If someone can’t change something about themselves in under 30 seconds, it’s best not to mention it, one teacher advises her students. 

We want to instill positive traits in our children, that allow them to grow up into healthy, well-rounded adults. From how to raise happy kids, to confident and resilient kids,  parents often seek resources to help their children be the best version of themselves. 

You can do this in many ways, but implementing simple rules to help kids be kind is a good place to start instilling good habits. One such kindness rule has proved popular on social media in recent weeks, with almost two million likes on Instagram so far, and it’s so easy to remember. It’s well worth showing your children – and we can keep it in mind as adults, too!

Natalie Ringold, an elementary school teacher in Minnesota, posted a video of herself explaining the rule to her class. In the clip, she says, “If somebody can’t change something about themselves in 30 seconds or less, then you shouldn’t be mentioning it to them.”

For example, telling someone that their shoes are untied or their trousers are unzipped is kind and helpful, because they can solve the problem in under 30 seconds before going about their day again. In contrast, says Ringold, “If you comment on someone’s hair colour, or hair texture, or hairstyle, or body, they cannot change that in 30 seconds or less.

She compares making comments about things people can’t change to squeezing toothpaste out of the tube – you can’t take them back and undo your actions, just as you can’t put toothpaste back in the tube. “It’s very messy,” she explains, “You can’t totally take those words back.”

It seems obvious, and makes perfect sense, but we’ve all made a comment at one time or another that could have hurt somebody. So, it’s a good rule to show your children – it might make them consider how they use their words, and what they say to the people in their lives. 

Ringold also writes in her caption that it’s important to make things right by apologising when you make a mistake – if someone’s feelings get hurt, it’s not the end of the world, and while you can’t take back what’s been sent, an apology will go some way to making them feel better. 

In related news, child psychologist Dr Becky explains how to support a child with ‘explosive’ emotions, while if you’re raising an anxious kid, here are six things that mental health experts want parents to know. We’ve also got six signs, identified by a child expert, that you’re raising an emotionally intelligent child, as well as three tips to set screen time boundaries from parenting experts.

If you're at a loss when it comes to disciplining your kids, sturdy parenting might help - and it's approved by child psychologist Dr Becky.

With so many different parenting styles to choose from, it's difficult for mums and dads to know which one will best fit their family. From the empathetic gentle parenting to the more strict authoritative parenting style, there's no right or wrong choice, but that doesn't make it any easier to know how best to discipline your child.

'Sturdy parenting' is one parenting style you may not have heard of before. Fortunately, child psychologist and author of Good Inside Dr Becky Kennedy has explained it - so you can decide whethere this particular parenting style is the one for you.

Posting on Instagram, she explained that sturdy leaders "prioritise connection and set boundaries to effectively change behaviour" - sounds good, right?

Explaining further in the caption, Dr Becky says, "When we’re able to validate feelings and hold boundaries, we stay connected to our kids and build the skills they need to actually change behavior. This is the kind of parenting that builds strong relationships… breaks intergenerational cycles… and truly changes lives."

What is sturdy parenting?

Using the example of a child throwing a football across the room after being told not to, Dr Becky compares three different parenting styles and how they would respond:

1. Punishment parenting: You say, "If you do that again, no dessert tonight." Dr Becky says this is not effective in teaching skills to change behaviour and creates fear.
2. Permissive parenting: You say, "Throwing is so fun! We throw outside, not inside." While this maintains connection, it gives no boundary and is therefore also not effective in teaching skills to change behaviour.
3. Sturdy parenting: You say, "I won't let you throw that ball here. I'm going to take the ball because it's too hard to see it inside and not throw it. You're a good kid, you can throw it outside later."

The impact of the sturdy parenting response, Dr Becky says, is that it both maintains connection and sets a firm boundary, which leads to effective behaviour change.

And many of her followers were grateful for the advice. One wrote under the post, "Loved seeing the difference!" while another said, "So helpful, thank you!!" and one added, "Examples are sooooo helpful. Love this!"

But not everyone agrees. One user commented, "Sturdy parenting is actually punishment in disguise to appeal to the authoritarian parents", while another said, "How is Number 2 permissive?! it sets the boundary by saying that we don’t throw the ball outside."

Others questioned how they could apply the technique to other scenarios, with one writing, "I love this, but what if there isn’t a removable thing. Like playing too hard with their sibling?"

In other parenting news, one expert has claimed that kids 'learn nothing' from being told to say sorry - here's how you can teach them to apologise in different ways. Elsewhere, psychologists swear by this acronym to navigate those tough parenting moments and this is why your teenager thinks you don’t understand them - and how to respond when they yell ‘You don’t understand me!’ in an argument.

If you have a child who often experiences feelings of anxiety, psychologists have explained some ways you can respond when they're struggling with their emotions.

We all want to know how to raise happy kids, but as children's mental health becomes a growing concern, this can feel like an increasingly difficult task. An NHS England survey found that one in five children and young people in England aged eight to 25 had a probable mental disorder in 2023, and anxiety is a condition that's unfortunately not uncommon among young people - which is why it's important to recognise the subtle ways your child expresses anxiety.

Knowing how to respond to the condition and support your child through it can make a huge difference, and Fortune recently spoke to psychology experts to find out what parents need to know about raising children with anxiety. If your child is struggling with severe anxiety, it's important to visit your GP or seek professional help, such as that provided by YoungMinds, but there are also things you can keep in mind next time your child is experiencing those challenging feelings.

6 things to remember when raising an anxious child

1. Anxiety can look like behavioural issues

"Anxiety can manifest as yelling or fighting you on something," Dr Thea Gallagher told Fortune. "Sometimes it can be difficult to figure out if this is normal kid behaviour or if it’s caused by something bigger or deeper."

But this doesn't mean that you should chalk a temper tantrum up to your child’s anxiety and assume you can’t do anything about it, added pediatric psychologist Tyanna Snider. After they settle down, remind them that you have rules and expectations, and that there are consequences when they’re not followed.

2. Acknowledge your child's feelings

It's important to validate your child's emotions when they're upset. "A child’s worry may seem silly to an adult, but it is proportional to their world," explained psychologist Izabela Milaniak. “Avoid making comments like, ‘It’s not a big deal’ or ‘You have nothing to worry about.’"

Instead, explain that you understand how they're feeling, but encourage them to try and take charge of their emotions and not let anxiety take over.

3. Staying calm is crucial

It can be difficult for parents to keep their cool if their child is screaming, crying or having a tantrum. But if you can, try to stay calm - this will help you to help them manage the big emotions they're experiencing.

Dr Thea Gallagher said, "The best thing you can do with your child when they’re getting worked up is to be as calm as possible, reiterate their options, and talk about the choices they can make."

4. Let them ride the wave

"If your child is at peak anxiety - a 10 out of 10 - sometimes we need to ride that wave," Tyanna Snider told Fortune. "You’re probably not going to make an effective change if they’re already at that high of a level."

That can mean just being there for your child, hugging them, or giving them space to be by themselves until they calm down.

5. Don't avoid the causes

If there is something in particular that triggers feelings of anxiety in your child, it might feel like it makes sense to avoid it. However, avoidance can grow symptoms of anxiety over time.

Instead, Izabela Milaniak recommended that parents "compassionately foster bravery skills" with anxious kids. That means reiterating expectations by saying things like, 'I know this is hard for you and going to school is one of your responsibilities, like going to work is mine. What can we do to make going into school easier today?'

6. Highlight the good stuff

Praising your child when they're doing well is crucial, say experts, so make sure you let them know you're proud when things go to plan. Open-ended questions can be helpful, too, like asking your child to share the best and worst parts of their day, which aids communication.

And Tyanna Snider added that you need to remind yourself that you're doing your best too. "Oftentimes, parents of children with anxiety are really stressed, frustrated, and unsure of what to do next," she said. "But it’s important to remind yourself that you’re a good parent and caregiver, even if things don’t feel like they’re going well at that moment."

Elsewhere, we've asked the experts to explain the signs of depression in children, and what you can do if you're worried about your child's mental health. If you or someone in your family struggles with anxiety, we've also shared how to manage stress and some breathing exercises for anxiety.

Struggling to set screen time boundaries with your kids? Parenting experts Dr Becky Kennedy and Professor Emily Oster have shared three top tips.

Nomophobia - the fear of being away from a mobile phone - is an increasing concern for families, as many parents have noticed the negative effects of screen time on their children. It's no surprise then, that so many are looking for advice on how to reduce screen time. 

Fortunately, child psychologist Dr Becky Kennedy and parenting expert Professor Emily Oster have teamed up to share three tips on setting screen time boundaries in your family. Dr Becky is the author of Good Inside, a parenting guide book, while Emily Oster is an economist who translates data into parenting advice - so they're both well placed to offer their expertise on the topic.

3 tips to set screen time boundaries

1. Know your job: Dr Becky encourages you to remember "my job is not to make my kid happy, my job is to make decisions that I believe are best for my kid." She says that reminding yourself of this will make sure you aren't thrown off if your kid whines or screams.
2. Plan your screen time boundaries in advance: Emily Oster says, "Think about how much screen time people are getting, when is the screen time, what form does it come in and write out a plan." This way, everyone knows what boundaries they should expect.
3. Have your script ready: Dr Becky helpfully shares hers: "Sweetie, it's time to put down your device like we talked about. I get it, it's hard. It's hard for me too." This means you are telling them to put it down, not asking, which makes the boundary clear.

After posting the advice on Instagram, many of the experts' followers were grateful for the tips. One wrote in the comments, "Thank you for these tips. Gaming is starting to become a struggle for my 8 year old." Another said, "These are great tips! I think the first one about reminding yourself about your job is so essential because as soon as that meltdown comes its easy to scramble and start negotiating".

Others shared their own tips for setting screen time boundaries with kids. One shared, "Something we have found helpful is discussing the effect of screens on the brain...It's an ongoing conversation but it is helping." While some placed importance on giving kids a warning - with one saying "Also, give them a 5 minute warning!" and a different user adding, "We also give grace if they are finishing a video game at that point. Just like I would like grace if I am finishing a conversation on text."

In related news, parents are being warned that screen time is being scientifically linked to abnormal behaviour in toddlers, and experts have shared with us nine ways your phone addiction is affecting your children - and how to reverse the effects.

There are benefits to taking a step back and letting kids figure out things on their own - some psychologists have called it 'lazy' parenting.

When you're raising a child, you probably spend a lot of time thinking about which parenting style best fits your family dynamic. Many modern parents are opting for the empathetic gentle parenting style, while others prefer the more traditional and strict authoritative parenting style. But do we need more 'lazy' parents? Some psychologists say yes.

The Institute of Child Psychology - founded by registered psychologists Tania Johnson and Tammy Schamuhn - shared a post on Instagram in which they argued that 'lazy' parenting could be the way forward. Though the label could be a bit misleading - it's not about being neglectful, of course - this approach includes recognising when your child is old enough to do chores and allowing them to fail and learn from the consequences.

The experts share five ways that 'lazy' parenting can be beneficial for children's development:

1. Mandate chores and cooking: 'Lazy parents' get their kids helping with chores as young as 18 months because that's when the helping instincts are ignited. Insisting that this help continues teaches that they need to take ownership of caring for the house they live in and the people in it.
2. Allowing their children to struggle at times: Rushing to immediately help a child who is struggling with a task robs them of the opportunity to learn vital skills, including mastery, competence, problem-solving, critical thinking, and frustration tolerance.
3. Not being there to entertain their child 24/7: Boredom is important - it increases frustration tolerance, cultivates creativity, and teaches problem-solving. Plus, entertaining children all the time is just plain exhausting!
4. Backing off from homework battles: It's not the parents' homework, so they don't need to be in charge of it. Parents can act like 'homework consultants', but taking on the work themselves could send the message that the child can't be successful on their own.
5. Experiencing natural consequences: Accept that there will be times when a child doesn't do what they need to, and it's ok for them to feel uncomfortable as a result. For example, if they don't wear a coat, they will experience feeling cold.

Other Instagram users agreed with the expert advice. One wrote under the post, "As a middle school teacher - I love all of this! Particularly the part about letting kids be “bored.” The iPad generation struggles so much with any moment of down time". Another said, "This is all so great! Such a great idea to be a 'lazy parent'".

But others objected to the use of the word 'lazy'. One commented, "I get that this post is facetiously using "lazy", but can that word be retired, already? I'm a Psychotherapist and it's the most loaded word for clients (often stemming from childhood). I truly don't believe there is such a thing as being lazy - humans are doing what they're capable of in most moments."

Another who took issue with the word said, "The word “lazy” should never be used. It takes an immense amount of skill and discipline to weave the thread of developing a child that has an awareness of self and confidence to persevere through challenges perceived as failure."

Similarly, some parents argued that there's nothing 'lazy' about this approach - and it in fact takes an immense amount of effort to hold back as a parent. One follower commented, "Honestly [though]…it’s easier to do everything for them, and keep them in safe bubbles. Takes a lot of discipline, patience and nerves to let your child struggle, be bored, and be uncomfortable".

Another said, "I do all these things but it’s not because I’m lazy. Actually it seems to take far more effort to leave my daughter to figure something out or wait for her to finish a ‘chore’".

In other family news, this is why your teenager thinks you don't understand them (and how to deal with it) and a child psychotherapist has revealed why toddlers hit their parents. Elsewhere, here's how you can help your child develop gratitude as they grow.

Remembering this acronym can navigate tough moments with kids of any age, according to psychologists. We explain how you can try it yourself...

Raising kids is one of the hardest things any person can do. Just when you think you've got your parenting style figured out and are in the swing of family life, your little one hits a new child development stage and you feel like you're back at square one. When emotions are high, it's normal for kids to have a 'meltdown' (in fact, tantrums can be healthy), but that doesn't make it any easier for the parents to deal with.

That's why we're always on the hunt for expert-led tips and guidance that can help families navigate difficult moments. Parenting experts and registered psychologists Tania Johnson and Tammy Schamuhn recently shared their expert advice with CNBC - and it's so easy to remember.

They say that their acronym, H.E.L.P., can guide parents when it comes to navigating difficult moments with kids of any age. It stands for Halt, Empathy, Limits and Proximity - and here's how you can use it yourself.

H is for Halt

Children often convey their struggles through misbehaviour or meltdowns, and deal with discomfort and stress through tantrums and crying. It can feel really hard to ignore the 'instant reaction' a tantrum can cause, and while it's easier said than done, before you react to their behaviour, try to stop and ask yourself why they might be acting this way.

The experts explain, "Self-awareness can save us from falling into old patterns we adopted from our own family of origin and allow us to act from a place of compassion and intention." As a parent, try to see through the behaviour and get to the heart of the issue.

They add that, particularly with older children, you could take an entire day or sleep on it while 'halting', before moving on to E, L, and P.

E is for Empathy

This step is all about making sure your children feel safe, seen, and heard. Tammy and Tania suggest some of the steps you can take to show your child you believe them when they tell you how they feel:

• Welcome their feelings. Lean in, get on their level, and make eye contact.
• Acknowledge and validate their feelings. With a soft tone, say, “I can see you’re feeling so …” “You must be feeling so …” or “You’re so ____ with me right now.”
• Really listen. Summarise and/or paraphrase (e.g., “So what I’m hearing you say is your friends ignored you all day, and you felt really lonely”) and clarify if needed (“So no one talked to you at lunch and you felt really sad, am I understanding you correctly?”).
• Don’t judge. Feelings are neither good nor bad. And while behaviour may not be acceptable, our children’s feelings always are.
• Don’t try to fix it. Allow for the crying, screaming, or verbal unloading. It’s about our children being seen and heard, not fixing the behaviour or problem.
• Say less. Talking too much overwhelms kids. This is more about our presence.
• Regulate your own emotions. Breathe and take a moment, or several, to compose and ground yourself. Ask yourself if your reaction is about you or your child.

L is for Limits

When your child is exhibiting big emotions, draw boundaries, create structure, and teach more appropriate behaviour. You can do this by first validating the emotion, then conveying that the behaviour was not acceptable and offering alternatives.

Remember that boundaries focus on your own behaviour and what you will or will not tolerate, not what you expect the child to do. If you're still unsure, in a separate article a psychotherapist has explained what setting a boundary with your kids really sounds like.

Tania and Tammy give an example for a child who gets agitated at the dinner table: "I can see you’re so frustrated right now, you don’t want to eat your dinner. But you may not throw things when you’re upset. You may tell us that you’re frustrated or take a quick walk and come back."

P is for Proximity

You might be tempted to walk away because you’re overwhelmed by your child's big emotions or because you don't want to indulge them. However, Tammy and Tania say, "To help calm our children, we need to stay close."

They add, "Look for the moment when their anger or frustration shifts into sadness. This is the golden moment of connection we don’t want to miss. It’s the key to children learning they can be vulnerable and show their authentic self."

If it is too hard and you do need to step away then that's ok - explain to them that you need 30 seconds to breathe on your own and that you'll come back. Never underestimate the power a parent's physical presence holds when it comes to self-regulating emotions.

In other family news, this is why your teenager thinks you don't understand them (and how to deal with it) and a child psychotherapist has revealed why toddlers hit their parents. Elsewhere, here's how you can help your child develop gratitude as they grow.

One expert has explained eight things you can do as a parent to help your child develop intrinsic motivation - and it means abandoning the sticker chart.

Motivating your kids to do things that they don't necessarily enjoy isn't easy, as parents know all to well. There's the struggle to get your kids out the door in the morning, and once your kids reach the age they're ready to do chores, that can be a whole new point of conflict. Many parents employ a sticker chart - where children receive stickers in exchange for desired behaviours - to help encourage kids to do things like brush their teeth, clean their room or do their homework. But one psychotherapist has shared why this method is unlikely to work in the long run.

Zara Kadir, aka The Therapy Shed, is a psychotherapist and mum with five years' experience working in schools. Taking to Instagram, she explained why sticker charts are a "quick fix", while the key to teaching kids intrinsic motivation takes much longer. But, fortunately, she's shared eight things you can do to help your kid grasp the skill.

Writing underneath her Instagram post, Zara explained, "The reason people love a star chart is because it does work quickly, but the results end as quickly as they start in many cases."

She added: "If you really want to teach your child intrinsic motivation, you have to think about a long game. This is a life skill, this is a skill that they will need when they’re at work and their boss isn’t there to give them a reward or a bonus every time they do something good. This is a skill that they will need if they’re an entrepreneur and nobody is there to witness their brilliance."

How to teach kids intrinsic motivation

1. Support autonomy: The more you encourage your child to explore, question and be curious, the more motivated they will be.
2. Encourage a positive mindset: Try encouraging your child to finish a negative statemtent with 'but luckily'. For example, "It rained so we had to leave the playground, but luckily we can go back tomorrow". Lead by example as a parent and do this yourself too.
3. Praise the specifics: Focus on the effort and not the outcome. Instead of saying, "You're so good at art," try, "You worked so hard to draw carefully and you look excited to share that with me. How does that feel?"
4. Avoid labelling them: Fixed statements like "you're so good at maths" don't prepare children for the possibility that this could change. This means they may give up with little effort when they eventually struggle with something.
5. Teach the value of mistakes: When children get frustrated, they need to hear you say "this is exactly how you're supposed to feel, this feels hard and you can do hard things". Encourage flexible thinking and explain, "you can't do it yet."
6. Set smaller goals: We need moments of success, so if your child is working on a skill point out the small steps they're making and encorage them to reflect on what they've done.
7. Mental time travel: If we encourage our children to think about what the future might look like when a skill or trait is nurtured, they're more likely to stay motivated.
8. Take a long-term view: A star chart might make things easier now, but when your child is an adult and no one is there to reward them for the things they do, how will they find the motivation?

In other parenting news, a psychologist has revealed how to give shy children more confidence. Elsewhere, these five pharses can teach your children about the mental load and there four tips can help teach your kids to share.

The teenage years are tough for everyone involved. But research has suggested that an approach known as 'reflective parenting' can be the key to reconnecting.

Reflective parenting is a style where you, as the adult, become aware of the behaviour you model for your child. Unlike other parenting styles, like tiger parenting, reflective parenting encourages compassion and means putting yourself in your teen's shoes and imagining the feelings they may be experiencing. It shifts the way you react to the behaviour. In practice, parents are asked to reflect on the meaning of the behaviour and to consider if their teen could be expressing a need.

Just because they can get themselves dressed and walk themselves to school doesn't mean that parenting teenagers is any easier than the early years. The changes that teenage brains go through creates a unique challenge for parents and, coupled with their need for independence, leaves many wondering why their teenager won't talk to them anymore and searching for teen conversation starters.

If you're at a loss for how to help your teen manage their emotions and the challenges that come with this formative time in their life, rest assured you're not alone. However, new research shared by online science magazine Neuroscience News has highlighted how using an approach known as 'reflective parenting' can improve communication and understanding between parents and teens.

Emphasising the importance of understanding the teenage brain to foster resilience and independence in adolescents, reflective parenting encourages parents to go beyond addressing challenging behaviours. Instead, the approach aims to help teenagers manage their feelings and relationships safely.

Sheila Redfern, a consultant clinical child and adolescent psychologist and author of How Do You Hug a Cactus? Reflective Parenting with Teenagers in Mind, explains, "Understanding the neuroscience of the changing teenage brain can really help parents to empathize and connect with their teenage children.

"This is not just a time of physical and neurological change, but also of great vulnerability. It’s during this period of development that teenagers are much more likely to engage in risky behaviour and develop a mental illness."

Expanding on the benefits of reflective parenting, Dr Redfern says that it can help keep a connection with your teenager as well helping them to manage, sometimes overwhelming and unwanted, feelings - which is an important life skill.

And there's a reason why teenagers struggle with their emotions. "Where adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part, teenagers process information with the amygdala – this is the emotional part," Dr Redfern says. "This leads teenagers to be preoccupied with their own emotions, particularly when they have an overwhelming emotion, and less able to tune into other people."

How to parent reflectively

Matt Albert, director of the Teshisnky Family Foundation, previously explained in Psychology Today that 'reflective capacity' is the natural way we make sense of ourselves and each other, and it has three elements:

1. Parents and children have separate minds with their own unique perspectives.
2. Behaviour has meaning and is dictated by what is going on inside our minds.
3. Misunderstandings and conflict are normal and common.

He urges parents to "Slow down, push pause, and reflect on what might be going on inside the child and themselves. When we are reflective, we are better able to recognise mistakes, clarify misunderstandings, and resolve conflicts - all of which are stress-reducing and promote resilience."

Dr. Redfern warns that parents who solely focus on fixing behaviour will leave their teenager not feeling understood or unable to manage the feelings that lie underneath. As teenagers lose their ability to be reflective because of changes in their brain (resulting in frequent states of high emotional arousal) parents can step in and help guide the process.

Meanwhile, Matt Albert offers five tips for parents to get started with reflective parenting:

1. Be there: Slow down and be present. It's not possible to do this if we react without thinking.
2. Accept: Our tendency is to want to change situations we don't like, but accepting our powerlessness is calming.
3. Empathise, validate, support: Parents need to let teens know they understand the (sometimes extreme) feelings their teen is experiencing are real and ok.
4. Teach coping skills: Teens need help seeing that current situations will not last forever and that the future will be ok. This will help them build resilience in the long-term.
5. Balance empathy with coping: Empathy is calming but too much of it can lead a parent to over-identify and experience as much pain as their child. Recognising that it is the child’s pain, not the parent's, will help with offering coping strategies.

Dr. Redfern acknowledges that being a reflective parent – simultaneously being aware of what’s in your own mind and being empathic and curious about the teenage mind – is difficult. "None of us can be a reflective parent all of the time, because our emotions rise and fall along with events that happen in our lives and as a result of the support (or lack of) that we get from other people," she says.

But if parents have serious concerns about their teen’s mental health, seeking professional help and advice is key.

In related news, we've asked the experts what to expect when your teen starts dating and how much sleep teenagers need (it turns out the reason they sleep in late isn't because they're lazy). Elsewhere, child psychologist Dr Becky has shared the one question to ask your teen to improve your relationship, and we've put together a list of 125 funny jokes for teens that might even get a smile out of them.

The phrases one psychologist uses 'on repeat' can help teach children all about the mental load - and it could have huge benefits for their future.

Parents - and mums in particular - will be very familiar with the mental load. It's similar to kinkeeping, and is the term used to describe the endless to-do list of things that keep your family happy and healthy and your household running. Explaining the mental load to your partner is hard enough, but explaining it to kids can be even more tricky, because it's not a tangible thing.

Nevertheless, making your kids aware of all that goes into raising a family can be beneficial for not only your current household, but your kid's future partner might thank you too. Mum of two and expert in the mental load and burnout Dr Morgan Cutlip recently shared on Instagram the phrases she uses to teach her kids about it.

Writing in the caption, Dr Morgan explained, "Change at home can change society. You can interpret these phrases as just regular parenting words, or even words to teach kids life skills; however I keep their future partners in mind."

5 phrases that teach kids about the mental load:

1. "Look around. What's one thing you see that needs [to be] done?"
2. "You try to find it first. Make sure you move things around when you look."
3. "You can get that yourself. If you need help I'm here, but that's something you can handle on your own."
4. "We're a family team, we all do things to make our home run smoothly."
5. "Let me teach you so you can do this on your own."

GoodtoKnow's Family Editor and mum-of-one, Stephanie Lowe, can relate to the struggle of teaching kids about the mental load. She shared: "I remember my husband bringing our toddler into the kitchen once and saying 'Mummy, how can we help you?' and I almost lost my proverbial. Like no, no, no, no. I will be teaching my son how to use his initiative and look to what might need doing when someone is cooking dinner, like setting the table or getting drinks. None of this weaponised 'help me to help you' incompetence that seems to be widely accepted from men these days."

And Dr Morgan's followers were impressed by her guidance. One follower commented, "Love these quick scripts!! It feels like so much work in the beginning but taking ownership over finding things or our family system together has been such a game changer".

Another said, "Everything here, I love it so much. Especially the let me teach you how to do it", while one joked, "Can I say these to my husband?"

Dr Morgan added in the caption: "It’s not perfect. Sometimes they just want to plop on the couch and have me bring them snacks. But we’re working on this and I truly believe that each family that cultivates the skills and mindset around the mental load differently in their children is making a difference in their children’s and their [potential] future partner’s family life."

For more parenting advice, a child psychologist has revealed how giving children ‘ownership’ over their day can stop tantrums and an Olympic gold medallist has shared the words to use when your kid wants to give up a sport. Elsewhere, he's the six things kids love to hear their parents say to each other.

Olympic gymnast Nastia Liukin has shared the words her parents told her whenever she wanted to quit - and you can use them too.

One of the hardest parts of parenting can be deciding when to push your children out of their comfort zone and when to listen to their concerns and allow them to pull back from something. Depending on your parenting style, you might take a different approach to this dilemma. Those who favour gentle parenting may decide that letting their child have control over what they do or don't participate in is an important boundary to teach, while stricter tiger parents are less likely to want their child to quit.

When it comes to playing sport some kids love it and some kids hate it, but exercise for kids is important. And, as many parents will know, the hobbies children decide they want to be part of can change like the weather. So it's understandable if you're reluctant to let your child give up on their chosen sport if they tell you they want to quit.

Fortunately, Olympic gymnast and gold medallist Nastia Liukin has shared her advice for when kids want to give up. Speaking to Today, she said, "You can never quit on a bad day, and I think it’s super important because, especially as kids — or even me now as an adult — sometimes you go through things in life and it's not going your way and you want to give up, but you can't quit on a bad day. It's so important to instil that in your kids."

Nastia was 18 when she won five medals in the 2008 Olympic Games, and she credits her parents, world champion gymnasts Valeri Liukin and Anna Kotchneva, for much of her success.

But even Olympians have days when they want to give up, and Nastia's mum had a great tactic for when this happened. "She would always say, 'That’s totally fine. You can quit, but not today,'" explained Nastia. "She would make me go back to the gym the next day and the next day until I had at least one good day. Then she’d say, 'OK, now you can quit; we’ll enrol you back in the public school and find another activity you want to do.'"

Sharing Nastia's advice on Instagram, Big Life Journal, an award-winning journal brand, expanded on how parents can use this approach to encourage kids to keep going.

They suggest explaining, "We all have bad days when we want to quit. When something feels hard, our brain and body resist because they want us to be comfortable. But if we quit on a bad day, we will never become great at something, and we might regret this later."

They add, "By adopting this mindset, we can help normalise struggle and honour our child's choice if they want to try something else."

In other parenting news, we've looked at how to teach children emotional intelligence, and why LEGO is great for young children’s development. Elsewhere, a child psychologist has shared three reasons why punishments don’t improve kids’ behaviour – and #2 makes so much sense.

Paying close attention to your child’s every need, jumping in to make all of their decisions or even struggling to leave your child alone with your partner? You might be a plastic wrap parent. 

From tiger to permissive, there are a plethora of parenting styles to choose from these days, and while there’s no one-size-fits-all, some are more effective in helping kids grow into happy and well-adjusted adults.  

As a parent, you do everything in your power to protect your child from harm or face challenges, but there’s a fine line between being protective and shielding them from any sort of adversity altogether. 

Much like helicopter parents (being over vigilant and heavily involved by hovering over their child’s every move), plastic wrap parenting is characterised by similar behaviours, where the parents excessively protect their children from experiencing any difficulties or challenges, essentially, wrapping them in plastic to shield them from harm – hence the name. 

While we totally get that you want to do everything to keep your child safe, experts have suggested that there are some negative effects of this approach that you'll want to be aware of: it could hinder a child’s ability to develop resilience, problem-solving skills and independence. Children raised in this way also may struggle with coping mechanisms, taking risks and decision-making later in life, as they may not have the opportunities to learn from failure or adversity. 

3 side effects of plastic wrap parenting

1. Dependence and anxiety: Overprotected children become overly dependent on their parents for decision-making and problem-solving, leading to anxiety when faced with their own challenges. In fact, a study published in Emerging Adulthood looked at how parents' controlling behaviours affect their kids' independence as they grow up and the researchers found that when parents are really controlling, especially during early adolescence, their kids tend to rely on them more later on. It's not just about the mum or dad doing it either, as both can have an effect. Basically, being too controlling when your kids are younger might backfire and make them more dependent on you when they're older. They may also struggle with anxiety when attempting to navigate the complexities of adult life without constant parental guidance.
2. Lack of resilience and coping skills: Being shielded from failure and adversity, overprotected children may lack resilience and coping skills. Without the experience of overcoming obstacles, children may struggle to cope with the inevitable challenges of adulthood and may be ill-equipped to handle rejection, criticism or failure. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology looked into how different parenting styles affect the mental health of Chinese teenagers and it turns out that the way parents treat their kids influences how they teens feel about themselves and how flexible they are mentally. For example, when parents are warm and supportive, it boosts the teens' self-esteem, but if parents are rejecting or too overprotective, it can make them less resilient.
3. Limited social and emotional development: The limited social and emotional development can impact their ongoing relationships and wellbeing. They may have difficulty forming meaningful connections in the future, stand up for themselves or adapt to new social environments.

There are many reasons why parents choose to parent this way, such as a lack of trust, past experiences, generational trauma, cultural or societal norms and the pressure to succeed. 

Stopping these overprotective behaviours can be tricky, so go easy on yourself if you want to stop the cycle. Validate your feelings first and understand that it’s natural to want to keep your child safe, while acknowledging the importance of allowing them to grow and learn through experiences. 

Encourage and support your child in taking on age-appropriate responsibilities, such as chores around the house or even letting them stay at home on their own for an hour or two. Start with small tasks and gradually increase independence as they show you they can handle it. 

Communication is key, too. Create a supportive environment where they feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings – and listening without judgement will earn you so many parenting points. You’re definitely not alone in this, and we know your overprotective nature comes from a place of love, so seek support from other parents, family members or friends who could provide valuable insights and encouragement. 

By approaching the process of letting go with empathy and understanding, you can gradually empower your child to navigate the world with confidence and independence.

In other parenting news, a paediatrician reveals 3 crucial parenting rules she follows around her house and a millennial mum has shared what her tween says are ‘old people names'.

Millennial parents have revealed the top family rules they're relying on throughout 2024 to make sure they don't make the same mistakes that their own parents made when they were growing up. 

There's lots of things millennials loved about their childhoods, not least the popular toys they played with that bring on a massive dose of nostalgia today. But for all the good memories, there's also some they'd rather forget. And, unfortunately, it's both the good and the bad childhood memories that shape who we are. 

No matter what experiences you had growing up, it's likely they've shaped your own parenting style. By understanding what people wish their parents had done differently while they were growing up, many millennial parents today have introduced, or completely removed, certain parenting rules from their children's lives to, hopefully, give them a different upbringing to the one they themselves had. 

With that in mind, POPSUGAR spoke to millennial parents to reveal what their parenting rules and tips look like today - and it really does prove they don't want to make the same mistakes as their parents. 

5 millennial parenting rules for 2024

1. Relaxing rules about sleep. "My daughter, who is 2, sleeps in our room, and she will until she doesn't want to anymore," one parent shared. "I hated sleeping by myself as a kid, and as an adult, I still don't sleep alone. I never want her to feel alone in her own house."
2. Making sure children understand the parent's own behaviour. "My biggest thing is apologising to my kids when I have my own big feelings," another said. "I was raised tiptoeing around adults' feelings, and when they would blow up, I always felt like it was my job to apologise to them or do them favours or be extra sweet until they felt better. Now, I make sure to apologise to my kids when I lose my sh** and explain that being a grown up can be hard." 
3. Rules about punishments. Another parent shared how they're taking a more gentle approach to parenting with their child after experiencing their own heated childhood. "We don't spank our kids," they said. "We may smack a hand or two in the heat of the moment, but never anything more than that. My mum was a spanking mom when I was a child, so it's something I feel really strongly about."
4. Teaching kids to open up about their feelings. "I wasn't allowed to stand up to my parents or say when something was bothering me or hurting my feelings. One of my proudest accomplishments is that my daughter is comfortable enough to tell me exactly how she's feeling or if I've hurt her feelings," another parent revealed. "Her being able to express her emotions openly is so nice for all of us."
5. Helping children feel comfortable with their emotions, no matter what they are. Sharing another emotion-led parenting technique, one parent said, "My son is allowed to be something other than happy. Growing up, if we had any feelings other than happy, we were told to fix our attitude. I tell my son he can feel his feelings."

Keep up to date with more family news like tired of yelling to get your child to listen? A parenting coach reveals her 3-step formula for setting boundaries and break the cycle of anger and guilt and I’m a parenting expert - this is the age your kids are really ready to do chores (and what they can learn from getting involved).

MrBeast chocolate is back - the world's biggest YouTuber is once again trying to flog chocolate bars, which won't have escaped your notice if you’re the parent of a child of a certain age.

Playgrounds up and down the country are abuzz with the news: MrBeast is at it again with confectionery. Not content with leading parents everywhere on a wild goose chase to track down his previous batch of chocolate, MrBeast has his fanbase in a fankle all over again over the latest range of Feastables chocolate bars. Remember when YouTubers KSI and Logan Paul had us hunting high and low for bottles of Prime? It's that dynamic all over again. Brace yourselves for some serious pester power, parents.

Jimmy Donaldson, the 25-year-old behind the MrBeast alter-ego, runs a fast food chain too. But judging by the reaction of those who've tried them, his burgers aren't much better than his Feastables chocolate bars. The YouTuber turned chocolate maker recently tweeted about his claim that the original Feastables bar tasted better than a Hershey's bar. 'I was in a Feastables business meeting and I realised tasting better than Hershey's wasn't so special,' he said. 'Doesn't anything on the planet taste better than a Hershey's bar? If everything tastes better than Hershey's what makes us special?'

The answer was apparently nothing. So now, MrBeast claims, he's created "the best-tasting chocolate ever made by mankind" complete with blind taste tests to prove it and see how the new formula compares to three of the top European chocolates.

There are seven MrBeast chocolate bars to buy in the new formula:

• Milk chocolate
• Milk crunch
• Almond
• Peanut butter
• Peanut butter crunch
• Dark chocolate
• Dark chocolate sea salt

In a video shared online, MrBeast broke the news that he was relaunching Feastables and, somewhat humbly, claimed that he had found the formula to create the best chocolate in the world. Consequently, shoppers in the USA are flocking to Walmart stores in search of the new MrBeast chocolate bars.  

Personally, I remain unconvinced. We all know Cadbury's has already made the best chocolate in the world. And, if you ask me, there is simply no way to improve upon the perfection that is a bar of Cadbury's Dairy Milk Marvellous Creations which, incidentally, is only £1.80 for a 160g bar at Tesco if you happen to be a Clubcard holder.

What does MrBeast chocolate taste like?

GoodtoKnow's Family News Editor, Ellie Hutchings, got her hands on the goods last time they hit the news and had this to say: "I’m a self-confessed chocoholic and while I’m not MrBeast’s target audience, when I heard a chocolate bar was landing on the market with no additives or flavourings and with a short ingredients list, I was very intrigued - particularly given how much ultra-processed food has been in the news recently.

"I tried the 'Milk Chocolate', ‘Crunch’ and ‘Deez Nuts’ bars and, to be honest, I wasn’t impressed. I’m really not a fan of American chocolate in general so perhaps that’s why (does it taste sweet? Yes. Does it taste like chocolate? NO.) My favourite was the peanut butter bar - probably because it masked the actual chocolate flavour - but despite being disappointed I did finish all three. (I did say I’m a chocoholic!) But even if Feastables are a ‘healthy’ chocolate bar, for the price I won’t be buying them."

She's not alone. After shelling out for a bottle of Prime that never got drunk beyond the first frenzied sip, I fell for the Feastables hype too. My 10-year-old daughter took one bite out of the coveted chocolate bar before grimacing and setting it gingerly aside, where it remained untouched until I eventually chucked it in the bin, cursing the internet in the process. 

As parents, it's all too easy to succumb to the latest playground craze or childhood fad. I've made special excursions to out-of-town toy shops to get my boys fidget spinners in the past, but I'm drawing the line at hunting for any more unpalatable chocolate bars or undrinkable drinks. 

Yes, I'm still sore about the fact that I never did get a Mr Frosty or a Care Bear as a kid, but I survived. And yes, it's tempting to fetch your child the moon on a stick because of the parental urge to fulfill all their dreams and wishes. But I've concluded that what my daughter needs is not yet another status symbol disguised as a chocolate bar. 

What she'll really benefit from is a firm 'no' when she asks me to fork out for Feastables, along with some gentle guidance on how to buck the playground trend and stand out from the chocolate-clutching crowd with confidence.

Can you buy MrBeast chocolate in the UK?

Yes. MrBeast Feastables chocolate bars are available to buy in the UK in both Asda and Spar but many stores have already run out and we can't see the new formulas available to buy online yet.

If this has put you in the mood for some decent chocolate, check out our roundup of the healthiest chocolate bars or read our take on the 34 retro chocolate bars that need to be brought back immediately.

If you've got a little one who's full of energy and excitement, tweaking your parenting style may prevent symptoms of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) down the road. 

Signs of ADHD include not being able to sit still, taking risks, difficulty following instructions and inability to finish an activity, so if you can spot some – or all – of these symptoms in your child, new research suggests that different parenting styles can make a difference to the symptoms. 

Now, we want to be clear – having ADHD is by no means a negative thing. In fact, some of the most incredible minds have claimed their diagnosis has been a superpower, such as Simone Biles, Michael Phelps, Paris Hilton, Justin Timberlake, Candice Brown and Barbie’s Greta Gerwig. 

But back to the study. Researchers at the University of Waterloo found that how you raise your kid, their natural temperament and how their brain works all play into whether they might develop ADHD symptoms later on. Essentially, being excitable when they're younger, combined with the way they're brought up, could set the stage for the condition.

Dr Heather Henderson, a professor who took part in the research, is all about understanding how kids grow up. She explained it like this: “Parents can make a big difference by being more hands-on and guiding their kid through new stuff with words and actions.”

Having a lively, energetic child is great, but it turns out they might struggle with things like controlling themselves and thinking flexibly. Following around 291 children from when they were babies up until they hit their teenage years, the researchers saw that a kid's personality – and how parents interact with them – can really shape how their brain develops.

They found that if your child starts off as high-spirited, they don't have the best executive functioning skills (like remembering information or being flexible), and you're not super hands-on with parenting, their ADHD symptoms could increase as they grow older.

Aura De Los Santos, a clinical psychologist and educational psychologist, agrees with the study's findings, and says that children learn to regulate their temperament and follow guidelines better through instruction.

She said: “Children need guidance and instruction to learn how to manage themselves, which helps them learn about self-regulation. It's important to remember that as children grow up, they understand the world around them, but in this process, teaching is fundamental for them to learn how to react and handle themselves according to the situation.

"The interaction between parents and children is essential for children to learn to adapt to different environments, to understand the world around them, to better manage their temperament, which influences the reduction of ADHD symptoms.

"I believe that many times parents underestimate the early interactions with their children, where they believe that they still cannot express themselves well or that they do not understand some things, when in fact children from an early age are absorbing many things from their environment and being guided from the beginning can help them to regulate and manage themselves.”

Dr Henderson says symptoms of ADHD typically stabilise from ages five to nine and decrease from ages nine to 15, "but for predictable cases of very young children with exuberant temperament and less directive parenting, that stabilisation may not occur.

"More directive parenting, which is not controlling but guides the child with verbal and physical cues, can help develop the child's self-regulatory skills and prevent their ADHD symptoms from increasing."

So, by being a bit more hands-on, but not overbearing, you can help your kid learn to regulate themselves and reduce the chances of the onset of ADHD.

In other family news, here's how to best support a child with ‘explosive’ emotions if you have a deeply feeling kid and mothers are less likely to struggle with their mental health if their kids’ grandparents live close by, new study reveals.

Co-parenting with someone who’s all about structure and rules when you might be a more laid back type can be difficult to navigate. 

From therapeutic to permissive, there are so many parenting styles to choose from these days, and while it’s great that people can have some autonomy on what’s best for them and their child, it can cause friction when two people parent differently. Everyone’s got their own upbringing that influences how they raise their children, personalities also play a big part and don’t get us started on when family disagree with your parenting style. Trying to find common ground is tricky, especially when there’s outside pressure from society, family, and friends all with their own ideas about the ‘right’ way to parent.

If you feel like you and your partner aren’t on the same page about parenting, Dr Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and author of Good Inside (£11.99, Amazon) reveals her three steps to transform your partnership.

3 ways to increase connection and improve communication with your partner

1. Be open and vulnerable about your own parenting struggles: “Too often there's a dynamic where one partner is always criticising the other partners parenting,” points out Dr Becky. Flexibility can also be crucial, being wiling to adapt and try different approaches can help smooth things over.
2. Invite your partner to disagree: Talk openly with your co-parent about your styles, values and goals. “So often, we send our partner a video we like and we say, ‘doesn't this make sense?’ Instead, ‘hey, I have a feeling you're not gonna agree with this, that's okay, I want to better understand your opinion’.”
3. Remind your partner you’re on the same team: The next time you're butting heads with your partner, Dr Becky suggests telling them: "'You know what, I don't say to you enough we're on the same team when it comes to parenting and I know we want the same things for our kids'."

Many Instagram users were on board with Dr Becky's advice, with one saying: 'Wow this is a type of radical honesty that is so easy to overlook!! Calling out the possible contention before it even occurs and declaring you embrace it. Love this!!' and another, 'Love the part about inviting them to disagree!'.

Additionally, one user shared an anecdote on the topic of differing parenting styles: 'This is helpful but also makes me laugh as the timing is uncanny. I sent your last video to my partner as I thought it was just what he needed to hear around why teens distance themselves from us. He watched one video and started actioning things straight away'.

Like with most conflicts or disagreements, communication is key. Remember, there’s no one size fits all, as long as you’re doing your best, and your kids are happy and healthy, you’re on the right track.

In other parenting news, it turns out you can inherit your grandparents' trauma, even if you've never met them and a parenting expert reveals the age your kids are really ready to do chores.

Have you noticed your child's emotions seem more 'explosive' than those of other children around them? If so, you may be parenting a deeply feeling kid - and one child psychologist has shared their tips on how to best support them.

No two children are the same - same as no two parents are the same, we all have different parenting styles - and to draw comparisons between children could lead to disaster for all concerned. However, when it comes to a child's development, both physically and emotionally, sometimes having a look at other kids their age can help you figure out where your child sits, especially if you want to raise a confident kid.

One factor that may stand out is a child's emotional development. Is their behaviour vastly different from that of their peers? Perhaps it could be described as more intense, more charged, or more 'explosive.' Sometimes it can just be personality or a phase, but you might also have what child psychologist and author Dr. Becky Kennedy calls 'a deeply feeling kid.'

In this article, we look at what the signs and traits are of a 'deeply feeling kid' what the means and how to support a child with the explosive emotions that come with that.

How to support a child with ‘explosive’ emotions

1. Validate their emotions
2. Leave space and permit for kids to have these big feelings
3. Embrace the 'two things can be true mindset

1. Validate their emotions - This may sound like telling you child 'I believe you' when they tell you they hate something. Dr Becky suggests trying a 'There's something about this that XYZ' and fill in with one of these phrases;

- doesn't feel good to you
- isn't how you wanted it to be
- isn't what you expected
- you wish were different

Saying this validates that we see our child's discomfort, that we believe there's some explanation for it while taking away our need as the adult to 'fix' or even understand exactly what is so upsetting in the first place.

2. Leave space and permit kids to have these big feelings - We want the next generation to know and have all the feelings, so that they can learn to deal with all the feelings. So though it might be easier for parents to immediately try to make their children feel better if they're sad, frustrated, or jealous, it will help kids in the long run if they learn early on how to cope with tough feelings. 

3. Embrace the 'two things can be true' mindset - The 'two things can be true' is the ultimate game changer, for all corners of your life. It's a tactic that acknowledges the rules set by a parent, while also acknowledging the child's feelings.

How often have parents dealt with bedtime by simply taking away the tablet with a 'Because I said so,' this doesn't help your kid deal with their feelings in the long run. Instead, Dr. Becky suggests saying something like, "Two things are true: You're allowed to be upset, and it's bedtime now. So let's plan what you're going to watch tomorrow instead."

What is a 'deeply feeling kid'?

periodsThese kids tend to have bigger emotions for longer periods of time compared to other kids, and can often be seen as the 'naughty' kid.

Taking to Instagram, Dr. Becky, known as drbeckyatgoodinside on social media, shared, "Some kids, I call them Deeply Feeling Kids, tend to have more explosive moments, take longer to calm when upset, and tend to push us away in the moments they struggle the most." The first sign of a deeply feeling kid, she shares, is that they may 'push you away when they need you the most.' She explains, "You know that they're upset, you go to offer support, and they scream 'leave me alone!'"

The second sign is that they have huge reactions to seemingly small events. "This doesn't mean they're dramatic, this means they're desperate to be taken seriously," Dr Becky shares. 

The third and final sign is they blame you for things that are not your fault. "Maybe they go and try out for soccer, they don't make the team, they come home and tell you, 'You made me try out, I never wanted to in the first place.' This relates to the shame that they're prone to feeling."

So what do you do if you notice all three of these traits in your child? Before delving into any solutions, Dr Becky reminds parents, "If you have a deeply feeling teen, nothing is wrong with you and nothing is wrong with your kid."

While there are ways to teach your kids how to manage their anger and expert tips for teaching kids emotional intelligence as well as solutions to break the cycle when your kid is being rude, these may not work with a deeply feeling kid who needs a different type of support.

Speaking to PureWow, Dr Becky recommends something a little unconventional. In order to deescalate the overwhelming feelings a deeply feeling child has, the parent needs to be present but not involved. 

She explains, "You do basically nothing. You can't say anything in that situation, the shame is so high. It’s important to be there, because your presence actually communicates to them, I’m going to keep you safe and I can stand you when you're like this, so you're not so bad after all.”

For tips on raising resilient kids, we've got you covered. Talking about challenging subjects with children can be hard, and we've shared therapist-back tips relating to talking to kids about cancer, and how to broach the subject of divorce.

A professional nanny has revealed why children resort to pulling their parents' hair to get their attention. She's also shared some tips and tricks to get them to stop doing it - and your hair will thank you for following them.

Whenever you get a moment to yourself, finally sitting down with a cup of tea or even getting to run yourself a bath to try out the best new bath oils, out of seemingly nowhere appears a child and, to no one's surprise, they reach for your hair and give it a good ol' tug. 

These moments of relaxation are so important to help parents manage stress and, with the news that two thirds of parents feel constantly unwell as they're forced to ‘power through’ day-to-day family life, we need them more than ever. But kids don't seem to understand that. 

But now professional nanny Laura Amies - known as Nanny Amies on TikTok - has revealed exactly why your kids resort to hair pulling when they see you've finally sat down for a moment of peace. And she's shared exactly how to combat the behaviour. 

"They don't understand it hurts, they don't understand the social norms involved with this type of behaviour," Amies says of kids' approach to hair pulling. What they're really after, she says, is 'connection'.

"It might be that you've been doing goodness knows what, your 101 jobs that you need to get done, and you've finally sat down with a cuppa. And your little one might have been, or might not have been, playing quite happily on their own and then mummy's sitting down and they think 'I'd like a connection,' [and] yank [your hair].

"The best thing to bear in mind when it comes to little ones craving that connection is that your response doesn't really matter. Your response could be 'lovely, how are you?' Or it could be 'stop it!' It could be 'ow!' It doesn't matter. It's the connection. It's a thrill for them if you have this shocked reaction."

So what can be done? Are we meant to just sit and let our hair be pulled? Not exactly, says Amies. "The first thing is to train ourselves to not react in a way that is much more loud and essentially more animated than what we were doing previous to the hair pulling. How we react will determine how likely they are to behave this way in the future."

She shares her own experiences, saying that if a child is still pulling her hair when she has not reacted to it, she will 'very gently' take their hand from her hair and 'just move away.'

If your child is older and understands verbal queues, 'adding in language is very important' to help them learn not to pull your hair. Amies suggests using simple terms like, 'that hurts,' and 'ouch,' and recommends saying them calmly.

In defence of her suggestion to ignore hair pulling, Amies explains that the connection children seek through it should instead be given to their 'calmer and nicer behaviours' so they can learn the benefits of being kind and respectful.

"Less is more. It will pass. If you respond calmly, it will pass," she promises.

Keep up to date with more family news like nearly half of teenagers are concerned about having children - and there are two huge factors making them worry and these 5 tips from a relationship expert can help you navigate your first half-term without any fallouts, as well as, dealing with being single-shamed as a parent - 5 top tips from an expert for when other people weigh in on your love life.

If you’ve ever pondered whether your relationship might be better without your kids, you’re not alone. Many couples struggle with the stresses kids can put on their partnership. But, is putting your partner before your kids the right thing to do to save your relationship?

Feeling disconnected after having a baby and letting the spark die in your sex life can make you and your partner wonder if divorce is on the horizon. Don’t worry, we’ve got tips to strengthen your bond while raising a family and help you both find a balance between your love life and your parenting responsibilities.

In this article, we talk to relationship experts to explore whether prioritising your partner over your children is advisable or healthy for families and whether it’s possible to balance both.

 How to fix a marriage while raising kids 

We all know how a fractious, unhappy relationship can affect our children. But can children affect our own relationship with our partner? Research tells us that having kids has a huge influence on our marital relationships, both positive and negative. For example, couples with children, particularly young kids, are according to studies less likely to divorce. On the other hand, having kids can seriously affect your sex life, with a third of new mums reporting reduced sexual satisfaction in the first year after becoming a parent. In fact, a recent study reveals that almost half of British parents (48 percent) say that feeling exhausted from parenting responsibilities has made maintaining their sex lives harder. Parenting is stressful, tiring and time-consuming, all of which can impact our romantic relationship. 

So, should you always put your partner first? The short answer is probably not. Your children’s physical, emotional and developmental needs have got to be the priority for both of you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t strike a healthy balance between your relationship’s needs and those of your kids. In fact, modelling a healthy partnership where you’re able to address and resolve conflicts is a great example for them growing up. 

The longer answer is more complicated. "Prioritising your relationship is crucial for your children to witness," says Brooke Box, relationship expert and author. "Demonstrating the importance of maintaining healthy and respectful relationships sets a powerful example for your kids. It shows them how to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and support one another. It lays the groundwork for how they will approach relationships in their own lives by teaching your children the value of emotional health, mutual respect, and the strength of cooperation."

So what can we do to keep communication open and our sex lives thriving in the wake of becoming responsible for a  whole new person? And how do we balance the needs of our partner (and ourselves) against those of a child? Here are 3 common relationship problems in families with kids, and what to do about them:

1. Conflicts over parenting styles 
2. Lack of quality time together 
3. Letting the sex slide because you're exhausted

Read on for how these problems can affect your well-being, and what you and your partner can do to resolve them.

Top 3 relationship issues when you have kids, and how to fix them

 Conflicts over parenting styles 

How it feels: Do you and your partner clash over discipline, screentime and how to handle a tantrum? Maybe one of you thinks time-outs are great, while the other reckons it’s child torture? Differences in parenting styles can cause arguments in every relationship and leave both of you feeling angry, misunderstood and isolated. 

How you can resolve it: Try to find common ground while respecting each other’s differences in parenting. After all - you both want the best for your kids. Try to understand where the other is coming from. Carve out some time together to talk about specific issues instead of reacting in the heat of the moment and agree on what’s most important to both of you.

It's also vital to understand that you're different, says Box, and celebrate that fact. "Encouraging each other to pursue personal hobbies or interests can enrich your individual selves and, by extension, enhance your relationship."

Stephanie Lowe, Family editor at GoodtoKnow shares her experience.  "After our son was born, it felt like we were leading different lives. Mine was at the beck and call of a tiny human, and his had barely changed. I bubbled with resentment. We never seemed to be on the same page about anything. It took a while for us to find our groove again, but we did."

 Lack of quality time together 

How it feels: Quality time? Do you mean that hour between getting the kids off to sleep and falling asleep on the sofa? There’s more chance of Ryan Gosling popping over than your partner suggesting a ‘date night’ and that’s fine by you because you’ve still got that presentation to finish and the World Book Day outfit to organise and….

How you can resolve it: If you simply haven’t got the bandwidth to schedule regular ‘date nights’, beg, borrow and steal babysitters to have one night where you can both go out and try to reconnect.  If not,  try to find small pockets of time where you can be alone together, even if it’s just a cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine after the kids go to bed. "Dedicate time to be together as a couple, not just as co-parents. It’s crucial to reconnect outside of your parenting roles," says Box.

"My wife and I make it a point to spend time together every night watching a movie, working on a project together, or even just talking," says Alex, husband to Jessica and dad to three boys. "We also make sure to go on a trip together at least once a year while granny watches the kids. This keeps our relationship strong and it helps us be better parents."

"Creating time for one another is vitally important for the health of your relationship," says Anna Mathur, psychotherapist and author of Raising A Happier Mother: How to Find Balance, Feel Good and See Your Children Flourish as a Result, and mum of three. "If you can’t have date nights and days out, tweak your existing routine instead. Have phone-free time, and choose to eat some meals at the table where you are more likely to chat than flopping in front of the sofa."

Letting the sex slide because you're exhausted

How it feels: Between breastfeeding, carrying, and otherwise caring for your baby, you’re constantly touched by tiny hands all day, plus you’re exhausted. So when your partner initiates more physical affection, it can make you feel overwhelmed and reluctant to have any intimacy, stirring up frustration on top of the fatigue. Your partner feels rejected and unsatisfied, and tensions rise.

How you can resolve it: Try not to think of intimacy as just physical - it can be psychological and verbal, too. Have short, regular check-ins to talk, hug, or enjoy a cup of tea together. Try holding hands on a walk, having a quick kiss in the kitchen, or just sending a loving WhatsApp. If possible, set aside some time for physical intimacy, but don’t make sex the end goal. "Make it a habit to share feelings, desires, and concerns," suggests Box. "Effective communication is key to understanding and supporting each other."

"Take very small steps to reintroduce intimacy into your relationship – at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you,” say the experts at Relate. “This doesn’t necessarily mean reintroducing sexual acts. It could mean just touching or kissing more. You might like to try giving each other massages or holding hands. That way, you can re-learn to enjoy being sensual in a pressure-free environment.”

Discover more great advice for improving your relationship, from how to re-energise in the bedroom to 6 phrases for de-escalating conflicts when conversations get heated. Plus, these 5 expert tips will help you like being with your partner again (no matter how irritating you've found them recently).

What happens when one side of a partnership pushes for children when the other isn't ready? One dad shares his regret at doing just this.

Deciding when to start a family is never easy. Made harder when one person wants a baby but the other doesn't. The decision of when to get pregnant relies on multiple factors, including financial stability, health and wellbeing, and whether it just feels right. Conception can be unpredictable, and you never know if you might need help to increase your fertility and get that positive result you're hoping for. There's also the really tricky issue of what to do when one side of the partnership is ready for a baby, and the other isn't. 

A dad-of-two talks to us about his experience of exactly that - not wanting to be an old dad, he convinced his younger wife to have children, when she wasn't sure she was ready. Spoiler: They remain happily married, and wouldn't change their decision to have children for the world. However, dad, James, with the benefit of hindsight, has empathy for the wife who went along with his wishes and tells us jsut how much it affected them both - here's his story...

I regret pushing my wife into having kids

I always knew I wanted kids. At the same time I met my now-wife, my brother had just had his first child, and I spent lots of time showing off pictures of my first nephew, and wishing I lived closer to him. Looking back, I was honest with my future wife early on, that being a parent was absolutely on the cards. What I didn't do, was have a conversation about just how quickly I expected that to happen.

We are in an age-gap relationship. It's not a huge gap - I'm nine years older, but it made a big difference to our individual readiness to have kids. By the time my wife and I were engaged, my brother had another child and I started to worry about being an 'old dad'. She was 28 when we got married, and I was concerned about the milestone of 40 approaching for me. Heading towards this new decade, I worried about not having the energy to be as involved with my children as my parents were with me. My parents were 23 when they had me. I have strong memories of my dad running around with us all the time. 

Just before our wedding, I suggested to my wife that we start trying for a family as soon as we were married. She has PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and had been warned it could affect her fertility. I was thinking that should we experience problems, it would be better to know about them quickly. If it ended up taking some time to have children, I'd potentially be well into my forties before becoming a dad. This might be the ideal age for some - and I know plenty who waited until this time of life to start their families - I was convinced it wasn't for me.

My wife immediately looked unsure at my suggestion. She'd always wanted to be closer to her mid-thirties when she had children. She hadn't had a conventional university experience - a vocational degree meant she was always on placements and working. There'd been little time for living, she hadn't done the travelling or enjoyed the life experiences she'd hoped for. 

In complete contrast, I'd lived an exceptionally raucous university life, and my twenties were defined by parties, holidays, and impromptu weekends away with friends. I was more than ready for the next era. I liked to have everything planned out, and presented as many arguments as possible to my wife, about why we should be having children instantly and why it fitted my plan.

She eventually agreed to my suggestion of trying for a baby after the wedding. I think the initial murmurings of assent relied on the fact it might take a while to conceive, and she'd get those extra years of freedom she hoped for. Except it didn't - she fell pregnant the first time we tried. We are in no way ungrateful for this, especially considering the heartache we've witnessed friends struggling with fertility go through. But in hindsight, I should not have pushed this on my wife.

She spent most of the pregnancy repeating mantras about how great it was going to be, and how we were going to love being parents. I started to get the uneasy feeling these phrases were a cover for sheer panic, when all I felt was excitement. Despite being in a difficult job and on her feet for hours, she insisted on working until a week before her due date, and was hoping for the baby to come the day maternity leave began. This is probably because she didn't want time to think about what was to come and just wanted to get on with it.

When I went back to work two weeks after the baby was born, my wife felt lost. Her job had been busy and she barely got time to eat or sit down. While the friends she'd made at antenatal class shared messages relishing watching boxsets among the endless feeding, my wife felt claustrophobic in the house, and fidgety if she tried to do the same. This resulted in an exhausting schedule of baby activities, and often just walking the streets aimlessly with the pushchair. Or she'd be in tears when I got home having obsessively read up on certain baby-related topics and deciding she was failing at everything.

None of her friends were married or even thinking about kids when we had ours. She took their lack of interest in our baby really badly. They were just at a different stage in their lives, and hearing about nappies and sleeplessness not on their radar - we probably would've been exactly the same had we been in their position. What happened, was my wife's new support system consisted of people she'd only just met at antenatal class. This bomb that went off in our lives put huge distance between her and the people she'd always relied on.

We had another baby 14 months after the first. For those wondering 'was that planned,' yes - it amazingly was. And my wife was definitely on board with this - she argued we were already parents, and thought having children close together might be nice for them, and get the really hard stuff all done at the same time (spoiler alert: That definitely wasn't the case.)

Over a decade down the line, and I can reflect on pushing my wife into having children with a pretty deep level of regret - although the benefit of hindsight usually comes much too late. I'm not sure now why I felt being a dad in my forties would make me an 'old' dad. When our children started school, over half the dads were the same age as me or older. Most of the mums were too, meaning my wife was actually among the youngest. My ability to play with and enjoy my children hasn't changed being nearly 50, and at the moment I don't feel that'll change as I head into the next decade. I definitely could've been an older dad.

Living with the guilt I feel over putting what I wanted before my wife's needs however, has taken more soul searching. I acted believing everything would be fine. I just wish I'd known the real impact of having a baby and how the woman is always going to be more affected, however much a man thinks he'll be involved.

There were many times I felt grateful walking out the door to go to work, leaving the endless carousel of feeding and sleep schedules to somebody else. That someone was also doing their own mental gymnastics as they weren't quite ready for this life themselves and didn't get to opt out in the same way. Feminists; come at me with your pitchforks, because I agree, our patriarchal society sets unsuspecting women up for this and I played a part in it too.

My wife has dealt with ongoing mental health issues relating to postnatal depression, and grappled for years with the changes to her body caused by pregnancy and birth. Her friendships have been permanently altered, and although she has an admirable resilient streak, she has always had a vulnerable one that having children likely made worse, compounded by having them when she was unsure.

My guilt has made me hyper aware of when she feels vulnerable, and I intervene with hand-holding, an arm around the shoulder, and whispers of 'are you ok, do you need to leave?' We'll never know if things might've been different if she'd felt 'ready' to have children when we had them - that day of readiness might even never have arrived. I suspect a lot of the things that went wrong due to my persistence at sticking to my own agenda, wouldn't if we'd just waited. And like I said, reviewing things with hindsight is a wonderful thing, but still doesn't alleviate my regret at my actions...

What does James' wife feel about the situation?

James' wife was keen to offer her perspective on his story, and here's what she had to say:

I agree that I wasn't ready to have children when we did, and probably would've found the transition to motherhood easier with the benefit of age and wisdom. You can reiterate the phrase 'there's never the right time' until you're blue in the face, and it'll never get any easier to reconcile. It's such a personal decision and unique in that all couples will base it on their own individual circumstances - what works for one couple will be completely different for their friends.

It took me years to accept the monumental change that had taken place becoming a mother. This wasn't just an adjustment, it was a seismic shift of absolutely everything I knew about myself and my life. I had to reassess everything, and realised I wasn't the person I thought I was, probably because nobody gets the baby and induction into motherhood they think they'll get. 

I was fragile when I conceived, and in a marriage only just underway - it was a lot, and my people pleasing nature meant I didn't want to let my husband down by saying no to his greatest wish. Similarly, I don't blame him for our eventual decision to have a baby. I felt some initial resentment, but won't dwell on it because ultimately he's been a great husband and I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else.

On the plus side, I still felt young when I got some semblance of an easier life back. Also, while on maternity leave I started the process of changing my career. I probably would've stayed in my original job if the children hadn't come along, and would likely never have chased my dreams had I been an older mother - I possibly would've deemed it to be too late. And watching the school plays, sports days, cheering on the side lines on match days, little faces on Christmas morning - priceless no matter what age you are as a parent. 

For more on difficult parenting decisions, one mum shares why she regrets gentle parenting, while another delves into baby name regret she felt, predicted by the midwife who delivered him. Another parent told us why she didn't want mum friends, and the zero regrets she has at not pursuing friendships with other mums.

We go above and beyond for our kids, so when our efforts are met with constant complaints, it can be challenging to keep your cool as a parent. 

All children will moan, so try to take comfort from the fact that this behaviour is not a reflection of your parenting style – and feeling annoyed, frustrated, or angry when faced with constant complaints is normal. Parenting coach Jennifer Martin tells us: “It’s one of our many jobs to teach [children] how to talk to us and role modelling for them, without shame, is a key to success.”

Giving in to their demands without a method of correcting the behaviour will permit them to continue using those techniques to get what they want, which could be a downside of permissive parenting. Jennifer explains: “The best way to stop your children from complaining is to try and understand what they are asking from you. Once you know their end goal, you can teach them better ways to ask for the things they want or need from you.”

The sooner you find ways to redirect your child’s moaning, the easier your communication with them will become. Here’s how to do just that.

5 steps to stop your child from whining

1. Check their basic needs are being met

More often than not, whiny kids just want your attention because, you’re their number one person, right? First, Jennifer advises to check the basics with your child and make sure they aren't hungry, tired, bored or hurt. “Spend a few minutes on their level, with eye contact, exploring what the need is at that moment. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to turn the attitude tide, but if those needs are adequately filled and the behaviour continues, move on to the other strategies.”

2. Teach them to use their ‘big kid’ voice

If a child is whining for something they want, instruct them to use their ‘big kid’ voice instead of their regular tone. You can kindly show them the difference between the way they are speaking and how to ask like a big kid would. Jennifer explains: “Let them know that their ‘big kid’ voice is far more likely to get them the things they want in the future, and this creates positive reinforcement to use their regular voice, instead of whining or complaining.”

3. Be careful not to shame them

It makes sense that children don’t have the skills to maturely ask for the things they desire yet, so their moaning, whining and complaining will often get them a ‘quick win’ because parents don’t want to listen to it. When you feel yourself getting annoyed with the whining (which, you undoubtedly will), Jennifer advises taking some deep breaths and letting your child know that, in the long run, people won’t respond well to it. “Be careful not to shame them, but instead educate them that when using their regular voice, people will respond better to their needs. Role model to them in a calm way how you want them to ask for the things they want.”

4. Save it for later

So many parents will relate to having a child peppering them with requests for something they want when you’re out shopping, and as soon as you say ‘no’, the whining begins. Luckily, Jennifer has a genius strategy up her sleeve to offset this response: “Take a photo of the item they are asking for and add it to an album on your phone titled ‘gift ideas’. You can show them that it’s been added to the queue for upcoming birthdays, holidays, or as a reward for something in the future. Then when those dates come up, it’s easy to share with family or friends and reinforces the promise that you will purchase the things you already know they want.” Why didn’t we think of that sooner? 

5. Start a complaint book

Journaling has been a useful tool for adults to get their thoughts out of their head and onto paper, helping them to offload stress or worries, so why not encourage the kids to do something similar if they’re old enough to write? Jennifer calls it a ‘complaint book’, where children can write down a list of things they’re not happy with: “Once they’re done, create a second column on the page and ask them to write out ways they think they can fix the problem. They may need help with this at first, so plan to spend a few minutes showing them what you mean. This will begin to teach your child to find resolutions for themselves when faced with things that frustrate or aggravate them.” 

The final word? “Remember that consistency is critical and your child can catch on quickly if these are reinforced with regularity. Before you know it, your child will be asking for what they want, and whining and complaining will be a distant memory for everyone.”

For more parenting techniques, an expert reveals her discipline hack for kids of all ages and this is how to deal with children who laugh at you when you reprimanding them.

A parenting expert has shared that a teenager’s ‘annoying’ habits can actually be a sign of good parenting, showing that your child is on the right track to becoming an independent adult. 

Parenting a teenager can be a daunting task. You're constantly asking 'are you even listening to me?,' as you feel like your teen is tuning you out, you fret about how much sleep they're getting, and there's the added worry of what to do when your teenager starts dating.

It can be hard to know exactly what is going through their heads when you speak with them. Often, teens refuse to communicate and any  ‘unsolicited’ advice we give seems to be ignored, though there are ways to make yourself heard. But this changing dynamic, as well as the 'annoying' habits like a messy room and a lack of communication, can actually be a good thing according to one parenting expert. 

Tanith Carey, author of the new book What's My Tween Thinking? has revealed there is an upside to a teenager's 'increasingly annoying behaviour.' According to her, it shows that your teen is growing out of being a child who is completely dependent on their parent and into being an independent adult who can make their own decisions on how to navigate the world. You're doing your job as a parent well, helping to ready your child for their future. 

Still, it can be hard to let go of certain behaviours and put them down to a child simply growing up. So Tanith has delved into five 'annoying' habits teen tend to develop to show parents how exactly to respond to them. 

She told the Daily Mail, "As a younger child, your tween put you on a pedestal as their parent, viewing you as a superhero who knew everything. Now your tween is getting older, they are starting to see you as a real person with human flaws. As they do this, they may seek to redefine your relationship by changing what they call you."

So if your child starts calling you some 'slang' names like 'bro,' or 'bruh,' Tanith says to remember that this is their way of 'gaining distance' as they 'start to imagine a world in which they will have to be independent from you.' 

"See this as your tween finding a new way to connect to you in a more adult way," she says. "As long as it's meant in an affectionate, rather than disrespectful way, let it pass."

Similarly, she says to let go of punishing teens over messy rooms. "To your eyes, it may look like they're surrounded by mess. But they simply don't see it that way. For now, their bedroom walls are a gallery for their evolving interests, and pictures will constantly change. 

"Experimenting with lots of identities, they will help them work out who they want to be. As long as moldy food or damp clothes aren't creating a health hazard, allow your tween some control of their immediate environment. Kids learn best when they work stuff out for themselves, not when they are told."

A more difficult aspect of teens growing up is when they begin to find you as their parent embarrassing. "Although it's hard to hear that your teen finds you embarrassing, try not to take it personally. See it as a phase of their development toward becoming their own person.

"However, if they continually hurt your feelings by calling you embarrassing, help them learn the impact of their words. Once they develop a stronger sense of their own identity, separate from yours, in their later tween years, they'll go back to loving you just as you are."

In the same vein, it can be heartbreaking when your teen tells you they 'hate you.' It can be hard to know how to respond when your kid says ‘I hate you’ even though we often know it's just because kids don’t have the skills to manage overwhelming feelings without hurtful words and turn to rudeness as a subtle way to express anxiety. 

But according to Tanith, "Although it may not sound like it at the time, your child's outburst is a sign they trust you to keep loving them. It shows they feel safe enough to express their anger and are confident you won't reject them for it."

Keep the same thing in mind when your teen starts shutting you out, saying 'Nothing!' when you ask them what happened during their day. "This is an important first step in creating privacy and drawing boundaries," Tanith explains. 

"As they now understand other perspectives better, they have worked out that you don't need to know everything they are thinking and feeling – and they can decide how much they want to tell you. Meet them where they are, and look for new ways to communicate, so you stay connected in readiness for the teenage years."

For more parenting tips and tricks, keep up to date with our family news like is your teenager always on social media? New study shows half of teens admit they’re addicted to it (but it’s also giving them these 7 life skills), and this is the real reason why your teenager is sleeping in late, and it’s not because they’re lazy - here's what the experts told us, as well as, is your teenager drawn to taking risks? A child psychologist explains why (plus what you can do to keep them a bit safer).

A psychotherapist has shared the five parenting phrases you should not say to your child when they are in the middle of a meltdown and avoiding them should make dealing with a tantrum that little bit easier. 

It doesn't matter how old your child is, when their emotions get the better of them, a meltdown is always hard to deal with. Whether you're struggling with school run meltdowns or navigating how to parent an anger-prone child, everyone has experienced the trouble of trying, and frustratingly failing, to calm down a child. 

To help, a psychotherapist has taken to Instagram to shed some light on the things not to say to your child when they're in the midst of a meltdown and many of them are phrases we often think of as harmless and even helpful. 

Zara Kadir, known online as the.therapy.shed, shared five phrases to Instagram, explaining exactly why they are not useful things to say. The first is, "Use your words.

"Imagine being asked to speak Spanish if you don't speak is," Kadir says. "This is basically what you're asking of your child. A dysregulated brain cannot access an emotional vocabulary."

The second phrase is the classic, "Take a deep breath. Following this instruction requires self-regulation which your child most likely developmentally cannot do," the expert explains.  

"I can't understand you until you're calm," is another phrase Kadir recommends to avoid. "This implies your child is making a choice to behave this way when they absolutely are not making conscious choices!"

The fourth phrase we're removing from our vocabulary is "Relax, it's not a big deal." As Kadir says, "It is to them, it's also quite possible that what just happened was the straw that broke the camels back."

Finally, we're also ditching the phrase, "'Well, that's what happens when you don't listen.' This is salt in the wound, if your child has hurt themselves or broken something, they've encountered the natural consequence of their actions and need you to support them."

The theory behind Kadir's recommendations is that an emotionally-charged child cannot 'think rationally' or 'self-soothe' and needs a parent to be 'calm and understanding' in order for them to feel heard and safe.

"When children are experiencing big feelings they aren't able to self-soothe or think rationally. This is not the moment to teach," she urges. "This is the moment to co-regulate by bringing your calm and understanding."

For more parenting advice and family news, keep up to date with pieces like 15 subtle ways your child expresses anxiety that you might have missed, and how to manage it flawlessly according to a therapist mum and telling your kids white lies to spare their feelings could backfire, according to science, as well as two thirds of parents notice negative effects of screen time on their children - here's how make it more positive.

New research has found an unintended consequence of telling your kids white lies, even little ones told in order to spare their feelings, and you're going to want to avoid doing so in the future. 

No matter your chosen parenting style, white lies are often a parent's best friend. Whether it's a forced 'It's beautiful' at one of their more unusual drawings or 'I've not got my purse,' when they ask for a treat while you're out, these little truth bending quips save a long conversation or argument and they're not harmful, are they? 

Well, new research has found that kids who are regularly told white lies by their parents are more likely to lie about things themselves. 

A study, published in Elsevier’s Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, looked at the behaviour of over 500 children aged between 11 and 12 to see how their relationship with the truth had been impacted by the various little white lies parents often use. 

The researches asked parents how often they lied to their children and the children were then asked how often they lied to their parents. The outcome? Honesty really is the best policy. 

“The bad news for parents is that sometimes, honesty may be the best policy," researcher Dr Setoh Pei Pei of Nanyang Technological University said. “White lies may be motivated by good intentions, but if children realise they have been lied to, this can also lead to lying from the child.”

The delicate white lies parents tell were split into two groups by the researches: instrumental and white lies. Instrumental lies are defined as lies used to get a child to change or stop what they're doing. Dr Pei Pei explains, “Instrumental lies are used to get a child to comply when they are misbehaving, for example, a parent threatening to call the police if the child is being naughty. 

White lies, on the other hand, are classed as lies used to spare a child's feelings, like saying they're brilliant at singing when you'd really rather they took a break from it. And luckily for us, these emotion sparing white lies are less of an issue than the more dramatic instrumental ones. 

“Instrumental lying makes it more likely that children will lie to their parents," Dr Pei Pei says. But it's easier said then done to stop using those little time-saving lies. So what do you do if your child starts lying to you as a result? 

According to The Centre for Parent & Child Support, there are three ways to respond to a child's lie. The first thing to do is not to panic about the behaviour. "Respond calmly," they say. "Try to avoid lectures as negative attention can encourage defensiveness and more lying."

They also counsel to respond in a positive way. "Try and point out the truth in a way that does not make your child feel defensive. For example, 'That's interesting that you think that because I read...'"

Third and foremost, you must try to 'understand the reason behind the lie.' They share, "Sometime children lie to feel better about themselves. Instead of responding with frustration, use it as an opportunity to help build their self-esteem."

For more family news, here are 5 ways to show kids you love them in a way they can process and struggling with school run meltdowns? A child psychologist has shared a tip for calmer goodbyes, as well as asking your kid this question could do wonders for their self-esteem – here’s why.

So, your teenager has started dating and you have no idea what to expect. Here are all your questions answered, by a family expert and a psychologist.

Raising teens is just as hard as looking after small children. There might be no more nappy changes or nighttime feeds, but older kids come with a whole new set of anxieties for parents, including worrying about how much sleep teenagers need or why their teenager won't talk to them anymore. And while it's totally normal for teens to start dating and maybe even bring a romantic partner back home to meet the parents, it's an event that can be difficult to navigate.

As well as wondering if your teenager is safe, if they're being treated well and how they might cope with a messy breakup, you might also be wondering about what boundaries need to be put in place and what you should or shouldn't allow your teenager to do when it comes to dating. Specialist family law coach and Life Coach Directory member Nina Francis-Young tells us that it all comes down to communication. "The first thing that I advocate and explore with all of my clients is what we mean by 'dating'. A shared understanding is so important, as it means that all the significant adults in the teenager’s life are unified in their expectations and boundaries," she says. "Without this, your teenager will be receiving mixed messages, which will only confuse them."

With this in mind, we've spoken to the experts to find out what you can expect when your teen has started dating, what you can do to make sure they're safe, and the questions you can ask to make them feel comfortable about opening up.

When should I allow my teenager to start dating?

Many kids will express interest in having a boyfriend or girlfriend as young as primary school. But these playground relationships have a far different dynamic to the romantic relationships they may forge when they're in their teen years, leaving some parents wondering what age it's appropriate for them to start properly dating.

As licensed clinical psychologist Dr Tori Cordiano says: "Rather than a specific age or grade when dating is permitted, it's helpful to think about a teenager's decision-making and their level of maturity and responsibility. Many younger teenagers 'date' in ways that don't look much like traditional dating - they might spend time together in a larger group, or (especially with younger teens) they might be 'dating' without really having much one-on-one contact at all."

That said, if you're the parent of a teen who has started seriously dating, there's not much you can do to prevent this - regardless of their age - as Nina explains. She says, "If your teenager wants to experiment with dating and physical intimacy, they will have ample opportunity to do so and you will be hard pushed to prevent it."

Nina advises working to establish mutual trust, respect and powerful communication strategies. She says that these aspects of your relationship with your teen will put you in a much stronger position to explore the world of dating with them, including what it means to them, what their friends are doing, and the difference between what dating looks like in the mass media and ‘real dating’.

"From here, you can explore together what they want, and you can guide them to where you feel comfortable too," adds Nina.

What can I expect when my teenager starts dating?

Depending on the nature of your relationship with your teenager, they may not reveal to you that they are dating right away, or, alternatively, they might be excited and want to tell you all about it.

Dr Cordiano says, "While this isn't true for every family, you might also expect some resistance from your teenager in talking about their dating life. That's okay - it's still important to have the conversations (just keep them short)."

Meanwhile, Nina says that if your teen is reluctant to tell you about their romantic life, it will "likely be rooted in embarrassment or fear or reprimand". However, she adds, "If you have strong communication and can put yourself in your teenager’s shoes, you will be better equipped to overcome either situation."

Remember that your teen's dating life might look a little different to what we picture as traditional dating if they are in early adolescence.

How can I make sure my teen is safe when they start dating?

For many parents, their first concern when they find out their teen is dating will be whether they are safe. The only way to put your mind at ease is to talk to your teen, but these conversations can feel awkward.

Dr Cordiano suggests "getting in front of the awkwardness" by saying something like: 'Listen, I know this isn't a conversation you're dying to have, but it's important to me that we talk through some things now that you're dating. I promise to keep this short.'

Meanwhile, Nina explains, "One of the most important safety issues to address is boundaries; what are boundaries and how does your teenager stay true to their boundaries?" She adds that the most effective boundaries come when your teenager has a sense of their self-value and worth, so this is the first thing to explore with them.

Dr Cordiano adds that it may seem like your teen isn't listening when you have these conversations, but they will be taking in what you say, so it's important to relay guidelines and expectations around issues such as where your teenager is permitted to go and with whom, consent for romantic and sexual behaviours, and what you want them to do if a relationship starts to make them feel uncomfortable in any way.

Nina says that ultimately it all comes back to the respect, trust and strong communication you have hopefully built into your relationship with your teen. She explains, "You will not be able to have meaningful conversations with your teenager if you have not created a safe and valued space of positive communication. This is where you start and this should start when they are young children, but starting now is better than never."

What questions should I ask my teenager when they start dating?

It's natural to want to know the details about your teen's relationship, but asking too many questions could put their back up, and discourage them from offering up the information themselves.

As Nina says, "Unless you have already established good communication channels with your teenager, then asking questions will be fruitless as they may just refuse to respond to you or tell you what you want to hear. They may also interpret your questions as you trying to find fault, or invading their privacy."

Our experts advised that asking open-ended questions and avoiding being too direct is the best route to take. Asking your teenager about how they feel in their relationship, or how the person they're with makes them feel, is a good place to start.

• "It seems like you're in a good mood when you come home from [name]'s house - what makes you feel good about spending time with them?"
• "How are things with [name]?"
• "How do you feel when you are with [name]?"

Dr Tori explains that, for girls in particular, centring their own experiences and preferences is an important part of learning to cultivate healthy, fulfilling relationships. Asking them these questions communicates that their own feelings should be an essential part of their romantic life.

We spoke to the following experts:

Elsewhere, this is the real reason your teenager is sleeping in late, and if your teen never takes your advice, here's how to make yourself heard. Meanwhile, research has shown that your favourite TV show could influence your teen's future career.

Good self-esteem is like a super power for kids, and as parents, it’s our job to make sure that they know how valuable and worthy they are. 

That said, it’s a tricky path to tread – we don’t want to destroy our kids’ confidence by pushing them too hard and instead, do our best to praise them for their achievements in a healthy, non-toxic way. 

Picture this: your child is so excited to show you what they drew during school pick-up or they come bursting through the door to tell you they scored a goal in their football match. Your knee-jerk reaction is to probably congratulate them and reward them in some way, but this could enforce the habit of solely relying on the external, such as grades or compliments, for validation. 

Wondering where to start? Licensed family and play therapist Carol Kim shared a simple technique to help parents to tune into their own worth. Kim’s young clients often engage in artwork activities, and is often asked whether she likes what they’ve produced. While recognising that it’s easy to say, ‘yes, I love it’ and ‘great job!’, if the goal is to have better self-esteem, Kim suggests asking them what they think of their drawing instead. Why? Doing so enables them to practice not getting the most of their self-esteem from other people’s opinions. 

How to boost your child's self-esteem

In her latest TikTok, the parenting coach suggests the response: 'You really want to know what I think? Actually, I want to know what you think. How do you feel about it? What are your favourite parts about your drawing? Are there parts that you don’t like?'. 

'Wow, I can really see that you enjoy the colours that you used. By the way, you know what I noticed here? While you were talking about your drawing, you were smiling and looking proud, I wonder how it felt for you. Oh, so you did feel proud? Well, let’s look at your drawing again and notice the proud feeling in our body.'

Kim explains that this exercise encourages kids to explore and value their own thoughts, feelings and perspectives, while also helping them to appreciate their own strengths and abilities. It might take a bit of practice, and while external validation has its perks, this technique gives children the tools to trust in their own opinions, feel confident in their abilities and bounce back from setbacks.

For more parenting hacks, here are 5 ways to show kids you love them in a way they can process and struggling with school run meltdowns? A child psychologist has shared a tip for calmer goodbyes.

The myriad of parenting styles on offer these days is empowering, sure, but it’s also confusing to know which one is right for you and your child. If that strikes a chord, this new research might just help you cut through some of the noise. 

Gentle parenting gets banded around a lot when it comes to raising little humans, and while there’s a common misconception that it’s a free pass to let kids do what they want, new research suggests that an approach to this parenting style (a positive and peaceful one), could have more power than you think. 

The study in question, funded by the National Institutes of Health, has found that good parenting might actually slow down how fast kids' bodies age when they face tough times. 

The study, led by Alexandra D.W. Sullivan and her team at the University of Vermont, showed that praising, encouraging and noticing kids' good behaviour can help protect their physical and mental health in the long run, even when they're dealing with things like poverty or family problems.

Growing up in tough situations, like being poor or dealing with family issues, can make kids' bodies age faster than usual. But this study suggests that positive parenting can help put the brakes on that. Basically, when parents are supportive and avoid being too harsh, it can make a big difference in how fast their kids' bodies age.

The study looked at 62 kids who were part of a program to help with behaviour issues. Half of the families got tips on positive parenting, like being supportive and avoiding yelling, while the other half got referrals to community services. Turns out, the kids whose parents were more positive had slower ageing in their cells, even when they were dealing with tough situations.

So, what's the bottom line? Being a positive parent can really make a difference in how your kids grow up, especially when times are tough. The researchers are now hoping to do a bigger study to see just how much of an impact positive parenting can have on kids' health as they grow up.

In other parenting news, here are 5 easy ways to let children take risks (without your anxiety going through the roof) and 5 tips on how to teach kids emotional intelligence.

Parents are being told that it's vital for them to let their children take risks in life as it is considered 'crucial to boost self-confidence', a new study has shown.

No matter what your parenting style - whether you're a helicopter parent or prefer gentle parenting - you've probably found yourself wondering why your teenager is drawn to taking risks. Well, according to new research, risk-taking is vital for child development.

According to the British Exploring Society, a youth development charity, young people who have been given the chance to take healthy risks experience a positive impact on their personal and professional growth later in life. The charity surveyed 1,001 respondents from the UK, all of whom were between the ages of 18-35 and found that being a healthy risk taker not only allows young people to become more confident (44 per cent) as they get older but also to become more spontaneous (34 per cent), have more enriched life experiences (33 per cent) and become psychologically stronger (30 per cent).   

English fashion designer and entrepreneur, Henry Holland, set up his own fashion label The House of Holland. He now also runs a thriving ceramics business called Henry Holland Studio and he agrees with risk-taking. He said, "I’ve learnt and earned my way through taking risks and approaching things in a way that feels right to me. You need to be confident. For every career decision that I have made and business I’ve run - I’ve learnt on the job. No specific training or education and I’ve always considered that a blessing. Why? Nobody ever told me how something should be done, and equally, they have never told me how something shouldn’t be done!    

"Working in creative fields you can overthink things and get frozen with indecision.  You have to be brave, believe in yourself, put yourself out there, and say - I think this is great - and that’s when you can achieve great things," Henry added.

Why taking risks is good for your child

Young people associate healthy risk taking with:

• Bravery (49 per cent)
• Confidence (53 per cent)
• Increased physical and psychological wellbeing (35 per cent)
• Being able to deal with challenging situations (51 per cent)

These are all essential skills for a happy and successful adult life.

However, when surveyed, young people don’t think they are learning these key skills until they are adults, with the average age being 21. Almost one-third (32 per cent) highlight that they start to face challenges where they feel as though they might fail and/or struggle with trying new things that challenge them between the ages of 16 and 20. This is also the age where over half (51 per cent) said they stopped relying on their parents/carers and started taking risks for themselves. 

CEO of British Exploring Society Honor Wilson-Fletcher MBE added, "Since I’ve been at British Exploring Society, I’ve noticed lasting changes in resilience and risk appetite in young people and their families. We commissioned research to find out whether our experience reflected a national picture because it’s our job is to prepare young people with the confidence and self-belief to live happy adult lives."

Despite knowing the importance of experiencing healthy risks, it is only natural for parents and carers to want to protect their children. Quite often they find themselves wrestling with their own fears and uncertainties, which is why letting go of the reins can be difficult and, unknowingly, they may pass their apprehensions onto their children by encouraging a cautious and risk-averse mindset. This is reflected in the research, as three-quarters of those surveyed feel that parents'/carers' anxieties about risk-taking can impact their risk-taking abilities. 

According to Bright Horizons child care centres, there are five ways parents can help their child take more risks.

5 steps to letting your child take more risks:

1. Analyse the risk vs the benefit - If you are anxious about letting your child take a risk ask yourself, 'What's the worst thing that could happen?' and 'What's the best thing that could happen?' These questions will help you be more objective and less fearful.
2. Consider your child - Think about your child's level of ability and then use that to guide you in the process. Whatever is appropriate for one child might not be suited to another. Examine their age-ability to do tasks like follow directions, understand consequences, and make reasonable choices.
3. Assess the environment - Be aware of crime rate, traffic and overall safety when deciding upon the level of risk-taking your child is capable of.
4. Teach them skills and set limits - for example, don't let them try to climb a tree until they've mastered climbing a playground climbing frame. Only when they are ready, will you be able to show them how to climb a tree safely.
5. Practice together - slowly give your child more freedom step by step so that by the time they are high school age they should be able to get their own shopping and get from place to place safely.

In other family news, here's how to set a strong boundary to stop your kid running away from you on the street, according to psychologist Dr Becky. Is your teen not taking your ‘unsolicited’ advice? Here’s how to make yourself heard (without being given the side eye).

You're not alone if talking to your children about cancer is challenging. Charities and experts are there to help manage difficult conversations and offer their advice.

Talking to kids about cancer is never going to be easy. Don't be worried if you're not quite sure how to begin, that's a normal feeling to have. And, once the conversation is flowing, checking in on their mental health and helping your child use their voice to express their feelings, would be a great habit to start - there are subtle ways your child expresses anxiety, and tuning in to these can be useful for future conversations.  

Macmillan Cancer Support suggests one in four parents with a diagnosis are concerned about discussing it with their children. Along with the expert we've spoken to about broaching discussions around cancer, Macmillan's insights will make the process easier. BACP Accredited Member, Therapeutic Counsellor, and Life Coach Nicole Green, shared her insights relating to discussing a cancer diagnosis with a child.

She told us "How we talk about cancer to our kids will depend on their age and understanding. For very young children keeping the conversation brief and using simple language will be best. Use pictures, dolls, or soft toys if needed as props to help explain where in your body the cancer is and also the impact of the treatment such as hair loss. Young children will likely be more focused on the symptoms and side effects that they can see. Let them know if you will be in hospital or away from home and also how it might affects their usual routine."

This article will offer expert guidance on talking to kids about cancer, and how to change up what you tell youngsters about a diagnosis, in an age-appropriate way. We've covered the questions your children might ask, and what could be the best way to answer them. Although your first instinct might be to protect your child from the news at all costs, our expert shares why this might be detrimental.

How to talk to kids about cancer

Macmillan Cancer Support reminds parents that trying to protect children from difficult news and any associated worry and distress is natural. However, they stress that however difficult a parent might find having a conversation about cancer, parents are always the expert when it comes to their children, and know the best way of communicating with them. Experts from the charity, and BACP Accredited Member, Therapeutic Counsellor and Life Coach Nicole Green, suggest: 

• Allow yourself time to process a cancer diagnosis before discussing it with children. Speaking to a dedicated nurse specialist, psychologist or counsellor before having the conversation, can be a good way to come to terms with it before telling young people. As an expert in your child, you'll also know how they might react, and whether they'll need further support. Anticipating certain reactions and having coping mechanisms in place, could make the process run more smoothly. 
• Find out everything you need to know about your diagnosis. Once you've had time to process, arm yourself with everything you need to know about your diagnosis to prepare for your child's questions. Gather information on your type of cancer, what sort of treatment you'll be having, and what your future could look like. Speaking confidently about your illness will put your child at ease.
• Consider whether your child knows what cancer is. It's a word they might've heard, but don't truly understand the meaning of. Starting the conversation with an explanation of cancer will get everyone on the same page, and offer your child insight into what you're about to discuss.
• Choose the right time and limit distractions. Nicole Green said "If you are the person who has cancer and are telling a child then choose an appropriate time to have the conversation with no distractions. This will allow you to take the time to answer any questions the child has and to comfort them. Choose if you would like anyone else to be with during the conversation such as a close friend or relative, who can provide support for you and your child." 
• See the first conversation as a starting point. The initial discussion will be the beginning of an ongoing process of gradually offering your child small, relevant pieces of information and reassurance as you enter treatment. Your situation will always be evolving, and you'll want to keep the conversation going about any changes, every step of the way.
• Use words your children will understand. Avoid confusing medical jargon, and check they've understood what you've told them. The right words to express yourself will vary depending on age. To make sure they've understood, find out what they know and explain anything they have misunderstood. Simple language and short sentences will work well, and keep asking them if there is anything else they want to know.
• Allow the conversation to be directed by your children’s reactions and the questions they ask. Listen and keep the discussion as open as you can. Ask questions that encourage children to express their feelings, rather than initiate short responses. If your child struggles to answer questions or is very quiet, that's ok too, and to be expected with the arrival of such big news. 
• Explain how their lives and routines may be affected. Children like routine, and need to be warned if their daily structure is going to change. If they're prepared for changes, it'll be easier for them to adapt to their change in circumstances.
• Know when to end the conversation. Nicole Green told us "Be mindful of signs that your child has had enough and draw the conversation to a close and return to it later. Don't be surprised if the conversation is short and your child returns to an activity such as playing. Allow them time to process the information and reassure them they can ask questions any time they need." 

What cancer means

When discussing the meaning of cancer, Nicole Green emphasises the importance of using age appropriate language. She suggested the following strategies: "With young children a simple explanation around how the good cells within our bodies become outnumbered by bad cells, is appropriate. Add that this can make us sick and cause a tumour or lump in our body called cancer. 

Nicole added "When talking to older children about cancer the starting point would be to ask them what they already know about cancer, and what is their understanding of it. This will allow a natural conversation to flow from where their understanding is at the present time. Secondary school children will have studied cells and have a basic knowledge of this so you can build upon this in your conversation and explanation of good and bad cells but build upon it to talk about how these can create tumours."

Questions your kids might have, and how to answer them

Nicole Green reminds parents that initially, it’s important to answer just the  questions children ask, so that you can stay with their individual concerns or worries.

They might also ask:

• Will you die? Nicole said "Most parents dread this question. Parents are unsure of how to respond and worried about their children’s reactions. Consider saying something like 'People do sometimes die from cancer, but lots of people don’t. I’m not dying. I am going to see the best doctors. I'll have surgery and take strong medicine to remove the cancer, and I’ll be checked by the doctors regularly."
• Can I catch it? You need to reassure them that they won't catch cancer in the way they would a cold. Nicole's advice is "It’s really important to emphasise that cancer is not contagious and that it’s something that happens within the body, and no one has done anything to cause it happening and it’s no one’s fault."
• Why did this happen? In response to this, Nicole said "Referring back to the part of the conversation around what cancer is and how it develops will be useful to help them understand what happened in the body. and the process that caused it to occur."
• Who will take care of me if you die? Nicole told us "Again, reassure your child that you are not dying. Tell them changes in routine may happen to accommodate hospital visits while you are being treated may happen, and revisit the question in the future should you need to.

Nicole suggested collecting your child's worries in a worry box. She said "Using a worry box can a useful tool to allow your child to voice all of their worries and concerns. This can be as simple as you sitting down with your child and allowing them to write down or draw everything they are worrying about and feeling. These drawings and notes will then go into a box and stay there as long as they remain a worry for your child.

Using a worry box allows your child an avenue to voice their feelings and emotions and not keep them inside. It allows then to name and process their feelings in a safe and contained way. And once the worry is no longer a worry they can remove it from the box."

What if you choose not to talk to your kids about cancer?

The majority of available advice encourages parents to tell their child about their diagnosis early. There are many potential pitfalls involved with delaying breaking the news. Nicole Green said "Ideally, talk to your children as soon as possible after diagnosis but if  you choose not to tell your child you have cancer, then be prepared that they may find out another way."

She added "They may overhear conversations or be told by a someone else . They might notice you are unwell or see changes to your appearance and routines. It’s useful to plan for such things as children will worry and can become anxious and upset leading to further stress for them."

Children might feel hurt, or some level of mistrust, if they don't find out the illness straight away. Nicole told us "Be honest about why you choose not to tell them, it may be you didn’t want to worry them or didn’t know how to tell them. If they ask you outright it will be best not to lie to them but if you can’t have the conversation then ask a trusted friend or relative to be involved."

She concluded "Talking about cancer is never easy especially if it is you that has the diagnosis. Allow that you may get upset or angry and ensure you have support for yourself. It’s ok to cry and get upset in front of your child as this will show them that it’s ok to show your emotions and keep the dialogue between the two of going. Check in with them regularly or return to the worry box to ensure their feelings are validated."

Parents could also need to discuss the cost of living crisis, and want to have discussion with kids about money. Others might be wondering how to talk to their child about war - we have expert advice on how to broach these difficult topics.

Whether it’s a short trip to the supermarket or a longer journey that requires taking the car, leaving the house with a toddler in tow is rarely a) easy and b) enjoyable. 

So many parents struggle to get the kids out the door each morning – and we’re not surprised. Between nappy explosions and school run tantrums, it’s no wonder that new research has found it takes over two hours for one in four mums to leave the house with a toddler. 

The study, conducted by baby and toddler gift card brand Little Starts Gift Cards, revealed that preparing the all-important nappy bag emerged as the most time-consuming hold-up for mums, with 42 per cent admitting the dreaded 'poo-nami' is the biggest obstacle. Additionally, a staggering 91 per cent of mums encounter a tantrum when trying to leave the house, while three quarters admit to leaving the house without brushing their teeth in order to get their little ones out the door. 

Little Starts Gift Cards has also revealed that parents become master negotiators when trying to leave their home, with 50 per cent of mums admitting to bribing their kids with iPad time in a bid to get out of the house, whereas 35 per cent resort to fail-safe sweet treats as their leverage. 

However, negotiation doesn’t always result in success, with 58 per cent admitting defeat in the challenge of getting out the door and ending up cancelling plans altogether.

The study also highlights the huge importance of new mums being able to get out of the house, with 56 per cent of mums admitting that not leaving their home has a negative impact on their mental health, and a further 88 per cent of mums saying that getting out of the house to visit classes and activities is important for the child development stages.

Little Starts Gift Cards founder and mum-of-two, Katie Lavis, said: "Our new study highlights the importance of mums being encouraged and supported to get out of the house, whilst looking after their little ones. This can be challenging, but the benefits for mum and children are clear to see.

"As child activity experts and mums ourselves, at Little Starts we understand the benefits of baby, toddler and preschool classes to not only children’s development but also to parents’ mental health, giving them that much-needed purpose to get parents out of the house and space to meet like-minded people and friends."

Top things mums find less stressful than getting their child out of the house

1. Getting stuck in a lift for 30 minutes – 68 percent
2. Visiting the mother-in-law – 66 percent
3. When your boss calls an unexpected meeting – 65 percent
4. Having root canal surgery – 63 percent
5. Car breaking down – 60 percent
6. A work presentation – 54 percent
7. Moving house – 50 percent
8. Doing a tax return – 41 percent
9. Getting through an airport with kids – 40 percent
10. Having an argument with your partner – 34 percent

Top 5 obstacles to leaving the house

1. Children not wanting to leave the house – 59 percent
2. Preparing the nappy bag – 54 percent
3. Housework jobs – 46 percent
4. Nappy explosion – 42 percent
5. Tantrums – 32 percent

Top 5 sacrifices mums have made to leave the house on time

1. No coat on – 76 percent
2. Not having brushed their teeth – 74 percent
3. Wrong/odd shoes on – 68 percent
4. Not brushed their hair – 58 percent
5. Haven't eaten – 46 percent

In other parenting news, discover how to set a strong boundary to stop your kid running away from you on the street and the 6 signs your child has ‘high emotional intelligence’.

So many parents struggle to set boundaries because they want their kids to be happy, but having clear limits gives your child physical and emotional security. 

When you’re struggling with a child who won’t listen and won’t do as you ask, empty threats are often fired in their direction, hoping that those bold claims - like taking away their iPad for a week or cancelling a playdate - will eventually enforce change. It’s rarely the case though, as kids will soon catch on when they realise your words don’t have weight, and the cycle continues, leaving you questioning, should we just let kids do what they want?

When it comes to teaching our kids good behaviour, it all comes down to boundaries and taking control as a parent. “A boundary is something you tell your child you will do,” writes Dr Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, in her latest Instagram reel. 

A common scenario you might find yourself in is when you’re out with your kid – walking to school or going shopping on the high street – and they keep running away from you. Frustrating and kind of dangerous, right? You need them to stay close so that you can keep them safe, but they don't understand that.

How to set an effective boundary to stop your kid from running off

Using this example, Dr Becky explains that it’s our job as parents to set a firmer boundary so that our kid can’t physically run away from us. You’re probably saying things like, ‘stay close to me’ and ‘stop running away from me’ on loop, but Dr Becky suggests trying this instead: “Hey, sweetie, it looks like you’re having a hard time staying close to me, so I’m going pick you up and carry you. My number one job is to keep you safe and right now, safety means holding you. At another time we can work on your walking more independently in a safe way.”

While it sounds like a gentle parenting technique, Dr Becky assures that it’s a sturdy and effective way of setting a boundary with your child. The author of Good Inside said: “In the second [response], I’m actually embodying my authority as a parent. I’m not going to let my kid get into a dangerous situation and I’m not going to let myself get frustrated over and over. A boundary is something you tell your kid you will do, and it requires your kid to do nothing. That’s how you get your kid to stop running away from you on the street.”

We trust that Dr Becky always suggests effective techniques for her followrs, but we have to agree with some of the Instagram comments that said it sounds good in theory, but would probably only work if you had one kid to look after at the time.

In other parenting news, if you do this one thing, your kids will listen more and pushback less and these expert-led tips might help everyone leave the house on time if you struggle to get the kids out the door.

A child psychologist has shared a small change you can make to your school drop-off routine to try and avoid a meltdown - but it's not always easy to implement.

Tears and tantrums at the school gates are not uncommon, and it can be exhausting for parents who have to peel away their little one morning after morning. Even if you've tried several settling-in ideas, helping a highly sensitive child go back to school can be tough to navigate and that moment when you part ways is one of many parents' back-to-school worries.

But there's one common drop-off habit that could be adding to children's upset. According to child psychologist Amanda Abel, one of the top things parents should avoid doing when taking their kid to school is sneaking off without saying goodbye.

Writing for Kidspot, Amanda said, "This is arguably the most anxiety-building mistake a parent can make during this time." She goes on to explain that this is because a lot of children start childcare around the time when separation anxiety is peaking - which is why the school drop-off can be such an emotional time for them.

Amanda warns, "As much as it may seem like a less painful option, NEVER sneak away when saying your goodbyes. Sneaking away will just create further anxiety for your child and confuse the concept."

If you've been fleeing from school when your kid's back is turned, you're most certainly not alone and we totally get why you want to save yourself the anguish of peeling away from a crying child. Plus, if they're starting to look distracted, you might not want to draw their attention back to you.

Fortunately, Amanda also shared some tips on how to manage a 'good-goodbye', so you can build a more positive drop-off routine.

How to manage a 'good goodbye'

• Pass your child to the educator.
• Say your goodbyes and tell them you’ll be back later to pick them up.
• A lot of children will have a meltdown and be upset at this time, but most are totally fine within five minutes - there are lots of distractions to keep them busy.
• Never lie to them and make sure to offer them realistic expectations; e.g. if another family member or carer will collect them at the end of the day, give your child full warning so they can mentally prepare for this.

Amanda adds that every child is different, and some will find the milestone of starting school or nursery more difficult than others. But she encourages parents to remember, "Attending kindergarten and/or daycare is a positive step for your child, it’s providing them with socialisation and educational opportunities that help prepare them for their future."

She adds, "Be consistent with your goodbyes and everyone will settle into their new norms in no time."

In other news, teachers have revealed the best ways to get your kids back-to-school ready and we've rounded up 19 great first day of school traditions to do with your kids. One mum shared the ten things she wishes she'd known before her child started school, and our Family Editor shared why moving schools was the best decision for her five-year-old.

A parenting expert has shared six signs to look out for that show your child has 'high emotional intelligence' which is vital for happiness and success, and if they don't, how you can help them develop the skill.

As a parent, you worry about child development right from pregnancy through birth – it doesn't stop even when they're in their teens (and that's normal, FYI). But now in addition to learning how to help your child use their voice, there are some ways you can teach your child emotional intelligence if they're not already showing signs.

Reem Raouda is a certified conscious parenting coach and founder of The Connected Discipline Method, a coaching programme for parents of strong-willed children and she's highlighted the six ways in which kids show they have high emotional intelligence – which is a key predictor for happiness and success.

High emotional intelligence is the ability to identify one's emotions and also understand the emotions of others. In addition to happiness and success, it helps you to build relationships, reduce stress, diffuse conflict and improve satisfaction.

And if your child doesn't have all the signs, fear not, for Reem has some tips for how you can easily teach them the skills.

Is your child emotionally intelligent? Here are 6 signs

1. Recognising non-verbal clues

A child who is good at picking up on other's feelings by watching their body language and facial expressions are very emotionally intelligent. A child might display this by telling you, "Mum, my friend Sarah was really quiet today. I asked if she wanted to play, and she said 'no'. I think she was sad about something,” Reem explained.

Strengthen this skill by: Chatting to your child about their day and what emotions they witnessed in the people they played with. This will help them identify and strengthen their ability to read emotions, and will make them more confident when understanding others.

Ask your child: "What kids of a mood do you think your best friend was in today?".

2. Showing empathy and compassion

Building on identifying different emotions might look like the ability to show real concern towards them and offer help. A child can show this by telling their 'losing' friend during a playdate, "You played really well! Do you want to play something else together?”, Reem suggested.

Strengthen this skill by: Showing your child that you have empathy for others too.

Say to your child: "I'm worried about [elderly neighbour]. Let's check on her and see if she needs any help with anything."

3. They can name their emotions

A child who can talk openly about emotions and apply them to everyday scenarios is someone who is emotionally intelligent. They might say “I feel frustrated because I can’t solve this puzzle,” or “I’m happy because I helped my friend fix her toy,”. Here, Reem says they are "recognising and communicating their emotions".

Strengthen this skill by: Practicing labelling your emotions so that they come naturally – saying phrases like, 'I'm disappointed I can't find my keys', 'I'm a bit overwhelmed with all the work I have to do', or 'I'm worried that we're going to be late to the cinema'.

4. They are adaptable

A child who can adapt well to change without throwing a tantrum has emotional maturity. For instance, if an outdoor picnic is cancelled, they are happy to have an indoor picnic instead.

Strengthen this skill by: Being flexible and calm as a parent and your children will pick up on this and start copying it.

What to ask your child: "What can we do instead?" – helping them to problem solve.

5. They are good listeners

A child who is a good listener will be able to pick up on subtle cues of feelings conveyed through words that others might miss, especially if they ask questions and show curiosity.

Strengthen this skill by: Giving your child your full attention when they are telling a story. Stop what you're doing, make eye contact and get down to their level if you're not already. "Reflect and repeat back what they are saying to show them you're really listening," Reem added.

6. They can self-regulate

If your child can handle big feelings, stay calm and make smart choices, then it's a strong sign that they're emotionally intelligent. They keep cool and carry on, even after disappointment. Reem explained, "Picture your child playing a game with friends and losing a round. Instead of reacting out of frustration, a kid who is good at self-regulation might take a moment to catch their breath, and then jump back in with a positive mindset."

Strengthen this skill by: Resisting your own tantrums and implementing a 'pause and breathe' technique where you teach your child to take a deep breath and count to 10 and let them see you do it as well. "When kids see us handle tough times with grace, it's a lesson they won't forget," Reem added.

In other family news, Struggle to get the kids out the door each morning? You're not alone – these expert-led tips might help everyone leave the house on time and Teen not taking your ‘unsolicited’ advice? Here’s how to make yourself heard (without being given the side eye)

What are the six signs that your child has high emotional intelligence, what are the benefits now and later in life, and what can you do to encourage the skills they already have?

As a parent, you worry about child development right from pregnancy through birth – it doesn't stop even when they're in their teens (and that's normal, FYI). But now in addition to learning how to help your child use their voice, there are some ways you can teach your child emotional intelligence if they're not already showing signs.

Reem Raouda is a certified conscious parenting coach and founder of The Connected Discipline Method, a coaching programme for parents of strong-willed children. She's shared six ways kids show they have high emotional intelligence – a key predictor for happiness and success. "A child who is good at picking up on other's feelings by watching their body language and facial expressions are very emotionally intelligent", says Reem. 

High emotional intelligence is the ability to identify one's emotions and also understand the emotions of others. In addition to happiness and success, it helps you to build relationships, reduce stress, diffuse conflict and improve satisfaction.

And if your child doesn't have all the signs, fear not, for Reem has some tips for how you can easily teach them the skills.

6 signs your child has 'high emotional intelligence'

1. Recognising non-verbal clues

"A child who is good at picking up on other's feelings by watching their body language and facial expressions are very emotionally intelligent. A child might display this by telling you, "Mum, my friend Sarah was really quiet today. I asked if she wanted to play, and she said 'no'. I think she was sad about something,” Reem explained.

Strengthen this skill by: Chatting to your child about their day and what emotions they witnessed in the people they played with. This will help them identify and strengthen their ability to read emotions, and will make them more confident when understanding others.

Ask your child: "What kids of a mood do you think your best friend was in today?".

2. Showing empathy and compassion

Building on identifying different emotions might look like the ability to show real concern towards them and offer help. A child can show this by telling their 'losing' friend during a playdate, "You played really well! Do you want to play something else together?”, Reem suggested.

Strengthen this skill by: Showing your child that you have empathy for others too.

Say to your child: "I'm worried about [elderly neighbour]. Let's check on her and see if she needs any help with anything."

3. They can name their emotions

A child who can talk openly about emotions and apply them to everyday scenarios is someone who is emotionally intelligent. They might say “I feel frustrated because I can’t solve this puzzle,” or “I’m happy because I helped my friend fix her toy,”. Here, Reem says they are "recognising and communicating their emotions".

Strengthen this skill by: Practicing labelling your emotions so that they come naturally – saying phrases like, 'I'm disappointed I can't find my keys', 'I'm a bit overwhelmed with all the work I have to do', or 'I'm worried that we're going to be late to the cinema'.

4. They are adaptable

A child who can adapt well to change without throwing a tantrum has emotional maturity. For instance, if an outdoor picnic is cancelled, they are happy to have an indoor picnic instead.

Strengthen this skill by: Being flexible and calm as a parent and your children will pick up on this and start copying it.

What to ask your child: "What can we do instead?" – helping them to problem solve.

5. They are good listeners

A child who is a good listener will be able to pick up on subtle cues of feelings conveyed through words that others might miss, especially if they ask questions and show curiosity.

Strengthen this skill by: Giving your child your full attention when they are telling a story. Stop what you're doing, make eye contact and get down to their level if you're not already. "Reflect and repeat back what they are saying to show them you're really listening," Reem added.

6. They can self-regulate

If your child can handle big feelings, stay calm and make smart choices, then it's a strong sign that they're emotionally intelligent. They keep cool and carry on, even after disappointment. Reem explained, "Picture your child playing a game with friends and losing a round. Instead of reacting out of frustration, a kid who is good at self-regulation might take a moment to catch their breath, and then jump back in with a positive mindset."

Strengthen this skill by: Resisting your own tantrums and implementing a 'pause and breathe' technique where you teach your child to take a deep breath and count to 10 and let them see you do it as well. "When kids see us handle tough times with grace, it's a lesson they won't forget," Reem added.

What are the benefits to being emotionally intelligent?

Emotional intelligence is all about understanding and managing our own emotions, as well as recognising and responding to the emotions of others. Here are just some of the benefits to developing emotional intelligence in our children:

• Better self-awareness: Emotionally intelligent kids can identify their feelings more easily. This helps them understand themselves better and boosts their self-confidence.
• Improved relationships: According to this 2022 systematic review into developing emotional intelligence, children who recognise others' emotions become more empathetic and tend to react and communicate better, which helps them develop stronger friendships, family bonds and relationships.
• Stress management: Emotionally intelligent kids can handle life's stress and challenges better. They can calm themselves down and find positive ways to cope with tricky or challenging situations. A 2024 study found that people in professions such as psychology, nursing and social work tended to cope better with stress if they had higher emotional intelligence.
• Academic success: Emotional intelligence can help in school, too. Kids who can manage their emotions are often better at focusing, staying motivated, and working well in groups. A 2023 review of multiple studies, including thousands of students across the world, found that emotional intelligence could significantly impact academic performance, especially if it was valued in the child's school.
• Future career success: As they grow up, emotionally intelligent individuals tend to have better job satisfaction and make great team players. They're often seen as natural leaders in the workplace, so much so that Harvard Business School says it's one of the most sought-after interpersonal skills in the workplace.
• Healthier lifestyle choices: Understanding and managing emotions can lead to better decision-making when it comes to health and well-being.
• Greater overall happiness: Emotional intelligence contributes to a more positive outlook on life and higher life satisfaction. Studies, including this 2019 paper into the relationship between emotional intelligence and happiness, have found it to be a predictive factor for happiness and overall well-being.

How to help your child develop their emotional intelligence

Whether you think your child could benefit from developing emotional intelligence or you want to encourage the skills they already have, there are many ways to help them develop this important skill. Here are a few ideas backed up by experts and research: 

• Use active listening: Neuroscientist Dr Huriye Atilgan says parents can help improve emotional intelligence by using active listening so their child's "emotions are acknowledged and validated." This can help your child "fully examine their own emotional state" as well as others' emotions. Active listening is a communication skill that requires you to be present and focused on what your child is saying without distraction.
• Role-playing scenarios: Using some of the examples above or playing a game where your child can guess the emotion you're acting out can help your child identify non-verbal cues that can show someone's emotional state. This can help them be more sensitive to those cues when interacting with friends.

• Read storybooks: Stories that heighten their emotions can help children identify and understand their own and other's emotions through the experiences of reading storybooks, according to multiple studies. According to the Housman Institute, which provides tools and tips on developing emotional intelligence, "Storybooks are a powerful visual tool that can help children safely explore different social and emotional experiences while learning important skills including emotional intelligence, self-awareness, empathy, and problem-solving."
• Reflection: The Housman Institute also recommends encouraging your child to reflect on what's making them feel a certain way. So, for example, instead of telling them to 'cheer up', ask why they think they might be feeling sad. This can also help them figure out the cause and effect between what happened and their behaviour or feelings, as well as problem-solving skills.
• Get them gardening! A study in South Korea found that engaging in gardening and other horticultural activities improved the emotional intelligence, social behaviour and academic ability of hundreds of children. Another 2021 study found that living walls full of plants in classrooms helped kids behave better and interact more nicely with each other.
• Talk about your own emotions: Being open and honest with your child in an age-appropriate way about your emotions, showing them how to self-regulate when you feel emotional, and reflecting on your own feelings can all model how emotional intelligence looks to your child. You can be their best example.

Books to encourage emotional intelligence. from toddlers to preschoolers

The Housman Institute has a series of recommended books by age which can help to develop emotional intelligence from an early age:

Infants and toddlers

• The Feelings Book by Todd Parr
• Up, Up, Up, Down by Kimberly Gee
• When I Am Cuando Estoy by Gladys Rosa-Mendoza
• Lots of Feelings by Shelley Rotner, et al.
• Grumpy Bird by Jeremy Tankard

For preschoolers

• Gilly and the Garden by Dr. Donna Housman
• The Way I Feel by Janan Cain
• Allie All Along by Sarah Lynne Reul
• B is for Breathe by Dr. Melissa Munro Boyd
• Thank you Omu By Oge Mora
• The Day the Crayons Quit by Drew Daywalt
• Stick and Stone by Beth Ferry, et al.
• The Pigeon Will Ride the Roller Coaster by Mo Willems

The main takeaway

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and those of others. It includes skills like being aware of your feelings, controlling your emotions, staying motivated and focused, empathising with others, and being good at social interactions. For children, having high emotional intelligence can mena they're better communicators, have stronger relationships, and improved problem-solving skills. It also helps them handle stress and navigate social situations better. In school, kids with higher EI tend to perform better academically and handle changes and challenges more easily.

Featured experts

In other family news, Struggle to get the kids out the door each morning? You're not alone – these expert-led tips might help everyone leave the house on time and Teen not taking your ‘unsolicited’ advice? Here’s how to make yourself heard (without being given the side eye)

We’ve all been there – the chaotic morning routine where getting kids out of the house on time feels like an Olympic sport. 

Just when you’re about to herd your kids out the door in the morning, there’s always something that crops up to bring the whole ordeal to a standstill. One child might be complaining that their packed lunch isn’t what they wanted, while another could have an “I’m not going to school today!” outburst from nowhere. You’ll rarely hear ‘smooth sailing’ and ‘morning routine’ in one sentence, but worry not, parents, because there are some hacks to try that could help everyone to actually leave the house on time. 

Amy Graff, a family expert from Babycenter, reveals her top tips to help you get your kids up in the morning and out the door, stat.

4 tips to make mornings with the kids easier

1. Choose outfits the night before

Laying out your kid's school uniform the night before will save the chaos of trying to find missing socks or t-shirts in the morning. There are no last-minute matching struggles, helping you to save time and make the rest of the day go smoother.

If your child doesn't wear a school uniform, involve them in choosing what they want to wear the night before. A pre-approved wardrobe selection not only avoids morning meltdowns but helps them gain some independence. Amy says: “Both my daughter and her brother set their clothes next to their beds, and then I review their choices, making sure they included underwear and socks.”

2. Agree on a schedule

Creating a family schedule for leaving the house on time can help parents delegate responsibilities, establish predictable routines and take the stress out of the morning.

Amy said this has been a game-changer in her family: “We held a meeting to brainstorm a list of tasks and talk about who should do what. And then we decided on an order in which the tasks should be completed. We agreed that everyone should get dressed before breakfast, as our kids wake up ravenous and the promise of a meal always motivates them. I wanted to involve the kids in creating the schedule so they'd also feel responsible for getting to school on time.”

3. Move to the music

If your kids have a case of snooze syndrome, you might be wondering seriously, how much sleep do teenagers need?. Music can be a powerful motivator for kids (and young adults) in the morning, as the upbeat, energetic tones have the ability to set a positive and lively atmosphere. Injecting some ‘oomph’ into the morning can nix that grogginess and get the kids excited for their day. Amy’s fail-safe song? Dancing Queen by ABBA, of course.

“ABBA's Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia will spring them into action. I play the music softly at first and then gradually go louder and louder. If they continue to play dead, I jump on their beds until they abandon ship. A little exercise wakes me up as well.”

4. Incentivise and celebrate punctuality

Positive reinforcement works wonders. Create a reward system for consistently on-time departures – whether it’s a special treat, a small bonus in their pocket money or extra playtime, make punctuality a cause for celebration. Almost all families will have trouble navigating morning chaos at some point, it's handy to have some of these sanity-saving tips in your back pocket to help establish a routine and ensure your day goes smoother from the get-go. And look, if it doesn't go to plan today, there's always tomorrow.

For more trusted family advice, a parenting coach claims if you do this one thing, your kids will listen more and pushback less and a psychologist reveals 3 reasons why your kid is being rude, and how parents can break the cycle.

A parenting expert has broken down how to use ‘positive consequences’ to get your child to listen to you and understand the consequences of their bad behaviour better - here’s how to keep your cool and use them effectively. 

When faced with bad behaviour, a tantrum, or plain stubbornness from a child, it can be easy to lose your cool, especially when it's just be 'one of those days.' No matter what parenting style you chose to follow, the mental load of parenting day in and day out can often just become too much and snapping at bad behaviour is all too easy. 

But one parenting expert has now urged parents to remove the negativity from their reprimands, no matter how many times they've been forced to wonder if their child is actually even listening to them, and use 'positive consequences' to get that naughty behaviour better under control.  

Taking to Instagram, parenting expert Ralphie, known as SimplyOnPurpose online, shared, "Parents always want to be pointing a figure at what TO DO, not what not to do. Positive consequences do just that. They get the good going. 

"It's very natural for parents to use threats of taking things away to motivate their kids," she says adding the example, "If you don't keep your hands to yourself then we are leaving!"

But Ralphie wants us to flip that negative into a positive. "Using positive consequences adds to a child's life and creates positive association with the behaviour and parent," she explains. "If you can keep your hands to yourself then we can stay and play."

The simple idea at the core of positive consequences is to encourage good behaviour instead of punishing bad behaviour. By being gentler with the way we speak to kids during their emotional outbursts, we can show them that we acknowledge the feeling causing their bad behaviour while still condemning the behaviour itself. This gentle approach will help the child feel safe and make them more likely to listen to reprimands and change their behaviour. 

The idea goes hand in hand with many of the parenting hacks that have recently been shared online, from the gentle way to deal with children who laugh in your face when you reprimand them to the simple routine switch that will make your kids listen more and pushback less.

If you're struggling to get your kids to do what you ask them, this parenting coach's advice will be a lifesaver and stop all the pushback they give you.

Parenting is a constant learning task. As you go through each of a child's development stages, new challenges are placed in front of you and, at times, it can feel like an uphill battle no matter which parenting style you choose to subscribe to.

One of the biggest troubles parents often face is getting a child to simply listen to them. But whether you're wondering why your teenager is tuning you out or you're struggling with a child who won’t listen, parenting coach Tia Slightham has you covered with this brilliant trick that she promises will not only increase a child's listening, but also their cooperation with what you're asking them to do. 

Taking to TikTok, the certified parenting coach shared, "Here's the thing. Everything we ask our kids to do is lame; brush their teeth, turn off their device so they can go to bed, clean up so they can come have dinner. Everything is boring and lame so no wonder they don't want to do it! We ask them to stop doing the fun things to do the boring things."

So how can we get kids to do those boring, but essential, tasks? It's all about swapping the way we approach the timeline of the day, says Slightham. 

"What I want you to do is look at your day and flip flop the order in which your kids are doing things," she says. "I want you to ensure that the things they need to do are always done before the things they want to do." 

Her advice makes so much sense. Of course kids aren't going to stop watching their favourite TV show to go and take out the rubbish or do the other chores we set them. But they will do those 'lame' things in order to watch their show or do something else that they actually like to do. 

"Simply look at your day from morning to night and shift it, so the 'need to dos' come before the 'want to dos'," the expert says, emphasising how simple her advice is. 

TikTok users immediately loved the simple hack with one commenter sharing, "I can't wait to try this tomorrow! It makes so much sense." 

Keep up to date with our family news and parenting hacks like ‘Kids don’t have the skills to manage those feelings’ – a psychologist reveals 3 reasons why your kid is being rude, and how parents can break the cycle, and Questions to ask kids after school: 14 of the best from the experts, as well as Teen not taking your ‘unsolicited’ advice? Here’s how to make yourself heard (without being given the side eye).

Half of the British parents are too tired to have sex, a study has revealed - but don't fear, a relationship expert shares her tips on how to get more than just sleepy cuddles under the covers.

Our lives are busier, parenting roles are just as demanding and the expectations that we can just cram everything in are higher than ever, but something's got to give and it looks like sex is on the back burner for many parents. But if you want to know how to spice up your relationship or are thinking of exploring Tantric Sex, you might want to solve the tiredness first.

A study shows nearly half of British parents (48 per cent) said that feeling exhausted from parenting responsibilities has made maintaining their sex lives harder.

The survey, carried out by MOJU, a functional juice brand, reports that three in five parents agree that parenthood harms their sex lives, with one quarter even lying to friends about how much sex they're having. But despite the dry spell, one in three parents surveyed say they want to have sex more often (and haven't gone off sex altogether).

When asked what they are trying to do to liven up their libido, 19 per cent admitted they are changing their diet in a bit to ramp up their energy in the bedroom - with more than one-quarter of gen Z respondents keen to explore libido-boosting foods. Men were four times more likely to try so-called aphrodisiacs such as chocolate, figs, oysters and ginger.

We asked Clio Wood, mental health and sex positivity advocate, and author of Get Your Mojo Back, Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy After Birth what parents can do to combat the issue. She tells GoodtoKnow, "Parenthood is exhausting, there's no two ways about it, so sometimes, cutting yourself some slack around expectations of how much sex you should be having is the best thing you can do for yourself. The exhaustion will ease and you will have more time for each other, but it can feel unending when you're in this phase. Try switching around your schedule and making time for sex during the day - that way you're not craving sleep the minute you hit the mattress in the evening."

But every busy parent knows that's easier said than done - not only are working mums dealing with 'mum guilt' of not spending enough time with their children, they're also coming to terms with matrescence.

Clio advises couples to focus on quality sex, not quantity. "There's no point aiming for loads of sex if it's not satisfying either of you. The best quality sex takes place when there's a connection between you and often that takes time and headspace. And if the sex is better, the more you might want to do it...it's a virtuous circle."

She shared her tips for setting aside time for intimacy as a couple. "It might not seem sexy, but scheduling time in for connection and intimacy is often the key to carving time out as busy parents. Whether that's once a week or a daily five minutes, find whatever works for you. Even if that isn't a slot for sex itself, building up a bank of connection and being nice to each other can really help when the time does come to get back in the sack."

And if you are still struggling, Clio suggests taking a break from screens to combat 'over-stimulation' draining your energy.

"These days we are hugely over-stimulated, from the constant social media scroll, to always being contactable, to the pressure of shopping and consuming, to the overwhelm of the 24/7 news cycle.  It's a lot for our brains to take in and it leaves us wired but tired.  It's not just the screen time that hinders us, but the overwork of the brain too, so the sleep we do get is not as nourishing and restful as it should be.  Taking time out from screens for a whole day once per week, as well as the usual overnight reset, can really help combat over-stimulation."

In other relationship news, we spoke to a body language expert who tells us how to tell if someone likes you. If you're looking to spice things up, you might want to read up on what is spooning and its benefits.

As wise and well-meaning parents, it’s our instinct (and kind of prerogative) to offer some sage advice to counter the dilemmas our kids face on a regular basis. 

Sure, research has found that 14-year-olds are most open to life-changing advice, but getting them to actually take on board what you’ve said is easier said than done, especially when you feel as though your teenager is tuning you out. If this sounds close to home, we have some news for you.

A new study published in the Emerging Adulthood (EA) journal has found a tactic that’s going to encourage your teen to not only listen to your well-intentioned advice, but to actually take it on board. Involving a diverse range of 194 ‘emerging adults’, the researchers from the University of California, Riverside, asked participants to recall a time when their parents offered them advice to help them regulate their emotions – in other words, cope with how they’re feeling about a problem.

The study group was then asked to fill in a survey asking whether they thought the interjection from their parents was helpful, and if it regulated their emotions as intended. Lastly, the researchers asked if the teenagers were the ones to reach out and ask for their advice, and whether they thought their parents were supporting their independence.  

Essentially, the study found that teens are in fact open to unsolicited advice from their parents, but only if the parents respect their independence and trust them to make their own choices. If teens sense a lack of trust, the advice comes off as insincere or unhelpful. 

Madeline Newman, the first author for the journal paper, told UCR News: "If youth feel like their parents don't 'get them' or 'understand them,' it's possible that youth conclude that the parental advice does not apply to them. Emerging adulthood is a special time of the lifespan, when there are new opportunities for freedom and decision-making, but still lots of ties to family of origin. So the way parents support their youth during this transitional phase will set the stage for later adulthood.”

3 tips to offer advice to your teenager (without annoying them) 

1. Timing is key: Choose a time when they’re not deep into a Netflix series or furiously texting in the group chat. A casual, relaxed setting might just make your golden nuggets of wisdom more palatable.
2. Be sensitive and tactful: Instead of dropping advice unexpectedly, try approaching it like a friendly suggestion. Share personal experiences, slip in some humour and make it feel like you’re on their team rather than a university lecturer.
3. Listen first, advise second: Resist the urge to jump in with solutions straight away. Let your teen spill their thoughts and feelings first. Being a good listener not only earns you brownie points but may also allow your advice to actually be considered, rather than ignored.

We know it's hard, but trying to embrace your teens’ need for independence, rather than resisting it, could be the solution to making yourself heard.

In other family news, we've asked the experts what to expect when your teenager has started dating. Elsewhere, these are the 15 'life-saving' questions to ask your child if they’re online gaming and a new survey shows teens disrupt sleep just as much as toddlers do.

With more young people gaming than ever before, it's no surprise that parents are looking for ways to engage with their children. An expert has shared three 'life-saving' questions parents should ask their children if they're online gaming and five tips to help keep them safe online.

Paw Patrol is one of the 10 kids' apps that are 'spying' on users with parents even more concerned about ways of keeping kids safe online while trying to find ways of reducing screen time. But it can often feel like a losing battle, however, don't fear, as there's another way you can protect your child - and it doesn't involve locking up their devices.

Around 2.38 million game consoles were sold in the UK during 2023 - almost a 10 per cent increase on the previous year - with 88 per cent of young adults (aged 16-24) reported to play video games and 29 per cent of those playing online with people they don’t know outside of the Internet.

However, children are now getting into gaming from a younger age, with a reported 91 per cent of children (aged three to 15) playing video games, so online safety has never been more important. Communication platforms like Discord can connect you with anyone from all over the world, and clicking a link alone can result in personal information being harvested, leading to financial loss, or even identity theft. And let's not forget the increased exposure to threats including malware, trojans, and viruses.

Cyber safety experts at Norton, have given us their top five tips and the questions parents should be asking their kids, to open up the conversation and game safely online, and #2 could actually save a life.

5 tips for ensuring safer online gaming

1. Understand the Games

Get to know the games your children are playing. Not all games pose the same risks, and some may have built-in safety features, so be aware of the game's content and the potential risks associated with it.

Questions to ask: Are there loot boxes which require real money to be spent for cosmetics or upgrades in-game? Do hacks or cheats exist for the game?

2. Open Communication

Be an encouraging, listening ear. Initiate conversations about online safety where relevant and discuss the importance of keeping personal information private, especially when interacting with strangers online.

Questions to ask: What kinds of things do you usually talk about? Have you ever been asked any personal questions, like where you go to school, or how old you are? Did you know that anything you share on the Internet stays there forever?  

3. Use Parental Controls

Get yourself some built-in backup. Take advantage of parental controls These can help monitor and limit online interactions, as well as manage screen time. Norton has a specialised version of their 360 software, which was designed with gamers in mind. With the addition of Dark Web Monitoring, you’ll be able to check if your child’s Gamertag, usernames and/or email address are compromised.

Questions to ask: How do you feel about the screen time limits we’ve set? Do you think they’re fair, or should we discuss adjusting it? Do you understand why it’s important to keep your personal information, like your full name, address, and school, safe?

4. Stay Updated

The gaming industry is ever-evolving, and so are the potential risks associated with it. Stay alert to current trends and updates in the gaming world. This can include new game releases, updates (also called “patches”) to existing games, and changes in online community guidelines.

Questions to ask: Do you watch any streamers? What games are popular among your friends right now? Is there a new game you’re interested in?

5. Promote Healthy Gaming Habits

Let’s not condemn our budding gamers for having an indoor hobby. Encourage a balance between gaming and other activities and set limits on gaming time to prevent too much play. Do encourage participation in other hobbies and physical activities. Help your children to utilise the skills they may learn from playing online games in real life. GoodtoKnow recently reported gameshow host Stephen Mulhern on why board games are better than computer games (and how you can get your kids to make the swap)

Questions to ask: What have you learned from your time gaming today? Did you play in a team? Did you go through anything challenging? Was any part of it frustrating?

Awareness and understanding of the risks of gaming are key to ensuring a safe and enjoyable gaming environment for children in the new year, without taking away from their experience.

In other family news, want your teen gamer to sleep better? Here are 6 expert tips to ensure the screen isn’t keeping them awake all night (and #3 is so worth it) and 'Are you even listening to me?' If it feels like your teenager is tuning you out, they probably are, but research proves it’s not personal, just science.

A new survey has revealed that teens disrupt their parents' sleep just as much as toddlers do (and, sorry, it gets worse the more children you have).

Parents will know that sleep is a luxury commodity once you have children. Dealing with lack of sleep becomes the norm and, when a full eight hours is no longer an option, working out how to look less tired replaces taking measures to actually be less tired because, let's face it, you're probably going to feel exhausted either way.

But if you know how much sleep teenagers need, then you might expect to get a couple more hours of shut-eye once your kids get a bit older, given that teens actually need more sleep than younger children. Unfortunately, research has shown that you can expect just as many sleepless nights as a parent of a teen as when your kids were toddlers.

According to a survey conducted by Expert Reviews, parents who have teenagers struggle as much with their sleep as those with children under four. They found that 60 per cent of parents and guardians of toddlers say they are not getting enough sleep - and 60 per cent of parents with kids aged 17-18 felt the same.

In addition, the survey found that 51 per cent of parents get less than seven hours of sleep, compared to 39 per cent of adults without children. Meanwhile, 44 per cent of adults with one child or less in their household get less than seven hours of sleep, compared to 55 per cent of adults with more than three children living with them. 

So, contrary to the expectation that a parent's sleep improves as their children grow up, Expert Reviews' survey reveals that parents continue to struggle with sleep, no matter how old their children are. 

That said, there was a slight improvement in sleep for parents once their children turned 18, as 52 per cent of parents with children over 18 say that they do not get enough sleep, compared to 54 per cent of parents with children under 18. But just 44 per cent of people without children agreed. 

Key survey findings

• 44 per cent of adults with 0 children said they get less than seven hours of sleep
• 44 per cent of adults with one child said they get less than seven hours of sleep
• 52 per cent of adults with two children said they get less than seven hours of sleep
• 55 per cent of adults with three children or more said they get less than seven hours of sleep

If your kids are disrupting your sleep, you might want to check out these expert tips on how to recover from a bad night's sleep and how to wake up in the morning too. We've also asked the experts how to get rid of dark circles - here are nine of the best eye creams that might help.

It’s a tough pill to swallow when your sweet seven-year-old turns into a teenage tornado of attitude seemingly overnight. 

Big changes are happening during the child development stages up to their early teen years, with mood swings and eye-rolling being common characteristics of the first signs of puberty in boys and girls. Known as the ‘tween years’ (from around eight to 12), it’s a turbulent time for your kids (and you!) when they’re straddling between exploring a new personality and still needing the love and support from their parents.  

You’re also evolving through the mental, emotional, hormonal and social experience of motherhood (otherwise known as matrescence) which, you may have noticed, sounds pretty similar to adolescence. During both of these times, changes and hormonal shifts are causing a disruptive transformation in emotional experiences, making you question your sense of belonging in the world. So what do we do when our teen’s behaviour turns harsher than your blaring alarm on Monday morning? 

How to quit taking your teen's reactions personally

Parent educator Dr. Vanessa Lapointe appeared on the Women on Top podcast and explained that, when children are increasingly moving towards adulthood, they’re trying to figure out how to make their mark on the world and it’s our job as parents to not become afraid of their craving for independence and instead, suggests this helpful acronym. 

“Q-TIP stands for quit taking it personally. Your child’s reaction has nothing to do with you, it's about the final layer around adolescence and because they’re moving towards full independence as a grown up, they’re meant to step away and sometimes in order for the step away to happen, they have to push and you’re left as the parent to deal with your own attachment style while your kid is abandoning you.”

3 tips to embrace your teen’s need for independence 

1. Open communication: Create a space where your teen feels comfortable expressing themselves. Listen actively, ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in their thoughts. This builds trust and encourages them to share their desire for independence without fear of judgement. 
2. Negotiate boundaries: Instead of imposing strict rules, involve your teen in establishing guidelines together. Negotiate boundaries that respect their need for independence while ensuring safety and responsibility. This collaborative approach makes them feel empowered and respected.
3. Encourage decision-making: Support your teen in making their own choices and facing consequences. Whether it's picking extracurricular activities or managing their schedule, allowing them to make decisions helps build confidence and prepares them for the responsibilities of adulthood.

Discover why 'teen-ternity leave' is an increasingly popular option for parents of older kids and here are 7 quotes for teens from some of the most inspiring names in the UK. 

A Harvard-trained toxic-parenting researcher has revealed the one thing she no longer asks her kids when they come home from school and it's all to make sure they can talk to her about their achievements in a healthy way. 

Every milestone in a child's life is cause for celebration, whether it's their first steps, their first word, their first day of school, or a brilliant grade on an important test. 

It feels important to mark these big moments but one parenting expert has found that it might actually be harmful to do so. That's because by being overly-focused on your child’s achievements, you could also be subconsciously sending them a very harmful message - that their value as a person is contingent on their academic performance.

Award-winning journalist and parenting researcher Jennifer Breheny Wallace, who wrote the book Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It, says that by prioritising a child's academic achievements over their other qualities as a person is detrimental and her research into the stress it can cause for kids has led her to make a huge change to her own parenting style. 

"As much as you might worry about how your child fared on a big test, or if they earned a spot on a varsity sports team, you risk compounding your teen’s anxiety by asking probing questions as soon as they walk in the door," she told CNBC News.

"Achievement culture is becoming toxic. What I mean by that is: When our sense of self is tangled up in our achievements, we can’t separate ourselves — our inherent worth — from our external achievements or external failures.”

It's not just Wallace who has uncovered this. Research by Erica Komisar, a clinical social worker, psychoanalyst and parenting expert, also revealed that many parents today are pushing their children too hard and creating more anxiety for them as they fail to separate academic achievements from their worth as a person.

So what did Wallace do? She didn't stop pushing her children to do well, or stop asking about how that big test went. She simply just reframed her questions and learnt to talk to her kids about their achievements in a healthier way.

“When my kids come in the door, instead of asking them, ‘How’d you do on the Spanish quiz?’ — which I used to do before I wrote the book — I now ask them, ‘What did you have for lunch?’” says Wallace. “I lead with lunch. I talk about things that have nothing to do with their achievements.

“Guess what? My kids are going to tell me. It’s on their minds,” she says. “They don’t have to think that I’ve been worrying all day about one Spanish quiz. Instead, they should be getting the messaging from me that I care about them as a whole person.”

One specific tip that Wallace picked up from a psychologist she interviewed for her book is to try and limit potentially stressful conversations with your kids about their academic performance to just 'one hour over the weekend.' While you're talking to them, look out for subtle ways your child expresses anxiety that you might have missed so you can know when you're pushing them too far and, if it gets too much, try out these simple and effective ways to manage stress. 

Adjusting to a new co-parenting arrangement can be tough, you're not alone with that. But with these co-parenting tips for separated parents, the transition may be a little easier.

When you've realised it's the right time to walk away from a relationship, your first thought is likely about your children; How are they going to react to the news? Where are they going to live? How will they adjust to living without both of their parents all the time? 

One of the biggest struggles going into a new co-parenting arrangement is often the arduous task of keeping it civil for the sake of the kids. But that's difficult when there's emotional baggage left over from the failed relationship and perhaps you're also clashing on what parenting style to rely on through the change. 

Jennifer Moore, Legal Director at Rayden Solicitors tells us; “The breakdown of a relationship can be stressful, traumatic and heartbreaking. However, when a child is involved, we would encourage you to find a way to communicate with your child’s other parent.” And Dr Seb Thompson, Clinical Psychologist at Cygnet Health Care agrees: “One of the core psychological needs of any child is to feel loved, accepted and safe. People who co-parent are ultimately the child’s primary attachment figures and are the people that the child will look for to provide that safe, nurturing and validating environment in which they can grow and thrive."

In this article we look at what co-parenting is, ask a psychotherapist how to co-parent successfully and share top tips from a family lawyer.

How to co-parent: Top 9 tips

Jennifer an expert in child contact and custody disputes shares her top 9 tips on how to co-parent.

1. Consider longer term
2. Keep 'grown-up talk' out of earshot
3. Consider mediation if communicating gets too difficult
4. Implement a 'parenting plan'
5. Be flexible where you can
6. Plan in advance
7. Set boundaries
8. Avoid interrogation
9. Accept this is challenging and always respect each other

1. Consider longer term

If the separation is new and the children are young, there will be many years, potentially decades, to navigate, as co-parents. Jennifer says; "Effective co-parenting hinges on maintaining healthy communication methods with your ex. Consider each interaction with your ex with your child's well-being in mind."

2. Keep 'grown-up talk' out of earshot

"It is known that exposing children to parental conflict is not in their interests and is potentially harmful," Jennifer explains. And, the 2013 research conducted by Dr. Irwin Sandler, backs this, revealing that conflict between parents poses the greatest risk for harm to children - not the divorce itself. With this in mind, it’s extremely important to work through any conflict together without involving your child. 

3. Consider mediation if communicating gets too difficult

If communication is difficult, as is often the case, consider involving a third party. "Mediation and/or family therapy are both useful mechanisms for agreeing on parenting principles, such as having the same rules and boundaries in place in respect of religious traditions," advises Jennifer.

4. Implement a 'parenting plan'

Jennifer suggests a parenting plan. "This is a written plan worked out between parents after they separate. It can help clarify the arrangements and set down what each parent expects of the other when the child is in their care." Dad-of-two Lee says this worked for them. "We implemented this and signed it, almost like a contract, a deal between us."

Licensed Psychotherapist Zuania Capó agrees writing for She Knows, she says; "Having a clear roadmap helps reduce misunderstandings and provides a structured framework for co-parenting," Capó explains. "Aim for consistent rules and expectations across both households. This helps create stability for the children, reducing confusion and making the transition between homes smoother. It also ensures that children understand the expectations and consequences on both sides, promoting a sense of fairness and stability in their lives."

5. Be flexible where you can

 Zuania also reminds co-parenting couples that sticking to the plan is not always possible. "Life is unpredictable, and flexibility is crucial," she says. "Be open to adapting schedules when necessary and accommodating changes due to work, emergencies, or unexpected events. A flexible mindset contributes to a more cooperative co-parenting dynamic."

It is, however, possible to have too much of a good thing, Jennifer tells us. "If your ex is constantly asking you to change your plans under the guise of flexibility, then consider whether they are in fact trying to undermine the agreement you have reached. If that is the case, you could either refuse the proposed changes or instead suggest that you both re-consider the arrangements, in light of the fact that they are clearly not working as intended.”

Remember that flexibility needs to be mutual, you shouldn’t always be the parent who is compromising.

6. Plan in advance

Over school holidays, both parents will likely want to make plans and spend time with their child; so it’s important that arrangements are confirmed in order to allow each parent to organise activities, days out and trips without causing any unnecessary friction.

Jennifer agrees; “This is especially true if one or both parties will have a long journey in order to facilitate handovers. It’s worth thinking about the logistics as early as possible when considering your co-parenting arrangements. Apps like OurFamilyWizard or Cozi are some of our favourites to help make co-parenting work seamlessly.”

7. Set boundaries

"Whilst your child going to bed half an hour later than they would at your house is not the end of the world, an overall consistent approach avoids confusion for your child," Jennifer says. "The rules don’t have to be the same in each household, but your child should know what the basic co-parenting boundaries and expectations are.”

8. Avoid interrogation

Jennifer always advises her clients to to not involve the children. "We’d recommend avoiding interrogating the children after time spent with the other parent, as this involves the children in the parent’s problems unnecessarily.” 

“However strong your negative feelings towards your former partner are, don’t use the children as “pawns” by using them to punish the other parent. This can lead to difficult relationships as your children grow up and form a view of how their parents dealt with contact.”

9. Accept this is hard

While you put in place plans, boundaries and roadmaps for the benefit of your kids, it's also important to listen to their input rather than just handle everything for them.  Zuania says, "Amidst the complexities of post-divorce dynamics, it’s essential to create an environment where our children feel heard and valued. By actively listening to their aspirations, concerns, and preferences, we not only strengthen our connection with them but also empower them to express themselves openly." This can also teach both kids and parents how to better deal with family conflicts when they arise. 

And they will arise as co-parenting can be challenging and it's okay to not always like each other, as long as you continue to respect each other as parents. Mum-of-two Lisa agrees, "In the beginning, this was really hard, we had split because of cheating and there was so much anger and resentment bubbling away and slipping out either by an eye roll or snarky comment. It was not my finest parenting moment. Mediation really helped."

Jennifer agrees, she tells us; “Try to recognise that you will both play an important role in your child’s life and value the positive contributions that you both make, no matter how small.” 

Main takeaway

But for all the practical tips and tricks you can put into use, perhaps the most important is to remember that it's not personal. Of course it's easy to let emotions run high, especially when dealing with a former romantic partner but co-parenting couples need to remember that the actions and words of the other person are often reflections of their own struggles and not a personal attack.

 Zuania says, "By focusing on fostering a positive co-parenting dynamic and recognising that both parties may make mistakes but ultimately have the same goal – the happiness and growth of the children – we can navigate challenges with grace and resilience."

What is co-parenting?

Simply put, co-parenting is where adults share the duties of parenting a child or children. A common example might be when a separated or divorced mother and father share legal and physical custody of their child. When co-parenting works it's a safe parental bubble, where children can see calm regulated grown ups treating each other with respect and understanding each other's needs even though they are no longer in a relationship.

Marcie agrees, "Co-parenting is the ideal state between two separated parents. It is when both parents can put their children front and centre and communicate effectively about them."

Featured experts

If you are struggling with any aspect of parenting, keep up to date with all our family news and parenting advice like Parenting coach shares 7 symptoms of parental burnout and ideas on how you can cope with it, and How to respond when your kid says ‘I hate you’ – and 3 ways to understand how they’re really feeling, as well as Feeling disconnected from your partner after having a baby is completely normal (and you're not alone). 

Parental burnout is not uncommon, but it can feel hard to overcome. One expert has shared her top tips...

Parenting is a rewarding journey that's full of happy moments, but it can also be stressful, exhausting and overwhelming - and that's ok. Raising a tiny human is no mean feat and, for many mothers, the period of matresence (becoming a mother) brings new psychological, emotional and social challenges with it. Not to mention the mum guilt and explaining the mental load to your partner when you realise that you can't do it all yourself.

All of this can lead to parental burnout, and although it's a very normal experience, it's not easy to deal with. That's why, ahead of Parent Mental Health Day (27th January), Action for Children has shared the signs of parental burnout as well as tips for how to cope with it.

Action for Children is a charity that protects and supports children and young people, and their free online Parent Talk advice service provides down-to-earth, trustworthy advice for parents and carers of children aged 0-19, or up to 25 where a young person has special educational needs.

And when it comes to parental burnout, Parent Talk coach Megan Bennett said: "We know from the conversations we have every day that the cost-of-living crisis is putting extra stress and pressure on many parents and carers. If you’re feeling overwhelmed on a day-to-day basis, you may have parental burnout. Burnout happens when stress gets too much.

"You might experience exhaustion, feel detached or depressed, or have little or no motivation. Getting some exercise, a good sleep routine and finding time and space for yourself can help prevent burnout."

Below, Action for Children has outlined the signs of parental burnout to look out for, as well as their tips on how to cope when it all gets a bit much.

The 7 signs of parental burnout

1. Feeling like you need distance from your children. 
2. Exhaustion, either physically or mentally.
3. Using food, drugs or alcohol to cope.
4. A short temper or increased conflict within the family.
5. Disrupted sleep patterns.
6. Anxious feelings, anxiety or panic.
7. Depression or not enjoying things you normally enjoy.

Tips for dealing with parental burnout

• Set boundaries - It's okay to say no. Look for where you’re putting pressure on yourself or where it feels like others expect too much of you.
• Seek practical support - This could be from friends, family or your child’s school.
• Talk to someone - If you don’t feel you can talk to friends or family, consider speaking to a health visitor, a children’s centre or your GP. You can also use Action for Children's one-to-one live chat service.
• Set aside worry time - This gives you a space to let your mind focus on anxious feelings, rather than letting them build up. If an anxious thought appears throughout the day, note it down and set it aside for later.
• Remember the positives - When you’re feeling burnt out, your mind is likely to focus on the negatives. Try countering this with a gratitude activity when you wake or before you go to bed.
• Improve your sleep - It can be helpful to create a bedtime routine. Avoid screentime before bed and cut out alcohol and caffeine.
• Find ways to be active - If you’re short on time, start small. Do something for five minutes then work up from that.
• Create moments of calm - Decide on a time in the day when you can focus on yourself. Even a little bit can make a difference.

Parenting coach Megan adds, "It’s important for anyone needing help to talk to someone, whether that’s a family member, friend or your GP. You can also log on to Parent Talk’s free 1:1 online chat service for judgement-free advice and support from a trained parenting coach."

You can find more advice for dealing with parental burnout on Action for Children's website. For further support, visit their Parent Talk advice service.

In other parenting news, our writer reveals how parental burnout nearly broke her - and how she overcame it. If you think you could be struggling with parental burnout, we've shared expert tips on how to manage stress as well as these relaxation exercises. You could also try some of these self-care ideas - they're all free.

Hearing the words ‘I hate you’ cuts deep for parents, causing alarm bells to go off in your head and worrying that you've done something to upset them.

You never know where the outburst might come from – maybe they didn’t like a boundary you set as an authoritative parent (one of the strictest parenting styles), and the ‘I hate you’ statement can make you think you're doing a bad job, further amplifying your mum guilt. Don't worry, you're absolutely not alone if you can relate to this. While it feels heavy in the moment, understanding what’s really going on with them can help build skills and trust between you.

Kids' – especially toddlers' – brains haven't fully developed self-regulation skills, and when they say something hurtful like 'I hate you', they’re just expressing how they’re feeling with the tools they have at the moment. Parent coach Kristin and licensed child therapist Deena (@biglittlefeelings on Instagram) say that this is because the part of the brain that handles emotions is still "under construction" and have devised three strategies on what to do when your child says they hate you.

How to respond when your kid says they hate you

1. Translate the words to see the feeling: First, try connection before diving in with any correction to help your child use your support and guidance. When your child says 'I hate you', respond with: 'Those are words that tell me you’re really upset with me'. Kristin and Deena say: "You’re helping them build insight and perspective in the context of your trusting relationship."
2. OK the feeling: When children are angry or upset, validating their emotions – good or bad – can make them feel seen and heard. You could say: 'It's OK to be mad at me.' Essentially, "this is what they’re trying to express in the first place, help them find those words and create a safe space to share," Kristin and Deena explain.
3. Teach those coping skills: It can be tempting to fight fire with fire, but try to take some deep breaths (we know it can be hard in the moment) and approach their statement of hate in a calm and empathetic way. "You’ve proven that you can handle anger without abandoning, shaming, or getting angry back, so now it’s time to encourage the constructive release, because you’ve made your relationship safe enough to do so," say Kristin and Deena.

The tips are about getting your child to open up and by responding to the feeling beyond the behaviour, you'll be able to build more of a connection with them. Don't be put off if your child doesn't want to share right away; this isn't the goal, Kristin and Deena say: "Remember, we’re not expecting them to share right off the bat. If this is a new strategy you’re using it may take them a little time to dip their toe in the pool of ‘share more about it’ pool."

In other parenting news, discover 5 reasons to let your kid fail, according to a teacher and child psychotherapist Dr Becky reveals why these four words are “better” than empty threats.

If you're worried about why your child isn't top of the class or is often on a losing sports team, fear not, for there are five simple ways you can make sure your child is more successful, whatever their ability.

While there are positives to be gained from letting your kids fail, it can be so hard for parents to just sit back and watch their child or teenager lose interest in exams, homework and even their favourite sports. But as science says kids with 'intense interest' in dinosaurs have higher intelligence, so it's not always possible to push your child into all things Jurassic.

And now you don't have to as an expert psychologist has shared his top tips for nurturing your child's 'hidden potential'. Psychologist Adam Grant says: “Success is less a matter of natural talent,” he says, “and more about nurturing their ‘hidden potential’.”

The New York Times-best-selling author of Think Again explained, "I used to believe that you could judge where you would land from where you start; I thought the child prodigies, the best athletes, the most naturally gifted musicians, the most brilliant students were the ones who had the talent to go on to achieve greater things in the future."

But after years of research, he's discovered that it's the opposite “that there are many late bloomers” he said, or people who struggle seemingly without “a natural aptitude for a task or a skill but, with the right opportunity and motivation, go on to exceed their own and other people’s expectations”.

His research was sparked by a 1980s study of 120 Olympic swimmers, neurologists, concert pianists and other high-achieving adults, who "were rarely identified as having extraordinary potential by their early teachers and coaches – not even by their own parents, in most cases.”

But when they did flourish, the penny dropped, and it wasn't because they had superhuman abilities but rather because they cared and were willing to put in the work needed.

"That was really the beginning, for me, of getting curious about hidden potential,”  Adam admitted.

Adam Grant's 5 five rules for success (at any age)

1. Think like a scientist

Adam believes that too many people spend a lot of their time thinking like preachers or prosecutors where they attack someone else's views, or like politicians where they only listen to people who already agree with them. And this is what stops children, and adults, from learning, as they automatically assume they're right and others are wrong.

“Thinking like a scientist doesn’t necessitate buying a microscope, but rather not letting your ideas become your identity. Recognise your opinions are hypotheses; your decisions are experiments. And when you do that, you’re much quicker to recognise when you’re wrong, and that means you can be faster to get it right."

2. Become a (sea) sponge

While the usual phrase 'soak it up like a sponge' means to take every bit of information in, Adam advises that becoming a 'sea sponge' is more effective. This analogy means to absorb good information and get rid of harmful information. He said, "Ask for advice that leads people to coach you, rather than feedback, which is backward-looking."

3. Start giving more

People who give are said to outperform takers, according to reports in Adam's 2013 book Give and Take in which he claims if you're always the one being 'coached' it puts you in the position of 'depending on others for guidance'. Takers are more likely to burn bridges and miss out on learning opportunities because they only agree to something when it directly benefits them. Meanwhile, givers who teach others are reminded that they have something to offer.

4. Embrace imposter syndrome

While imposter syndrome is considered counter-intuitive, Adam stresses that it is a sign of "hidden potential". He noted that so-called imposters actually work harder than their peers in order to 'close the gap between what people think they're capable of and their own beliefs in their capabilities'.

5. Seek excellence, not perfection

When looking for star potential, Adam warned that "progress comes from maintaining high standards, not eliminating every flaw." and he advises anyone who is doubting how far they've come to consider how their past self would view their current achievements. "If you knew five years ago what you'd accomplish now, how proud would you have been?"

Adam had no natural talent as a child, despite his success as an adult, and therefore he fits this theory. Having been nicknamed Frankenstein, he couldn't touch his toes, was told he needed remedial classes for writing and was too shy to speak publicly. Fast-forward to his adult life he made the US Junior Olympic diving team, has written five books and has addressed large audiences through TED Talks.

The dad of three, said, "I had hidden potential in all those areas. We assume that’s not for me, I don’t have that talent, I don’t have a knack for that skill," as he blames underestimation for the failure to discover hidden potential, and believes it has "dire consequences... we limit ourselves and the people around us."

Speaking about why parents are the worst placed to spot talent in their children, Adam explained, "You don’t have the independence and the objectivity that you need to be an accurate judge.” He puts this down to two factors - either parents “over-identify” with their children in a bid to revive their own perceived hidden potential, and “want their kids to live their dreams for them”. Or their expectations are too high, which can have deleterious effects. 

In other family news, did you know Grandparents say they learn more from their grandkids than their own children - here are the 20 things they've picked up and Here's one thing you might want to avoid doing with your kids as it can cause them anxiety, according to a psychoanalyst.

Letting your kids fail helps them learn, and one teacher has shared five reasons why. Here's what you need to know...

As children move through the child development stages, they're learning new things all the time. Parenting styles and types of play can influence their development, but one expert has shared that even making mistakes is important for children's learning, arguing that we should be allowing our children to fail more often.

Katie Plunkett - aka @kidtalk.co on Instagram - is a full-time teacher and educator, and is passionate about child development. She's gained over 350,000 followers on Instagram for her parenting advice and, most recently, she's shared why it can be crucial to allow your kid to fail.

In a carousel post titled, "You should let your kid fail. Here's why..." Katie shares five reasons why it can be beneficial for children to make mistakes. In the caption she writes, "It’s okay (and actually very beneficial) to let our kids experience failure. It helps them to build character, enhance problem-solving capabilities, learn from mistakes, gain independence, and develop emotional intelligence."

Katie adds, "When we shield our kids from ever experiencing failure, we are shielding them from all of its benefits, too."

5 reasons why you should let your kid fail

1. Experiencing failure builds character: Research by Dr. Carol Dweck indicates that kids who have experienced failure are more likely to be empathetic and show kindness.
2. Experiencing failure enhances problem solving: According to a study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, children who fail and try again approach problems more creatively in the future.
3. Experiencing failure leads to learning: Research by clinical psychologist Dr Jason Moser shows that making mistakes enhances brain activity, prompting deeper learning.
4. Experiencing failure fosters independence: Developmental scientist Dr Holly Brophy-Herb notes that children who tackle their own problems often grow into adults with greater confidence and decision-making abilities.
5. Experiencing failure builds emotional intelligence: Children with the opportunity to make mistakes learn to manage disappointment, maintain motivation and develop adaptive skills.

Acknowledging that it's not easy for parents to see their children fail, Katie explains, "I know, it can be an absolute gut-punch to watch our kids struggle - but it’s an essential part of their growth. Failure is inescapable in the real world. Don’t we want our little ones to develop the toolset to handle this on their own in the future?"

And Katie's followers were quick to agree with her advice. One Instagram user commented, "I absolutely agree. When they fail, they learn. We just have to be there to let them understand the situation and guide them through it". Another added, "Great post. Let them learn instead of fixing everything for them will make them independent".

Meanwhile, many were quick to add that the advice applies to everyone, not just kids. One follower commented, "True for any age. Don’t make excuses for them but help them sit with it, learn and then move on and don’t dwell on it further." Another user wrote, "It's holds relevant to the grown up adults too".

In other parenting news, we've looked at how to teach children emotional intelligence, and why LEGO is great for young children’s development. Elsewhere, a child psychologist has shared three reasons why punishments don’t improve kids’ behaviour – and #2 makes so much sense.

If your teenager is obsessed with gaming and is struggling to get a decent night's sleep then these six expert tips will help them develop healthy sleep habits.

Controlling screen time can be a real struggle when you have kids, so don't feel like a failure if you've tried these TikTok parenting trends around gaming but still can't get your teenager out of bed in the morning and concerned about how much sleep teenagers need.

Children who play video games are more likely to experience difficulty falling asleep than those who avoid them, according to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent health. This, combined with insight from the Sleep Foundation, which highlights the negative impact prolonged sleep loss can have on a teen’s emotional development, means parents of game-loving teens may quickly be concerned about their child’s sleep quality.

It's not that screens are the enemy, it can just be tricky knowing how to reduce your kid's screen time, especially when it feels like your teenager is tuning you out.

However, Dr. Hana Patel, a resident sleep expert at Time4Sleep, has shared her six tips for helping adolescent games get better quality sleep as she urges parents to encourage healthy sleep habits...

1. Enforce regular, active breaks

Dr. Patel says: “You’ve probably heard this one before, but for a very good reason; giving yourself a break from the screen is vital to keeping yourself healthy. Ideally, you want to be enforcing breaks from gaming at least once an hour. This will ensure your child’s brain can rest and doesn’t become too overstimulated before bed.”

“If you can, try to encourage active breaks such as kicking a football around or going for a walk. These activities will help your child become less sedentary and will make sure they are tired enough to sleep at a reasonable time. A standing desk might be another option to consider if you think your child would benefit from a more active lifestyle.”

2. Make sure consoles are shut off at least an hour before bedtime

“Ideally you want to leave a full hour between gaming and sleep, but even half an hour will make a difference" advises Dr. Patel. "This is crucial as your brain needs time away from strong light sources before it can begin its rest cycle. Aim to switch consoles off at a consistent time every night so that kids understand that they can’t push this particular boundary and can sleep when bedtime comes around.”

3. Confine consoles to communal areas

“On a similar note, try to avoid allowing video games in the bedroom if you can, as this can cause the brain to associate sleeping areas with pleasure rather than rest," Dr. Patel warns. "This means that every time your child enters their bedroom their brain primes itself for stimulating activities, making it harder for them to fall asleep. Instead, keep computers and other devices in communal areas only, such as living or office spaces.”

4. Restrict access to caffeinated drinks or sugary snacks

Dr. Patel says: “Too much caffeine or sugar can have a significant impact on your sleep quality. While it is common for teens to use energy drinks to keep them alert while gaming, this can have detrimental effects on their health.”

“A good rule of thumb is to avoid children’s access to overly sugary or caffeine-heavy products after noon, or latest by mid-afternoon. One way to do this might be to use sugar or caffeine-free alternatives that still fill that sweet craving. Allowing your child time to digest these compounds will give them enough time to fully relax before their head hits the pillow.”

5. Show kids how much time they are losing to gaming

“Depending on the age of your child, and the quantity of video games they play, you may be able to get them to see your point of view" Dr. Patel advises.

“Consider adding up the hours they spend playing video games and show them exactly how much time they could be spending on other activities they may enjoy. If you explain what they could be missing out on, you might find they are willing to make a compromise.”

6. Consider help from a specialist

“For some kids, video game addiction can have a serious impact on their general wellbeing and attitude towards life. The World Health Organisation has recently classified gaming disorder as a mental health condition for the first time, meaning more and more health providers are starting to provide the necessary treatment.”

Dr. Patel explains: “If your child struggles to control how often they play video games, games up to fourteen hours a day or more, or becomes violent or avoidant as a result of their gaming habits, it may be helpful to seek specialist therapy.”

In other family news, “I won't let you” – child psychotherapist Dr Becky reveals why these four words are “better” than empty threats and here's one thing you might want to avoid doing with your kids as it can cause them anxiety, according to a psychoanalyst.

Neglectful parenting, sometimes known as uninvolved parenting, is where parents make few to no demands of their kids and show a distinct lack of responsiveness to their needs - physically, emotionally, and mentally.

There are many positive parenting styles out there that are actively adopted by parents - like gentle parenting - with many mums and dads making concerted efforts to change their responses to certain behaviour to fit that style. There are also parenting styles that are a natural fit depending on the parent's own childhood, such as authoritative, helicopter parenting, and tiger parenting.

The term neglectful parenting has a lot of weight attached to it as the scale of neglect can range massively. When we hear the word neglect we often think of social services, the intervention of some kind, and 'saving' the child. Neglectful as a 'parenting style' is often not intentional, as Dr Amanda Gummer tells us; "Neglectful parenting happens when parents unintentionally fail to meet their child’s basic needs.  Things such as engaging with them invaluable playtime, showing love, or giving them attention."

In this article, we ask the experts Anna Mathur and Dr Amanda Gummer, and look at what neglectful parenting is, what it's not, and whether there are any benefits to this parenting style.

What is neglectful parenting?

Neglectful parenting involves a lot less 'hand-holding' compared to other parenting styles and can sometimes come across as cold. It's characterised by a lack of emotional, physical, or educational support, often resulting in long-term consequences for the child's well-being. Examples of neglectful parenting include consistently ignoring a child's needs, failing to provide proper supervision, and being indifferent to their emotional struggles. Recent studies from the American Academy of Pediatrics, emphasize the detrimental effects of neglectful parenting.

Children parented like this tend to receive little guidance, discipline, or nurturing from the main grown ups in their life. And often kids are left to raise themselves and make decisions — big and small — on their own. It's because of this, that it's easy to pass judgment on these parents. But whether you’re an uninvolved parent or you know someone who is, it’s important to remember that this parenting style isn’t always intentional. The reasons why some parents end up raising their kids this way varies.

We know that many parents might identify with feeling overworked, stressed, and tired in general. And, when it all gets too much they might brush off their child for a few minutes peace. That isn't this. You are not a neglectful parent if you know you have done that - we all have. And, as guilty as you might feel afterwards, these moments aren’t characteristics of neglectful parenting. Neglectful parenting is a consistent and ongoing pattern of emotional distance between parent and child.

This parenting style and the word 'neglectful' is problematic, family psychotherapist, Anna Mathur tells us. "A neglected child tends to be where basic needs aren't being met, and being overlooked. The throwaway use of the word doesn't sit well with me." However when talking about Jennifer Garner's recent throwaway term 'benign neglect', she understands where she's coming from; "I think it's incredibly privileged to be able to use the word neglect when talking about your parenting style, with little to no real understanding of what neglect can look like for children in real life. I think she had value in what she was saying, there's a lot of helicopter parenting and micro-managing by parents who are so scared of messing up their children."

Signs of neglectful parenting

Practical signs of neglectful parenting can include many things. Dr Gummer agrees, she tells us; "Signs such as unclean clothes, or a child that isn’t dressed appropriately may indicate neglect. Things such as a child showing frequent hunger, a lack of routine care or the child not wanting to take part in play activities may all be signs." Here are six of the signs of neglectful parenting;

1. Inconsistent Supervision: Frequently leaving their children unattended or not monitoring their activities, exposing them to potential dangers.
2. Emotional Neglect: Neglectful parents often ignore, dismiss or invalidate their child's emotions, leaving the child feeling unimportant or neglected emotionally.
3. Unmet Basic Needs: Not providing food, clothing, and shelter reflects neglectful parenting, impacting the child's physical development and overall health.
4. Lack of Emotional Attachment: An emotional attachment comes naturally to many parents, but for neglectful parents this bond isn't a given. neglectful parents may struggle to form a secure emotional bond with their child, impacting the child's ability to build healthy relationships in the future.
5. Lack of interest in child's education: Showing no interest or having no involvement in a child's education can lead to academic struggles and can impact any future opportunities.
6. Poor communication: Little to no communication with their children means that they actively avoid engaging in meaningful conversations or offer guidance, which can impact a child's social and cognitive development.

Dr Gummer adds; "To avoid [falling into] these, parents can establish regular schedules for meals, some together-playtime and prioritise their child’s wellbeing through communication."

While it's important to note that neglectful parenting is generally not considered a positive approach, there are some loosely recognised pros for this 'hands-off' approach to parenting. And Dr Gummer agrees; telling us "I would never advocate a neglectful parenting style and don’t see any direct pros however parents adopting these styles, who may not know any different can benefit from a change in their approach and with support can make a real difference to their child’s emotional and physical development. "

She also understands the challenges for working parents; "[they] may always be working late and therefore not engaging with their children or finding time for leisure and play activities as they struggle with their time pressures may assume all is well and they are actively preparing for their child’s future, but whilst in this example, financial support is essential, so is bonding through family time. Neglecting this might impact the child’s sense of connection and security even if parents believe they are doing their best with good intentions."

Perceived pros and cons of neglectful parenting

Pros:

1. Independence: Children may become more independent as they learn to rely on themselves.
2. Self-sufficiency: Some children may develop resilience and self-sufficiency by navigating challenges without parental guidance

Cons:

1. Emotional Impact: Severe emotional consequences, including low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
2. Behavioural Issues: Increased likelihood of behavioural problems and difficulty forming healthy relationships.
3. Academic Challenges: Neglect can contribute to academic struggles due to lack of support and supervision.
4. Long-term Consequences: Negative impacts may persist into adulthood, affecting mental health and overall life satisfaction.
5. Social Development: Impaired social skills and difficulty trusting others may result from a lack of emotional connection during childhood.

Examples of neglectful parenting

Here are some loose examples of how neglectful parenting may look, depending on the age of a child.

Take an infant, for example. While some parents take every opportunity to nurture and offer affection, an uninvolved parent may feel disengaged or detached from their baby. The parent may have no interest in holding, feeding, or playing with their baby. And when given the opportunity, they might give the baby to their partner or a grandparent. Though, feeling initial detachment can be also be a sign of postpartum depression. That’s why it’s important to see your health care provider for treatment if you have postpartum depression.

It's important to not also that there can be many other factors at play. For example, a parent may feel disconnected if they didn’t have a bond with their own parents. I.e. with a toddler, an uninvolved parent may show little interest in artwork created, or they may ignore the child as they excitably talk about their day instead. They may also fail to create reasonable boundaries such as clear bedtimes. This is in contrast with an authoritative parent, who listens to their child and encourages open communication, but also sets limits when appropriate. With an older child, an uninvolved parent may not impose any consequences, or even react or care, if the child skips school or brings home a bad report card. This is different from a gentle parent, who would likely be comfortable with natural consequences taking place and will open a discussion with their child to come up with a plan together to avoid the undesirable behaviour.

Why do some parents use the neglectful parenting style?

Uninvolved parenting isn’t usually a conscious choice. It comes about for different reasons. It can happen when a parent becomes too involved with work and finds little time or energy to focus on their child, which can cause a disconnect in the relationship. Sometimes, though, this style develops because we only know what we know. So, when a person has been raised by neglectful parents themselves, or when a parent deals with mental health issues that prevent forming any type of emotional attachment. If so, this parent may also have difficulty bonding with their spouse and others.

Though, regardless of the underlying reasons, it's important to remember that changing a parenting style is doable. It might help to seek therapy to deal with struggles, past abuse, or other issues that prevent establishing an emotional bond with your child. Reach out to charities such as Mind for where to start with making changes.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world, it kicks off with post natal life and then once you've made it through maternity leave and stared down the barrel of post-natal depression you then have explaining the mental load to contend with. 

Expert panel

We’ve all used the classic ‘if you do that one more time’ when kids cross boundaries or break rules you’ve set.

The way you discipline your child (or not, depending on which of the parenting styles you choose) is personal to you and even more so now that experts are coming forward with solid evidence proving punishments don’t improve kids’ behaviour. Whether your kid stays glued to their iPad when it’s time to get ready for school or continues tormenting a sibling when you've asked them to stop, last warnings are a common technique for parents who have simply had enough of their child’s bad behaviour. 

If you’ve said “if you do that one more time” like, a thousand times, it’s probably lost its impact, right? That's because when parents resort to threatening misbehaving children, they inadvertently set themselves up for failure and reinforce the child’s belief that they can get away with pretty much anything - especially when the last warning is followed by a threat that you don’t follow through with. Sound familiar?

Thankfully, Dr Becky Kennedy has all of our backs. In her latest Instagram reel, the mum of three breaks down warnings, and uses this example when a child continues to throw the ball in the house and the parent responds with “if you throw the ball in the house one more time, you’re losing your iPad for the week”. 

Dr Becky's four magic words to replace empty threats

The clinical psychologist claims this sturdy – not soft – intervention is better for everyone: "Hey, you’re having a hard time having that ball and not throwing it inside the house. I am taking it, I'm putting it away, and a little bit we can go outside and throw the ball. I will not let you throw it in here again; I won’t let you. I’m saying I won’t let you, not because I want to be a dictator to my kid, but because I want to protect my kid from having another version of this bad behaviour feeling frustrated and then by the way giving them a punishment I don’t even wanna keep." Embodying your authority and setting a boundary is a much better alternative to empty threats, she adds.

It seems that a lot of parents are faced with this dilemma and found Dr Becky's advice so useful, with one user commenting: "I swear, the only “parenting coach” on Instagram that actually makes sense. I have tried the “gentle” method and I do not have “gentle” kids- it has only created more chaos and frustration in our house but THIS makes sense in a no nonsense way. THANK YOU!"

Another said: "Boy do I wish you were around when my kids were young. They are all grown adults and I feel like I follow you just to torture myself that I did so many things wrong. Sometimes I save your posts. For what? My kids are 27, 30 and 32!". Dr Becky to the rescue again.

For more parenting tips, this is how to deal with children who laugh in your face when you reprimand them and this find out the tools you need to teach your kids how to manage their anger.

A parental psychologist has shared three simple mantras parents can recite that will not only help them to practice patience and forgiveness with themselves but can also help to raise more resilient children. 

Parenting can often get overwhelming. Despite all the tips, tricks, and hacks littering the internet, some days it's all just a bit too much. It doesn't matter which popular parenting style you choose to follow, whether you're co-parenting or navigate parenting with a new partner, everyone struggles sometimes. 

It's normal to not be perfect all the time, says Aliza Pressman, a developmental psychologist, co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center, and author of the upcoming book The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans. Still, no matter how much stress you're under, Pressman says you can still practice patience and forgiveness with both yourself and your children. And doing so, according to her, will help your kids to be more resilient as they grow up.

By learning to calm yourself down as a parent when things get just a bit too much, Pressman says you in turn teach your kids how not to be so reactive in stressful situations. 

So how can we calm down quickly? Luckily for us, Pressman has devised three mantras to recite in times of need that will bring you back down to Earth and remind you where you're at. 

"When you lose your temper with your child, your knee-jerk reaction might be to feel ashamed or guilty," Pressman says. "And while it's understandable that you want to be the best parent possible, it's also important to give yourself some grace." 

Therefore, her first mantra is, "More often than not, I'm the parent my child needs." She explains, "It's just a reminder that we are never going to always get it right, but our kids just need us to more often than not. It's a motivator like, 'You got this'."

The second mantra, "I'm not being chased by a bear," reminds parents that few situations require immediate and stress-inducing resolutions. "It's easy to forget that, for the most part, nothing is an emergency," Pressman says.

The mantra works to calm you down, put 'problems' into perspective and also teach your kids, through your own actions, that not everything is a life or death situation. You and them can therefore learn to take a breath and evaluate a situation before reacting to it.
The final mantra works to help parents validate their children's emotions while also not excusing the bad behaviour that results from them. "All feelings are welcome, all behaviours are not."

"I never want children or adults to feel like their actual feelings are the problem," Pressman says. What she means by that is, while it's ok to feel embarrassed when, for example, a toddler throws a tantrum in public, it's important not to suggest to the child that the feelings causing their tantrum are invalid. You want to reprimand the behaviour, not the emotion causing it. 

The mantra 'All feelings are welcome, all behaviours are not,' reminds both the parent and child to self-regulate their emotions and pool them into more helpful solutions rather than an argument. "We can contain and control how we move through the world," Pressman explains.

We can also take steps to avoid tantrums in the future by teaching kids how to manage their anger, learning how to deal with children who laugh in your face when you reprimand them, and avoiding this common pastime that's been scientifically linked to abnormal behaviour in toddlers.