many of who are fellow celebrity parents (past episodes have included the likes of Tamara Ecclestone and Christine McGuinness) – about the highs and lows on the journey to raising children. FIND OUT MORE

3. Happy Place podcast with Fearne Cotton

TV presenter and mum-of-two Fearne Cotton talks life, love, loss and every subject in-between with an exciting line up of guests (past episodes have featured everyone from Tom Odell to Dame Kelly Holmes), unearthing their perfect formula for happiness along the way. FIND OUT MORE

4. How to Fail podcast with Elizabth Day

Each week award-winning journalist and author Elizabeth Day talks to a new interviewee about moments that haven’t gone right in their lives and how they’ve turned their failures into success.

Past guests have included BBC news reader George Alagiah and best-selling author and journalist Lisa Taddeo. FIND OUT MORE

5. Deliciously Ella Podcast

As well as being a food blogger, writer and plant-based cookbook author, mum-of-one Deliciously Ella (aka Ella Mills) leads conversation on all things mental wellness on her podcast, co-hosted by her husband Matthew Mills. Past topics include Imposter Syndrome and Self Doubt and Creating a More Mindful Life. FIND OUT MORE

That headache might not be the result of last night's glass of wine, and that stiff neck might not be down to you sleeping in a funny position - they could be signs of stress. We've spoken to the experts to find out some relaxation techniques to combat these symptoms.

Being a parent is stressful. You're constantly worrying about whether you're doing things right and sometimes it can feel like you're fighting fires on all corners - your youngest has caught a stomach bug, the eldest is having a meltdown about school, there are a million chores that need doing around the house and you have a work deadline coming up too. You get the picture.

Stress is part of being a parent and it's normal to feel overwhelmed, but when it begins to affect your mental and physical health, it's time to start thinking about ways you can combat the effects. Knowing the signs of stress is a good place to start, and after this, you can begin thinking about how to manage stress and even try some natural anxiety remedies to help make you feel more at ease.

What are the physical symptoms of stress?

Stress can affect our bodies and emotions in lots of different ways, and there are a number of physical symptoms that constitute signs of stress.

GP Dr Alisha Esmail explains: "Stress, often viewed as an invisible adversary, can actually exhibit itself physically with a multitude of possible symptoms heart racing, rapid breathing, and tense muscles - classic signs of the body's ‘fight or flight’ stress response, triggered by hormones like adrenaline."

In addition, Dr Esmail says that stress can also cause tension headaches and tense muscles, and can lead to muscular aches in the back, neck and shoulders. Other symptoms of stress include heart palpitations, stomach problems and trouble sleeping.

"In short, stress can affect the body in myriad of ways," Dr Esmail says. "It's always best to consult with a doctor if you're unsure of the cause, as they can help differentiate between stress-related symptoms and any other underlying conditions mimicking stress."

Why does stress cause physical symptoms?

When we're stressed, our body releases certain hormones that can make our muscles tense up and lead to a number of other physical symptoms. The blood vessels contract, allowing less blood and oxygen to get to the tissues, and our heart rate and blood pressure rises.

Victoria Anderson, Clinical Exercise Physiologist & Founder of Longevity Health & Fitness, says: "When you start to feel stressed about something, cortisol, the stress hormone, is released and both physiological and psychological responses are triggered. The main aim of this fight or flight response is to make our body more alert, better focused, and feeling ready to tackle the challenge at hand."

She adds that our bodies are designed to cope with stress, and that it is a positive in small doses - allowing us the motivation, focus and drive to complete tasks and tackle situations. "However, periods of prolonged stress or chronic stress can cause a range of issues such as muscle tension which can lead to back pain, neck pain, contribute to headaches and shoulder pain, as a way of our bodies guarding/protecting us," she adds.

4 relaxation exercises for stress

Kirstie Lucas, trainer at F45 fitness centre in High Street Kensington, explains how you can use exercise to alleviate some of the physical symptoms of stress, including headaches, shoulder pain, back ache and a sore neck.

1. Exercises for headaches

"If you regularly suffer from headaches, these can be caused by tension in your upper body, as you may be clenching from the stress. Certain stretches and relaxation techniques can help to provide you with some comfort," explains Kirstie

She recommends trying child’s pose: "This stretch is restorative, especially if you allow your arms to relax alongside your body. It not only stretches out your upper back to alleviate tension, but it also works to calm the mind."

1. Kneel on the floor. Spread your knees outward to the width of your hips. Keep your big toes touching and rest your glutes on your heels.
2. Lengthen your spine and place your hands on your thighs.
3. Lower your torso between your thighs, reaching your hands out in front of you. Place your forehead on the floor and relax your neck, shoulders and arms. Hold this position for 30 seconds.

2. Exercises for shoulder pain

Tension and tightness in your shoulders is a very common symptom caused by stress. Fortunately, shoulder pain caused by stress is very responsive to a good stretch.

Kirstie explains, "A great exercise you could try is called ‘thread the needle’, which helps to release tension not only in your shoulders, but your neck and back too."

1. Get on your hands and knees with palms flat on the floor, wrists under shoulders and knees under your hips.
2. Slowly slide your right hand on the floor to the left side of your body, gently rotating with the movement. Your right shoulder should touch the floor as you look to the left. Support your weight with your left hand.
3. Hold this position for 30 seconds and return to the starting position.
4. Repeat on the other side.
5. Do this two to three times on each side.

3. Exercises for back ache

"Stress is a common cause of backache, as it can cause the muscles to tense up, which leads to stiffness and pain," Kirstie explains. She recommends trying the cat-cow pose to combat this symptom of stress.

1. Get onto your hands and knees, with your knees hip-width apart and hands in line with your shoulders.
2. Inhale whilst curving your lower back and bringing your head up, tilting your pelvis up like a cow.
3. Exhale deeply and bring your abdomen in, arching your spine and bringing your head and pelvis down, like a cat.
4. Repeat several times, focusing on your breathing.

4. Exercises for a sore neck

"Sore neck is extremely common, especially with so many people spending hours on end at their desks hunched over a computer," Kirstie says. She explains that chin tucks are a great exercise, because they target the muscles in the neck to help alleviate tension.

1. Sit upright in a chair.
2. Gently tuck your chin into your chest, as if you are going to nod.
3. Return to the starting position and repeat, you should feel a stretch in the back of your neck which should relieve tension.

If you've been suffering with stress recently, you might want find out how to boost serotonin naturally, or try some of these self-care ideas - they're all free.

The term 'anxiety' can be used to describe many situations and emotions that we all face on a daily basis.

Often feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster? It’s not surprising. Most people will show signs of anxiety at some point in their lives. Anxiety is a symptom of a mental disorder, and is often referred to as an anxiety disorder rather than a mental illness. “Worry is another word for anxiety,” explains psychotherapist Ali Moore from BeMoore. “Anxiety is the emotion and stress is the symptom. So we feel anxious and then we get stress symptoms.”

And, in fact, mixed anxiety and depression is the most common mental disorder in Britain, affecting around 8% of the population. “Anxiety is natural,” says Ali. “But when it starts to impact your ability to do things, to go out, take on tasks, or you’re becoming distressed, then you need support.”

Can’t remember when you last felt calm? “There is a real worry about mental health at the moment with feelings of isolation, vulnerability and helplessness common,” says chartered psychologist Dr Meg Arroll, on behalf of Healthspan. So, if your anxiety levels have become worse since the pandemic, you’re not alone. Research by the University of Sheffield and Ulster University identified a surge in depression and anxiety after the Prime Minister first spoke about lockdown.

If you think you might be experiencing anxiety, it can be useful to know the signs and symptoms and how to go about treating them. Here’s what can help…

Anxiety signs: what can anxiety do to your body? 

“Global circumstances have made fertile ground for mental health problems, particularly for those who were already struggling with anxiety,” says functional medicine certified health coach Suzy Glaskie, from Peppermint Wellness. “And that anxiety can manifest in all sorts of ways, even in those who’ve never experienced it before. You may have symptoms including difficulty sleeping, feelings of impending doom, racing thoughts, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, poor concentration and loss of appetite.” Anxiety can affect all areas of the body:

• Heart: The release of adrenalin raises your heart rate and blood pressure. Internal organs like the liver, brain and heart go into overdrive. Those affected by high blood pressure caused by stress are 50% more likely to suffer from heart problems.
• Lungs: Breathing becomes shallow, blood is diverted away from non-vital areas, dampening the immune system, and the digestive system begins to shut down.
• Stomach: Your body produces too much hydrochloric acid – a substance that breaks down food – and, over time, that can start to irritate your stomach lining.
• Neck/shoulders: Muscles tense, particularly in the neck and shoulders, leading to headaches and other pains. This affects the average person twice a month, says AXA PPP Healthcare.
• Hair: Stress can be a psychological catalyst for the compulsion to pull your hair out, and also releases hormones which can lead to hair loss and make nails brittle.
• Brain: Too much cortisol is toxic for the brain, resulting in anxiety disorders, depression and dementia caused by the toxicity of high levels of cortisol in the brain. Insomnia is also caused by high cortisol levels.

Other common physical anxiety symptoms include:

• ‘Jelly legs’
• Tingling in the hands and feet
• Dizziness
• Wanting to use the toilet more often
• A ‘tight band’ across your chest area
• Hot flushes
• Increased perspiration
• Dry mouth
• Shaking
• Choking sensations
• Palpitations
• If you suffer from anxiety, you may also experience panic attacks, which are an exaggerated version of your body’s usual response to extreme emotions such as fear, excitement or stress.

Anxiety signs: common psychological anxiety symptoms

Anxiety can leave you feeling vulnerable and alone. Long-term sufferers may also experience sleep problems, a lowered immune system, depression, or difficulties managing everyday situations, such as relationships and employment.

A leap from an ‘every day’ feeling of anxiety to a mental health disorder can be very quick. “We can get trapped in a cycle of overthinking and it is the focus on the 'what if' that causes us to worry,” says Ali. “This is often anticipation anxiety of things we do not yet really know. This causes raised heart rate and an increase of adrenalin, which can lead to insomnia, and then we worry about the worry, which makes the symptoms worse. It is good to name the emotion rather than calling it all anxiety and worry and explore why you feel this way.”

One of the most important signs of anxiety can include finding that you’re worrying all the time. And perhaps about things that are a regular part of everyday life, or about things that aren’t likely to happen. “This is very common,” says Ali.

Worry about the past? “We tend to call this brooding,” says Ali. “Focusing on what should have happened and what might have been. This can really hold us back."

There are some signs of anxiety no one warns you about. Such as anxiety combined with the start of the menopause. “The menopause causes a lot of changes in our mindset because of the hormonal effects,” says Ali. “We can become forgetful or feel under the weather. These can cause anxiety rather than the menopause itself. We don't feel like ourselves and this can be concerning.” Speak to your GP who may recommend HRT.

Other common psychological signs of anxiety include:

• Thinking that you may lose control and/or go ‘mad’
• Worrying that you might die
• Focusing on that you may have a heart attack/be sick/faint/have a brain tumour
• Feeling that people are looking at you and observing your anxiety
• Feeling as though things are speeding up/slowing down
• Being detached from your environment and the people in it
• Wanting to run away/escape from the situation
• Being on edge and alert to everything around you

Anxiety UK recommends visiting your GP if you experience two or more of these symptoms.

What are the 6 types of anxiety disorder?

1) General Anxiety Disorder

“General Anxiety Disorder is a long-term mental health issue that causes a person to feel anxious about a wide range of situations and issues rather than one specific issue,” says Dr Tim Bond from dragonflycbd.com.

“More women are affected than men,” says Dr Bond. “People with this condition feel anxious most days and struggle to remember the last time they felt relaxed. As soon as the person has resolved one anxious thought another appears. Symptoms include feeling worried and restless, having trouble concentrating or sleeping and dizziness and palpitations."

“Exercising more and drinking less alcohol will help,” says Dr Bond. “Treatments include talking therapies and prescription medication.”

2) Social Anxiety Disorder

“Social Anxiety Disorder, also known as social phobia, is a long-term mental disorder with an overwhelming fear of social situations,” says Dr Bond. “It is very distressing and often starts in the teenage years. It may improve as the person gets older, but it can be lifelong."

“Social anxiety is more than shyness,” says Dr Bond. “If you might have it, you would often worry about everyday activities, meeting people, speaking on the phone, working, shopping, eating with people and parties. You may worry about things you think are embarrassing like blushing or appearing incompetent. And you find it difficult to do things when people are watching you, you fear being criticised and avoid contact. You'd have low self-esteem, and suffer panic attacks with very rapid heartbeat and sweating.”

“If social anxiety is having a big impact on your life, see your GP,” says Dr Bond. “There are various psychological therapies that can help.”

3) Phobias

“A phobia is a mental health disorder with an overwhelming sense of fear of an object, place, situation, feeling or animal,” says Dr Bond. “It is a type of anxiety disorder. And being more pronounced than fears, phobias develop when a person has an exaggerated or unrealistic sense of danger about an object or situation. Even thinking about the source of the fear can bring on anxiety. In very severe phobias the person organises their life around avoiding the thing they fear. This can be very disrupting.”

“Symptoms include increased heart rate and shortness of breath, sweating, nausea, shaking an upset stomach,” says Dr Bond. “Phobias can be quite complex and beyond the fear of a single thing. So, agoraphobia, for example, is where a person feels fearful about being in a place or situation but they cannot escape if they have a panic attack. Social phobia (see above) is a fear of social situations.”

See your GP who will be able to refer you for counselling.

4) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

“Obsessive compulsive disorder, known as OCD, is a mental health disorder where the person has obsessive thoughts. This is an unpleasant thought that repeatedly enters your mind causing feelings of anxiety or unease,” says Dr Bond. “And it also includes compulsive behaviours (a repetitive behaviour that you need to do to relieve the anxiety of the obsessive thought). So, if you have a fear of being burgled you might feel the need to check all the windows and doors before leaving the house or flat. Symptoms generally start in adulthood, but can begin in the teenage years.”

5) Panic Disorder

“Panic disorder is a type of anxiety disorder where the person has regular attacks of panic, stress or fear often for no apparent reason,” says Dr Bond.

“Symptoms include mild to severe anxiety with feelings of worry, fear and in the most extreme cases, panic. You may live in a cycle of fear and suffer panic attacks where you experience a rush of physical and mental symptoms. These can include a racing heart, feeling faint, sweating, nausea and churning stomach, chest pain, shortness of breath, trembling, shaky limbs, chills, hot flushes, dizziness, numbness, pins and needles, a choking sensation, dry mouth, feeling of dread, fear of dying, need to go to the toilet and feeling disconnected from your body.”

“Most panic attacks last from five to 20 minutes but can last for an hour,” says Dr Bond. “They can occur once or twice a month or several times a week.”

6) Body Dysmorphic Disorder

“Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder where the person spends a lot of time thinking about flaws in their physical appearance,” says Dr Bond.

“These flaws are not apparent to others. It’s most common in teenagers and occurs in both men and women. It does not mean the person is vain or self-obsessed and it can have a big impact on life,” says Dr Bond.

“You might have body dysmorphic disorder if you spend a lot of time thinking about a specific area of your body particularly your face,” says Dr Bond. “You may spend a lot of time staring at yourself in the mirror (or mirrors). Or you may compare your appearance unfavourably with that of others, you go to a lot of effort to conceal flaws for example by picking your skin, combing your hair, choosing clothes. It can seriously impact your life and relationships and lead to depression or even suicide.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH2E9I7vn28

Living with anxiety: how can I keep calm?

There is good news. It’s still possible to learn how to take control back from anxiety. “While our propensity to anxiety is, to some degree, set by our genetics, we can still influence the rest,” says Suzy. “There are many highly effective tools to help us feel calmer and more positive.” Here’s what could help…

• Be aware of your anxiety - “Make yourself a warm drink and sit down,” says qualified health and mindfulness coach Louise Murray. “Notice three things in this moment, such as the colour of the drink, the weight of the mug, the feeling of the chair. Then breathe into your shoulders, relax them down and enjoy your cuppa, savouring the flavour. Return gently to the senses whenever you notice your mind straying.”
• Re-set negative thoughts - “If you’re feeling a bit low, replace any negative chatter in your head with positivity instead,” says Louise. “This might mean listening to your favourite music, an uplifting podcast, or reading an inspirational book.”
• Put your phone down - Always scrolling for breaking news? “Some people don’t even go to the toilet without their phone,” says sleep expert Dr Nerina Ramlakhan.“This leaves no time for your body and mind to properly process things so our thoughts reappear and keep the mind going.”
• Eat right - Natural remedies can help anxiety. A healthy diet is key when your body is under pressure. “This means eating well (including breakfast), staying hydrated and avoiding too much refined sugar,” says Dr Ramlakhan. Eat little and often – low blood sugar levels can trigger panic. Plus, swap out caffeinated drinks as these can increase anxiety.
• Grab some paper - “Draw one circle and write in it all the things you can control, then another circle with things you have no influence over,” says Suzy. “Filling in the two circles helps gain perspective on what we can exert control over. And let go of what is beyond our power, no matter how much energy we spend worrying about it.”
• Get moving - “Daily movement will help get the adrenaline out of your system,” says Suzy. “Just jumping up and down and shaking your limbs will help move the anxiety.”
• Set a worry limit - “Allocate yourself a daily ‘worry period’ where you worry for 30 minutes and then stop and do something else,” says Suzy. The idea is that it will help free up the rest of your time to focus on other tasks and relax.
• Ditch the alcohol - “Ease off the booze,”says Dr Ramlakhan.“It can be tempting, but you’re more likely to experience rebound anxiety the next morning.”
• Write away fears - “Take 10 minutes by yourself to write down what you feel anxious about,” says Dr Arroll. “Write as if you were penning a short story. Then note down the situation and how this made you feel. Emotional writing has been researched extensively and is consistently shown to help you feel calm and improve overall wellbeing.”
• Draw yourself calmer - “Some of us are more visual so drawing your anxiety can help,” says Dr Arroll. “What does it look like? Spikey edges or soft lines? Red hot in colour or cold and blue? Give it as much detail as you can because expressing and labelling your feelings in this way will allow you to process them, lessening the intensity they hold over you.”
• Play your top tunes - According to a 2013 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology, people who listened to upbeat music could improve their mood immediately and boost their happiness in just two weeks.
• Focus on your breath“It’s one of the fastest ways to combat anxiety,” says Suzy. “Breathe in for the count of seven and out for the count of 11. The long exhalation signals to our nervous system that we are safe.”

Anxiety treatments

Think you’d benefit from talking to a professional? Your GP may refer you for cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or you could pay for a private session. CBT helps you link how you think and feel to your behaviour. “It's most commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but can be useful for other mental and physical health problems,” says psychotherapist and hypnotherapist Nick Davies. “You’d normally see your therapist for an hour each week.”

Making sure you get along with your therapist is key. “Rapport is important when working with anyone, especially with mental health,” says Nick. “This is why I always offer a free consultation with my clients before we agree to work together.”

Feel you need medication? Your GP may ask about the signs of anxiety you are experiencing and prescribe tranquilisers or antidepressants, and monitor your progress. The most common ones include:

• Tricyclics (Anti-depressants) This is a group of anti-depressants, such as Amitriptyline (Lentizol, Tryptizol).
• MAOI’s (Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors) These anti-depressants  are normally prescribed only when no other anti-depressant medication has worked, such as Phenelzine (Nardil).
• SSRI’s (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) The most common type of anti-depressants and medication prescribed for anxiety disorders, IBS and premature ejaculation, such as Fluoxetine (Prozac) and Paroxetine (Seroxat).
• Sleeping Pills Prescribed to help with sleep and to calm if you are constantly anxious and other medication hasn’t worked, such as Temazepam and Zopiclone (Zimovane).
• Anxiolytics (Anti-anxiety drugs) Used, in most cases, purely for anxiety, such as Diazepam (Atensine, Rimapam, Valium).
• Beta Blockers Prescribed for the physical symptoms of anxiety such as palpitations, like Propranolol (Inderal).

Help a loved one with anxiety

Friend or family member showing signs of anxiety? Whether you’re sensing early symptoms of anxiety or caring for someone with a long-term diagnosis, there are a number of ways you can help. Our expert Fiona Lamb, a registered member of the General Hypnotherapy Council, shares her advice:

• Be understanding “Any type of anxiety is ultimately fear, so don’t underestimate how it makes someone feel. It might be frustrating, but even very small things can make someone socially anxious feel stressed and panicky. These feelings often stem from a bad past experience, so don’t make assumptions about how they’re reacting. Remember, even they might not fully understand the roots of what’s going on. Your job is to be supportive and thoughtful, not to demand that they change.”
• Be open - “Make it clear that the person you know can talk to you without judgement. At long last, some of the stigma around mental health is lifting, and it’s essential that all of us to keep that trend going by ensuring no-one feels truly alone.”
• Be encouraging - “Let the person talk about their fears, and then try to help them break out of their anxious patterns of thought. Encourage them to push their boundaries where they can, and be there to help if possible. But don’t lose patience if they’re not ready yet – they need to set their own pace.”
• Build up their confidence - “When we begin to lose hope in ourselves and our abilities, we feel overwhelmed and disheartened. So encourage the person to see a positive future, making sure they know they’re neither alone nor powerless.”
• Be patient - “People will be receptive to help when it’s right for them, and you can’t demand that someone listen to you. Recognise that the time may not be right for them, and that they might need more professional help than what you’re able to offer.”
• Need to get your friend or loved one professional help? As NHS resources can be tight and waiting lists long, it is worth noting that membership to Anxiety UK entitles you to fast and discounted access to therapy, as well as access to their mindfulness partner Headspace’s service. And don’t give up. The help available depends on diagnosis, and the type of symptoms being experienced but, whatever the situation, it’s important to remember that while one particular option doesn’t work, there are many others that can.

With social media influences, online bullying and exam expectations, it seems children are under more pressure now than ever before. But, how’s it affecting children's mental health – and how can you talk to your children if you have concerns?

Discussing your children’s mental health with them can seem like a daunting prospect. But broaching the subject can help children feel comfortable talking about their feelings, emotions and worries later in life - and help to teach them emotional intelligence. 

One in eight children in the UK now have a diagnosable mental health disorder, according to research from YoungMinds - that's roughly three children in every school classroom. Shockingly, suicide was the most common cause of death for boys (16.2 per cent of all deaths) and girls (13.3 per cent) aged between five and 19 in 2017.

February 6th marks Time To Talk Day - an initiative designed to get more people opening up about mental health. There's a selection of online resources designed to help start these important discussions, which can sometimes feel awkward - especially with teenagers.

GoodtoKnow spoke to Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist Dr Maite Ferrin and Nick Harrop, Campaigns Manager at mental health charity YoungMinds, about how best to start the conversation with your kids about mental health.

Child mental health issues: common causes and warning signs

According to mental health charity Young Minds, the most common mental health issues and symptoms affecting children are anxiety, bullying, problems at school, exam stress and body image issues.

Anxiety in children

Anxiety disorders usually begin in adolescents. Research carried out by the Department of Health and Social Care found that one in six young people will experience an anxiety condition at some point in their lives. This means that an average of five people in your child's school class may be suffering from anxiety.

There are different types of anxiety, and many children and teens experience more than one type whether that be OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), social anxiety, health anxiety and shyness, exam stress, worry or panic attacks.

Your teen may be experiencing frequent and uncontrollable worries about anything in their day-to-day lives from exam stress and making friends at school, to body image issues. Anxiety feels different for everyone but common anxiety symptoms to look out for in your teens are restlessness, trouble sleeping and feeling sick.

Children and teenagers with depression

Depression in children and teens can be caused by family difficulties, bullying at school physical and emotional abuse and, a family history of depression. Researchers from University College London and the University of Liverpool found that 24 per cent of 14-year-old girls and nine per cent of 14-year-old boys are depressed.

According to the NHS, symptoms of depression in children often include sadness, or a low mood that doesn't go away, being irritable all the time, not being interested in things they used to enjoy and feeling exhausted.

Teen pressure and stress

Exam stress and pressures at school can cause young children and teens to feel stressed, anxious or depressed, and this might affect their eating and sleeping habits. There is a lot of pressure for kids at school including pressure to get good exam results, finding school work difficult, not getting on with teachers and finding trouble building relationships with friends.

According to Young Minds, if your child is stressed you may notice changes in their behaviour, they may not want to take part in activities they usually enjoy, refuse to go to school or behave aggressively.

Bullying and cyber-bullying

According to Young Minds bullying affects over one million young people every year. Bullying is a common experience for many kids at school - whether they’re being bullied themselves or if they are bullying someone else.

Bullying can come in different forms including physical, verbal and often anonymous cyber-bullying. If your child is being bullied, they may feel worthless, lonely, and lack confidence. In some cases, bullying can lead to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, as well as other self-destructive behaviour such as alcohol, drugs and self-harm.

If you think your child may be being bullied, look out for changes to their behaviour. For instance, do they returned from school with bruises, do they frequently have their bus money stolen, have they changed their eating habits or have their school grades slipped.

Why should we talk to children about mental health?

Talking mental health to children can potentially be challenging, as they may not understand understand mental illness, therefore it’s important to tailor the conversation to their age. It's crucial children and young people understand that mental illness is just as real as a physical illness.

Dr Maite told GoodtoKnow, ‘Mental health is linked to and not separated from physical health, we should encourage our children to keep a healthy mental and physical style of life.

‘We can discuss the variety of feelings and emotions with children and how we can identify mental health problems, or strategies about how to deal with our anxiety or anger in a healthy manner. We should also teach our child how to prevent stress and how to recognise the early physical symptoms in our body. At the same time we should encourage routines that promote physical wellbeing (e.g. healthy eating, sleep, exercising) as this will have a direct impact on our mental health.'

When to talk to your children about mental health?

Having regular conversations about children's mental health, feelings and emotions in a relaxed environment can help parents provide support to their children.

Dr Maite said, ‘There is not a minimum age when we can start talking about mental health with our children. Mental health should be considered something as natural as talking about healthy eating and exercising, and it should be considered as part of our daily routine.’

Nick Harrop said, ‘It can help to have regular conversations about how your child is feeling and the pressures the face when you’re doing something you both enjoy – whether that’s baking a cake or kicking a ball around.’

Ideas to get the conversation started about children's mental health

It can be hard to start a conversation about mental health with your child, particularly if your child has trouble expressing their emotions. These conversation starters should help you ease into the conversation.

Start with a story

Stories are a great way to tackle talking about difficult subjects.

You can even use examples from story books, movies or celebrities to make the issue more relatable.

Try conversation starters

• How are you feeling today?
• What was the best and worst bit of your day?
• Do you want to talk about what's going on at school?

Pick the right opportunity

You will be able to spot changes in your child's mood and know when is the best time to approach a difficult topic such as mental illness with them. Nick Harrop said, 'You’re the leading expert when it comes to your child, so you can tell when they aren’t in the mood to talk, or when they aren’t responding to your attempts to strike up a conversation. Reassure them that if they don’t feel like talking now, they can always talk to you at any other time.'

If your child struggles to talk about their mental health with you it's important you act quickly to find a suitable alternative such as a school teacher, a family GP, counsellor or child psychologist.

Make the conversation age-appropriate

It's important to make the conversation about mental health age appropriate. The way you talk to a seven-year-old about mental health will be different to the way you approach the conversation with a teenager.

Try and explain symptoms in an age appropriate way. For example, explain to a young child that everyone feels sad sometimes. Make your child feel comfortable and pave the way for them to open up to you about their problems. Additionally, get down to your child's level when speaking to them. Crouching down and engaging with your child signals to them that you are actively listening.

How to keep track of children's mental health

When there are problems at home or at school, such as parents fighting, a family death or bullying at school, children can become withdrawn and upset.

Dr Maite suggests, ‘Every child is different and we need to observe changes that might be very subtle but indicating that our child is struggling. Indicators such as poor sleep, anger or irritability, lack of appetite, frequent worries or physical symptoms (e.g., headaches, tummy aches) might be indicating an emotional problem or that the child is struggling.

‘Also, a sudden or gradual change in behaviour, such as defiance or isolation, might be suggesting an underlying mental health issue in your child.'

How can you nurture children's mental health?

You can promote good mental health at home by creating a happy, safe and organised family life. Ensure your child has a healthy lifestyle, with nutritious meals, enough sleep and exercise. Limit your child's screen time and be aware of who they may be interacting with on social media.

Identify any triggers of stress, anxiety and mood changes in our child. Once the triggers are identified, we should find the way of reducing or dealing with them effectively.

We should also teach our child to be able to recognise early signs of mental health issues, and to request help from others to deal with these symptoms. For instance, we can show our child relaxation techniques or meditation that can be really effective to prevent or deal with early stages of anxiety

What to do if you are worried about your children’s mental health

If you’re worried your children's mental health, it’s important to talk to them about their struggles. When you do speak to them, listen to them without judgement and make sure they know that you’re on their side and will help them get through this. Remind them that you love them and that you’re proud of them.

Dr Maite advises, ‘It is important that you liaise with child’s school and you keep the communication flowing. School may be extremely helpful to detect these very subtle changes of mood and behaviour.

‘If you and/or school have concerns about your child's mental health you should contact your GP, who will provide initial assessment and guidance about how to proceed. In addition, some schools have counsellors and can offer and good package of support for children's mental health. There might be times when school/GP recommend a referral to a child mental health specialist, this should always be considered and facilitated and never dismissed. The idea is that prevention is far more helpful than a delayed intervention.’

It is extremely hard for parents to see their children go through difficult times, and it can have a huge impact on your family. If you’re struggling to cope, speak to your GP about what support they can offer you as a parent.

If you need more support, speak to your family GP or call our YoungMinds parents helpline on 0808 802 5544 for specific advice and support.

Whether it's that spider in the bath that your other half has to remove countless times, or that feeling of anxiety you get boarding a flight, overcoming fear is easier said than done.

In extreme cases, fear can stop us doing things or going places. The UK's top fears as revealed by a 2014 YouGov survey of over 2,000 people comprised of all of the usual suspects - flying, spiders and heights all feature pretty high. But how do we know when a fear is rational, or when it's irrational? And how can we avoid passing on our fears to our children, and raise them without the same limiting phobias that have got in our way of achieving or experiencing things fully?

'It's important to realise fear is an important evolutionary tool. It's our mind's way of trying to keep us safe,' says behavioural expert Christopher Paul Jones, who has a specialist clinic in London's Harley Street.

'Our mind is designed to notice patterns, so once we have created a fear, it generalises our experiences, so in future, whenever we experience a similar event the fear will be triggered.'

We can learn fears from our parents by watching how they react to certain stimulus, but they can also develop from negative experiences from our past or be systematic – reinforced over a number of years. Sometimes it may seem like our fears 'come out of nowhere', but they are always learned behaviours.

So it's important to remember to keep our fearful reactions under control when we're around our children - and Christopher thinks the best way we can do this is to tackle them head on.

'I often have clients asking me to work with their children on their phobia and when I talk with the parent it can become apparent that they have the phobia too. Sometimes I will get answers from the parents saying things like, "well I don't tell my child about my phobia",' he explains.

'Unfortunately, children, especially at a young age, pick up a lot of our nonverbal behaviour. It's called the modelling or imprinting age. In the same way parents are taught that children will do what you do and not what you say, that is also true for your fears and phobias.'

Rational and irrational fears

Just because we think a phobia is silly – we know the spider is more scared of us – doesn't mean it's invalid, and it can be just as harmful to our kids and ourselves as what we might think of as a 'rational' fear.

'The difference between irrational and rational fears are really to do with how much danger you're actually in – so, what's the statistical likelihood of your fear coming true? When it comes to something like flying you could call this an irrational phobia,' explains Christopher.

'Even though some people might argue that, because crashes do happen it's rational, the truth is it's so rare that you would need to be much more afraid of being hit by a meteor or being injured falling out of bed or dying in the bath, as all these are [statistically] much more likely.'

But identifying when a fear is reasonable isn't always easy when we're in the midst of it, and Christopher stresses that we should tackle whatever we're afraid of with the same degree of dedication.

'It is never of benefit when we try to ignore or suppress our emotions,' he says. 'Our fear will find other way to come out, i.e. bouts of anxiety, bad dreams, extreme overreactions etc. Sometimes when my clients have had a lot of fear in their past they try to avoid their feelings and then they wonder why their anxiety is getting worse.'

Fear and phobias

Like rational or irrational fears, we tend to give more gravity to what we think of as phobias because we harbour the mistaken belief that they are more 'serious' than fears.

'A phobia is automatic, for instance, we see or experience the thing we are phobic of and our mind and body will have an instant response,' says Christopher. 'Fears are normally less powerful and are often a feeling of apprehension or unease. If you are phobic of flying for example and it is severe, you could see an aeroplane in the sky and be instantly struck by anxiety, while somebody with just a fear might just be a bit nervous and need a stiff drink to get on the plane.'

Although admittedly different experiences, it's important to be mindful of transmitting fears or phobias onto our kids, who are particularly susceptible to our behaviours.

'Fears and phobias can be created at any age if the fear stimulus is strong enough. 'If you had a really bumpy flight as an adult it can be enough to create a fear or phobia,' says Christopher. 'However, a lot of fears do start in childhood for the simple reason we haven't developed the same ability of taking events in perspective to rationalise them.'

So how can I stop passing my fears onto my child?

So, how can we convincingly tackle our child's phobia if it's the same as our own? How can we encourage them to think logically about something they're afraid of, if we can't even do it ourselves? Overcoming fear is tough, but luckily, says Christopher, 'the techniques that work on adults will normally work the same way for children too.

If you notice your child becoming scared or fearful, it's a good idea to ask them some questions – what is it they're scared of? What do they think might happen? And then get them to challenge their own thought process by asking to think how likely it is that it really will.'

'Another method is to let them have fun with the images they are making in their mind when they are afraid. Ask them to play with those images, make it a cartoon or get them to imagine everyone in the image with Mickey Mouse ears, or imagine the fearful event at high speed and everyone in it has a chipmunk voice. This should quickly reduce the fear that they are feeling.'

'Once you have done this with your child, you might find it easier to apply these methods to your own fear.'

Ultimately, it's important not to suffer in silence and always seek the help of a professional if you fear yours or your child's fear is getting out of control.

'Of course my best advice to help your child not develop fears and phobias is to consult a professional with knowledge in these areas,' he adds. 'They will be able to help you tailor an approach that's right for your child.'

A recent study from the Maternal Mental Health Network showed that in the UK today, over 81% of new mothers are parenting with a mental health problem.

This number isn't just down to postnatal depression, which up to 10% of women can experience in the first year after giving birth.

Many new mothers also suffer from existing mental health issues, including anxiety, OCD and eating disorders, and learning to reconcile long-term health problems with the stresses of being a new parent can be extremely difficult.

We spoke to Jayne Hardy, founder of The Blurt Foundation, who's battled through depression and anxiety for nearly 20 years, but now enjoys a healthy and happy family unit with her husband and three-year-old daughter Peggy.

Here, she opens up about her ongoing battle with her mental health and how she's raising her daughter to prioritise hers...

I first decided that I wanted children at 25, which is when I got married - but I was suffering really, really badly with depression at that point.

I was diagnosed at 22, but in hindsight, it was something I had struggled with in my late teens. In the society of the time, we didn't talk about depression as much then as we do now - we didn't have social media or ways to share our experiences - and so the only people I had to relate to were my friends and family, and none of them spoke about depression either. I didn't really understand what it was; I knew it was a mental illness, but I didn't understand how common it was or how debilitating it could be.

I felt like I couldn't even look after myself, so there was no way I was going to be able to look after another human being. I just didn't feel fit to be a parent.

It took me seven years until I was actually brave enough to even try for a baby. I'd worked on myself: I'd had CBT [cognitive behavioural therapy], I'd spoken to other people who had had children when they were suffering with mental health issues, and by then I felt like it was something I could do - it just took me seven years to get there. When I was pregnant I thought it was fantastic and was so relieved, but it was a really horrible, long journey to get to that point.

When I was expecting, it became less about me and more about Peggy, and I continued to do a lot of work on myself, because I didn't want to pass on any negative tendencies. There's a lot that you can beat yourself up about, being a parent, but you learn from making mistakes, but when she arrived, I felt almost like I'd been set free - like I'd had this brand new baby, and I finally could be myself.

I've struggled with things like lack of sleep, because sleep is something that helps me to manage my depression. For the first few weeks [after giving birth] you can't really eat anything either, because bubbs is always needing something the minute you sit down! It hasn't been easy, and it's definitely something that I've got to factor in to lots of my decisions, but my partner and I tag team as parents together. If I feel like depression is really getting me down, then I'll have a day or two to myself to try and catch up on my sleep, to eat well, and take back control.

Anxiety is something I still struggle with - yesterday, for instance, I drove in the car on my own for the first time since November. Depression can usually take effect quite slowly, and you don't realise you've got it until you've had it for quite a while, whereas anxiety can just come out of nowhere. Once you've experienced an anxiety attack, you fear the attack itself, and that affects your life – being afraid of certain situations can hold you back from certain things, and I don't want to not be able to drive my daughter places. I've had some CBT, and read some books about mindset, which really helped me to feel like I'm in charge of my brain, rather than having it overpower me.

I'm very aware that I might not be spending so much time with my child, but I'd rather she got the best of me – if I have to take myself away so I can take care of myself to be a good parent, then that's what I should do. Of course there is guilt, but there's guilt about everything; being a working a mum, the guilt is rife!

We do very much try to talk about self care [with our daughter] all the time; so if she's had a really busy morning, we'll read some books, take some time, and very much make sure that there are some quiet spaces in her life. She's three so she's into everything, and she'll just be non-stop from the minute she gets up to the minute she goes to bed. But we're trying to teach her that stopping is important, and that peace and quiet is necessary, and just trying to teach her that there are different tempos to life.

We're not talking about our mind health yet, but if I do have to take that time out, we just say that "mummy's feeling a bit poorly", just as we would if she had tonsillitis or something. When she's old enough to understand the word depression, and what it means in its entirety, I will use the word. 'I have depression, it's something I struggle with' should be normal to say. But for now we're just laying down important foundations for her to understand that you can be unwell in your mind, as much as you can physically.

Becoming a parent has, for the most part, been liberating. I've learnt that beating yourself up about things you can't control is the worst thing that you can do - and that was the best thing I could have learnt, because being a parent there's so much you could do that about. I just do the best I can with what I know.

I do feel sad, that depression took motherhood from me for so long, when I'm enjoying it so much, but I'm so lucky that I've got to experience it now.

Stacey from Kickstartbabies was selected as one of our BISS December winners and in her guest blog explains what 'mumxiety' means to her, and how she's overcome those niggling feelings of negativity...

Wondering what 'mumxiety' is? Allow me to enlighten you. To me, mumxiety can be anything from those daily, niggling feelings of guilt in the back of my mind (yep - we all have them!) to those terrifying, all-out pangs of 'I'm doing EVERYTHING wrong' mummy-worry.

Even if we start the day consciously trying to relax and not let the little things get to us, it seems there's always something to trip us up and send us reeling back into the pits of mumxiety.

(Take Charlotte from SATC as an example. She spent an entire week worrying and whittling over drinking the water in Mexico... she finally relaxed, let her guard down, opened her mouth in the shower, and consequently... well... she crapped herself.)

I think mumxiety is very similar to that. We're constantly crapping ourselves about crapping ourselves. We've just got to be able to laugh when the inevitable happens, and know that all the whittling and worrying really isn't necessary, because some days, crap's just going to happen.

I was first introduced to anxiety when I birthed it, along with my twins and a couple of placentas.

(Ok, so apparently, I didn't 'give birth', I had them out the sunroof. But this is my point exactly...) When I took on my new role as mummy, I soon realised that regardless of what worked for me, there was 'apparently' a right and wrong way of doing things, giving birth included.

I was thrown into a steaming pit of unwanted opinions, questions and pushy decisions on my version of motherhood. Like how I was feeding them, sleeping arrangements, why their names sounded like gangsters, how we'd need a girl next to complete our family, not to mention the unconventional route we'd taken just to get pregnant. I felt huge pressures on what was expected of me. Social media, magazines, adverts and toddler groups all painted this perfect picture of what motherhood should look like. But what it looked like on someone else, didn't look good on me. I've slowly learnt that that's ok.

In the first few days I buckled under the pressure of 'breast is best', sobbing as I pumped my leaky, cracked nipples to keep up with the demand of two babies in neo that my body hadn't been ready to birth. Even though I didn't want to do it in the first place, I didn't say, through fear of sounding like a selfish, new mother and little by little, I let it bleed into every vein of my first 18 months of motherhood, and I regret that.

It's taken me a long time to realise that actually, being the 'best' mum means being a happy mum.

Don't get me wrong, I still have moments where I lie about being busy because I'm still in my dressing gown, changing my fifth nappy on three hours sleep, and when I get hot sweats at the very thought of toddler groups. While other mums have perfect hair that's been washed with actual shampoo, I'm happy to admit that I buy £31 worth of online shopping from ASDA that I don't need, just to get the £9 worth of shopping that I actually do, without leaving the house. But that's ok!

Remember this, fellow mumxiety sufferer: the biggest judge of all is actually yourself! So please stop your pointy finger!

Stacey was selected as a BISS guest blogger after entering our December linky. For your chance to write for GoodtoKnow, check out our Because I Said So platform.

Juliette Burton, 30, is an award-winning actress, writer and comedy performer.

She also, along with many other people in the UK, lives with symptoms of anxiety. With recent stats from Mind revealing that four fifths of 18 to 34 year olds put on a brave face when they are anxious, it's becoming more important than ever to understand anxiety and how those affected cope.

Image: Alexis Dubus Photography

Juliette is an award-winning actress, and shares her experiences with anxiety in her stand-up routines

Here, Juliette explains the things no-one tells you about anxiety:

1. When people tell you to breathe, you laugh at them and say 'Of course I know how to breathe!' then realise as you take a deep breath that actually maybe you don't.

2. You try meditation and realise it's really hard; I mean, who has the time to inhale air and exhale air?! Do you really need to take in that much oxygen? Really!?

3. Leaving the house gets your heart rate going more than Benedict Cumberbatch.

4. You're sometimes hit suddenly by a feeling of nausea and light-headedness, and you haven't just seen Benedict Cumberbatch.

5. You get pains in your middle like you've been playing in the Rugby World cup and an All Black has just kneed you in the stomach.

6. You pace up and down so much you’ve worn away your very own runway into your carpet.

7. Sitting down and being still is the worst, like THE WORST, and nobody else seems to get it.

8. When people say 'Calm down' you want to grab them and shout 'WHY DO YOU SPEAK THIS ALIEN LANGUAGE TO ME? DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD'VE CALMED DOWN IF I COULD CALM DOWN BY NOW?! DO YOU KNOW HOW DEEPLY UNHELPFUL THAT IS?!!' Which, you know, might not be the most helpful thing to do either.

9. You can't sleep. It happens so often you go on Twitter to proclaim how insomnia is the best and make loads of new Twitter friends who all live in Australia.

10. It might be cold but you suddenly feel really hot, your palms are sweaty and are confused as to why. This may often happen at night. And Benedict Cumberbatch is unfortunately not in bed with you.

11. You forget what it feels like to wake up 'refreshed' and start resenting those perky smug gits who are 'morning people'.

12. You, erm, well, you have trouble with, well, you know... *whispers* toilet stuff. Oh come on! I'm British! We don't talk about things like IBS! But we’re gonna have to start…

13. Little things, like how you can't get your hair to be exactly right, suddenly become The Most Important Thing In The World Or I Will Die.

14. You find one of the only things that helps is when you cry*. Really cry. And don't stop crying until you need to**.

15. *The reason for crying is not always important, just the fact that you're feeling real feelings and not shutting them away. If you need to cry because you've just remembered that Benedict Cumberbatch is now married, go for it. It might be more helpful than you realise.

16. **For friends and family of those who might have anxiety: Saying 'Don't cry' is akin to saying 'Calm down' – not the most helpful. Let people cry; it's good for them.

Think you or someone you know might be experiencing symptoms of anxiety? Text 'ANXIETY' to 70660 to receive a free copy of your Mind guide to stress and anxiety.

Coping with depression is an on-going project.

There's no hard and fast rule about which depression treatment will and won't work for you, and it may take time for you to find a solution that helps you manage the condition day-to-day.

However, if you are struggling with symptoms of depression and feel like there is no hope, you should know that there are many options that can and will make you feel like yourself again.

How to cope with depression

Think as positive as possible

It sounds painfully obvious, but as mental health charity Mind says, 'If you are starting to feel depressed, it can be very easy to get into a cycle of automatic negative thoughts that then become difficult for you to challenge: you get depressed and then you get more depressed about being depressed. Being in a state of depression can then become a bigger problem than the actual difficulties that caused it in the first place.'

Use distraction techniques to occupy yourself, and try to identify patterns in negative thoughts so you can begin to address them. When you're feeling low, it's not as easy as simply switching your thought process, but making a conscious effort to approach situations is a great start to self-care.

Socialise when you feel able to

One of the most overwhelming symptoms of depression is often a feeling of isolation - but your friends and family want to help you, so don't withdraw yourself from their support by cutting them off.

The longer you leave it, the harder it seems to reach out, so try to make contact with loved ones on a regular basis - daily, weekly, fortnightly, whatever works for you. If you really don't feel up to face-to-face meet-ups, make a phone call, send a text or even an email instead. They'll be pleased to hear from you, and even a brief conversation will remind you that you're not in this by yourself.

Establish a routine

Depression can throw your whole life out of sync, often leading to poor sleeping or eating habits. The NHS advises maintaining as much of a normal routine as possible to give yourself a sense of structure.

Spending the day in bed can seem like the preferable option, but it'll only make you feel worse in the long run. Set your usual alarm, get washed and ready for the day, and eat meals and snacks at regular intervals. You'll feel much more of a sense of achievement than if you stayed buried under the duvet.

Take up exercise

Both scientific research and anecdotal evidence show that staying active can either help prevent symptoms of depression, or ease them when they are present. Exercise activates chemicals in your brain called endorphins, which reduce your perception of pain and trigger a positive feeling in the body.

Swimming, running or walking and team sports are all excellent activites that will stimulate both your muscles and your mind; it comes down to finding an activity that suits you. Remember, it doesn't need to be a conventional 'sport' - even getting out into the garden or going for a stroll gets your body moving and releases the same hormones.

Other alternative or natural remedies for depression, like mood-boosting foods and supplements, may not be a complete treatment on their own, but can also help to lessen your symptoms.

Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms

Just as healthy living, exercise and lots of sleep can soothe you, relying on substances like alcohol, cigarettes and caffeine can cause you further difficulties - particularly alcohol, as it is a known depressant.

According to the Royal College of Psychiatrists, 'Alcohol can be a very effective way of feeling better for a few hours. If you are depressed and lacking in energy, it can be tempting to use alcohol to help you keep going and cope with life. The problem is that it is easy to slip into drinking regularly, using it like a medication. The benefits soon wear off and the drinking becomes part of a routine.'

If you start to feel like you 'need' a drink, begin drinking earlier in the day, or your work or relationships begin to suffer, it's advisable to stop drinking, either independently or with medical assistance.

Join a self-help group

Talking to your friends and family is certainly helpful, but speaking to someone who is also experiencing depression can offer a fresh perspective, as well as advice on coping methods that work for them, and may work for you too. Self-help groups are often led by people who have overcome depression themselves and will be able to empathise and support you through your own journey.

To find a group in your area, visit Mind, whose centres support more than 400,000 people across England and Wales, or ask your GP for more information.

Allow yourself to seek out enjoyment

Many people with depression feel like they don't deserve positive experiences, but the truth is that pampering yourself is an important part of care and recovery. Eat the cupcake, run the bubble bath, arrange a trip you've always wanted to take - whatever you decide to do with your time, ensure that it's something that will make you feel happier and more empowered.

Setting yourself small, achieveable goals can also provide a huge sense of satisfaction long-term. It doesn't have to be a giant leap from facing the day to facing your entire career or life ambition; make a list of just two or three ideas, then work your way through them at your own pace. You'll surprise yourself with how much you can achieve.

Speak to your GP

Most people diagnosed with depression are treated by their GP who will help them manage their condition. A small minority of people may be referred to a psychiatrist or a member of the local Community Mental Health Team for specialised help. Depending on your symptoms, the severity of the depression, and your circumstances, your GP might suggest anti-depressant drugs, some form of talking treatment or a combination of both, although in severe circumstances hospitalisation may be recommended.

Talking treatments typically include cognitive behavioural therapy, which helps to identify and change negative feelings, or mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, which focuses on living in the present moment and dispelling fears about the future, usually in a group environment. You may also be offered counselling.

If medication is prescribed, it is usually some form of antidepressants, which increase levels of a group of chemicals in the brain called neurotransmitters. Certain neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and noradrenaline, can improve mood, leading to a relief in symptoms. However, antidepressants do not address the causes of depression, and so are usually used in tandem with other treatments.

For more information on managing and treating depression, visit nhs.uk.

Around 1 in 4 people will experience some sort of mental health problem in the course of a year and women are more likely to have been treated for a mental health problem than men.

We all try and look after our physical health, but how much do we actually take care of our mental health? There are ways to keep your mind healthy - follow our top tips to boost your mental health.

1. Look after your body

If you look after your physical health, then your mental health also improves. * Make sure you eat a balanced diet * Avoid cigarettes * Drink plenty of water * Exercise regularly

2. Talk about your feelings

Make sure you find some supportive people and then share how you feel with them.

Having someone else listen to your feelings can help massively and simply putting them into words can help you think more clearly.

If you don't have anyone to talk to, then ring or email a helpline.

3. Keep in touch with family and friends

Regular social contact can make all the difference to someone suffering with mental health problems.

Keeping up your close relationships has a big impact on how we feel on a daily basis. Simply making a phone call, sending an email or a text keeps up the connection.

And if you know someone who is depressed, then a quick call can really help.

4. Reduce stress

This can be easier than it sounds, but continued stress can have a long-term effect on your mental and physical health.

Start by trying to make your home as stress-free as possible: clear up mess, make sure there's enough light and that you have somewhere you can go to relax. - Follow our expert advice on how to reduce stress

5. Give yourself a challenge

Trying a new activity or setting a goal helps to focus your thoughts and actions and also gives you something to aim for.

Your challenge has to be something realistic, like learn how to play an instrument simply, or get fit enough to walk up the stairs at work without feeling exhausted.

Don't make the challenge totally unachievable - like running a marathon. The idea of it is to have fun and broaden what you normally do.

6. Laugh and cry

Laughing has been shown to boost your immune system, relieve pain and even protect your heart.

And it is also a big factor in relieving depression and other mental health problems. It reduces tension and stress and also lowers irritation.

Surprisingly, a good sob is also good for your mental health. You may not particularly enjoy it at the time, but crying can release bottled-up feelings and many people feel as if a weight has been released afterwards.

7. Make time for yourself

One of the characteristics of people with poor mental health is that they spend more time worrying about other people than themselves.

To improve your mental health, make time to sort out what really matters in your life.

Don't let your hobbies and interests get pushed into the background. Try to fit things into the day that you enjoy and also help you relax, be it listening to music or reading a book - even if it's just for 10 minutes.

8. Make a plan

Not knowing how you're going to fill your day is one thing that people with poor mental health find the most troubling.

On a Monday, force yourself to write down at least one thing you're going to do every day in the following week.

This means when you wake up in the morning you won't be faced with an empty 24 hours.

More help and advice

- Get more facts about different mental health conditions - 10 ways to fight depression - Expert advice on beating stress - Mind: mental health charity or call 0845 766 0163 - Mental Health Foundation