It might surprise parents when their strong willed child remains that way into the teenage years - instead of crushing this part of their temperament, an expert shares how to nurture it.   

Parenting teens can be as difficult as raising a baby, and those in the throes of this tricky time of child-rearing realise that teenagers need their parents more than ever. Some experts are even calling for 'teen-ternity' leave and support groups for parents similar to the antenatal and mother and baby groups that would've been available to them when their teens were babies.

You often hear parents of young children talking about them being 'strong willed', and also speak of this as something that will pass. However, more parents are making a realisation - strong willed children can become even more strong willed teenagers.  Jess VanderWier is a registered Psychotherapist and mum of three, who specialises in supporting parents and families. On her popular Nurtured First Instagram account, Jess shared how she supported a family who had a poor relationship with their strong willed teen. 

The parents described to Jess how their 16-year-old daughter never listened to them, calling her 'always stubborn and strong willed.' All the advice they had until that moment told them to 'break her will' to earn her respect. They turned to Jess for the best advice on how to do this. Instead, Jess asked them when they last felt connected to their daughter.

Having gone to Jess looking for ways to punish [maybe change punish to change] their daughter, the parents were baffled that she'd suggest connection. However, they agreed to spend one week nurturing and forging connections with their teen, and tried the following suggestions.

How to connect with your strong willed teen

• Sit together while your teen watches one of their favourite shows on TV.
• Ask your teen to show you how an app or their favourite social media works.
• Ask them questions about their day.
• Cook their favourite dinner.
• Surprise them with an after-school trip to their favourite cafe or ice cream parlour.
• Tell them how much you love them.
• Talk to them with respect.
• Try and eat dinner as a family.  

Jess reports that just one week later, the parents returned to her in tears, seeing huge changes in their daughter. They said "In our 16 years of parenting, we've never experienced as much joy as we did last week."

They added "We snuggled her, she told us how she felt, we laughed. Even in the tough moments when she wouldn't listen, we still had some good conversations. We've learned so much about our daughter. We didn't know how hard things were for her at school. We've never had this type of relationship with her before."

Jess wants parents of strong willed teens to remember the following points: 

• Timeouts, threats and taking things away won't 'tame' your child.
• Using punishments as discipline won't work in the long-term.
• Kids get bigger and stronger - they will push back or shut down when parents use these methods. 

Many people in the comments resonated with the post, with one commenting "I wish someone could have told my parents this. I remember so vividly how desperately sad they made me feel during my late teenage years when life was hard enough to navigate - the silver lining is that I learnt from them how not to treat my own children when they reach that age."

Another shared "It’s beautiful to know we can still do better if we mess up, even if its well into the teenage years. I have been 'messing up' for about 3 years now and hope to repair the damage I’ve done."

For more on teens, we have advice if you're worried about a teenager that will not socialise, and our experts share how to talk to a teenager. We also asked teens what they wish their parents had done differently, and their answers were surprisingly candid.

A lot of parents will wonder if their kids wish they'd done some differently, but never get to find out. We got to ask some teens this question, and here's their candid answers. 

Raising teenagers is another world isn't is? From a teen that will not socialise to frustration that your teenager won't talk to you anymore, navigating these challenging years both as the teen going through them and the person parenting them, throws up so many difficulties. If you're scared you will mess up your kids, nobody is perfect and most people can recall something they wish their parents had done differently - that's part of the messiness of life and the human condition.  

Most people don't get to find out what their kids wish they'd done differently - it could make for some awkward conversations over dinner and at family gatherings. However, we got to speak to some teens to ask them this very question. Most wanted to stay anonymous and wanted to protect their parents' feelings, but became surprisingly candid once they started opening up. Here's what they told us.

What teens wish their parents had done differently

• "My parents are really easy going and my friends always envied that I could do whatever I wanted without a lot of questions. When it came to wanting to go to sleepovers, then to parties and festivals it was great - they didn't care I was underage and just told me to 'have fun.' But being laid back meant they took no interest in my education, they thought that was for my school to sort out. I had no guidance from them choosing GCSE or A Level subjects and think I picked the wrong ones. I've just finished my exams and have put off picking a university because I think I might've chosen useless subjects. My mum didn't even know which A Level subjects I chose. She even got angry when one of her friends asked her what I was taking and then couldn't believe she didn't know. Easy going is good, but I wish they cared more. It just feels to me like they didn't care at all."
• "Primary school was the best time of my life. I moved to secondary school with all my friends and year 7 carried on being really good fun, until my dad decided we were moving. We lived in the north in a city and the job was in the south in a small village. Me and my brother didn't want to go, and we cried thinking he'd change his mind. The job wasn't a lot better than the one he had, he'd just decided he'd rather live in a village. My mum didn't want to go either. We moved and I was bullied for most of year 8 and 9 until I moved schools. I still never made good friends in my new school and miss our old life all the time. I wish my dad had considered the whole family and listened to me and my brother when we said we didn't want the move."
• "My parents have always done 'things' for me, which to be fair, I do like, but I do think I’m probably not as self-sufficient as I should be by 15. I have zero idea how to work a washing machine and my mum always says she has to do everything, but she's never shown us how to do these things. I don't want to do them, they seem boring, but I know I'll need to do them and I wish she'd just shown us instead of the guilt I feel every time it looks like she's had enough of everything."
• "Our house has always had this 'open door' policy and my mum always says things like 'we're an open family.' But that means they barge into my room when they want and sometimes just walk in and open the curtains when I want to have a lie in. It's a total ⁠lack of privacy and shows no respect for how I feel. Starting my periods was really bad, we only have one bathroom and mum and dad refused to put a lock on it. People have walked in on me trying to change my, you know, things. I've already told my parents I resent this situation, and it's just made me determined to put locks on every door when I have my own house. I think I'll always remember it as something they got really wrong."
• "My dad interferes way too much about making sure I get homework done - I can do it. His constant obsession with it means whenever he gets home from work, I almost dread seeing him. I wish he'd taken a different approach to this, and trusted me a bit more to get things done on time."
• "I wish my parents had included me more when making decisions, or at least explained their choices. It seems like they decide something without me, then that's it and there's no more discussion. I'd also appreciate ⁠it if my parents could apologise to me in the same way I’m expected to apologise to my them - I'm not the only one that makes mistakes, they do too but just don't admit them or say sorry for them."
• "I'm the youngest and my brother has delayed development and a few other problems. My parents had to be really strict with him, but decided they needed to treat both of us exactly the same and had the same rules for both of us. I thought this was unfair when I was little, but now I'm a teenager I don't see any logic for it at all. He has different needs than I do and we should've been treated differently. My mum especially is totally inflexible. She's really strict compared to my friends' parents and really old-fashioned about boys. I know this comes from some bad stuff that happened to her growing up but again, my experience isn't hers and she shouldn't put those things on me and should know this."
• "My parents are perfectionist. They want perfection but that made them encourage us not to go after what we want in life in case we fail. I'm old enough now to see that and it seems totally mad. Mum also worries so much me and my sister feel it too. She never wants us to be late or get detentions. We can manage those things on our own, it's the bigger things we need help with, like proper job and life guidance."

For more on teens, parenting them is said to be as difficult as raising a baby, although reflective parenting could help if you're struggling. For teens looking for more independence, there are ways to let them take positive risks, according to an expert.

How do you address the topic of toxic masculinity with a teenage boy? It's an issue that's left parenting writer Debra Waters feeling anxious. She shares her own experiences, talks to two experts and asks three other mums for their thoughts...

When I gave birth to a boy, I worried about how to raise him to respect and love women and see them as equals, without belittling his ‘maleness’. I wanted my son to feel like he could cry when he needed to, that he didn’t have to hide his sensitive side, and that he could always ask for support. But even I, to my shame, occasionally told him to get it together – not because I think that men crying is bad (quite the opposite), but because I didn’t want him to be judged by his peers.

For decades, terms like ‘macho’, ‘red-blooded’ or ‘cocky’ were used to describe the masculinity expected from boys and men. But these days, the expression ‘toxic masculinity’, which has been around forever, suddenly seems like it's everywhere.

And, as my 13-year-old son has grown, Andrew Tate’s popularity has surged. Here’s a man who’s the epitome of so-called ‘toxic masculinity’: he’s extreme in his view of what men, and women, should be; he’s compared women to animals and property and condoned violence against women; and he favours brute strength over communication. But these opinions aren’t just harmful towards women, it’s damaging to men (and boys) who will ultimately suffer from this disconnect from women and their own emotions.

When I first watched Tate's videos I laughed – surely, no one thought this was reasonable or progressive. I wasn’t laughing when I found out that, by the time Tate was banned from TikTok in 2022, his videos (on that platform alone) had been viewed 11.6 billion times.

This made me realise that many boys – including my own – feel disenfranchised or unsure about their role in society. In an attempt to counteract this, I’ve told my son how loved and valuable he is, and I explain to him that women have been marginalised for thousands of years and that’s why they’re fighting back, but I have less and less control over what he hears and sees as he gets older. In truth, it’s a minefield and not just for mums, but for dads and carers, too. Mostly, it’s a minefield for our boys.

How I approached it with my son

It’s not always easy having a conversation with teenage boys, but persevering pays dividends.

• 1. I reviewed his relationship with women - I’ve found that, while my son feels shy talking to girls at school, he’s more relaxed with females he’s grown up with (e.g. relatives and family friends), so I gently encourage these relationships. I remind him that the girls at school will be feeling just as insecure as he is. It’s worth being aware that ‘boys with low self-esteem and poor social skills, who don’t have healthy friendships and relationships with girls, may be vulnerable to indoctrination by toxic influencers,’ says Alicia Drummond, the founder of Teen Tips and The Wellbeing Hub. 'So, if your child lacks confidence keep an extra eye out'.
• 2. I don’t allow (or use) disrespectful language - Last month, my son asked me if it was ok to call a woman a bitch, even if it wasn’t to their face. No stars for guessing what my response was. However, the fact he asked suggests he knew it was wrong (he was probably testing boundaries, too), so I calmly explained why it was a degrading term, even as a joke. I’ve also become aware of the language I use about men and myself. A casual ‘dickhead’ remark if a driver cuts me up could be perceived as negative by my son, as can calling myself a ‘stupid cow’ if I’ve dropped the milk. If I’m saying these thing about others and myself, what’s that telling him?
• 3. I pay attention to who he's following online - When my son shows me a funny meme on TikTok or Instagram, I’ll have a quick scroll through his phone to see who he’s following, then I try to enquire casually and without judgement. ‘Ask: Who are you following? What ideas do they have? What do you think about those ideas? What would you do if you saw something that you found upsetting?’ says Alicia. If you see or hear anything alarming don’t panic or get angry or they might retreat.
• 4. I compliment him (and others) - My mum used to say, ‘If you don’t have anything good to say about someone, don’t say anything at all’. While that’s easier said than done at times, I’ve found that since I’ve starting talking more positively at home, my son’s responded to this. So, my partner and I big each other up in front of our son; I tell him his dad’s a great cook/supportive boss; and we tell our son regularly that it’s ok to be fed up/angry/sad/upset and that we love it when he's kind/funny/caring. The more your child hears positive, enthusiastic words, the more they’ll (hopefully) adhere to them.
• 5. I ask questions - If my son says something 'bad' and I respond with, 'You can't say that!' he gets very embarrassed that he 'got it wrong'. Now I say, 'Why do you think that?' By posing it as a question, he has time to think and consider why what he said may have been demeaning. Phil Mitchell, a senior accredited therapist specialising in working with male victims of abuse, advises, ‘If any child – boy or girl – expresses derogatory views about the opposite sex, this should be explored and discussed along with how young people see themselves.'
• 6. I avoid lectures - I'm conscious this could cause my son to become defensive and less likely to open up in the future (this has certainly been experience). Alicia suggests, ‘Rather than criticising, try to get them thinking. You might says things like: "Do you think your views about women are ok?" or "How do you think you’d feel if someone treated your little sister/cousin/mother like that?"' I've found this to be one of the most effective ways of getting my son to question his relationships, rather than sounding like an attack.
• 7. I ask how he feels about himself - Each time my son puts himself down, I correct him and tell him he's funny/bright/kind/helpful – and give examples, so it sounds believable. Phil says, if your son has become worried about how he looks or how much he weighs, or he’s putting himself down in terms of "traditional masculinity", this could also be a red flag. Now, I keep an eye on my son's diet, exercise levels and any requests for protein powders or energy drinks.
• 8. I avoid the term ‘toxic masculinity’ - I found that when I used the term 'toxic masculinity', my son became defensive and rightly so, I referenced it at first, so my son knew what I was talking about, and then moved away from it. Phil agrees, 'Parents need to focus less on masculinity being a problem and more on masculinity being a healthy and natural expression in many boys and young men.'
• 9. I speak openly and honestly - I know the most important thing is to talk about the messages my son may be seeing - even if he seemingly doesn't want to. ‘If we don’t, we won’t give children an alternative perspective or narrative for what they’re seeing, and without an alternative narrative, why wouldn’t they believe that what they’re watching is what they should be doing?,’ says Alicia.

What does 'toxic masculinity' look like? 

This is how toxic masculinity can manifest – not only towards women, but towards how boys/men feel about themselves.

Against women: believing men at the dominant sex, and that women have their place; ‘benevolent sexism’ (a patronising attitude towards females); resorting to violence, emotional abuse or derogatory language against women.

Against themselves: not talking about feelings; needing to be ‘tough’, physically strong, assertive or good at everything; hiding tears or their feelings of vulnerability; homophobia; being afraid to admit they’re gay or bisexual.

Why we've seen a rise in 'toxic masculinity'`

• Social media - We all know, these days it's hard to keep kids safe on social media - and it plays a a huge part in influencing impressionable teens, and that this is spilled over into our children’s lives outside the home.
• Online pornography - ‘Reports show sexual harassment (both on and offline) is a serious problem in our schools', says Alicia. 'Social media and online influencers who seek to indoctrinate boys into anti-feminist ideology - along with the availability of online pornography - lie at the root of the issue.’
  She added, ‘Pornography has led to the normalisation of violence in sexual relationships.' The good news is that talking to your children about pornographycan correct this, and schools are also working on the issue. ‘Messaging around consent and behaviour within relationships has become more helpful in promoting discussion.' adds Alicia.
• 'Men shaming' - In less than a decade, there's been a powerful backlash against men, which – while fair from a female perspective – can feel very personal to young boys who are trying to find their way in the world, and who may feel like they're being tarred with the same brush as abusive males. 'While the Me Too movement and the Everyone’s Invited website highlighted the inappropriate behaviour of some boys and young men, it resulted in education that shamed them,' explains Alicia.
  I've had numerous conversations with my son about this, as has my partner. Explaining thousands of years of female oppression to a child is tricky, and I've found that the best way to do this is to counteract it with the good men do, too. I also make sure to say that I don't think this of my son; rather, I'm explaining how things were or are, so he can understand.
  Hard facts and statistics can be useful here, so it's worth checking Women's Aid for info you can share.
• Home environments - Environment plays a part, too – if boys are exposed to violence or misogyny at home this will colour their world view. It's thought that, in England and Wales alone, 1 in 4 women will be subjected to domestic abuse and 1 in 5 kids will live with an abusive adult. That's not to say that a child who is exposed to this will become abusive, but it can play a huge part in their emotional development.

Is the phrase 'toxic masculinity' unhelpful? 

Youth charity Young Minds defines toxic masculinity as ‘a term used to describe the negative aspects of exaggerated masculine traits, which boys and men may feel a pressure to conform to because of cultural or societal expectations.’

Some experts argue, that while this term is a convenient description, we shouldn’t be using it. 'It’s deeply important not to refer to masculinity as “toxic”, which shames and blames boys. This will shut down important conversations that explore masculinity in helpful ways,’ says Alicia. ‘Furthermore, it drives boys to seek places where it’s OK to be male, which can land them in the problematic world of online hate and make them vulnerable to the influencers who promote the objectification, dehumanisation, control, and violation of women.’ Instead, we should talk about positive masculinity.

One pilot study from 2020 highlights how most participants thought the term “toxic masculinity” insulting, probably harmful to boys, and unlikely to help men’s behaviour.

What other parents say

Here, three mums talk about their experiences and what helped.

'The aggression was troubling - my son had an arsenal of ideas to belittle his sister and mock females'

Nicole, London:

‘The toxicity began about two-and-a-half years ago – it reared up and bit us hard during the rise of Andrew Tate. My son is very dyslexic and was really struggling to adapt to year 7 – truly a jungle for a lot of youngsters, a lot of vying for power and trying to adapt trying to win respect. So when Andrew Tate began to give vulnerable (and not so vulnerable) boys a way of 'winning' they were ready and listening.

‘I noticed a noticable change in my son’s language and attitude. This became arguments and fighting with his sister. She's a determined young person who was used to being able to direct the relationship with her little brother. This changed – not entirely a bad or unnatural thing – but I think it was accelerated by Andrew Tate and his ilk. The language used between the two of them and the levels of aggression were troubling. My son had at his disposal an arsenal of language and ideas to belittle his sister and mock females. Refereeing between my son and daughter was extremely difficult. I think it was damaging in the short-term but has perhaps built a new level of understanding between them.

‘I think many young men are quite confused by the gender conversations
there are today – it's hard to negotiate successfully and can easily polarise. Masculinity has also undergone many attacks from a widening base, and I think that young men want to reclaim a sense of pride in being male. Negotiating these shifting sands is difficult for anyone, let alone when you’re young and have little context and life experience.

‘My advice? Don’t accept disrespectful language or behaviour at any time. Push back and clamp down immediately. Get involved – watch Andrew Tate to understand. This was really important, to be able to hold an informed and balanced discussion with my son, to not be ignorant when I ask him not to be! Know your subject, be open minded, don't panic, and believe in your son.’

'He saw us an old and the internet as representative of his generation'

Hannah, London:

‘Smartphones have given younger teens access to the internet and ways of finding out things without their parents knowing. Lockdown cemented this. I noticed when my son was 14, he began to talk about the ideal male face and body. He then started to show me pictures of impossibly muscular individuals with huge jawlines that he’d found online. I contradicted it, telling him that women don’t like that type of man, but he told me that I was old and didn’t know. His self-esteem plummeted and he started to dislike himself. We found that he had tried to buy growth hormone online. With him, it was all about how he saw himself as lacking.

‘I would look out for negative self-talk beyond the usual - and very specific stuff about different body parts not being up to the perceived ideal. Luckily. we had open lines of communication, but he wasn’t open to critiquing these ideas.

Because he saw us as old and the internet as representative of his generation, it was very difficult to break through. But we kept saying what we thought, calmly suggesting he think about what the motivation is for people to put these things out there.

‘It’s a long game that parents have to play, and I think a lot is about brain development and how they need to think differently to you. When they’re ready, they’ll begin to see other perspectives.

BEAT, an eating disorder charity (as he began to restrict food) were helpful. I spoke to his uncle and his cousin in his 20s who’d also experienced this sort of online material and he was able to give us some context.’

'Homophobia is rife in teenage boys and my son doesn’t want to become a target'

Lisa, Yorkshire:

‘I think there’s been a rise in toxic masculinity because of shifting gender roles, a backlash to the Me Too Movement which has given the likes of Andrew Tate a platform, and accessibility of online porn and the dominance and violence towards women a lot of that content contains. Signs can hard to pinpoint as everyone experiences things differently, but from what I’ve seen, higher levels of anger and frustration and/or a change in mood such as depression or anxiety could be signs of toxic masculinity, as well as an inability to express emotions and a suppression of who they are. My son is gay and while his family and female friends know, he’s not shared this with his school friends, because, I believe, homophobia is rife in teenage boys and he doesn’t want to become a target.

‘I’ve talked to my son about the importance of consent since he was little – whether that’s asking another child if they can play with their toy to, more crucially, sexual consent. Ask, don’t take, and NEVER assume. I frequently talk to my son about the fear all women feel walking through a dimly-lit park, so he understands that the threat of physical and sexual assault is something we’re forced to live with. And when he was old enough to understand, I talked to him about porn to mitigate his perception of what he is watching. I warned him that it’s not representative of real sex. I also make him help around the house and do chores to counteract expectations that I should do it because I’m a woman. Fortunately, he sees my partner do (almost!) as much cooking and cleaning as me, which rejects the notion that it’s “women’s work”.

If parents are concerned, don’t ignore it but don’t try to force an answer. Let your kid feel like they can trust you, let them feel safe. There’ll always be things they won’t want to talk about, but a safe environment will help. I always encourage him to speak to me about how he is feeling. which he often does, and he sees a counsellor at school now, who helps him find ways to express his emotions in a healthy way.’

Further advice

Young people’s charity, Young Minds, has a helpful article on toxic masculinity written by a 17-year-old boy, which you could show your child.

For parents, Phil suggests Martin Seager’s work around male archetypes and creating male-friendly services, while Alicia recommends Laura Bates. ‘She’s written two brilliantly researched books on the subject: Everyday Sexism and Men Who Hate Women.’

Parenting writer Debra Waters tells us how life has changed since her son became a teenager - and, psychologists explain why it's totally normal.

I recently saw an Instagram post that compared parenting teenagers with white-water rafting, because having teens requires navigational skills through bumpy waters, the ability to respond quickly and correctly, and sheer bravery. What I’ve found most difficult, though, isn’t the door-slamming or being told I’m not allowed to dance/sing/speak/chew – it’s the silences, monosyllabic responses, and reduced physical contact (I miss those hugs!). Gradually, it seemed that my teenager had stopped talking to me.

If you’re parenting – or caring for – a teen you, too, will have had moments when you feel rejected (some say it’s like being ghosted, or like living with your school bully). Your head tells you it’ll pass, your heart says otherwise, but it’s essential not to take it personally. While this is easier said than done, it will benefit both you and your child.

When he was younger, my son was affectionate, sensitive and kind. He still is, but he’s also a teenager dealing with a tricky world (do you remember being a teenager? It was hard). Throw in a bunch of fluctuating hormones and it’s no surprise he finds life tough at times. I’ve noticed that as his voice began to drop, so did his mood, and while I tell myself this is natural, there’s a part of me who mourns the happy-go-lucky kid he was.

Friends of both male and female older kids said theirs found Year 7 the most difficult year, and I agree – the step-up to secondary school represents a move away from childhood both physically and emotionally. My son was overwhelmed and anxious and, I have to admit, it made me feel the same way (you’re only as happy as your least happy child, right?). Feeling anxious prevents me from speaking freely, and I’m an adult, so it must be so much more stressful for teens who don’t have the life experience or the benefit of hindsight.

Now my son is 13, he’s bigger and stronger than me, but that doesn’t mean he’s any less fragile – something I think some parents, myself included, forget when we’re faced with children that tower over us. Ironically, although his physical presence is greater, emotionally he’s retreated, but I go to his room regardless – ostensibly, to put the washing away or do a bit of cleaning but, in truth, to let him know I’m here. I don’t expect a response (I’ll get a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ if I’m lucky; a ‘can you get out, mum’ if I’m not) but something is better than nothing.

My son tends to chat when we’re walking or driving, so I take him on errands because when we’re facing forward, rather than looking directly at each other, he finds it easier to talk. I send funny memes to let him know that I’m thinking about him (which he rolls his eyes at, but I do it anyway), and I try to be present when I’m woken at midnight because he can’t switch off his racing brain – yep, those sleepless nights aren’t exclusive to parents of young kids.

But I still find it tough, so I’ve asked experts Dr Mark Rackley, a chartered psychologist and host of the I Have Issues podcast, and Stevie Goulding, senior manager at YoungMinds Parents and Carers Service, what they’d recommend.

Why teenagers start pulling away from their parents

If you’re getting the cold shoulder, you’re witnessing a natural evolution. ‘This is a time where we change from being children to young adults,’ says Dr Mark. ‘We look outside the family for connections – friends become more important and family less so. It’s the beginning of emerging independence. Communication decreases with family and increases with friends.’

So, expect some pulling away – both emotionally and physically. Kids face huge changes that we can’t fully understand (yes, we were teens once, but not in this present time). ‘Remember that teens and tweens have a lot on their plates when navigating things like puberty, identity, social circles, academic pressures, and relationships,’ says Stevie.

‘Young people may want to avoid worrying their parents or carer, or find it easier to talk to friends as they have shared experiences. This can be challenging, but it's important to let young people know you’re always there.’

Things I've tried - and what the experts say

• Not taking it personally It can be really unsettling to be on the receiving end of your child's irritation or – worse – their dismissiveness. It's also a reminder that we're not needed in the same way as when they were younger. Our children’s behaviour can be hurtful but – repeat after me – it’s not about us. ‘Your teenager is changing and seeing you differently,’ says Dr Mark. ‘They see you as someone they don't have as much in common with as their friends.’ Now, if I'm met with a 'leave me alone' or a closed bedroom door, I laugh it off, or I watch a funny show to improve my mood. And I use that extra time I now have for hobbies and exercise.
• Avoiding getting angry Frustration can quickly lead to anger (I'd be lying if I said I'd never raised my voice) but there are ways to control your ire. 'Your patience will be tested, but try not to lose your temper,' advises Dr Mark. 'Count to 10, leave the room, go for a walk – anything to diffuse the situation.' If you do get mad, it's ok to apologise – I make a point to do this – and now, when my son loses his temper, he knows to say sorry.
• Giving them space By this, I don't just mean physical space but mental space, too. 'It can be hard when parents or carers want to speak to their child about what's going on and be met with one word answers, but pick up on cues and respect this,' says Stevie. Over time, I've realised that if my son doesn't feel like talking it's best not to push it. So, if we're having dinner and he doesn't want to talk about school, I'll talk about anything but (the cat, the news, what I'll cook that week). That way, we can have a conversation without it feeling personal.
• Asking open-ended questions These are more difficult to answer with a yes or no response, says Stevie. ‘For example, ask “How are you feeling today?” rather than “Are you okay?”.’ This has been a game-changer in our house – now, I rarely ask a question about my son's day or emotional state that can be given a yes or no answer.
• Listening without prejudice If you're anything like me, when you're met with stony silence you'll start chattering, but it's worth avoiding this. ‘Listen more than you talk and let them tell you what’s happening with them,’ says Dr Mark. When you're not filling in the gaps, they have a chance to talk in their own time. Dr Mark also recommends that in order to 'show that you’re genuinely interested, get to know what they like – TV shows, friends, clothes, music.' If my son shares this sort of info, I'll ask to hear the music he loves or watch an episode of a show he enjoys. And I'll do my best to not compare it to what I like, or liked when I was his age!
• Finding other ways to connect ‘Consider using different communication channels, such as sending WhatsApp messages or passing notes under the bedroom door – these can build your child's confidence and encourage them to speak face-to-face,’ says Stevie. My son and I went through a period of communicating purely by meme (usually funny and animal-related). I'd send him a meme from Instagram, he'd send me one back from TikTok. Then, occasionally, I'd throw in a soppy one about how much I love him – I knew he'd think it was cringe but more often than not I got a heart emoji back. Result.

What other parents say...

Susan, mum of two, London

‘My son is self-contained but I leave him to come to me when he needs to. It seems to work. He’ll talk when I’m making dinner. If I’m worried about him I’ll ask him – he finds this annoying but he will tell me eventually if I give him space.’

Emma, mum of two, Hove

‘I try to keep the lines of communication open without any pressure. Sometimes, that means catching them on their social media channels and accepting they might find it easier to chat via text or DM.

‘Other times I respond with kindness to their grumpiness. Even the hardest-hearted of teens can’t maintain endless sullenness in the face of constant cheeriness. They’re more likely to be sulky in the mornings but have usually levelled out by 9pm, so I’ll approach when they’ve had time to decompress from the day.

‘Also I tell myself that a) hormones play a huge part and b) I was the WORST TEENAGER EVER according to my folks and now we have a super relationship. The best advice is to channel your inner saint, be patient, and know it’s a phase and it WILL pass.’

Sarah, mum of three, Wiltshire

‘It’s important to build a relationship with your teen so that they know they can talk to you without getting into trouble. Shouting and finger-pointing achieves nothing but losing your child’s respect. Sometimes, I notice something’s wrong and park it, then I suggest breakfast out together when we can discuss it in a neutral space without distractions or other family members around.

‘They won’t always confide in you until they’ve processed what’s going on in their life. It took my daughter three years to discuss the details of an incident at school – sometimes you can’t push it. Treat them like a young adult and be respectful of their need for headspace. However much you’d like to know everything, you just won’t. I took the view that as long as they’re talking to someone, that’s ok, but actually telling them they can talk to you if they would like is important, too.’

Here's the five most important things you should talk to your teen about before they start dating, and what to do if your teenager is drawn to taking risks. Some parents are finding caring for their older children so difficult, they're taking 'teen-ternity' leave - we have everything you need to know about the term.

What is sadfishing? An expert in teenage behaviour shares how to talk to your teen about this online trend, and the impact it can have on their mental health.

If you're worried about how social media affects teenagers' mental health, you're certainly not alone. From the questions to ask your teen if they're online gaming, to just getting them stop doomscrolling, keeping your young person away from online dangers can feel exhausting - but there are always solutions.

Another online trend to be aware of, is the practice of 'sadfishing.' This involves exaggerating emotive stories online, in exchange for sympathy and attention. While it might not initially seem like one of the worst practices to engage in online, there's actually quite serious mental health implications involved in turning to this performative way of using social media.

To understand more about the negative aspects of sadfishing, we spoke to parenting expert Anita Cleare, author of How to get your teenager out of their bedroom. Anita tells us "Continuously focusing on and sharing negative emotions can reinforce these feelings, making them more prominent and harder to manage."

She adds "This behaviour might lead individuals to dwell more on their problems rather than seeking constructive solutions, potentially worsening their emotional state. It’s also a way of seeking external validation and building a sense of our own value on a foundation of negative emotions and experiences, rather than building self-esteem on positive attributes."

In this article, Anita shares more insight into what sadfishing entails, and what might draw teens into practicing it. She also walks us through why it's a maladaptive coping mechanism, and why teens should be encouraged to seek out face-to-face help if they're struggling.

What is sadfishing?

Anita sums up the practice of sadfishing, telling us "Sadfishing is when teens post images, words or gestures online indicating unhappiness or negative emotions in order to attract attention, elicit sympathy or create connection with others. Reaching out to others for support is a healthy coping strategy but with sadfishing expressing negative emotions can be performative rather than genuine and can lead feelings to escalate rather than to resolve in the longer term."

We spoke to secondary school teacher, Katherine, who tells us "Sadfishing is rife in most of the classes I teach. The students compare sad stories and constantly try to out-do one another with their online tales of woe - it's like they've lost sight of their actual feelings and the real meaning of them. As teachers, we constantly try and have frank discussions about the dangers of sadfishing, but it's a persistent problem among all age groups that is hard to clamp down on, especially when most of it happens outside school. That's why it's vital parents address this with their children."

What draws teens into sadfishing?

Anita shares "The teenage years can bring a rollercoaster of emotions and self-doubt and teens often feel alone with their emotional struggles. By expressing these feelings through social media, teens may simply be looking for validation or to find others who relate, and to reduce their sense of isolation. Reaching out online can feel safer than face-to-face interactions, especially if teens fear judgment or rejection or if they believe the adults around them don’t understand them or respect their feelings."

She adds "Sadfishing can bring temporary relief to difficult feelings and intrusive thoughts through kind comments and positive responses and can generate a sense of connection and being understood. However, when teens get a lot of attention and positive responses for posting online about feeling sad, there is a temptation for them to do it again and maybe to escalate their expressions of sadness or negative feelings in order to get that same response again. And they don’t learn ways to manage that emotion in healthier longer-term ways. They might even be drawn into an online tribe that valorises harmful coping strategies."

Why teens should seek out in-person support rather than sadfishing.

Although teens might get the instant gratification and attention they crave through sadfishing, they'll ultimately only end up properly resolving any real problems they have by talking to face-to-face to a professional. Anita tells us "In-person interactions provide a level of empathy and understanding that can be difficult to convey through online platforms. Face-to-face support allows for more nuanced communication, such as body language and tone of voice, which can be comforting in ways that text on a screen cannot match."

She adds "The most effective way parents can support teens to manage their emotions is to listen empathetically and without judgement. Teens don’t usually want parents’ advice but by gently coaching them through difficult moments, we can help them find the resources inside themselves to rise to emotional challenges. Parents need to find a ways to engage teens in conversations which grow their belief in their ability to succeed."

Although a need for attention is quite natural in young people, the reasons for constantly seeking it out should be considered. Anita tells us "Children (of all ages) tend to repeat behaviour that gets attention. So, we want to make sure that teens are getting lots of positive attention and feedback for using healthy coping strategies for their emotions. 

Looking past teens’ sometimes antagonistic behaviour to the thoughts and feelings that might lie behind it can help us stand in their shoes and judge their choices and actions less harshly. When your teen’s mood is low, a loving and understanding relationship will be more important than ever. We need to turn down the pressure, turn off the criticism and create a nurturing space for them to feel well again."

Why is sadfishing a maladaptive coping mechanism?

Anita answered this succinctly, sharing exactly why it's considered a bad practice for positive mental health.

• Continuously focusing on and sharing negative emotions can reinforce these feelings, making them more prominent and harder to manage. 
• This behaviour might lead individuals to dwell more on their problems rather than seeking constructive solutions, potentially worsening their emotional state. 
• It’s also a way of seeking external validation and building a sense of our own value on a foundation of negative emotions and experiences, rather than building self-esteem on positive attributes.
• One of the risks of sadfishing is not being able to control the feedback received. This might be positive, negative or downright dangerous.
• Sadfishing exposes vulnerable teens to negative commentary which can compound feelings of anxiety and depression that might already be there. 
• Using sadfishing as a coping strategy for low mood or anxiety might provide short term temporary relief but it doesn’t help teens learn positive coping strategies for the longer term.
• Sadfishing as a relief for anxiety might feed into avoidant behaviour, reinforcing a teen’s sense of “I can’t do this” rather than helping them manage their anxious thoughts and feelings in a way that helps them feel brave and encourages them to face their fears.
• Anxious teens need to learn strategies for calming themselves and coping with the flood of thoughts and feelings that accompany challenging moments if they are to overcome anxiety and step confidently into the real world.

We delve into social media concerns parents worry about the most, and the reasons TikTok isn't safe for kids  - we also share the Instagram guidelines for teens.

It’s important to let your teenager take small risks to help them learn new skills, and this summer is the perfect time to do so, according to one expert.

Bringing up teenagers isn’t always easy. Not grown up enough to look after themselves, but no longer young children - it's a constant battle of offering support as they fight for more independence. We've seen that many teenagers are drawn riskier behaviour - despite being part of the anxious generation. But, how can you allow them to strike out more, without raising your own anxiety? 

Well, one thing you can do is let your teen take some small, healthy, and positive risks each day – with six weeks off school, or maybe more if your teen is in the middle of their exams, why not start this summer?  

Regardless of how old your child is, Dr. Mary O’Kane, a lecturer in psychology and education tells The Irish Times that you should “let them do something [today] that they were not able to do yesterday.

Of course, all children and teenagers are different, and what those risks may look like will depend on how mature they are, as well as their personality and the general circumstances. 

9 manageable risks for teenagers

• 1. Let younger teens stay home alone for a short while – you might find the NSPCC’s advice helpful here. 
• 2. Let your teens run errands, like going to the shop on their own.
• 3. Let them go out and meet friends on their own – without tracking their phone.
• 4. Let them use public transport on their own.
• 5. Encourage them towards adventure sports and other challenging activities – you could even join them!
• 6. Take your teen or pre-teen (and their mates) to an adventure playground.
• 7. Consider indoor challenges too, such as a drama camp.
• 8. Encourage them not to rely on their phones and screens all day.
• 9. Encourage them to interact independently with strangers (e.g. waiters, service staff, cashiers) when you’re out as a family.

In related news, giving teens ‘space and opportunity’ to be independent helps them thrive, teens who display this one important quality during adolescent friendships go on to be great parents, and new research has linked video games to teen psychosis. Meanwhile, if you’re tired of one-word answers, you could try these expert-led 25 teen conversation starters.

What are 'Mickey Mouse' degrees? It's a good question - for teens embarking on those all-important higher education choices, a child development expert reveals why it's an unhelpful term.

Seeing your teen through exam stress can be a difficult time for parents. Whether you're seeing them through GCSE or A Level exams, some teens have a particular goal in mind - to get to university.

It's therefore a worry, that certain courses have been branded 'Mickey Mouse' degrees, and our GoodtoKnow resident expert, child development expert, Dr Amanda Gummer, believes the term shouldn't be used. She tells us "Using the term ‘Mickey Mouse degrees’ to describe certain university courses isn’t particularly helpful as teenagers start navigate their educational and career choices and explore topics that inspire them. 

"The term ‘Mickey Mouse’ can undermine the value of different topics of study and even potentially fosters a culture of mockery that isn’t OK. Labelling anything that promotes study, learning and commitment as a joke can have negative connotations and could well put off students from pursuing their genuine interests."

The term was coined by the Minister of State for Universities, Margaret Hodge, at the time Labour looked to increase the number of students attending university in the 90s. Tabloid newspapers latched on to the phrase, and it became a term synonymous with university degrees or courses deemed worthless or irrelevant.

The phrase has once again made the headlines, having been used by Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak in the run up to the general election. The current PM suggests that if re-elected, he will shut down 'Mickey Mouse' degrees at UK universities, using money saved to create 100,000 apprenticeships a year by 2029/30. On unveiling this plan, Sunak said "Improving education is the closest thing we have to a silver bullet for boosting life chances. So, it’s not fair that some university courses are ripping young people off."

However, it appears the government are unwilling to commit to what actually constitutes a 'Mickey Mouse' degree. During a recent Radio 4 interview with Emma Barnett, minister of state for schools, Damian Hinds, was unable to give specific examples of such courses - even after being asked three times to name one.

In 2023, The Telegraph published a list of what it deemed 'Mickey Mouse' degrees, based on the career pathways graduates of different subjects commonly take after leaving university, and their earning potential five years into their careers. Their analysis found 10 degrees offering the worst value for money, with those branded 'Mickey Mouse' by the media. These include:

• Photography
• Translation
• Criminology
• Fine Art
• Public Administration
• Music
• Film
• English Literature
• Fashion
• Tourism Management

Why the term 'Mickey Mouse' is unhelpful for teens

Dr Gummer tells us there are things parents need to bare in mind if their teen is concerned about hearing the term 'Mickey Mouse' in relation to a course they want to take. She says "We haven’t all ended up in a straight-line career path so it’s important that we don’t overlook the significant life skills that can be gained through the experience of heading to university.  

Things like character building, camaraderie and resilience are all valuable skills essential for personal and professional development and often acquired through the experience that university life offers.  By invalidating or making a mockery of certain courses or study areas we risk stifling the creativity of our young people which is much needed for a diverse future workforce." 

The expert concludes, helpfully, "Universities have a duty to ensure that courses on offer provide real tangible and transferable value to students and the specific course content and the degree to which students are exposed directly to their lecturers and tutors is really important.  As parents I believe we should encourage our children to explore a variety of disciplines and support their aspirations, as this will not only lead to academic success, but also help develop well-rounded individuals ready to contribute meaningfully to society." 

For more on helping teens, if you have one who won't revise, our expert has top tips to turn things around. Would you pay your kid for their GCSE grades? One mum shares how this strategy has motivated her teen. If your young person searches for leaked exam papers online, they need to be warned of the consequences. 

A study has shown teens who display a very important quality during adolescent friendships, go on to be great parents - and it's fascinating.

Teenagers often have a bad reputation, with parents reporting struggling to get through to them, while they confuse everyone with their teenage slang words. Alternatively, there are teen myths that are not true, and they aren't all lazy and rude, as a new report suggests. 

A study of 184 teens showed how their adolescent friendships prepare them for parenting. The group were followed for over 30 years, starting from the age of 13. Each year, group members selected their closest friend to take part in the study with them. Attending a lab in their chosen pairs, the friend asked for advice on a problem, and responses were scored in relation to four core aspects of empathy: Emotional support, instrumental support, emotional engagement, and interpretation of their friend's problem. 

When members of the group began having children, they were asked different questions relating to their parenting style. This came in the form of 12 hypothetical situations where their child expressed a negative emotion, and they relayed how they'd respond - their responses were labelled supportive or non-supportive. The results showed one important correlation - those who had been more empathetic teens, made more supportive parents. 

The study also delved into how much empathy participants received from their own parents. Unsurprisingly, those with emotionally supportive parents appeared naturally more empathetic towards their friends, continuing to emulate their upbringings into adulthood. 

Although the teens with unsupportive parents sometimes became harsh parents, this wasn't always the case. Some were able to break cycles of poor empathy, and despite difficult upbringings, were still able to demonstrate keen empathy in their adolescent friendships despite this not being inherently nurtured. 

Speaking to Psychology Today and commenting on the study,  Dr. Jessica A. Stern concludes "Adults often underestimate the importance of teens being able to spend time with their friends. But experiences in close, supportive friendships as a teenager are actually really important for healthy development. Our findings suggest that adolescent friendships may be an underappreciated but essential context for developing critical social skills like empathy, responding appropriately to difficult emotions, and even - later - parenting."

For more on teens, if you have one who won't revise, try some expert-backed tips. Concerned about a teen who won't socialise? A child development expert shares their thoughts. Reflective parenting could help your teen with their big emotions - here's what you need to know.

Exam conditions returned to pre-pandemic levels this year, with experts warning this could result in a downturn in grades. We spoke to a psychologist, who explained the types of disappointment your teen might feel on results day, and shares her four tips to help teens deal with the feeling.

Whether you're waiting for A Level results day, or hanging on to see how your teen does on GCSE results day, this can be a stressful time for both you and your teen. You've probably experienced an element of exam stress, and supported your youngster through this challenging aspect of sitting multiple tests.

Having carried out all the preparation you need to get your teen through their exams, the next stage is to consider what could happen if they don't get the grades they were hoping for. Educational Psychologist and GoodtoKnow resident expert, Dr Patricia Britto, spoke to us about the types of disappointment teens might experience, and what they might look like. She says "Young people are likely to experience either two types of disappointment such as outcome-related or person-related, which can have a negative impact on their emotional well-being."

She explains "When young people experience outcome-related disappointment, such as their results do not match their expectations or what they had predicted, it can yield a sense of loss. Those who experience person-related disappointment from their exam results may feel that they or others caused the disappointing outcome, which can also lead them to experience the process of loss and grief."

Dr Britto's explanation is especially pertinent in light of the news that experts warn GCSE and A-level results will be lower this year. Exams will be taken in full pre-pandemic conditions - this will mean attending in person, and sitting in silence at single, forward facing tables until the exam ends, for the first time since 2019. Years in between have seen students given information about exam topics, and other precautions put in place to counteract the loss of learning caused by school closures. 

According to Wales Online, the extra measures taken to mitigate lost learning since 2019 has led to record high results some deem to be 'grade inflation.' Such measures include students awarded results based on teacher assessments when exams were cancelled. In 2022, candidates resumed sitting exams at school, but were offered extra support in the form of advance information on topics covered in the tests, and a more 'supportive grading approach.'

Kerry Davies, head of general qualifications monitoring and standards at Qualifications Wales, has warned of lower results this year as exam conditions return to pre-pandemic standards. She said "It’s important that everyone has a clear and shared understanding about the value of learners’ grades and that’s why it’s vital we continue our journey to pre-pandemic assessment arrangements. Overall we expect that national results this summer are likely to be lower than they were in 2023."

To help parents prepare for their teen not getting the results they hoped for, Dr Britto shares her tips for helping deal with results disappointment.

4 expert tips to help deal with results disappointment

1. Sit with your feelings. Dr Britto suggests parents allow teens to have their feelings, and not to rush them into feeling OK too quickly. She suggests that young people experiencing disappointment might make statements such as "I’m so useless; I will never pass anything again", which are normal, but require the nurturing support of parents in the aftermath.
2. Don't blame yourself or others. Again, your child's initial reactions could include chastising themselves for what they consider to be a 'failure.' They might lash out at parents for their perceived errors. Dr Britto says "Young people may begin to have a negative self-concept and self-esteem when they do not achieve what they had hoped for, which can have a negative effect on their overall well-being." Again, allow them to have their feelings, before encouraging them that all is not lost.
3. Think about alternative outcomes for the future. They might not have the results they want, but your child can still achieve their dreams - they might just look a little different, or they could take a longer route to get there. Dr Britto tells us "Discuss with them what they'll need to do to achieve the results they desire. Ask questions with them such as 'how can I re-writing my own story?'" This will offer them back some control over their narrative.
4. Seek adult support. You know you're there for them, but they need to know you'll always be there for them with non-judgmental, supportive advice. Dr Britto suggests "Go over areas they might need to improve on to achieve what they set out to do. Make a plan and support them in the steps to achieve the desired goals."

If you believe there has been an error in your child's results, check with their school or institution to see if their papers can be marked again. Policies differ over how easily this can be done, but it could be worth looking into the process if will put your child's mind at rest. If their papers are marked again and the result is the same, use the feedback positively to identify areas of improvement. Encourage young people to take criticism constructively, using it to build a plan to implement changes to their future studies. 

It is also important to support your child if you see them struggling with the pressure of comparison culture, as Katherine Pavling, Head of GCSE at Explore Learning, explains: "With all the pressure children feel in the run-up to GCSE exams, it can feel like the end of the world if your child doesn’t get the results they hoped for. We often see students achieve good grades but still feel disappointed because a friend did better. Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in combating this unhealthy mindset, as there is a huge pressure on teens to match or outperform their peers.”

Katherine advises to:

• Don't immediately focus on grades: Asking about specific grades right away can increase anxiety, which can make young people feel lonely and afraid. Instead focus on their emotional state and well-being to show you value them as a person and not just for their academic achievements.
• Avoid comparison of results with siblings or friends: Remember, each teen's journey is unique. Try to encourage your teen to focus on their own progress throughout their studies.
• Celebrate their efforts: Katherine says: "Acknowledge your child's efforts, regardless of the outcome. Remind your child that they aren’t defined by their exam results and this doesn’t mean they can’t succeed in the future."

For more on teens, are you confused by teenage slang words? You won't be once you're up to speed with our handy guide. It might be difficult, but giving your teen the space and opportunity to be independent, is the best way to help them thrive according to an educator. If they're struggling with big emotions, reflective parenting could help manage their feelings.

In light of the exam paper leak online, Ofqual have announced the consequences for those found searching for them. This comes as the number of students found cheating has doubled in the last six years.

The season of exam stress is underway for parents and teens up and down the country. As a parent of someone sitting their exams, you might have researched the exam diet to make sure their brains are well fed, and have the top brain foods in your fridge that nutritionists assert will improve their performance. But have you broached the subject of cheating?

While nobody wants to believe their child might cheat, students studying the International Baccalaureate (IB) (find out what the IB is) recently found exam questions had been leaked online. Taking advantage of time zone differences, several versions of papers were shared by those from different countries to encrypted messaging platform, Telegram. The IB officials insist the papers aren't legitimate, but created by students memorising exam questions.  

The leak has led to concerns of an upturn in teens searching for GSCE and A Level exam questions online, believing there won't be any consequences. The incident has also seen social media scammers selling fake questions and papers, suggesting they're real. Not only is searching for papers classed as malpractice, targeting revision towards counterfeit questions will be detrimental to results. 

Ofqual have responded to reports of students attempting to find leaked exam papers online, issuing a reminder that those caught doing this could be disqualified. Speaking to TES, Ofqual chief regulator Sir Ian Bauckham said: "Students have been working hard to prepare for their exams, and nobody wants them to miss out on their grades and qualifications."

He adds "Thankfully, most students are aware of the risks of malpractice and comply with the rules. It’s important that the rules are followed so that grades reflect what a student knows, understands and can do. Students should also be aware of the risks of exam papers on social media. Accounts claiming to sell this year’s exam papers are almost always scams. Students should report these accounts to teachers."

The reminder of consequences comes amid news that instances of cheating by taking a mobile phone into the exam room have almost doubled since 2018. There were 2,180 reported penalties for this in 2023, compared with 1,825 in 2022. General malpractice not specifically relating to mobile phone use, had 4,895 reported cases in 2023, a rise from 4,105 in 2022. 

Pepe Di’Iasio, general secretary of the Association of School and College Leaders (ASCL), discussed both teens taking mobiles into exams, and the issue of leaked papers. He said "We are sure that the vast majority of students taking exams will stick to the rules, but there are always some who do not do so, and unfortunately the misuse of digital technology is a real headache."

He adds "Schools and colleges rigorously police exam rooms to ensure that devices are not brought in by candidates, and they warn students not to try to find exam papers on social media. These are generally fake papers being circulated as a scam, but in the rare event of a genuine paper being leaked, any student accessing that paper risks disqualification."

For more on teens, if you're struggling to get through to your teen, a psychologist shares top tips for overcoming this, and these conversation starters will help. Reflective parenting could help your teen manage their big emotions, and we advise how to start practicing it.

Teenagers need to be given space and opportunity to develop independence and thrive - an educator shares three ways parents can nurture a sense of agency in their teen.

The reality of raising adolescents can include wondering what to expect when a teenager starts dating, and how to tackle the five most common teenage problems. Young people can even sound like they come from a different planet when they speak, leaving parents desperately trying to decode teenage slang words to get a semblance of what they're saying. 

Educator Clay Drinko understands that teens can be moody, struggling with their emotions while they make the tricky transition into adulthood. He also wants to celebrate the ability this age group has to be capable, focused, and helpful. To nurture these positive qualities however, Drinko wants parents to loosen their grasp and give young people "responsibility, autonomy, and agency."

Speaking to Psychology Today, the educator expanded on what he meant by teens having a sense of agency. In a nutshell, this relates to the four traits of self-regulated goals, optimism, action planning, and self-efficacy. Self-regulated goals require teens to have the ability to make their own decisions, and they need optimism to believe their decisions will impact their future success. 

Action planning relates to planning and working towards their goals once they've been set. Finally, self-efficacy is about having the resilience to overcome obstacles and the determination to reach the set goals. these traits all add up to teens feeling a sense of agency - without this sense of autonomy, young people can feel pessimistic about their future. 

To instil independence and pave the way for teens to have the all-important agency to feel in control of what lays ahead, Drinko has three top tips. 

3 tips to instil agency in teenagers

1. Tap into their intrinsic drive. Look out for what your teen feels passionately about - if they're trying to be in control of something or a situation, what is it? Why is it important to them? Drinko says "Listen for these intrinsic motivations of the young people in your life and figure out how to give them the space and resources to flex their independence."
2. Help them set ambitious goals. Don't just set goals with them, help them set ambitious goals and discuss exactly what they need to do to achieve them. Putting goals into motion moves teens from being from static to feeling agency - when forced into action to reach their goals, a sense of independence will follow. Drinko suggests teens "Push themselves to do things they didn’t think possible," adding "Help the young people in your life set ambitious goals, lead with their strengths and interests, and improve their communities to help them shift from ennui to autonomy." 
3. Expect more from them. This might appear surprising initially, but it actually makes sense. While it's easy to fall into labelling teens with negative stereotypes, Drinko urges parents to notice that they're actually incredibly capable. He said "That’s why I don’t grumble and complain about teens being the worst. I tell the truth: Young people are inspiring and have the energy and motivation to be real change agents." Expect more from them by helping with goal setting and encouragement to dream big. Drinko concludes: "In their lower moments, remind them of their lofty ambitions and help them get unstuck when inevitable obstacles arise."

Young people face more stress and anxiety than ever before. This can easily compound feelings of anxiety and subsequent negative qualities and behaviours that often lead to older generations complaining about 'surly' teens. 

Instead of focusing on unwanted teenage traits,  Drinko concludes "Instead of grumbling about the next generation, it’s our responsibility to allow them the opportunity and the space to flex their autonomy, try things out their way, and intervene only when necessary. They’re the ones with the energy, drive, and motivation to push us forward as a society. The least we could do is give them a little space to practice today while we’re still around to help out. But only when necessary."

If you do feel your teen is part of the anxious generation, experts have advice for protecting their mental health. Is your teen stressed? Don't worry, there are expert ways to guide them through it. For those looking for the best parenting style for teens, reflective parenting could be the way forward.

As presenter and mum of three Alex Jones hits a waterpark with her kids on holiday in Lanzarote - despite it being her 'idea of hell' - our writer recounts why we should all take a leaf out of Alex's book this summer and let 'the dignity thief' do her worst.

Fans of The One Show may have noticed that Alex Jones has been taking a well-earned break from presenting the daily BBC1 chat show of late. Alex and her husband Charlie Thomson have been enjoying a family holiday in Lanzarote with their three children, Teddy, seven, Kit, six and Annie, two.

Taking to Instagram to share highlights of their hols, Alex posted a series of envy-inducing snaps including a video of her youngsters dashing into a waterpark for a day of fun. She wrote: "Holiday mode fully activated! Love Lanzarote so far!" But the presenter was quick to confess that a waterpark isn't her favourite holiday pastime, adding: "When their idea of heaven is your idea of hell. The waterpark. The dignity thief."

Those three little words - the dignity thief - immediately transported me back to a holiday memory of my own that I'll never forget. Two years ago I finally fulfilled a long-held wish and packed my husband and our three children, who were 8, 15 and 17 years old at the time, off to France to experience the delights of a Eurocamp summer holiday. It's the kind of classic family holiday I had always imagined our family taking but the years passed quickly and then between Covid and the cost of living crisis, we didn't manage it until two summers ago. Though family holidays with teens can be tricky, I am so glad we squeezed in that experience before my boys hit the age where a family break is way less appealing than spending the summer working or partying in Ibiza with friends.

Our Eurocamp adventure was a magical holiday for many reasons, not least because I suspect it may have been our last official family holiday before the older kids leave home. (Sob...) But what's forever etched in my memory is the day we spent together at the sprawling on-site waterpark. Like Alex Jones, the word 'waterpark' strikes fear into my heart and yet my kids couldn't wait to try out the waterslides, throw themselves headlong down the 'wild river' rapids, or dare each other to stand under the giant bucket suspended high above the water park that soaked everyone with 3,500 litres of water every ten minutes. If you could look up my idea of hell in a dictionary, this would be it.

Honestly, I wished I was headed to the resort's spa facilities. But instead, just like Alex, I indulged my kids and followed them faithfully to the waterpark, despite it being very much my idea of hell. (Although if I looked like Alex Jones in a red swimsuit I'm pretty sure I'd be swanning around the waterpark with my head held high, not worrying about it robbing me of my dignity.)

At first, I perched awkwardly on the edge of my pool lounger and let my husband assume the role of 'the fun one' while I urged caution and intermittently proffered bottles of water and sun cream. Instead of working on my tan, of course, I put all my effort into responding to endless cries of 'Mum, watch this!' with acceptable levels of enthusiasm. It soon became apparent, however, that what makes for maximum fun at a waterpark is when mums join in. So eventually, when my kids would no longer take no for an answer, I abandoned the sun lounger (and with it, my dignity...) to join the kids on the slides. And oh, how glad I am that I did. Because what unfolded that afternoon was more fun than I can remember ever having with my kids.

There's an idea from the world of psychology called 'deferred happiness syndrome' which describes how we resist moments of happiness, putting them off to some imaginary moment in the future when we think we'll be more deserving of them. For years, I realised, I had denied myself the simple pleasure of enjoying the beach with my kids because of my body hangups. But that summer, true happiness crept up on me. Not in the fancy resort spa but in a noisy outdoor water playground that I thought was my idea of hell.

I hurtled down the water slide shrieking in delight and I raced my kids up the steps to do it all again and again with total abandon, not caring what jiggled or how I looked. I wasn't questioning my body or trying to hold on to my dignity. I was smiling from ear to ear and laughing like a child. And when I did catch sight of my reflection, what struck me wasn't how 'big' I was or how terrible I looked in a swimsuit; all I noticed was how utterly, truly happy I was.

And that, as Alex surely knows, is exactly what family holidays are all about. So do me a favour, this summer, if you can. Don't defer happiness until some point in the future. When you look better in a swimsuit. When the kids' idea of fun aligns with your own.

Instead, please follow the example your kids set and say yes now when they beg you to join in. It makes no difference whether it's a water park in the sun or a paddling pool in the garden. Say yes to whatever is your kids' idea of heaven, even if it's your idea of hell. Behave like a child, screech with laughter, and let the 'dignity thief' do its worst.

Don't do it because it's the right thing to do for your kids or because it's what good parents do. Just do it for you.

Because - and I can promise you this - you will look back on that holiday, years from now, and remember those moments as some of the happiest of your life.

Looking for more fresh takes on the parenting issues of the day? Read why you might want to hold your tongue when watching your kids play sports or find out why this writer regrets giving a smartphone to her 11-year-old. Or for some light relief, find out what we know about the rumours that Bluey is ending and why looking after grandchildren is better for the brain than Sudoku.

A new scientific study has found a correlation between playing video games and teen psychosis. Here's what parents need to know, as well as some of the signs of gaming addiction.

As experts agree too much screen time can negatively affect child development and behaviour, along with the news that too much time in front of a tablet is being scientifically linked to abnormal behaviour in toddlers, it's becoming a growing concern for families.

But it's not just younger children who could be suffering from too much time playing with tech. Research has found that half of teenagers admit they are addicted to social media, and now a more recent study has suggested that video games could be linked to teen psychosis.

Psychosis is defined by the NHS as losing contact with reality. It adds that "this might involve seeing or hearing things that other people cannot see or hear (hallucinations) and believing things that are not actually true (delusions). It may also involve confused (disordered) thinking and speaking."

And worrying research published in the scientific journal JAMA Psychiatry has found that teenagers who spend a lot of time playing video games and on the computer are more likely to experience such symptoms.

The researchers studied a cohort of 1,226 participants born between 1997 and 1998, who reported their weekly amount of television viewing, video gaming, computer use, and reading at ages 12, 13, 15, and 17 years. Interestingly, those who increased then decreased their computer usage were more likely to have a psychotic experience at some point before the age of 23.

Between five and seven per cent of adults had a psychotic experience at some point, with the first often occurring during teenage years. These experiences ranged from mild suspiciousness, disorganised thinking and bizarre ideas to delusions, hallucinations and paranoia.

The participants were asked questions including "Have you ever felt as if people seem to drop hints about you or say things with a double meaning?", "Have you ever felt as if the thoughts in your head are not your own?" and "Have you ever heard voices when you are alone?" to determine if they had experienced psychosis.

However, the association between playing video games and likelihood of a psychotic experience may be explained by the fact that video games are often linked with other factors that could be confounding the data.

"It is notable that higher video gaming was associated with many indicators of adversity, including household income insufficiency, as well as mental health and interpersonal difficulties at age 12 years. Elsewhere, lower socioeconomic status, male sex, and interpersonal and mental health problems have similarly been associated with higher levels of video gaming in children and adolescents," the authors of the study wrote.

The researchers went on to explain this by suggesting that, for some individuals, video gaming may aid in managing emotions and fostering social connections, while children might discover that the psychological and social aspects of gaming can help them deal with feelings of loneliness.

In addition, challenges such as economic instability, mental health issues, and interpersonal struggles may limit access to activities other than video games.

It is hoped that the research can help psychologists understand why teenagers may develop psychotic experiences and figure out how to best help them. If you have a child who spends a lot of time on video games, mental health charity Young Minds has shared some of the signs that there might be a problem:

• Your child feels regularly exhausted and disengaged
• They’re struggling to concentrate at school
• They prioritise gaming over important daily activities like sleeping, eating and washing
• They’re only socialising online and finding in-person interactions difficult to manage or enjoy
• They no longer keep up with other interests they used to enjoy
• They’re finding it difficult to think or talk about much else

If any of these behaviours sound familiar, you can try speaking to your child's school or your GP, or seek out professional help from a counsellor or therapist. You can also call the Young Minds parents help line on 0808 802 5544, or find out more about supporting children with gaming at childnet.com.

If you're looking for advice when it comes to managing your teen's screen time, parenting experts have shared Dr Becky Kennedy and Professor Emily Oster have shared three top tips. Elsewhere, we asked an expert for their tips to stop kids from doomscrolling, and we reveal six ways to ensure screens aren't keeping your teen gamer up all night.

It began with pester power. ‘I’m the only one in my class with no phone, Mum.’ With that line, my eldest child secured his first iPhone at the tender age of eleven, almost a decade ago.

In my defence, we didn’t know about the negative impact of smartphones on children then. From screen addiction and poor mental health to sleep disturbance and declining social skills, the deleterious effects of smartphone use are well documented, leaving parents like me wishing they could turn back the clock and undo the decision to give smartphones to kids at such a young age.

So I welcome the news that ministers are considering banning smartphones for under-16s, following plans to ban the use of mobile phones in schools. A call for stricter controls on smartphones for under-16s by the mother of Brianna Ghey (the 16-year-old transgender girl who was murdered by two teens) has achieved significant public support, too. Esther Ghey has said social media use made Brianna vulnerable and that her killers had easy access to violent content online. Many of my mum friends agree with the proposed ban; there's so much we wish we'd known about how smartphones might impact kids, including...

1. That studies would show devastating effects of smartphones on child mental health

Every day I seem to be reading a new study about the horrific impact that smartphones are having on children’s mental health - addiction, depression, bullying, body issues, and even suicide. I've educated my children as best I can about how to stay safe online but I still worry about what they're seeing and how it may have impacted them, especially when I read an Amnesty International report that TikTok pushes children and young people into “rabbit holes” of potentially harmful content, including videos that romanticize self-harm and suicide. And I've implemented every scrap of expert advice I can find around utilising parental restrictions to protect my children, but that feels like pushing water up a hill when Meta, which Mark Zuckerberg originally founded as Facebook, decides to lower the minimum user age for WhatsApp from 16 to 13, prompting critics to say the firm is "putting profits before protecting children".

In his new book The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt says the use of smartphones among adolescents, which coincided with modern parenting approaches moving towards oversupervision and therefore diminishing freedom for kids - has resulted in a ‘rewiring’ of childhood and an ‘epidemic’ of mental illness, along with too few offline experiences that build resilient kids.

But Haidt’s critics reckon talk of the damaging effects of smartphones on kids is just the hysteria that every generation exhibits - along comes new technology that disrupts the way things have always been, and older generations start tut-tutting about its dangers and prophesying doom for its users.

I understand that view. I remember my parents reacting with horror when I disappeared into my bedroom with our fancy new cordless landline after school. ‘You’ve been together all day, what could you possibly have to talk about all evening?’ quizzed my dad, not knowing the problem of teens and phones had barely begun.

2. That phones would give kids such easy access to explicit content

Smartphones for kids seemed like such a good idea less than a decade ago but looking back, I wish they’d come with health warnings. We had no idea we were handing kids access to unsafe, age-restricted and illegal content and we knew next to nothing about how to keep kids safe online yet now we’re bombarded with data about the damage we might have done.

3. That phones exposed kids to being bullied at any time of day or night

When I gave my older two children smartphones at the age of eleven, I thought they would help keep my kids safe and perhaps spare them the childhood stresses of my generation. Our youngsters would easily be able to phone home if they missed the bus, and worried parents could keep tabs on kids stretching their wings on school trips and sleepovers. Costly contracts seemed a small price to pay for the peace of mind that came with popping a phone in their pocket.

In reality, half of teens say they are addicted to social media according to the Millennium Cohort Study which tracks 19,000 young people born in the UK between 2000 and 2002.

So, knowing everything we do now, I’m in favour of banning smartphones for under 16s. But not everyone agrees. Andy Lulham, Chief Operating Officer at VerifyMy, has worked within age-restricted businesses and safety tech solution providers for more than a deacde and believes a smartphone ban would only prompt kids to look for ways to circumvent it.

"An outright ban is therefore unlikely to restrict access to harmful content and nor will it open up the much-needed conversation around online safety,” he says. “This needs a collective effort. By working together - government, regulators, platforms, technology providers, civil society, educators, parents and children - we can create age-appropriate online experiences for young people.”

Rather than a blanket ban, Lulham feels more must be done to restrict underage access to illegal and inappropriate material. “Robust technologies exist, have been tested at scale, are privacy-preserving and help to ensure an age-appropriate experience for children,” he adds.

Interestingly, my teenagers agree. I texted them - oh, the irony - to ask their views on the proposed smartphone ban. "A phone isn't harmful or dangerous to a child," replied my 17-year-old, whose first phone was delivered by Santa. "How it's used is the issue, and that's down to parents." (Ouch...)

4. That my kids and I would argue endlessly about screen time

My son is right, of course. I'm partly to blame if giving my kids smartphones has impacted them in negative ways. But I had no idea that screen time and late-night phone usage would be a source of so many family arguments.

"Parents can set restrictions on smartphones to limit negative effects," added my 19-year-old, who also opposes the ban. "But kids can find ways around those restrictions," I countered, remembering him cracking the code that blocked screen time after bedtime. "They always have and they always will,” he agreed. "Isn't that one of the joys of parenting?"

As I told him, I’m still conducting research into what the so-called joys of parenting are. When I find out, I'll be sure to let you know.

Looking for more fresh takes on the parenting issues of the day? Read what parents need to know about why girls' body confidence plummets at the age of seven by our teens and tweens expert, or discover a parenting expert's advice on how to handle it when your child wants to quit their hobby. Or for a dose of Royal parenting news, check out Meghan Markle’s understandable parenting anxiety that means Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet likely won’t visit the UK next month.

Social media giant Meta has been criticised by campaign groups and politicians for lowering the minimum age of use on WhatsApp to 13.

Social media is becoming an increasing concern for parents. With worries around phone addiction and the impact on mental health, as well as a new study suggesting that online harassment of girls is 'so standard it's not noteworthy', it's no surprise that many are wondering if platforms like TikTok are safe for children and are looking for tips for keeping kids safe on social media.

It often feels like social media bosses are doing little to help ease parents' concerns, and instant messaging service WhatsApp has most recently come under fire after lowering its minimum age of use from 16 to 13.

Campaign groups have spoken out about the decision by Meta - the company that owns WhatsApp, as well as Facebook and Instagram - with Smartphone Free Childhood calling the move "tone deaf".

The campaign group's co-founder Daisy Greenwell said: "Reducing their age of use from 16 to 13 years old is completely tone deaf and ignores the increasingly loud alarm bells being rung by scientists, doctors, teachers, child safety experts, parents and mental health experts alike."

She added, "Among parents, WhatsApp is seen as the safest social media app, 'because it's just messaging, right?'.

"And in that way it works like a gateway drug for the rest of the social media apps. If you’re messaging your friends on WhatsApp, why not message them on Snapchat?

"WhatsApp is far from risk-free. It’s often the first platform where children are exposed to extreme content, bullying is rife and it's the messaging app of choice for sexual predators due to its end-to-end encryption."

Meanwhile, Conservative MP Vicky Ford, a member of the Education Select Committee, said Meta's decision to reduce the age recommendation without consulting parents was "highly irresponsible".

And the decision comes as parents have been left 'terrified' by malicious WhatsApp groups promoting self-harm, sexual violence and racism, according to a BBC investigation.

Schools said pupils in Years 5 and 6 were being added to the groups, and one headteacher discovered 40 children in one year group were involved, while a parent said her 12-year-old daughter had viewed sexual images, racism and swearing that "no child should be seeing".

“I immediately removed her from the group but the damage may already have been done," she said. "I felt sick to my stomach - I find it absolutely terrifying. She's only 12, and now I'm worried about her using her phone."

Thousands of parents with children at schools across Tyneside have been sent a warning about the WhatsApp groups, with a spokesperson for Northumbria Police saying, "We would encourage people to take an interest in their children’s use of social media and report any concerns to police".

Meta this week unveiled a range of new safety features designed to protect users, in particular young people, from 'sextortion' and intimate image abuse.

It confirmed it will begin testing a filter in Direct Messages (DMs) on Instagram, called Nudity Protection, which will be on by default for those aged under 18 and will automatically blur images sent to users which are detected as containing nudity.

When receiving nude images, users will also see a message urging them not to feel pressure to respond, and an option to block the sender and report the chat.

Meanwhile, Prime Minister Rishi Sunak told the BBC that the Online Safety Act would give the regulator powers to ensure social media companies are protecting children from harmful material.

If your child uses WhatsApp and you're worried about their safety, child protection charity NSPCC has shared some tips for parents:

• Get to know the privacy settings: To prevent children being added to groups by people they don’t know, you can change the group settings to 'My contacts except'. This option means only your child’s phone contacts, except those you exclude, can add your child to groups. In 'privacy', you can also change who can see your child's information.
• Make use of safety features: Show your child how to block and report other users of the app or inappropriate content. For information on how to block or report on WhatsApp visit the WhatsApp help center.
• Talk about sharing: Talk to your child regularly about what they should and shouldn’t share with others on WhatsApp and remind them that, even if they think what they are sending will stay private, others might save, forward or screenshot it.
• Set rules about location sharing: Decide with your child if it is appropriate for them to share their location with others and who they are allowed to share it with. You can disable location permissions by going into your device settings and switching off location services for WhatsApp.

In related news, media regulator Ofcom has said "violent content has become a normal part of children’s online lives", as they push for new online safety measures, and a new Facebook rollout means parents are being advised to “think carefully” about letting their children use the social media platform. Elsewhere, the seven social media concerns parents are most worried about have been revealed, as a new study shows half of teens admit they’re addicted to it.

Dr Becky says her simple trick takes less than 15 seconds and could 'immediately' improve your relationship with your teen - and you can try it today.

You'd been forgiven for thinking that once your kids know how to get themselves dressed and can walk to school on their own parenting becomes easier, but parents of teens might beg to differ. Amid exam stress, puberty and peer group troubles, you might find yourself wondering why your teenager doesn't talk you you anymore and searching for teen conversation starters in order to tackle the most important conversations with your teen.

If you feel like your relationship with your child has been strained since they hit their teen years then you're most certainly not alone, but there are ways you can get your communication back on track. Fortunately, child psychologist Dr Becky Kennedy has shared one trick you can try today to 'immediately' improve your relationship with your teen.

Taking to Instagram, Dr Becky shared in a reel "Here is something you can do with your teenager today that takes less than 15 seconds and will immediately improve your relationship." She goes on to advise parents to find their teen in a calm moment and ask just one question: 'What is one thing I could do to improve as your parent?'

Explaining why this tactic works to improve parent-teen relationships, Dr Becky likens it to a workplace manager asking their employees 'What is one thing I could improve on as your manager?' She says that immediately "you feel seen, you feel respected, you feel important. You feel like your voice matters already, you feel better about your relationship".

And for parents who worry this might elicit a ridiculous demand from their teen - like asking for enormous amounts of money or for time off school - Dr Becky says "any answer your kid gives you is information".

She adds, "[If] your child says 'You could give me $500 every day', I'd say back: 'Ok, tell me more about that. What would you do with that $500? Are there things you want to do that you can't afford? Do you see people around you have more spending money than you do?'"

That doesn't mean you have to actually increase your child's pocket money, Dr Becky clarifies, it's about "listening with curiosity".

Dr Becky's followers were impressed with her advice. One commented, "This is such an important advice. We’re often afraid to ask because we think we won’t be able to honour the request. But we don’t have to act on it, we just need to be curious about what they’re trying to tell us". Another said, "I don’t have a kid but a nephew who it’s my life and trust me so this tip is super valuable to me".

But others were disappointed with their teen's responses to the questions, with one writing under the post, "Mine just said 'I don’t know? Everything?!'" And a fellow frustrated mum said, "Mine can never answer this question".

You might not get the answer you want every time, but we reckon this trick is worth a go. If your teen doesn't open up the first time, ask regularly so they can think about it, and they might have an answer for you when they're ready.

In related news, we asked the experts what to expect when your teen starts dating. And if your teen isn't taking your unsolicited advice, here's how to make yourself heard. You might also be interested in what 'teen-ternity' leave is, as some parents choose to take a career break for their older kids.

If your teen has been feeling stressed, check out these four tips recommended by a medical expert to help them cope.

If you're worried because your teenager won't talk to you anymore then rest assured you're not alone. It's normal for older children to become distant and today's teens have a lot on their plate, what with exam stress, navigating their peer groups and much more. Trying some expert-led teen conversation starters might help get communication going, but once you've found out what's on your teen's mind you might be looking for ways to work through the things that are troubling them.

And with exam season not far away, many teens are probably starting to feel the pressure. Walking the tricky line of knowing when to step in and help your teen out with falling back and letting them figure it out on their own is not easy, but HuffPost has spoken to Dr Naveen Puri, Medical Director at Bupa UK Insurance, to put together a list of four ways parents can help support a stressed teenager.

4 ways to support a stressed teenager

1. Encourage a healthy routine

Equipping your teen with healthy stress management techniques will stand them in good stead going forward, and one of the best ways you can do this is by being a role model. Going out for a walk, to a gym class or trying journaling are all good examples and, if you ask your teen to come with you, you can talk through your day together.

A study in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry found that just 20 minutes of physical activity three times a week can have a positive effect on stress, so encouraging your teen to move their body could help enhance their mood. You can model this to your teen each day by going on a walk, a run, or just doing some stretching in the living room.

Meanwhile, modelling a well-balanced diet and getting plenty of sleep can be helpful too, so try to teach your kids the values of these.

2. Listen before giving advice

Creating a safe space where your teen feels they can open up about their problems without judgement is an important way you can help them manage stress. Teens aren't always open to taking unsolicited advice, so instead of jumping in and trying to fix their problems, practice active listening instead, and consider asking them directly whether they're looking for advice, or whether they just want to vent to someone.

Dr Naveen suggests you could start the conversation by saying something along the lines of: "I've noticed that you’ve been quieter than usual recently, so I wanted to ask if there’s anything you’d like to speak to me about."

And don't be disheartened if your child doesn't open up to you at first - you can try again another time.

3. Signpost further support

If your teen is feeling stressed to the point that it's affecting their day-to-day life, then they might be in need of extra support. Make sure they are aware of their options - most schools will have a mental health lead as part of their pastoral care, so it might be worth mentioning this to your child or getting in touch with the school.

Mental health charities such as Young Minds can also provide support and guidance for teenagers who may be struggling, while Place2Be also offers resources for both children and their parents.

Seeking help earlier is key, as it can help reduce the risk of mental health conditions developing later down the line, such as depression and anxiety.

4. Look after yourself

When you're looking after a stressed teen, it can be hard to make time for yourself too. But if your own health and wellbeing suffers, this can have a knock-on effect on your children. They say that you can't pour from an empty cup and this is true - looking after your own emotional and physical health will help you look after your children's too.

This is something that psychotherapist and author Anna Mathur is an advocate for. She previously shared in an Instagram post: " I’ll continue to resource myself through the walks, the talks, the deep breaths, the early starts to nourish myself before I nourish my kids… Because not only does it give me a smidge extra for them, but it has slowly transformed my understanding of my own worth and deservedness to feed myself, to slow, to enjoy the things I enjoy."

Meanwhile, Dr Naveen suggestes, "Take time out when you can to do the things you enjoy and reach out to someone trusted to talk through your concerns (respecting your child’s confidentiality)." Your GP can also offer further advice and support to help you and your teen tackle their stressors.

In related news, here's the real reason why it feels like your teenager is tuning you out, and we've also revealed why your teenager always sleeps in late. Elsewhere, here's what to expect when your teenager starts dating and a parenting expert reveals why your teenager’s ‘annoying’ habits are actually a sign of good parenting.

If you're on the hunt for an exhilarating adventure that'll get the whole family together, including your teen, this round-up of the best escape room games for teenagers has you covered.

One of the many challenges of parenting teens is grappling with them to put down their phone and be a little more present with the family, especially if you think they're always on social media. While you might already have one of the best board games for teenagers, if you want something a little different, but still right up your teen's alley, then an escape room game could be the answer.

Escape room games aren't just about solving puzzles and cracking codes. They're about teamwork, communication and bonding with your family in a whole new way – without having to fork out the cost of going to one in real life. So, get everyone together and get ready for a fun family night in with our round up of the best escape room games for teenagers. Competitive hats on!

What are the benefits of escape room games for teenagers?

Escape room games provide a fun and interactive way for teenagers to develop a wide range of skills that are valuable both in and out of school.

• Teamwork and collaboration: Escape room games require players to work together to solve puzzles and escape within a set time limit, helping to promote teamwork, communication and collaboration skills among teenagers.
• Critical thinking and problem-solving: They also present a series of puzzles and challenges that require logical thinking and problem-solving skills to overcome. Teenagers can develop their critical thinking abilities while having fun.
• Decision-making: Players must make quick decisions under pressure to progress through the game, which could help teenagers improve decision-making skills and use their initiative.
• Creativity and innovation: Escape room games often feature unique themes and puzzles that encourage creativity and innovation. Teenagers have the opportunity to think outside the box and come up with creative solutions to challenges.
• Time management: With a limited amount of time to escape, teenagers must learn to manage their time effectively and prioritise tasks. This can be a valuable skill that translates to other areas of their lives, such as school work and job prospects.
• Adaptability and resilience: Not every puzzle will be easy to solve, and teenagers may encounter setbacks along the way. Escape rooms teach them to adapt to new situations, learn from failures and persevere until they succeed.

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The best board games for teenagers offer a chance for your teen to unplug from social media and connect with friends and family IRL.

When it comes to the teen years, the options for things to do as a family gets... a little scarce. Chances are your older kid is always on social media and has stopped taking your unsolicited advice, but a board game can be a great opportunity to spend some fun quality time together. But if Monopoly always descends into arguments, and that old Trivial Pursuit just doesn't tickle your teens fancy, then it might be time to invest in some teen-friendly board games that you can play as a family, or they can enjoy with their friends.

So, whether it's answering spellbinding questions in the Harry Potter 5 Second Rule game or facing the rotating wild cards in Five Crowns, we’ve rounded up nine of the best board games for teenagers, perfect for an epic game night line-up. 

Why are board games beneficial for teenagers?

Board games have a number of benefits for teenagers – from boosting their critical thinking to helping them hone their resilience.

• Social skills: Board games force you to interact face-to-face. They require communication, strategy and sometimes negotiation.
• Critical thinking: Games such as Settlers of Catan make your brain work overtime. You have to plan ahead, think strategically and adapt to whatever curveballs the other players throw at you.
• Patience and resilience: Let's be real. Nobody likes to lose! Board games teach you how to handle it gracefully. You learn to bounce back, try again and maybe even laugh it off.
• Bonding time: There's something special about gathering around a table and getting into a game together. It's a chance to bond, share some laughs and make memories with the whole family that don't involve staring at screens.
• Unplug and unwind: In a world filled with constant digital distractions, board games offer a refreshing break. It's a chance to unplug, unwind and actually connect with family and friends in real life.

Playing board games mean your teen can learn and practice life-long skills, while making fun family memories at the same time.

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If you've got a little worrier on your hands, or a teen who clams up when you want to talk about feelings, then you might be asking questions about their mental wellbeing. These gratitude journals and activity books could help.

Children's mental health can be a source of worry for many parents, but working out how to start a conversation about mental health is not easy. Some children may simply be too young to understand how to explain their emotions, while older kids may become withdrawn when the topic is broached. With recent NHS data showing that one in five children and young people in England aged eight to 25 had a probable mental disorder, many parents are looking for mindfulness activities for kids and other ways to help their children manage their feelings - and journaling is one hobby that could help.

Dr Charlotte Armitage, psychologist, psychotherapist and founder of No Phones at Home, which encourages families to put their phones away and focus on connecting, explains the benefits of using these activity books. "Journaling can help children to organise their thoughts and can be incredibly cathartic, because writing can help facilitate the processing of their emotions in a healthy manner. It involves reflecting on thoughts and feelings, working out how to structure these thoughts and behaviours, and then using our complex neural connections to enable us to write them down."

With this in mind, we've rounded up 12 of the best gratitude journals, positivity planners and other mindfulness activity books for kids and teens, to help them learn to process their emotions and cope with anxieties.

12 best gratitude journals, positivity planners and worry books for children and teens

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Getting your teen to properly open up to you can be like getting blood out of a stone. Experts have shared the best ways to get that conversation with a young person flowing.

We get it, when they reach a certain age, your former 111-word-per-minute child can close up like a clam. When they might've been once full of questions, the adolescent years are usually one word answers - and this can be difficult if you're trying to broach topics like sexuality and coming out. Checking in on your child's mental health through uncertain times like the cost of living crisis, needs a two-way conversation.

Rachel Vora is a BACP accredited psychotherapist who specialises in children and young people. She told us "Be genuine and transparent in your communication with them. Ask open questions to help move away from one-word answer interactions and invite the teen to come up with solutions to move the conversation forward."

The experts have given us their advice on what to consider before you approach conversations with your teens, and how you can try to set the scene for success. Try our 25 conversation starters to get more than just those frustratingly short replies from your young person. Failing that, we have a selection of pizza-based openers to try, and there can't possibly be failure when pizza is involved, right?

Teen conversation starters to try

Talk about food - everyone eats, right?

1. Which foods would make up your favourite dinner?
2. If you were a chocolate bar, which one would you be and why?
3. Which three historical figures would you most like to invite to dinner?
4. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
5. What can you cook?
6. What was for lunch today?
7. Today I saw someone mix X and Y together on their plate and I was not convinced... what do you think?

GoodToKnow's deputy editor and mum pf three (including two teenage boys) Heidi Scrimgeour swear by the 'what was for lunch today?' question. "It's a surefire way to get my uni-going eldest to talk to me, it's simple to the point and everyone has lunch and dinner right, so it's relatable."

TV and social media

8. Did you see X on Y? It was hilarious really reminded me of you/dad/your gran
9. Have you ever made a TikTok? I was thinking about doing one...
10. Tell me something social media taught you - 'today I learned X from Y it was a gamechanger'
11. Did you watch *name a trending Netflix series*?
12. Tell me your most recommended binge-worthy Netflix series?
13. I need a new Podcast to listen to, can you recommend any?

Past and present life

12. What is your dream job?
13. What makes you smile the most often?
14. How do you cheer yourself up on a bad day?
15. Do you ever get the feeling that it's going to be a great day when you wake up, and what makes you feel that way?
16. Describe your perfect day to me.
17. Which event are you most looking forward to this year?
18. What's your dream job, and can we do anything to help you get there?
19. What is your proudest achievement?
20. What do you wish you could change about the world?
21. What's the most important thing you've learned about yourself in the last year?
22. What's your favourite holiday memory?
23. Is there a day out anywhere you'd like to have, just the two of us?
24. If you could time travel, which era would you visit?

Would you rather questions

25. Would you rather never play video games again or never use your favourite mobile app again?
26. Would you rather spend a day without your phone or a day with no people at all?
27. Would you rather only use email to communicate or only use voice calls (no video calls)?
28. Would you rather read only e-books or read only physical books?
29. Would you rather live without a microwave or live without a toaster?
30. Would you rather only be able to watch movies starring Jim Carrey or only be able to watch movies starring Robert DeNiro?
31. Would you rather watch Friends everyday for the rest of your life or never see Friends again?
32. Would you rather never wear deodorant or have really bad dandruff?
33. Would you rather wear winter clothes all year long or summer clothes all year long?
34. Would you rather cover yourself in peanut butter or ketchup?
35. Would you rather only use dog shampoo or never cut your toenails?

Research shows that adolescents are more likely to seek help for difficult situations from family members, where a trusting relationship is already established. When communicating effectively with their parents, teens are less likely to try and work through problems on their own. They are also less likely to be concerned about the stigma relating to mental illness or be concerned about being judged negatively, when communicating with a trusted adult.

Mum-of-two, Fran, has a 13-year-old daughter and a 15-year-old son. She told us "My daughter always communicates with us really well. Even as a young teen, she still does. My son is a different story - we've always had one word answers from him right from starting school, and he was getting worse.

But I've finally found something that works - he loves funny memes and video clips, so I save ones I think he'll laugh at. I show them to him when he gets in, or if I need to talk to him about something important. Laughing at something together first seems to break the ice and soften him. If I wait long enough, I can then eventually get him to talk more openly."

Pete English is a highly experienced BACP accredited school counsellor and trainer who specialises in working with children and young people. He told us "If you ask your child 'How was your day, Josh?' He may mumble 'Alright' before heading upstairs to his room leaving a trail of blazer, rugby boots and cloud of Lynx Africa.

But what Josh is presenting may not be really be what’s going on in his head. High on the priority list for Josh might be beating his friend James at Level 27 of Zombie Invasion Army 5. So how do we break through to our teens - without literally permanently patching in an HDMI lead into his PC monitor?"

Pete also shared his top five pizza-based conversation starters.

1. "I need your advice: cheese or ham?" This show that you value their opinion. It works well when you need support with anything technical too, i.e. mobile phones.
2. "I’m sorry I was wrong. We should have had garlic bread". Surprise them by actually admitting that you make mistakes too.
3. "I’m making pizza. Wanna help?" Enlist their support and make them feel needed.
4. "Fancy coming with me to get some pizza?" This shows them that you actually want to be with them and spend time together.
5. Whilst cooking/preparing the pizza, you could ask "So how is Maria’s arm/brother/face..?" This is really your "how was school" question but cleverly disguised due to your amazing listening skills from the day before.

Mum-of-three, Anya, told us "I asked my quiet teen which colour she'd like to paint her room if she got the choice, I ended up agreeing to actually do it. Neither of us had painted anything more than a picture at school, but managed to paint her room together. We had so much fun doing it, and she really opened up to me - maybe because we weren't looking directly at each other during the process and she found that easier, I'm not sure. It was a great bonding time though."

Rachel shared with us "It can be challenging to know what to say and when to say it. At dinner, ask everyone in the family to share one good thing and one negative thing about their day. Most importantly, the message you want your child to receive is that you are there for them. Try to avoid conversations at the height of distress or telling them what to do. Avoid conversation starters that minimizing their feelings or put blame on others."

How to talk to teens

Now, we know that you know your family and your kids better than anyone, but we also know that lots of parents voice this 'how do I talk to my teen' struggle. So we asked the experts who say that when talking to your teen, try and create a non-judgmental atmosphere. Sometimes it's not what you're saying to your teen but more where and how you're saying it. Mum-of-three Dionne has a 14-year-old son and swears the car is the best time to chat to him about anything; "I read once that in the is almost designed for optimum teen chat. The parent is slightly distracted with driving, so less intense. And you're not facing each other, a lot less stressful. And I have to say I think it works, as soon as we're across from each other at the dinner table it's back to one-word answers."

1. Avoid eye contact. Pete said "Many teens find eye contact too confrontational. The best conversations with young people often happen when you are performing your taxi driver duties.
2. Do something else when asking questions. Pete's advice is "Chat when cooking, car washing, painting and decorating, as this takes the pressure and focus off them." 
3. Put your phone away. You might want to be doing something completely different when having conversations with your teen, but being on your phone isn't that thing. It sends the wrong message that you aren't ready to listen or engage with them properly.
4. Model good communication with others. When talking to others in earshot of your kids, demonstrate how you listen effectively and resolve conflicts with the pitch of your words and tone of delivery.
5. Choose your words carefully. Age appropriate language can work wonders when it comes to getting you teen to open up. Simple language and short sentences will set the scene for them to talk back to you easily.
6. Pick the right time. A tired, hungry or stressed teen will be less likely to engage with you. 
7. Think about your body language. How is your teen responding to you? If they're searching for eye contact, maintain it and turn your body or knees towards them. If they open up while you're doing something facing away from them, keep that space between you.
8. Have open-ended questions ready. They'll be more likely to engage if they have to answer a question that doesn't have a yes or no answer. If you have a series of these questions to hand, you'll be ready for them!
9. Validate their feelings. Sometimes kids and teens just want to be heard. Don't put yourself under pressure to offer solutions, when empathetic listening and body language is often enough.
10. Share your own anecdotes. Kids like to relate to their parents with common ground. Mum-of-two, Lucy, told us this was particularly important to her son. She said "If my son did something that hurt or embarrassed him, he'd immediately ask 'has that ever happened to you?' Finding out the same thing had also hurt or embarrassed me in some way, gave him instant relief from anxiety about it. He then often brings up these shared stories first, if he wants to talk about something else that's worrying him." 
11. Respect their need to stay quiet. You can't force conversation on them if they really don't want it. Respect their boundaries, step back and try again another time. Pete suggests it's especially important to give them an exit route, adding "Don’t ask them questions whilst blocking their exit i.e. standing in the bedroom doorway."
12. You know your child the best - nobody is a better expert in your child than you. You'll have the greatest understanding of their interests that will likely engage them in conversation. Trust yourself that you'll know the right time and find the right words to communicate with them.

If you're in a situation where you suspect they might be engaging in behaviour you'd rather they didn't, try not to be critical and understand their curiosity and why they made certain choices. Try not to 'tell' them why you think they made those choices, instead, gently stating you're worried about them, or ask if there's anything you can do to help them.

If your teen reacts angrily to you, don't take it personally or react with anger yourself. This type of emotion could be a result of confusion, stress, or feelings they don't understand themselves - it could also be hormone related. Help them feel safe, and make it clear your role is to help, and not criticise or judge.

Pete said "Teens are developmentally separating from you, but they are also unsure about this big world. Sometimes they need to know that you are there and accessible. Think toddler taking first steps and looking around for you. They need to be different and they need to rebel in order to become their own person. Listen intently. My son used to say 'Maths is stupid' but he meant maths is really difficult and I don’t understand it at the moment.

I meet with young people every week who are yearning for a good relationship with their parents. They do need to spend a lot of time talking to their friends, but that doesn’t mean that your job is done and you can simply leave them to it. You might be met with a torrent of 'leave me alone' or 'why are you on at me all the time' but that is better than them feeling that you don’t care."

Rachel concluded "Remember that even though you want to fix your child's problems and worries, you are serving them best by being there to support them and help them find their internal strength to navigate challenging emotions. Parents can actively promote their child's mental wellness, teaching them to advocate for themselves, and being there for tough conversations to equip them with invaluable skills to serve them throughout their lives.

The journey towards good mental health is ongoing, and a parent's consistent support is a powerful influence on your child's ability to navigate life with resilience and confidence."

Here's the five most important things you should talk to your teen about before they start dating, and what to do if your teenager is drawn to taking risks. Some parents are finding caring for their older children so difficult, they're taking 'teen-ternity' leave - we have everything you need to know about the term.

A new poll has revealed that more than four in 10 teenagers are worried about having children when they grow up, with many saying they do not want to have kids at all.

While you're busy wondering why your teenager is tuning you out, or dealing with a teen's many ‘annoying’ habits (that may actually be actually a sign of good parenting), it can be easy to forget that your child is on the verge of adulthood and putting in some serious thought as to what their future holds. 

And it appears there is one very big worry playing on the minds of teenagers across the UK when it comes to their futures; having kids. 

A new poll has found that more than one in four students, aged 16 to 18, are concerned about having children in the future. The teenagers' worries mainly centre around self-doubt, financial burdens, health and wellbeing, hindrance to personal aspirations, non-inclusive LGBTQ+ education, and a general fear of pregnancy and childbirth,

Senior author Professor Joyce Harper from University College London's EGA Institute for Women's Health, who conducted the poll, said, "Sadly, a number of female students expressed a lack of interest in future parenthood due to their fears about pregnancy and childbirth.

"Shortcomings in fertility education in schools also meant that students were left feeling both ill-informed and negative towards their own fertility and ability to have children."

For 931 of the students polled, the fear and worry is so strong they would rather not have children at all. Those who said they don't wish to have kids cited not only a fear of pregnancy and childbirth, but also climate change and the 'turbulent state of the world' as the main factors influencing their decision. 

One female student who didn't want to have kids explained, "The state of the world is in a shambles. Governments are corrupt. The environment is deteriorating... it would be cruel to put a child through any of our problems, especially since they are not getting better."

But two thirds of teenagers still said they do want to become parents in the future, though a whopping 45% said their dream is damped by the worries and reservations they have concerning parenthood. 

The main reason for teenagers' worries appears to be the lack of education they have received concerning reproductive health. The poll's researchers highlight some huge gaps in the curriculum  including not being told about reproductive issues like endometriosis, infertility and the impact of lifestyle on fertility.

When the students were asked how sex education could be improved, they prioritised inclusivity, 'sex positivity,' a need for honest, 'non-judgmental teaching' as the factors they were most interested in. 

One female student added, "All we've done in school is go over and over having safe sex and talked about periods which, whilst it is important, is barely scratching the surface of things people need to know about.

"If miscarriage and infertility were better taught, then that could reduce the guilt and embarrassment people who struggle with it would feel."

In response to the research, a spokesperson for Department for Education told Sky News they are 'currently considering a recommendation from the Women and Equalities Select Committee to make lessons on relationships, health and sex education compulsory for young people in post-16 settings.'

Parenting a teen? Keep up to date with family news like this is the real reason why your teenager is sleeping in late, and it’s not because they’re lazy - here's what the experts told us, and what to expect when your teenager starts dating - plus, how to make sure they're safe and feel comfortable opening up to you about it, as well as your favourite TV show could influence your teen's future career: The Great British Bake Off and Grey's Anatomy are among the series inspiring 60% of teenagers.

A parenting expert has shared that a teenager’s ‘annoying’ habits can actually be a sign of good parenting, showing that your child is on the right track to becoming an independent adult. 

Parenting a teenager can be a daunting task. You're constantly asking 'are you even listening to me?,' as you feel like your teen is tuning you out, you fret about how much sleep they're getting, and there's the added worry of what to do when your teenager starts dating.

It can be hard to know exactly what is going through their heads when you speak with them. Often, teens refuse to communicate and any  ‘unsolicited’ advice we give seems to be ignored, though there are ways to make yourself heard. But this changing dynamic, as well as the 'annoying' habits like a messy room and a lack of communication, can actually be a good thing according to one parenting expert. 

Tanith Carey, author of the new book What's My Tween Thinking? has revealed there is an upside to a teenager's 'increasingly annoying behaviour.' According to her, it shows that your teen is growing out of being a child who is completely dependent on their parent and into being an independent adult who can make their own decisions on how to navigate the world. You're doing your job as a parent well, helping to ready your child for their future. 

Still, it can be hard to let go of certain behaviours and put them down to a child simply growing up. So Tanith has delved into five 'annoying' habits teen tend to develop to show parents how exactly to respond to them. 

She told the Daily Mail, "As a younger child, your tween put you on a pedestal as their parent, viewing you as a superhero who knew everything. Now your tween is getting older, they are starting to see you as a real person with human flaws. As they do this, they may seek to redefine your relationship by changing what they call you."

So if your child starts calling you some 'slang' names like 'bro,' or 'bruh,' Tanith says to remember that this is their way of 'gaining distance' as they 'start to imagine a world in which they will have to be independent from you.' 

"See this as your tween finding a new way to connect to you in a more adult way," she says. "As long as it's meant in an affectionate, rather than disrespectful way, let it pass."

Similarly, she says to let go of punishing teens over messy rooms. "To your eyes, it may look like they're surrounded by mess. But they simply don't see it that way. For now, their bedroom walls are a gallery for their evolving interests, and pictures will constantly change. 

"Experimenting with lots of identities, they will help them work out who they want to be. As long as moldy food or damp clothes aren't creating a health hazard, allow your tween some control of their immediate environment. Kids learn best when they work stuff out for themselves, not when they are told."

A more difficult aspect of teens growing up is when they begin to find you as their parent embarrassing. "Although it's hard to hear that your teen finds you embarrassing, try not to take it personally. See it as a phase of their development toward becoming their own person.

"However, if they continually hurt your feelings by calling you embarrassing, help them learn the impact of their words. Once they develop a stronger sense of their own identity, separate from yours, in their later tween years, they'll go back to loving you just as you are."

In the same vein, it can be heartbreaking when your teen tells you they 'hate you.' It can be hard to know how to respond when your kid says ‘I hate you’ even though we often know it's just because kids don’t have the skills to manage overwhelming feelings without hurtful words and turn to rudeness as a subtle way to express anxiety. 

But according to Tanith, "Although it may not sound like it at the time, your child's outburst is a sign they trust you to keep loving them. It shows they feel safe enough to express their anger and are confident you won't reject them for it."

Keep the same thing in mind when your teen starts shutting you out, saying 'Nothing!' when you ask them what happened during their day. "This is an important first step in creating privacy and drawing boundaries," Tanith explains. 

"As they now understand other perspectives better, they have worked out that you don't need to know everything they are thinking and feeling – and they can decide how much they want to tell you. Meet them where they are, and look for new ways to communicate, so you stay connected in readiness for the teenage years."

For more parenting tips and tricks, keep up to date with our family news like is your teenager always on social media? New study shows half of teens admit they’re addicted to it (but it’s also giving them these 7 life skills), and this is the real reason why your teenager is sleeping in late, and it’s not because they’re lazy - here's what the experts told us, as well as, is your teenager drawn to taking risks? A child psychologist explains why (plus what you can do to keep them a bit safer).

A new poll has showed that two thirds of parents notice negative effects of screen time on their children, but screen time doesn't have to cause problems - here are our tips and tricks to get a more positive result out of it.

The topic of screen time is a divisive one, with solid and justified arguments on both sides of the conversation. While there are some benefits of screen time, everyone can agree that kids missing out on outdoor play, exercise, and ample homework time is a negative and it has even been linked to abnormal behaviour in toddlers. 

It's these negatives that have parents worried. A new poll has revealed that two thirds of parents have spotted negative effects in their child if they spend too much time looking at screens and 49% of parents are concerned about the amount of time kids spend looking at phones and tablets. 

The solution many have tried to implement is to reduce their child's screen time, but of the 88% who are trying to do so, more than a third are finding it too difficult to drag their kids away from their screens in order for them to do homework or chores around the house, the poll has found. If you're navigating the same issue, wondering why your teenager is tuning you out or if you're struggling with a child who won’t listen to your pleas to get offline, this TikTok parenting hack should make your kids listen more and pushback less. 

As reported by The Mirror, Matt Buttery, Chief Executive of Triple P UK and Ireland, the body who commissioned the research, said, “The amount of time children are spending on screens is becoming an increasingly pressing concern for parents in the UK, particularly following the pandemic. Research has shown that, whilst children do gain benefits from accessing social and educational information online, too much screen time can negatively affect children’s healthy development.”

It would be an impossible task to completely remove screens from a child's life but there are steps that can be taken to reduce screen time, to better increase safety online with life-saving questions to ask your child if they’re online gaming, and to better balance screen time with sleep by following expert tips to ensure screens aren't keeping kids awake all night.

Instead of banning screens, why not try to make screen time a more positive experience? The Mayo Clinic, who aim to solve the world's most serious and complex medical challenges, urges parents to 'keep in mind that the quality of the media your child is exposed to is more important than the type of technology or amount of time spent online.'

With this in mind, they suggest to ensure more quality screen time. They add to avoid 'violent content and apps with a lot of distracting content' as well as to 'eliminate advertising on apps, since young children have trouble telling the difference between ads and factual information.'

They also advise to, "Preview programs, games and apps before allowing your child to view or play with them. Better yet, watch, play or use them with your child. Seek out interactive options that engage your child, rather than those that just require pushing and swiping or staring at the screen. 

"Use parental controls to block or filter internet content [and] make sure your child is close by during screen time so that you can supervise his or her activities."

Keep up to date with other family news like don’t want your kids to grow up too fast? Science says this parenting style is the way to go and asking your kid this question could do wonders for their self-esteem – here’s why, as well as why you shouldn't tease your child about having a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’, according to parenting experts. 

So, your teenager has started dating and you have no idea what to expect. Here are all your questions answered, by a family expert and a psychologist.

Raising teens is just as hard as looking after small children. There might be no more nappy changes or nighttime feeds, but older kids come with a whole new set of anxieties for parents, including worrying about how much sleep teenagers need or why their teenager won't talk to them anymore. And while it's totally normal for teens to start dating and maybe even bring a romantic partner back home to meet the parents, it's an event that can be difficult to navigate.

As well as wondering if your teenager is safe, if they're being treated well and how they might cope with a messy breakup, you might also be wondering about what boundaries need to be put in place and what you should or shouldn't allow your teenager to do when it comes to dating. Specialist family law coach and Life Coach Directory member Nina Francis-Young tells us that it all comes down to communication. "The first thing that I advocate and explore with all of my clients is what we mean by 'dating'. A shared understanding is so important, as it means that all the significant adults in the teenager’s life are unified in their expectations and boundaries," she says. "Without this, your teenager will be receiving mixed messages, which will only confuse them."

With this in mind, we've spoken to the experts to find out what you can expect when your teen has started dating, what you can do to make sure they're safe, and the questions you can ask to make them feel comfortable about opening up.

When should I allow my teenager to start dating?

Many kids will express interest in having a boyfriend or girlfriend as young as primary school. But these playground relationships have a far different dynamic to the romantic relationships they may forge when they're in their teen years, leaving some parents wondering what age it's appropriate for them to start properly dating.

As licensed clinical psychologist Dr Tori Cordiano says: "Rather than a specific age or grade when dating is permitted, it's helpful to think about a teenager's decision-making and their level of maturity and responsibility. Many younger teenagers 'date' in ways that don't look much like traditional dating - they might spend time together in a larger group, or (especially with younger teens) they might be 'dating' without really having much one-on-one contact at all."

That said, if you're the parent of a teen who has started seriously dating, there's not much you can do to prevent this - regardless of their age - as Nina explains. She says, "If your teenager wants to experiment with dating and physical intimacy, they will have ample opportunity to do so and you will be hard pushed to prevent it."

Nina advises working to establish mutual trust, respect and powerful communication strategies. She says that these aspects of your relationship with your teen will put you in a much stronger position to explore the world of dating with them, including what it means to them, what their friends are doing, and the difference between what dating looks like in the mass media and ‘real dating’.

"From here, you can explore together what they want, and you can guide them to where you feel comfortable too," adds Nina.

What can I expect when my teenager starts dating?

Depending on the nature of your relationship with your teenager, they may not reveal to you that they are dating right away, or, alternatively, they might be excited and want to tell you all about it.

Dr Cordiano says, "While this isn't true for every family, you might also expect some resistance from your teenager in talking about their dating life. That's okay - it's still important to have the conversations (just keep them short)."

Meanwhile, Nina says that if your teen is reluctant to tell you about their romantic life, it will "likely be rooted in embarrassment or fear or reprimand". However, she adds, "If you have strong communication and can put yourself in your teenager’s shoes, you will be better equipped to overcome either situation."

Remember that your teen's dating life might look a little different to what we picture as traditional dating if they are in early adolescence.

How can I make sure my teen is safe when they start dating?

For many parents, their first concern when they find out their teen is dating will be whether they are safe. The only way to put your mind at ease is to talk to your teen, but these conversations can feel awkward.

Dr Cordiano suggests "getting in front of the awkwardness" by saying something like: 'Listen, I know this isn't a conversation you're dying to have, but it's important to me that we talk through some things now that you're dating. I promise to keep this short.'

Meanwhile, Nina explains, "One of the most important safety issues to address is boundaries; what are boundaries and how does your teenager stay true to their boundaries?" She adds that the most effective boundaries come when your teenager has a sense of their self-value and worth, so this is the first thing to explore with them.

Dr Cordiano adds that it may seem like your teen isn't listening when you have these conversations, but they will be taking in what you say, so it's important to relay guidelines and expectations around issues such as where your teenager is permitted to go and with whom, consent for romantic and sexual behaviours, and what you want them to do if a relationship starts to make them feel uncomfortable in any way.

Nina says that ultimately it all comes back to the respect, trust and strong communication you have hopefully built into your relationship with your teen. She explains, "You will not be able to have meaningful conversations with your teenager if you have not created a safe and valued space of positive communication. This is where you start and this should start when they are young children, but starting now is better than never."

What questions should I ask my teenager when they start dating?

It's natural to want to know the details about your teen's relationship, but asking too many questions could put their back up, and discourage them from offering up the information themselves.

As Nina says, "Unless you have already established good communication channels with your teenager, then asking questions will be fruitless as they may just refuse to respond to you or tell you what you want to hear. They may also interpret your questions as you trying to find fault, or invading their privacy."

Our experts advised that asking open-ended questions and avoiding being too direct is the best route to take. Asking your teenager about how they feel in their relationship, or how the person they're with makes them feel, is a good place to start.

• "It seems like you're in a good mood when you come home from [name]'s house - what makes you feel good about spending time with them?"
• "How are things with [name]?"
• "How do you feel when you are with [name]?"

Dr Tori explains that, for girls in particular, centring their own experiences and preferences is an important part of learning to cultivate healthy, fulfilling relationships. Asking them these questions communicates that their own feelings should be an essential part of their romantic life.

We spoke to the following experts:

Elsewhere, this is the real reason your teenager is sleeping in late, and if your teen never takes your advice, here's how to make yourself heard. Meanwhile, research has shown that your favourite TV show could influence your teen's future career.

The 10 most inspiring TV shows for teenagers have been revealed, and you could use your telly time to strike up a career talk too.

Even if you've been using different ways to save money for your child's future, as they get older your kids will start looking for ways to make money as a teenager and, one day, they'll get a job and a career of their own. And with recent research showing that 14-year-olds are most open to life-changing advice, it's no wonder that so many young people have ambitions to become athletes or pop stars - that's what they see on TV, after all.

New research found that 60 per cent of teens say they are inspired by careers they see portrayed in TV shows, but you might be surprised by the series that have motivated them most. The study from the Skills for Life campaign - which helps young people and their parents explore education and training choices - found that favourites such as The Great British Bake Off, Grey’s Anatomy, and Stranger Things all feature in the top 10 TV shows for 14 – 19 year olds when it comes to inspiring their career choices.

Top 10 TV shows that inspire teenagers' career choices

1. The Great British Bake Off 
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. MasterChef
4. The Big Bang Theory
5. Stranger Things
6. Suits
7. Life on our Planet
8. Glow Up
9. The Repair Shop
10. The Last of Us

Elsewhere, the campaign spoke to Ginnie, 25, who was inspired by Silent Witness to kickstart her career in forensics, and Kate, 20, whose favourite film was Matilda and saw Miss Honey as her role model - she’s now on her way to becoming a teacher.

The findings come as the Skills for Life campaign is encouraging parents and teens to capitalise on TV time together as a way of prompting conversations about the many routes into these inspiring careers.

More than half of parents surveyed admitted to putting off bigger life conversations with their teen if the moment wasn’t right, but it seemed that inspiration created by what's on TV could help. 30 per cent of parents admit to taking the opportunity to cover more serious topics while watching favourite TV shows with their teens.

The Department for Education’s Skills for Life campaign is encouraging parents and teens to make the most of time spent together watching their favourite shows and take the opportunity to strike up conversations about the full range of education and training choices available.

Young MasterChef judge and Michelin-trained chef, Poppy O’Toole, said, "I love the idea that my story, and involvement in shows such as Young MasterChef, might inspire others to explore careers they may have otherwise thought were off the table for them."

Chef Poppy adds, "I wish I knew about the many different education and training routes available to me when I was younger. After receiving a D in my food technology GCSE, I almost gave up on my dream of being a chef. But I’m so glad I didn’t! Fast forward a few years and I’m now Michelin-trained and living out my dream career. It just goes to show the importance of finding the best option for you and exploring some of the less traditional routes to getting the skills you need."

Meanwhile, careers adviser Hannah Grabham from National Careers Service says, “When it comes to careers and understanding of post-16 and post-18 education routes, parents are not expected to have all the answers. What’s most important is to be open to exploring all available routes, including those that may feel unfamiliar, in order to find the route that will best enable their child to succeed. 

"Technical education and training pathways, such as T Levels, apprenticeships, and Higher Technical Qualifications, for example, may feel less familiar than other academic routes. However, these courses offer great experience in their chosen sector. I’d recommend visiting the Skills for Life webpage, which is a fantastic resource for exploring education and training options that offer a great alternative to more traditional academic routes. Or, if you’d like to speak with someone directly, you can speak with a National Careers Service adviser free of charge."

In other news, a child psychologist explains why your teenager might be drawn to taking risks, and these are the five most important things you should talk to your teen about before they start dating. Elsewhere, we've unveiled the real reason why your teenager is sleeping late and here are six expert tips to help teen gamers sleep better.

A mental health expert has shared 5 tips for helping your child open up, and the signs they might be struggling to look out for.

5-11 February 2024 marks Children's Mental Health Week, and it's an opportunity for parents to teach emotional intelligence to their children. It can be a difficult topic to broach, but parents who are wondering why their teenager won't talk to them or have noticed that their child has become more withdrawn might find some reassurance from understanding how they're feeling.

This year, the theme of Place2Be’s official Children’s Mental Health Week is 'My Voice Matters', and is encouraging children and young people to use their voices and share what matters to them. With recent NHS data showing that 18 per cent of children aged seven to 16 years and more than a fifth of young people aged 17 to 24 years have a probable mental disorder, there's no better time to start the conversation.

With that in mind, Dr. Katy James, mental health clinical director at UK healthcare provider, Vita Health Group, has shared her advice for parents on how to help children and young people open up about their mental health. She has put together a quick guide for parents, which includes the common warning signs a child or young person may be struggling with their mental health, and advice on how to talk about it.

Dr. James explains, “It can be difficult to spot when a child needs support with mental health issues, and it can be tricky for young people to speak out about the challenges they're facing. So it’s really important that parents, caregivers and family members are able to recognise the signs that a child or young person may be struggling with their mental health, and they know ways to help them talk.”

Warning signs of mental health issues in children and young people

• Withdrawal – no longer doing the things they used to enjoy
• Significant changes in behaviour and mood
• Self-harming
• Changes to sleeping patterns
• Unexplained physical changes such as weight loss or weight gain
• A sudden, negative change in academic performance
• Isolation and withdrawal from social situations
• Refusal to attend school

Ways to help a child or young person talk about their mental health

“Talking isn’t always easy, but giving children and young people the space and opportunity to open up is one of the most helpful things we can do to support their wellbeing,” says Dr. James.

“It’s sometimes helpful for children and young people to talk whilst they are doing an activity. This can take the pressure off the child needing to make eye contact and makes the conversation feel much more natural and relaxed.”

Dr. James suggests that it could be helpful to try the following activities: 

• Cooking or baking
• Playing football
• Going for a walk
• Being creative - drawing, painting or arts and crafts
• Going for a drive together

If you’re trying to discuss a tricky subject with a child or young person, Dr. James suggests parents and caregivers follow these five general principles:

1. Help them to feel safe and comfortable
2. Show that you’re listening and hearing what they’re saying
3. Allow them to set their own pace and be patient
4. Avoid displaying strong emotions and stay neutral
5. Stick to facts - it’s okay if you don’t know the answer, be honest

Dr. James adds, “When children and young people are struggling, it’s important they understand that they are not alone. If you think your child is showing signs that they are struggling with their mental health, contact your GP for support. They may recommend a referral to another service for assessment or support to help your child manage this. It could also be beneficial to reach out to your child’s school as they can often make referrals into mental health support services available to them via education networks and local authorities.”

Online support services available for parents and carers

• MindEd - MindEd is a free learning resource about the mental health of children, young people and older adults www.mindedforfamilies.org.uk
• Action for Children - Parent Talk is Action for Children’s online advice hub, providing expert articles on common parenting questions. There's also a live chat to connect directly to a qualified parenting coach www.actionforchildren.org.uk
• Anna Freud - Anna Freud is a mental health charity for children and families, offering advice and guidance for parents and carers to help them support a child or young person experiencing poor mental health www.annafreud.org

In related news, one in five 16–25-year-olds miss school or work due to poor mental health, while 'teen-ternity leave' is an increasingly popular option for parents of older kids. And if it feels like your teenager is tuning you out, they probably are, but research proves it’s not personal, just science.

A parenting expert has shared the five most important things they believe every parent should talk to their teenager about before they start dating and the tips will ensure they go into relationships with a healthy understanding of boundaries and a good eye for spotting any red flags. 

Sending a child out into the world when they reach teenage-hood can feel daunting. You've watched your child grow from a tiny newborn into their own person, hitting every milestone in their life under you watchful eye and now it's time for them to go out on their own - and knowing what to do when your teenager has started dating isn't easy.

We hope that our parenting style has prepared them for independence and that, despite constantly having to ask 'Are you even listening to me?' that they actually were and did take the, often unsolicited, advice we gave. But before they fly the nest or just head out of the house more often, one parenting expert has urged parents to have one very important conversation with their teens about dating that will ensure they can better identify red flags in their romantic relationships. 

“Red flags in relationships come in many forms,” Jillian Amodio, the founder of Mums For Mental Health, told She Knows. “Common red flags include love bombing, abuse of any kind, obsession, jealousy, pressure, lying, and manipulation.” 

By detailing these five red flags and making sure kids understand what they are and how they can manifest in relationships, Amodio hopes that parents can better prepare their kids for healthier relationships. But before you can speak to you teen about the red flags, you need to understand what they are yourself. 

“If a partner is easily angered or triggered, regularly behaves in abusive or erratic ways, or engages in behaviour that is manipulative and disrespectful, only to be followed by lavish displays of affection, professions of love, profuse apologies, and gifts that’s called love bombing," she explains. As this behaviour can often be overlooked due look gaslighting or can even be romanticised due to the lavish displays of love that follow the abuse, highlighting this issue is especially important.

Of the second common red flag, obsession, Amodio says, "Obsession is sometimes cleverly disguised as immense love and flattery, but if it feels like too much, it probably is. Relationships should be built on trust, and each person in the relationship should also feel like they have the freedom to exist as an individual as well."

Obsession plays into the third red flag teens need to be on the lookout for, jealousy. “Sometimes this can be managed with open communication, and sometimes it is remedied with maturity, however, jealousy can quickly become a big problem."

A more obvious red flag that parents may more clearly notice is going on in a relationship their teen is having, is a partner preventing them from having their own interests. “Your teen should not be discouraged from pursuing dreams (such as attending a different school than your partner), hobbies, or interests just because their partner doesn’t like them or doesn’t want them to," Amodio explains. 

The fifth and likely most difficult red flag to talk about is boundaries and how to know when yours are being crossed. “This can be anything from holding hands and kissing, to saying I love you, having sex, going to someone’s house, attending a party, or engaging in risky behaviours such as alcohol and drug use,” Amodio says. 

When speaking with your child about this, it's vital to remind them that they shouldn't be afraid to use their voice. Amodio recommends telling them something like, “You have the right to say no to anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, and your voice should be respected without pushback. A partner should never try to guilt, coerce, shame, force, pressure, or convince you to do something that you are not ready for, do not like, or that makes you uncomfortable in any way.

“If you say yes to something once, twice, or a thousand times, and then decide that you don’t want to do that anymore, you have every right to change your mind."

Learn more about parenting teenagers with our family news that features coverage like Calling all parents of teens – this acronym might save your sanity (and you’re going to want to tell your friends about it), ‘What worries me about becoming a teenager…’ – watch this insightful video from a kid on what he’s dreading about growing up (no, you’re crying), and How to respond when your kid says ‘I hate you’ – and 3 ways to understand how they’re really feeling. 

As wise and well-meaning parents, it’s our instinct (and kind of prerogative) to offer some sage advice to counter the dilemmas our kids face on a regular basis. 

Sure, research has found that 14-year-olds are most open to life-changing advice, but getting them to actually take on board what you’ve said is easier said than done, especially when you feel as though your teenager is tuning you out. If this sounds close to home, we have some news for you.

A new study published in the Emerging Adulthood (EA) journal has found a tactic that’s going to encourage your teen to not only listen to your well-intentioned advice, but to actually take it on board. Involving a diverse range of 194 ‘emerging adults’, the researchers from the University of California, Riverside, asked participants to recall a time when their parents offered them advice to help them regulate their emotions – in other words, cope with how they’re feeling about a problem.

The study group was then asked to fill in a survey asking whether they thought the interjection from their parents was helpful, and if it regulated their emotions as intended. Lastly, the researchers asked if the teenagers were the ones to reach out and ask for their advice, and whether they thought their parents were supporting their independence.  

Essentially, the study found that teens are in fact open to unsolicited advice from their parents, but only if the parents respect their independence and trust them to make their own choices. If teens sense a lack of trust, the advice comes off as insincere or unhelpful. 

Madeline Newman, the first author for the journal paper, told UCR News: "If youth feel like their parents don't 'get them' or 'understand them,' it's possible that youth conclude that the parental advice does not apply to them. Emerging adulthood is a special time of the lifespan, when there are new opportunities for freedom and decision-making, but still lots of ties to family of origin. So the way parents support their youth during this transitional phase will set the stage for later adulthood.”

3 tips to offer advice to your teenager (without annoying them) 

1. Timing is key: Choose a time when they’re not deep into a Netflix series or furiously texting in the group chat. A casual, relaxed setting might just make your golden nuggets of wisdom more palatable.
2. Be sensitive and tactful: Instead of dropping advice unexpectedly, try approaching it like a friendly suggestion. Share personal experiences, slip in some humour and make it feel like you’re on their team rather than a university lecturer.
3. Listen first, advise second: Resist the urge to jump in with solutions straight away. Let your teen spill their thoughts and feelings first. Being a good listener not only earns you brownie points but may also allow your advice to actually be considered, rather than ignored.

We know it's hard, but trying to embrace your teens’ need for independence, rather than resisting it, could be the solution to making yourself heard.

In other family news, we've asked the experts what to expect when your teenager has started dating. Elsewhere, these are the 15 'life-saving' questions to ask your child if they’re online gaming and a new survey shows teens disrupt sleep just as much as toddlers do.

One in five young adults reportedly struggled with poor mental health, so much so that they missed school or work in the last year because of it, a new study has found.

The teenage years of child development are supposed to be among the hardest, so when young adults find themselves suffering from anxiety or depression, it can take its toll. A kid shared his teenager worries in a heartfelt video earlier this week, and if you're a parent of teens, you might have already asked yourself 'Why won’t my teenager talk to me anymore?' as you try and fathom out what's wrong.

The Prince’s Trust helps tens of thousands of young people each year to build the confidence and skills they need to realise their potential. Three in four young people on Prince’s Trust programmes move into work, education or training. 

A recent survey carried out by The Prince's Trust NatWest Youth Index 2024 discovered that 18 per cent of youngsters did not apply for jobs because of a mental health issue. In addition, they (21 per cent) admitted that their mental health worsened in the last year.

But that's not all, young people's happiness with work, education, qualifications and money has hit an all-time low since polling began in 2009. The YouGov survey of 2,239 adults between November 23 and December 14, showed one-fifth (21 per cent) missed school or work in the past year due to their mental health.

Jonathan Townsend, UK chief executive of The Prince’s Trust said: “This year’s report shows that rising rates of poor mental health are significantly impacting young people’s education and early careers. This is leading to a vicious cycle where poor mental health is having a negative impact on young people’s work, yet being unemployed has a negative impact on their wellbeing – this is a deeply concerning trap.

“We must work together to address this trap, where poor mental health and employment struggles exacerbate each other or risk it closing in on a generation. Urgent support is needed from partners, governments and employers, to help young people break this cycle.”

Meanwhile, the study also showed more than a quarter of those questioned (29 per cent) said they worried their current employer would not support them if they experienced a mental health problem, and one in ten unemployed young people had left work in the past 12 months because of a mental health issue.

Sandi Royden, head of Youth and families at Natwest, said, "These findings show that we should not underestimate the impact the pandemic and cost-of-living crisis have had on the daily lives of our young people, their financial confidence and their future aspirations. They also highlight the resilience of the next generation with so many feeling determined to achieve their goals in the face of these challenges.

She added, "Through our partnership with The Prince’s Trust, we are able to better understand the needs of young people and take the right action through initiatives like NatWest Thrive, to help them to improve both their financial well-being and future confidence, to better equip them to achieve their goals."

In other family news, calling all parents of teens – this acronym might save your sanity (and you’re going to want to tell your friends about it) and Puberty in girls and boys: How to help your kids deal with puberty

With more young people gaming than ever before, it's no surprise that parents are looking for ways to engage with their children. An expert has shared three 'life-saving' questions parents should ask their children if they're online gaming and five tips to help keep them safe online.

Paw Patrol is one of the 10 kids' apps that are 'spying' on users with parents even more concerned about ways of keeping kids safe online while trying to find ways of reducing screen time. But it can often feel like a losing battle, however, don't fear, as there's another way you can protect your child - and it doesn't involve locking up their devices.

Around 2.38 million game consoles were sold in the UK during 2023 - almost a 10 per cent increase on the previous year - with 88 per cent of young adults (aged 16-24) reported to play video games and 29 per cent of those playing online with people they don’t know outside of the Internet.

However, children are now getting into gaming from a younger age, with a reported 91 per cent of children (aged three to 15) playing video games, so online safety has never been more important. Communication platforms like Discord can connect you with anyone from all over the world, and clicking a link alone can result in personal information being harvested, leading to financial loss, or even identity theft. And let's not forget the increased exposure to threats including malware, trojans, and viruses.

Cyber safety experts at Norton, have given us their top five tips and the questions parents should be asking their kids, to open up the conversation and game safely online, and #2 could actually save a life.

5 tips for ensuring safer online gaming

1. Understand the Games

Get to know the games your children are playing. Not all games pose the same risks, and some may have built-in safety features, so be aware of the game's content and the potential risks associated with it.

Questions to ask: Are there loot boxes which require real money to be spent for cosmetics or upgrades in-game? Do hacks or cheats exist for the game?

2. Open Communication

Be an encouraging, listening ear. Initiate conversations about online safety where relevant and discuss the importance of keeping personal information private, especially when interacting with strangers online.

Questions to ask: What kinds of things do you usually talk about? Have you ever been asked any personal questions, like where you go to school, or how old you are? Did you know that anything you share on the Internet stays there forever?  

3. Use Parental Controls

Get yourself some built-in backup. Take advantage of parental controls These can help monitor and limit online interactions, as well as manage screen time. Norton has a specialised version of their 360 software, which was designed with gamers in mind. With the addition of Dark Web Monitoring, you’ll be able to check if your child’s Gamertag, usernames and/or email address are compromised.

Questions to ask: How do you feel about the screen time limits we’ve set? Do you think they’re fair, or should we discuss adjusting it? Do you understand why it’s important to keep your personal information, like your full name, address, and school, safe?

4. Stay Updated

The gaming industry is ever-evolving, and so are the potential risks associated with it. Stay alert to current trends and updates in the gaming world. This can include new game releases, updates (also called “patches”) to existing games, and changes in online community guidelines.

Questions to ask: Do you watch any streamers? What games are popular among your friends right now? Is there a new game you’re interested in?

5. Promote Healthy Gaming Habits

Let’s not condemn our budding gamers for having an indoor hobby. Encourage a balance between gaming and other activities and set limits on gaming time to prevent too much play. Do encourage participation in other hobbies and physical activities. Help your children to utilise the skills they may learn from playing online games in real life. GoodtoKnow recently reported gameshow host Stephen Mulhern on why board games are better than computer games (and how you can get your kids to make the swap)

Questions to ask: What have you learned from your time gaming today? Did you play in a team? Did you go through anything challenging? Was any part of it frustrating?

Awareness and understanding of the risks of gaming are key to ensuring a safe and enjoyable gaming environment for children in the new year, without taking away from their experience.

In other family news, want your teen gamer to sleep better? Here are 6 expert tips to ensure the screen isn’t keeping them awake all night (and #3 is so worth it) and 'Are you even listening to me?' If it feels like your teenager is tuning you out, they probably are, but research proves it’s not personal, just science.

Kids are great at pushing buttons and will no doubt cross the line at some point, but it turns out there’s more to their rudeness than just being defiant or answering back.

If your inability to stop yelling at your kid when they’re being rude to you just ends with your leg in the mum guilt trap, let us put your mind at ease. One of the main culprits of the ‘I’m not going to school!’ argument or bedtime battle is most likely down to where they’re at in the child development stages, so with the constant back-and-forth, the behaviour continues and your tolerance gets chipped away.  

The good news is, when we teach kids how to problem solve or express frustration in a healthy way, you can reduce rudeness and make meaningful, lasting change at home. Clinical psychologist and parenting expert Dr Becky Kennedy shares three reasons why your kid is being rude to you and her top tips to stop the cycle.

3 reasons why kids are rude to parents

1. Disconnection

It turns out that adults crave attention as well as kids, so when we experience a lack of it, we feel disconnected and have a tendency to increase conflict – sound familiar? Dr Becky, who is also a number one New York Times best-selling author for her book Good Inside (£14.99, Amazon), explains: "Disconnection is the same reason why we're rude to adults in our life – we want more positive attention; we want them to listen and understand instead of judge, and so rudeness is a sign that we’re looking to be more connected."

2. Lack of skills

Kids aren't just mini adults – yes, they might be born with a full range of emotions but they lack the skills to effectively manage them. "Kids are rude when they’re disappointed or they’re angry and they don’t yet have the skills to manage those feelings so they explode out as rudeness," says mum-of-three Dr Becky.

3. Children always want their feelings to be heard and believed

Acknowledging your kid's feelings goes a long way, and by demonstrating how they can say their thoughts out loud will help with their emotional development. "All of us will escalate the expression of our feelings if we are met with invalidation or minimisation, so the more you hear out and believe your kid’s feelings the less often they’ll be rude," concludes Dr Becky.

So, the next time you're about to react to your child being rude, Dr Becky's parenting truth could help: "Before we intervene, we have to understand."

For more parenting tips, find out how to respond when your child says I hate you and discover 3 reasons why punishments don’t improve kids’ behaviour.

A new survey has revealed that teens disrupt their parents' sleep just as much as toddlers do (and, sorry, it gets worse the more children you have).

Parents will know that sleep is a luxury commodity once you have children. Dealing with lack of sleep becomes the norm and, when a full eight hours is no longer an option, working out how to look less tired replaces taking measures to actually be less tired because, let's face it, you're probably going to feel exhausted either way.

But if you know how much sleep teenagers need, then you might expect to get a couple more hours of shut-eye once your kids get a bit older, given that teens actually need more sleep than younger children. Unfortunately, research has shown that you can expect just as many sleepless nights as a parent of a teen as when your kids were toddlers.

According to a survey conducted by Expert Reviews, parents who have teenagers struggle as much with their sleep as those with children under four. They found that 60 per cent of parents and guardians of toddlers say they are not getting enough sleep - and 60 per cent of parents with kids aged 17-18 felt the same.

In addition, the survey found that 51 per cent of parents get less than seven hours of sleep, compared to 39 per cent of adults without children. Meanwhile, 44 per cent of adults with one child or less in their household get less than seven hours of sleep, compared to 55 per cent of adults with more than three children living with them. 

So, contrary to the expectation that a parent's sleep improves as their children grow up, Expert Reviews' survey reveals that parents continue to struggle with sleep, no matter how old their children are. 

That said, there was a slight improvement in sleep for parents once their children turned 18, as 52 per cent of parents with children over 18 say that they do not get enough sleep, compared to 54 per cent of parents with children under 18. But just 44 per cent of people without children agreed. 

Key survey findings

• 44 per cent of adults with 0 children said they get less than seven hours of sleep
• 44 per cent of adults with one child said they get less than seven hours of sleep
• 52 per cent of adults with two children said they get less than seven hours of sleep
• 55 per cent of adults with three children or more said they get less than seven hours of sleep

If your kids are disrupting your sleep, you might want to check out these expert tips on how to recover from a bad night's sleep and how to wake up in the morning too. We've also asked the experts how to get rid of dark circles - here are nine of the best eye creams that might help.

A video of a pre-teen boy discussing what he’s worried about growing up has struck a chord with many social media users.

The teenage years. We’ve all had to go through them, and for most of us, they weren’t always plain sailing. But now there’s another generation of teens coming through, and if you’re a parent of older children you’ve probably found yourself asking questions like ‘How much sleep do teenagers need’ and ‘Why won’t my teenager talk to me anymore?’

It’s a real minefield, for parents and children alike. And many of us have been able to resonate with this video of a young boy, who’s soon to become a teenager, talking about his worries growing up. Posted by the popular Humans of New York account, which features people from all walks of life talking about their lives and their thoughts, you can watch the video below. But be warned, it really hits home!

“What worries me most about being a teenager,” the boy begins, “Is that, after some time, friendships drift apart. It doesn’t always happen, but it does.”

He continues, “There’s also parts of my childhood that I just don’t want to let go of.” He mentions things like being able to fit in his favourite shoes and clothes, which he’s expecting to outgrow, and says that you’ll “lose everything” as you grow up. 

He finishes, “I just don’t want to let go, in general. I don’t want to let go of spending time with my parents, going to museums, going to everything. I mean, sure, I’ll continue. But then it’s gonna stop. At one point, it’s going to stop.

“I’m going to miss it a lot.”

One follower praised him, saying, “What a brilliant, compassionate child! He's going to do well.” Another urged him, “Don’t let go,” while one more warned, “Stop missing it in the moments you still have to live it!”

Another said, “Wow his awareness at his age is incredible but sad. Hope he enjoys being a kid and not worry too much about the future.”

In other family news, a parenting psychologist reveals three reasons why playing with your kid feels like a chore and science says kids with 'intense interest' in dinosaurs have higher intelligence.

It’s a tough pill to swallow when your sweet seven-year-old turns into a teenage tornado of attitude seemingly overnight. 

Big changes are happening during the child development stages up to their early teen years, with mood swings and eye-rolling being common characteristics of the first signs of puberty in boys and girls. Known as the ‘tween years’ (from around eight to 12), it’s a turbulent time for your kids (and you!) when they’re straddling between exploring a new personality and still needing the love and support from their parents.  

You’re also evolving through the mental, emotional, hormonal and social experience of motherhood (otherwise known as matrescence) which, you may have noticed, sounds pretty similar to adolescence. During both of these times, changes and hormonal shifts are causing a disruptive transformation in emotional experiences, making you question your sense of belonging in the world. So what do we do when our teen’s behaviour turns harsher than your blaring alarm on Monday morning? 

How to quit taking your teen's reactions personally

Parent educator Dr. Vanessa Lapointe appeared on the Women on Top podcast and explained that, when children are increasingly moving towards adulthood, they’re trying to figure out how to make their mark on the world and it’s our job as parents to not become afraid of their craving for independence and instead, suggests this helpful acronym. 

“Q-TIP stands for quit taking it personally. Your child’s reaction has nothing to do with you, it's about the final layer around adolescence and because they’re moving towards full independence as a grown up, they’re meant to step away and sometimes in order for the step away to happen, they have to push and you’re left as the parent to deal with your own attachment style while your kid is abandoning you.”

3 tips to embrace your teen’s need for independence 

1. Open communication: Create a space where your teen feels comfortable expressing themselves. Listen actively, ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in their thoughts. This builds trust and encourages them to share their desire for independence without fear of judgement. 
2. Negotiate boundaries: Instead of imposing strict rules, involve your teen in establishing guidelines together. Negotiate boundaries that respect their need for independence while ensuring safety and responsibility. This collaborative approach makes them feel empowered and respected.
3. Encourage decision-making: Support your teen in making their own choices and facing consequences. Whether it's picking extracurricular activities or managing their schedule, allowing them to make decisions helps build confidence and prepares them for the responsibilities of adulthood.

Discover why 'teen-ternity leave' is an increasingly popular option for parents of older kids and here are 7 quotes for teens from some of the most inspiring names in the UK. 

A Harvard-trained toxic-parenting researcher has revealed the one thing she no longer asks her kids when they come home from school and it's all to make sure they can talk to her about their achievements in a healthy way. 

Every milestone in a child's life is cause for celebration, whether it's their first steps, their first word, their first day of school, or a brilliant grade on an important test. 

It feels important to mark these big moments but one parenting expert has found that it might actually be harmful to do so. That's because by being overly-focused on your child’s achievements, you could also be subconsciously sending them a very harmful message - that their value as a person is contingent on their academic performance.

Award-winning journalist and parenting researcher Jennifer Breheny Wallace, who wrote the book Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It, says that by prioritising a child's academic achievements over their other qualities as a person is detrimental and her research into the stress it can cause for kids has led her to make a huge change to her own parenting style. 

"As much as you might worry about how your child fared on a big test, or if they earned a spot on a varsity sports team, you risk compounding your teen’s anxiety by asking probing questions as soon as they walk in the door," she told CNBC News.

"Achievement culture is becoming toxic. What I mean by that is: When our sense of self is tangled up in our achievements, we can’t separate ourselves — our inherent worth — from our external achievements or external failures.”

It's not just Wallace who has uncovered this. Research by Erica Komisar, a clinical social worker, psychoanalyst and parenting expert, also revealed that many parents today are pushing their children too hard and creating more anxiety for them as they fail to separate academic achievements from their worth as a person.

So what did Wallace do? She didn't stop pushing her children to do well, or stop asking about how that big test went. She simply just reframed her questions and learnt to talk to her kids about their achievements in a healthier way.

“When my kids come in the door, instead of asking them, ‘How’d you do on the Spanish quiz?’ — which I used to do before I wrote the book — I now ask them, ‘What did you have for lunch?’” says Wallace. “I lead with lunch. I talk about things that have nothing to do with their achievements.

“Guess what? My kids are going to tell me. It’s on their minds,” she says. “They don’t have to think that I’ve been worrying all day about one Spanish quiz. Instead, they should be getting the messaging from me that I care about them as a whole person.”

One specific tip that Wallace picked up from a psychologist she interviewed for her book is to try and limit potentially stressful conversations with your kids about their academic performance to just 'one hour over the weekend.' While you're talking to them, look out for subtle ways your child expresses anxiety that you might have missed so you can know when you're pushing them too far and, if it gets too much, try out these simple and effective ways to manage stress. 

If your teenager is obsessed with gaming and is struggling to get a decent night's sleep then these six expert tips will help them develop healthy sleep habits.

Controlling screen time can be a real struggle when you have kids, so don't feel like a failure if you've tried these TikTok parenting trends around gaming but still can't get your teenager out of bed in the morning and concerned about how much sleep teenagers need.

Children who play video games are more likely to experience difficulty falling asleep than those who avoid them, according to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent health. This, combined with insight from the Sleep Foundation, which highlights the negative impact prolonged sleep loss can have on a teen’s emotional development, means parents of game-loving teens may quickly be concerned about their child’s sleep quality.

It's not that screens are the enemy, it can just be tricky knowing how to reduce your kid's screen time, especially when it feels like your teenager is tuning you out.

However, Dr. Hana Patel, a resident sleep expert at Time4Sleep, has shared her six tips for helping adolescent games get better quality sleep as she urges parents to encourage healthy sleep habits...

1. Enforce regular, active breaks

Dr. Patel says: “You’ve probably heard this one before, but for a very good reason; giving yourself a break from the screen is vital to keeping yourself healthy. Ideally, you want to be enforcing breaks from gaming at least once an hour. This will ensure your child’s brain can rest and doesn’t become too overstimulated before bed.”

“If you can, try to encourage active breaks such as kicking a football around or going for a walk. These activities will help your child become less sedentary and will make sure they are tired enough to sleep at a reasonable time. A standing desk might be another option to consider if you think your child would benefit from a more active lifestyle.”

2. Make sure consoles are shut off at least an hour before bedtime

“Ideally you want to leave a full hour between gaming and sleep, but even half an hour will make a difference" advises Dr. Patel. "This is crucial as your brain needs time away from strong light sources before it can begin its rest cycle. Aim to switch consoles off at a consistent time every night so that kids understand that they can’t push this particular boundary and can sleep when bedtime comes around.”

3. Confine consoles to communal areas

“On a similar note, try to avoid allowing video games in the bedroom if you can, as this can cause the brain to associate sleeping areas with pleasure rather than rest," Dr. Patel warns. "This means that every time your child enters their bedroom their brain primes itself for stimulating activities, making it harder for them to fall asleep. Instead, keep computers and other devices in communal areas only, such as living or office spaces.”

4. Restrict access to caffeinated drinks or sugary snacks

Dr. Patel says: “Too much caffeine or sugar can have a significant impact on your sleep quality. While it is common for teens to use energy drinks to keep them alert while gaming, this can have detrimental effects on their health.”

“A good rule of thumb is to avoid children’s access to overly sugary or caffeine-heavy products after noon, or latest by mid-afternoon. One way to do this might be to use sugar or caffeine-free alternatives that still fill that sweet craving. Allowing your child time to digest these compounds will give them enough time to fully relax before their head hits the pillow.”

5. Show kids how much time they are losing to gaming

“Depending on the age of your child, and the quantity of video games they play, you may be able to get them to see your point of view" Dr. Patel advises.

“Consider adding up the hours they spend playing video games and show them exactly how much time they could be spending on other activities they may enjoy. If you explain what they could be missing out on, you might find they are willing to make a compromise.”

6. Consider help from a specialist

“For some kids, video game addiction can have a serious impact on their general wellbeing and attitude towards life. The World Health Organisation has recently classified gaming disorder as a mental health condition for the first time, meaning more and more health providers are starting to provide the necessary treatment.”

Dr. Patel explains: “If your child struggles to control how often they play video games, games up to fourteen hours a day or more, or becomes violent or avoidant as a result of their gaming habits, it may be helpful to seek specialist therapy.”

In other family news, “I won't let you” – child psychotherapist Dr Becky reveals why these four words are “better” than empty threats and here's one thing you might want to avoid doing with your kids as it can cause them anxiety, according to a psychoanalyst.

Is your teenager always taking risks and you've always wondered why? Experts unpick what is more likely to cause them to do something they wouldn't usually do, and you might be surprised by the motivation.

Parents of teenagers will often wonder what to expect when their teenager has started dating or how much sleep teenagers need - and they'll be shocked to learn that the real reason they're sleeping in isn't because they're lazy. If this sounds like your experience of parenting teens then there's another stereotypical behaviour that you might want to explore, and that's why your teenager is always taking risks.

Whether it's jumping off a rock face into the sea on holiday, your teen trying vaping, or trying to climb over walls like a stunt double, you might wonder why they are taking a chance without considering the consequences.

Child psychologist Dr Jane Gilmour, explains why teens are more likely to take risks and under what circumstances, during an interview on BBC Radio 4.

"Young people are drawn towards novelty and risk and that effect is particular to young people under the age of 25, so for example, there's a chap called Laurence Steinberg who showed that if young people believe that their peers were around, whether they were actually or not, they were much more likely to take risks in a driving game in this context but that effect didn't occur for older adults."

And if you're wondering why, Dr Gilmour said, "It's all about brain state. Teenage brains thrive on reward (something worth remembering when you are managing teen behaviour at home or school). Taking a risk (even if it’s dangerous) which has the potential to win praise from peers is intoxicating for a young brain."

And for parents wanting to know what they can do about it, Dr Gilmour advised parents to consider, "The next time your teen is going to a party… remember the teen you are talking to at home in a calm environment (before the party) can weigh up risk and engage in your discussion… but that calm brain is in a different state to ‘the party brain’ – THAT brain is surrounded by peers and is less able to reason. Knowledge is power – so talk about it with your teen…"

According to NHS website, parents should speak to teenagers by "Assuming they have a good reason for doing what they do. Show them you respect their intelligence and are curious about the choices they've made. If you do not pre-judge their behaviour as "stupid" or "wrong", they're more likely to open up and explain why their actions made sense to them."

For instance, Instead of trying to be the expert on your teenager's life, try to help them think for themselves by discussing the potential implications of poor behaviour choices. For example, "How does smoking weed make you feel the next day? So, if you feel like that, how's that going to affect you playing football?"

Help them think critically about what they see and hear. "So Paul said X: is that what you think?" Help them feel that they can deal with life's challenges. Remind them of what they're good at and what you like about them. This will give them confidence in other areas of their lives.

Remember that information is empowering. Point them towards websites that can give them information on drugs, sex and smoking so they can read the facts and make up their minds. Help them think of ways they can respond and cope. "So, when you feel like that, is there anything you can do to make yourself feel better?"

And finally, encourage them to think through the pros and cons of their behaviour.

What your teens need to know

If you're trying to encourage your teen to be responsible while out with their friends, then it's worth making sure they have a clear understanding of safety aspects that could impact their lives. And if you don't know where to start, Safekids has a set of safety guides for parents with teenagers covering a wide range of topics that they believe a teenager should have an understanding of. How many of them does your teenager know? If you teach them some, it might just save a life...

• Bike Safety
• Boating Safety
• Burn Prevention
• Carbon Monoxide Prevention
• Falls Prevention
• Fire Safety
• Getting Ready to Drive
• Gun Safety
• Medication Safety
• Pedestrian Safety
• Poison Prevention
• Skating and Skateboarding Safety
• Sports Safety
• Swimming Safety
• Teen Drivers
• Water Safety

In other family news, parents say support from their potential employer is important, new research reveals – is your work doing enough? and it's great news for parents – kids who fight with their siblings will fare better in life, according to science.

Children can exhibit mean behaviour in a number of ways, but more often than not, kids reverting to meanness is a pretty natural part of their development. 

Raising kind kids is probably one of your top priorities as a parent, so it can be uncomfortable to hear – or see – that your child is displaying different types of bullying at school, and it can be even more concerning if cyberbullying is added to the equation.

Firstly, we want you to know that you won't be the only parent going through this, and actually, kids can act out by name-calling or excluding other kids because they’re still navigating the social dilemmas and situations of playground drama – and don't know how else to handle it.

Psychologist Dr Alicia del Prado and author of It’s Time To Talk (And Listen) appeared on the CBS/KPIX morning show to talk about how to handle your child demonstrating mean behaviour. Firstly, she said it's important to come from a place of compassion to help parents effectively address their child's misbehaviour: "Underneath the mean attitude and actions are often complicated feelings of anger, helplessness, loneliness, sadness, and struggle," she points out.

“By understanding the reasons your child is being mean, you will have the knowledge to help them change their behaviour. Don't vilify your child, but also don't be in denial about what they are doing. Show them unconditional love and let them know you are there for them, while also pointing out what is incorrect and needs to be fixed. Think about your own experiences with "mean" behaviour. Your self-awareness about your own history will help you be able to communicate authentically as your children navigate what is happening with them.”

5 tips to handle a 'mean girl' situation

1. Avoid vilification: Instead of vilifying your child for displaying “mean behaviour”, seek to understand their experiences and emotions.
2. Open communication: Encourage open communication about instances of “mean” behaviour to create a safe space for your child to express themselves.
3. Foster empathy: Focus on fostering empathy in your child rather than resorting to punitive measures. Help them to understand the impact of their actions on others.
4. Teach emotional regulation: Guide your child in developing emotional regulation skills, helping them navigate complex feelings and respond to situations with empathy.
5. Model kindness: Set an example by modelling kindness and positive behaviour, reinforcing the values you want your child to embrace.

Overall, Dr Alicia would encourage you to advocate for a compassionate and understanding approach to help shape your child's behaviour positively but just know, you're doing a great job.

If your child is having a hard time at school, we’ve found some of the best books on bullying for them and you, and try some of these kindness activities for kids to boost their mental health.

We've asked the experts to explain how much sleep teenagers need, so you can help your children get the right amount of shut-eye.

You might know how much sleep you need (though, as a parent, you're lucky if you get it) and remember your newborn's sleep schedule like the back of your hand, but working out how much sleep your teenager needs is a whole new challenge. Sure, you no longer have to worry about your baby waking at 5am, but teenagers have a tendency to stay up until the small hours, leaving them groggy in the morning before school. It might not make sense to you, but actually, there's a reason why so many young people have this sleep pattern.

Dr Lindsay Browning, psychologist, neuroscientist and sleep expert at And So To Bed, explains, "Teenagers often get much less sleep than they need. This may be because they have far too many distractions such as phones or TV, overscheduled daily routines, and sometimes little supervision. Also, important changes happen to teenagers' circadian rhythm, making them more likely to have sleep loss."

We've spoken to Dr Lindsay and other sleep experts to find out exactly how much sleep teenagers need, as well as some top tips to help your teen get the right amount of shut-eye.

How much sleep do teenagers need?

Dr Lindsay Browning advises that teenagers need between eight and 10 hours of sleep each night. NHS GP and Time4Sleep sleep expert Dr Hana Patel agrees: "Sleep research suggests that a teenager needs between eight and 10 hours of sleep every night, so slightly more than an adult or younger child requires."

She adds, "Anything over eight to 10 hours of sleep for teens could be considered excessive and may cause daytime sleepiness, which can negatively affect interpersonal relationships, extracurricular activities, general health and, for older teens, driving too." However, most adolescents only get about 6.5 to 7.5 hours of sleep per night, and some get even less, explains Dr Hana. Between school, homework, extracurricular activities and, for some, a part-time job too, teenagers are stretched pretty thin, so it's not surprising they need a lot of sleep. But there are actually several developmental reasons why teenagers need more sleep than other age groups.

Why is sleep important for teenagers?

Teenagers need plenty of sleep in order to support their rapid physical, intellectual, and emotional development during this stage in their life. Max Kirsten, resident sleep expert for Panda London, explains some of the reasons why adequate sleep is crucial for teenagers:

• Physical growth and development: During adolescence, teenagers experience significant physical growth and development, and sleep is essential for the release of growth hormones.
• Cognitive functioning: Sleep is crucial for cognitive functions such as memory consolidation, problem-solving, and overall mental alertness. Lack of sleep can affect concentration and academic performance.
• Emotional wellbeing: Adequate sleep is linked to emotional regulation and mood stability. Insufficient sleep can contribute to irritability, mood swings, and an increased risk of developing mental health issues.
• Immune system support: Sleep plays a vital role in supporting the immune system, helping the body fight off illnesses and infections.

If you're worried your teenager is getting too little or too much sleep, Dr Hana shares some of the signs and symptoms: difficulty concentrating, hyperactivity, mood and behavioural problems, fatigue and metabolic changes like rapid weight gain and diabetes. Sometimes teens may also complain of symptoms like headaches and migraines. 

What time should teenagers go to bed?

Teenagers don't necessarily need a strict bedtime, as long as they're getting enough sleep. What time they should head off to bed depends on their lifestyle, including what time they need to get up in the morning. As sleep expert Max explains: "The optimal bedtime for teenagers can vary based on individual needs and lifestyle factors, but generally teenagers should aim to go to bed early enough to get the recommended eight to 10 hours of sleep before waking up for school or other commitments."

This means that if your teen has to get up at 7.30am to make it to school on time, they should be in bed by 11.30pm at the latest, which is eight hours beforehand. However, it's not quite so straightforward, as psychologist and neuroscientist Dr Lindsay explains: "When children reach their teenage years, their circadian rhythm (which is their internal 24-hour clock) starts to change to move later. This change makes them produce melatonin (the sleep hormone) later than in younger children and in adults," she says.

"This is why teenagers can be perceived as 'lazy' when they sleep in until noon. In teenagers, their circadian rhythm actually changes to make them want to go to bed much later (which is why they may want to stay up until say one or 2am) and then, they may sleep in until 10 or 11am to get enough sleep."

Unfortunately, the school system doesn't cater to teens' biological clocks, because it doesn't allow them to lie in during the morning. And sleeping in late at the weekends isn't the solution either, as Dr Lindsay explains: "If teens are allowed to catch up on sleep and have a long lie-in at the weekend, then their circadian rhythm will struggle to shift earlier to help them fall asleep and wake up in a reasonable time for school come Monday morning. It's similar to jet lag: if they sleep in at the weekend then their circadian rhythm will stay in the later time zone for the school week."

How to help you teenager get more sleep

Given that teenagers' circadian rhythms make it difficult for them to get an adequate amount of sleep, you're probably wondering what you can do to help your child stay well rested. Dr Lindsay Browning says, "It is really important therefore that teenagers do things to offset the natural trend towards a later bedtime and later wake time."

Luckily, Max Kirsten has shared some top tips:

• Establish a consistent sleep schedule: Encourage your teenager to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Consistency helps regulate the body's internal clock, making it easier to fall asleep and wake up naturally.
• Limit screen time before bed: Discourage the use of electronic devices (phones, tablets, computers) at least an hour before bedtime. The blue light emitted by screens can interfere with the production of the sleep hormone melatonin, making it harder to fall asleep.
• Create a relaxing bedtime routine: Establish a calming routine before bedtime, such as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or practising relaxation techniques. This signals to the body that it's time to wind down and prepares it for sleep.
• Avoid stimulants: Discourage the consumption of caffeinated beverages in the afternoon and evening – stimulants like caffeine can interfere with the ability to fall asleep and stay asleep.
• Limit naps and nap timing: If your teenager needs to nap, encourage short naps (20-30 minutes) earlier in the day, as long or late-afternoon naps can disrupt nighttime sleep.
• Create a comfortable sleep environment: Ensure the bedroom is dark, quiet, and cool for optimal sleep conditions. Comfortable bedding and a supportive mattress can also contribute to better sleep quality.
• Encourage physical activity: Regular exercise can promote better sleep, but note that it's essential to finish exercising a few hours before bedtime.

Dr Lindsay suggests getting bright light exposure early on in the day as another tip, so opening the curtains as soon as they're up and walking to school (if you live close enough) can also help. She also says that teens who struggle to sleep should cut out or drink less caffeine. "Caffeine has an average half-life of about six hours, meaning teens should ideally stop consuming it at least six hours before bedtime," she explains.

We spoke to the following experts:

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Mums of teenagers will be familiar with this scenario: you’re trying to have a conversation with your son or daughter and you just know that nothing is going in. 

We hear you – parenting teens is like driving without a roadmap, and even when you’ve vowed to stick to your New Year’s resolution to improve the parent-teen relationship, it can still feel like you’re getting nowhere. You might find that this problem is at its worst when you ask your teen to do something, like ‘empty the dishwasher’ or ‘do your homework’, but a new study has finally given us an answer as to why. 

The research from Stanford Medical School, published in the Journal of Neuroscience, found that children around the 13-year-old mark no longer find their mothers’ voices "uniquely rewarding". This is because, during adolescence, kids’ brains become more responsive to new voices than to their mother’s voice, as part of their brain associated with reward processing becomes more active. Ergo, they tune out and stop listening when their mothers are speaking.

The researchers also referenced an earlier study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS) which found that when babies and younger children heard their mothers’ voices, their brains lit up, meaning they did find it rewarding, so it seems that as your child grows up, the opposite is happening.

You can breathe a sigh of relief though, because the researchers pointed out that this is a natural part of growing up, as teenagers seek to gain independence.

"Just as an infant knows to tune into her mother's voice, an adolescent knows to tune into novel voices," lead study author and clinical associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences, Dr. Daniel Abrams, told the Stanford Medicine News Center. "As a teen, you don't know you're doing this. You're just you. You've got your friends and new companions, and you want to spend time with them. Your mind is increasingly sensitive to and attracted to these unfamiliar voices."

GoodtoKnow's Deputy Editor and mum-of-three, Heidi Scrimgeour, is also experiencing teens growing into their personalities. She said: "The news that a teen is wired to filter out their mother's voice around the age of 13 really made me smile because I'm pretty sure that's about the time that my teenage sons stopped calling me 'Mum' and started referring to me as 'Bruh' and I'm pretty sure this is why they're redrawing the boundaries around whose opinions matter most.

"And while it can be quite a shock to the maternal system to realise that your voice is no longer the one your kids are most attuned to, I'm here to say that it can also be a pretty wonderful chapter in your family life. Suddenly they're inspired by other voices in their lives, which explains wanting to go vegan or listening to rap music when you'd rather poke yourself in the eye than entertain either possibility.

"Watching your teen develop their own interests and opinions is by far one of the best parts of parenthood. Not without its challenges, of course, but know that if they start calling you 'Bruh' or show less interest in what you have to say, it's not really about you at all. It's about them feeling ready to start making their own mark on the world and that, ultimately, means you must be doing something very right." Now you know it's just the teenage brain beginning to form, it doesn't make it any less difficult or frustrating when they haven't listened to something you've said, so the next time you're running out of patience, try to remember that it’s not personal, just science.

Your teen might be going on social media too much but a new study has found that it's also giving them these seven life skills. Elsewhere, find out what is 'teen-ternity'' leave and why it's becoming a popular choice for parents with young adults, and what to expect when your teenager starts dating. 

Half of teenagers have admitted that they're 'addicted' to using social media, a new study has shown.

Millennials are surrounded by technology, whether it's using their mobile phones to text, call friends, and play games to doing their homework on the computer while streaming a movie. It can be a distraction and we all know someone who cannot eat their dinner without taking a photo of their plate to share online (parents included).

GoodtoKnow reported just last month that a new Facebook roll-out means parents are being advised to "think carefully" about letting their children use the social media platform.

As more people become exposed to the dangers of sharenting, knowing how to keep your kids safe online is quickly becoming a top priority for parents. And as more and more people suffer from burnout - with Gallup's 2022 survey of 15,000 workers finding a quarter of employees experienced burnout symptoms, it's only a matter of time before the employees of the future find themselves in that same situation.

Millennium Cohort, which conducted this new study as reported by The Guardian, has had some alarming findings that come amid the mounting pressure for tech companies like Facebook, TikTok and X (formerly Twitter) to be more accountable for the impact their platforms are having on users.

The latest research, by Dr Amy Orben’s team at the University of Cambridge, used data from the Millennium Cohort study which is tracking the lives of about 19,000 people born in 2000-2002 across England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.

When those involved in the study reached 16-17 they said they agreed or strongly agreed with a statement that reads, "I think I am addicted to social media" - with 57% of girls and 37% of boys among those who had that response.

And while scientists don't think it's a clinical 'addiction', it does show a problematic relationship with social media.

“We’re not saying the people who say they feel addicted are addicted,” said Georgia Turner, a graduate student leading the analysis. “Self-perceived social media addiction is not [necessarily] the same as drug addiction. But it’s not a nice feeling to feel you don’t have agency over your own behaviour. It’s quite striking that so many people feel like that and it can’t it be that good.”

Everyone uses social media in different ways, not every child has obsessive behaviour and some excessive use could be driven by compulsive checking, while others may be relying on it to cope with negative life experiences, and then there's not forgetting those children who may simply be responding to negative social perceptions about “wasting time” online.

Social media can have its benefits, according to lifespan.org which reports on the good the bad and the ugly side of social media...

• Staying connected with family and friends worldwide via email, text, FaceTime, etc.
• Quick access to information and research
• Banking and bill pay at our fingertips
• Online learning, job skills, content discovery (YouTube)
• Involvement in civic engagement (fundraising, social awareness, providing a voice)
• Great marketing tools
• Opportunities for remote employment

Dr Andres Roman-Urrestarazu, a psychiatrist at the University of Cambridge and a UK lead for Bootstrap, a pan-European trial on problematic use of the internet, said that policies were needed that go beyond clinical solutions for individuals.

“Social media and major tech companies remain largely unregulated in the way they engage with people,” he said. “What I find interesting is that algorithms that are designed to increase sales tend to be particularly noxious and tend to produce these types of products that put vulnerable people at danger,” he said. “We need to push for algorithmic transparency.”

In other family news, “I’m NOT going to school today!” – how a parenting expert deals with the back-to-school battle and there's 3 activities to try if your child struggles with reading – and they don’t involve sitting down with a book.

Jorja Smith, Will Poulter and Steven Bartlett share inspirational advice for 14-year-olds - the age young people are most open to life-changing advice.

Parenting teenagers is no easy task - they might not need you to wipe their noses or help them tie their shoelaces anymore, but as children grow up new challenges arise. Many parents find themselves wondering why their teenager won't talk to them anymore, as they opt to confide in their peers instead of their family, while the pressure of exams and troublesome friendship groups can leave others looking into 'teen-ternity' leave to help support their child.

But if one of your New Year's resolutions is to improve your parent/teen relationship, we've seen some research that might help. A survey from Amazon has revealed that 14 is the age when young people are most influenced by advice to help shape their future, with 78 per cent of teachers saying that high-profile figures including entrepreneurs, athletes, and musicians positively influence their students in finding their career path. Meanwhile, 80 per cent said influential figures help teens to build better futures for themselves.

That's why Amazon and The Prince's Trust have brought together some of the most inspiring names in the UK to share their advice for young people, including Diary of a CEO creator Steven Bartlett, Brit Award-winning artist Jorja Smith, and Guardians of the Galaxy star Will Poulter.

Advice for teens from inspirational figures:

1. “Life’s too short to be anything other than yourself” - Steven Bartlett, entrepreneur and podcaster
2. “Embrace your flaws, for they make you unique”  - Jorja Smith, Grammy-nominated music artist
3. “Take a leap of faith”  - Greg Rutherford MBE, Olympic gold medallist
4. “It’s for the taking”  - June Sarpong OBE, TV presenter
5. “Value your imagination”  - Naughty Boy, music producer
6. “There is no right path” - Sara Davies MBE, entrepreneur
7. “Trying your hardest is always enough” - Will Poulter, actor

The advice has been turned into art that will be displayed in schools around the country. The initiative follows Amazon pledging £1 million to The Prince’s Trust’s new Strengthening Diversity Fund, to support underserved young people across the UK to build better futures for themselves.

The fund will help provide opportunities for young people from diverse backgrounds to succeed in education, employment, and entrepreneurship, with a range of tailored programmes available through the charity. 

John Boumphrey, UK Country Manager at Amazon, said: "We are proud to be a platinum patron of The Prince’s Trust, and a founding partner of its Strengthening Diversity Fund – which supports underserved young people across the UK to build better futures for themselves. By sharing advice from inspirational people in schools around the country, we hope to light up imaginations, and help inspire young people to reach their full potential."

Meanwhile, Jonathan Townsend, UK Chief Executive of The Prince’s Trust, added: "It is an honour to work with Amazon, and we are incredibly grateful for their commitment to The Prince’s Trust. Being able to inspire and motivate young people is a core part of our mission. The Trust’s programmes build confidence and skills among young people who face disadvantage and adversity, supporting them on their pathway to work. By partnering with those who share this goal we can continue our vital work, ultimately helping more young people to reach their potential and live stable and fulfilled lives."

A new line of mind-positive merchandise including t-shirts and hoodies designed by young ambassadors for The Prince’s Trust is also being made available to buy on Amazon in support of the charity. 

People can shop the range and find out more about the fund at www.amazon.co.uk/princestrust

If you're looking to inspire your teen, check out our roundup of the best books for teenagers. elsewhere, we've got expert advice on talking to your kids about mental health, talking about periods, and how to talk to kids about coming out as gay, lesbian or bisexual.

With 2024  upon us, a parenting expert has revealed the best New Year’s resolutions you can make together with your teenage child to improve your relationship and the ideas are all surprisingly simple.

Every year, we all make resolutions (including New Year's resolutions for parents) that inevitably get thrown out the window by mid-January. But with help from experts, like those who have shared 24 New Year's resolutions for kids in 2024 and top tips on how to succeed, 2024 should be the year we all manage to stick to our goals. 

If you have children of any age, you've likely got some resolutions in mind when it comes to your parenting style or approach. But if you have teens, it can feel impossible to know where to begin in healing and improving your relationship with them. 

But don't fret. Parenting expert Deborah Gilboa, M.D., who is a board-certified family physician, parenting expert, writer, and mother of four, is on hand to share her top five New Year's resolutions you and your teen can make together to improve your relationship and they're fun, too.

Her first resolution is to find a new hobby you're both interested in and can learn to do together. Whether you want to learn how to cook and make recipes together each night, or you land on a more adventurous task, as long as you're doing something new together, you're doing it right.  If you're still having to ask 'why won’t my teenager talk to me anymore?', you've not quite hit the nail on the head. 

“Ask your teen to make a list of five different activities that they would like to learn more about or do once a week or month with you,” Dr Gilboa told She Knows. 

“Then choose one of those hobbies and put it on your schedules. Make this time an argument-free zone, treated like you would a friends’ night out, a safe zone for both of you to focus on a common task and just enjoy each other.” 

The doctor's second resolution is a little more difficult. She urges parents to let their teens make mistakes, even if they could have easily protected them from making one before they do so. "We all want to protect our children, but none of us can protect adults from their own actions.

"As our kids are in this transition time, let them make some errors in judgment and then let them live with the consequences. This cycle — making a mistake, suffering consequences and then facing another decision — is crucial to building resilient adults and builds confidence too.”

If it's possible, Dr Gilboa also suggests going on a trip, just you and your teen. Whether you go on a day out in the South East or you bag the the cheapest flights and use this hotel hack that could save you hundreds on your holiday accommodation, the aim is really just to simply 'have fun together.' “Decide on a budget and a timeframe and then ask your teen to plan a trip for the two of you. When they ask why, explain that you’d just like to have fun together.

“Give them a budget and a list of what it covers — lodging, food, transportation, entertainment. Then do whatever they suggest. They may be surprised at your compliance, and you’ll be amazed at the relationship building.”

Resolution number four is perhaps the easiest you can make. Dr Gilboa suggests sending a non-intrusive but thoughtful text to your teen, giving them some encouragement but also allowing them their space. “Set yourself a reminder in your phone — daily if you’re ambitious, or weekly or whenever — and text your teen something you admire about them. Focus on what they do (or try to do) and not on traits over which they have no control.”

Last but not least, it's all about the tech! “Computers, cell phones, social networking — all of this is about freedom for the teen and control for the parents,” says Dr Gilboa. To meet on a healthy middle ground, the expert suggests drawing up a tech contract to keep both sides happy. "Make a contract that lists the boundaries of which technologies your teen may use, during what hours and to what purposes.

"Make a corresponding list of the privileges your teen can keep if they follow these rules and which privileges they can earn by keeping to the rules with few or no reminders.

“Then, and here is the hard part, do not hassle your child for anything they use technology for within those boundaries!”

You might also be interested in finding out how much sleep teenagers need. To learn more about parent/teen relationships, why not try reading child development stages: Ages 13-16 the late years, or how to make money as a teenager: 9 ideas from a money expert, as well as parenting tips: 18 things I know on my son's 18th birthday.

A renowned educator has revealed how an 'unpopular' parenting rule helped her to raise three extremely successful children, two on whom are CEOs and one whose a doctor. 

Choosing a parenting style can be a difficult task. 2023's most popular parenting trend has undoubtedly been gentle parenting, but the style has received just as much criticism as it has praise. So where do you start? 

Of course, how you raise your child is an incredibly personal choice to make, one you make alone after reading up on all the facts. But one expert and renowned educator has urged parents, no matter what style they use to parent their kids, to try out her 'unpopular' parenting rule as she believes it was the key to her now grown-up children's successes. 

Esther Wojcicki, 81, is known as the 'Godmother of Silicon Valley' not just for the amount of students who leave her classes as entrepreneurs in the tech field, but also because her own children are incredibly successful. You may know two of her three daughters; Susan Wojcicki, who is the CEO of YouTube and Anne Wojcicki, who is the co-founder and CEO of 23andMe. Her third daughter, Janet Wojcicki, while out of the public eye, is a doctor and professor of paediatrics. 

Esther is also the author of How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results - available on Amazon. She's clearly got the credentials to back up her parenting style. But that doesn't mean everyone will like what she has to say when it comes to her favoured parenting rules for children. 

Arguing against helicopter parenting in a recent piece for CNBC, Susan wrote, "There were many unpopular parenting rules I followed as a young mother. But my number one was, 'Don’t do anything for your kids that they can do for themselves.' The more you trust your children to do things on their own, the more empowered they’ll be."

Using what she calls the 'I do, we do, you do method,' Susan encourages parents to show their kids how to handle daily tasks such as setting their own alarms, picking out their school clothes, helping with meals, and checking their own homework only a few times before then leaving them to do them alone. 

She writes, "Chores are especially important. Washing dishes was a big one in our house. All my daughters stood on a little stool at the sink and washed the dishes after dinner."

The idea behind leaving kids to figure these things out for themselves is that practice makes perfect and through that practice kids will gain confidence as they learn to do things for themselves.

"Mastery means doing something as many times as it takes to get it right," Susan says. "To be clear, I’m not saying you should make your kids do things they don’t understand or aren’t capable of, nor am I saying you should let them play in the street if it isn’t safe, or walk to the store if the neighbourhood is dangerous.

"The idea is to teach them how to cope with what life throws at them. When you trust kids to make their own decisions, they start to feel more engaged, confident and empowered. And once that happens, there’s no limit to what they can achieve."

If you'd like to raise a future entrepreneur or CEO like Esther, you could also try giving your baby one of the most successful baby names of 2023. In other family news, A parenting expert reveals her discipline hack for kids of all ages, A toddler expert shares her simple tip for preventing sibling rivalry - and she promises it will be 'life-changing', and This clever hack stopped an 11-year-old being abducted - and it's so simple. 

Please Note: This article discusses issues around teenage mental health and suicide, which some readers may find upsetting. 

What is 'teen-ternity' leave and why are some parents choosing to take a career break for their older kids? We've delved into the parenting phenomenon.

Recent years have seen gains made when it comes to parents' employment rights. In 2023, maternity pay went up to help deal with rising costs, and many companies now take a forward-thinking approach when it comes to paternity pay and leave too. And, last year, Evri couriers finally gained the long-awaited right to maternity leave. But it's not just babies that need full-time care, as Suzanne Alderson, founder of Parenting Mental Health, knows all too well. "I really didn’t feel I had a choice to stop working at first, because my daughter was actively suicidal, so leaving her alone wasn’t an option," she tells Goodto. "Even as her mental health stabilised over several months, it became clear that the uncertainty of mental illness demanded I was at home to care for her."

Increasingly, parents are choosing to take a career break as their kids reach their teenage years, for reasons including their children's mental health, exam stress or other pressures that are part of teenage life. Known as 'teen-ternity' leave, the phenomenon has seen women with high-profile careers leave their jobs in order to devote more time to their children. Of course, leaving work isn't an option for everyone, which is why we've gathered some expert advice on juggling work while supporting teenagers too. 

Suzanne, who is committed to helping parents support their children through mental illness, explains, "We can be led to believe that parenting should be 'sorted' by the teenage years, but each stage of development requires new skills and new reserves of energy. 'Teen-ternity' is a recognition of the overwhelming need for more support and understanding we often have as our children transition into young adulthood."

What is 'teen-ternity' leave?

Teen-ternity leave is where parents - in most cases mothers - take a career break in order to be more present in looking after their children. This can be in order to provide support through exam stress, peer group issues, mental health struggles and more. 

The parenting phenomenon has seen a number of women in high-profile jobs step back in recent months. Claudia Winkleman recently announced her plans to leave her BBC Radio 2 show, saying she wants to spend more time with her daughter, who is getting ready to leave home. 

In addition, former chief executive of Co-op Food, Jo Whitfield, announced she was stepping down to help her teenage sons study for their exams in February 2022, while BBC Countryfile presenter Ellie Harrison left the show after 13 years in October 2023.

Ellie said at the time, "I've come to realise that I don't need to navigate to a whole new ocean or even a new sea, but to chart a new course somewhere in these waters, raising my three wonderful children," who are aged 13, 11 and seven. 

Elsewhere, Suzanne Alderson left her job as the head of a marketing business after finding out her daughter had thoughts of taking her own life. 

Speaking about her experience as a working mother with a daughter who was struggling with her mental health, Suzanne says, "My concentration reduced, I struggled to be present, and to be honest, [work] felt pretty hollow and meaningless in the face of what we were going through."

She added, "My daughter’s illness and the time we spent together, battling the darkness together, showed me what is really important, what I needed to heal, and that we can’t take life for granted. I had to adapt to support her and scale back on the life we were living on many levels, but the benefits of our connection outweighed the harsh changes her illness brought."

Why are some parents taking 'teen-ternity' leave?

There are a number of reasons why parents might decide to take a career break to look after their teenagers. It could be because their child is going through a difficult time in their peer group, is struggling with exam stress or it may be due to more severe mental health issues. 

In the UK, a 2018 NHS study found "a slight increase over time in the prevalence of mental disorder in 5 to 15 year olds", rising from 9.7% in 1999 and 10.1% in 2004, to 11.2% in 2017.

Meanwhile, the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found in a 2021 survey that the number of adolescents reporting poor mental health is increasing. They found that 42% of US high school students surveyed experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, up from 37% in 2019 and 28% in 2011. 

In addition, 22% had seriously considered an attempt on their own life, which was up from 19% in 2019 and 16% in 2011. 

Why reports of poor mental health in children seem to be increasing is unknown, but technology, the lasting effects of the Covid pandemic and increased pressures at school are just some of the theories put forward. 

Suzanne tells us, "The demands to achieve academically are greater than ever, and the always-on nature of technology is something many parents didn’t grow up with and can’t often understand. Add in the brain changes in growing children, hopes and expectations of them becoming a young adult, and the natural detachment that happens as they grow up, this time can bring challenge and change we’re not used to or equipped for."

But the CDC also found that parental monitoring (defined as parents or other adult family members knowing where the teenager was going or who they would be with most or all of the time) is associated with decreased suicidal thoughts and behaviours.

With this in mind, it's no wonder that parents want to take time off work when their children are struggling with stress and mental health issues.

When taking 'teen-ternity' isn't an option...

As much as parents might want to take time off work to support their teens, it's not always feasible and for some it's a big sacrifice. It means a career break and a cut in income, and for many parents that's just not an option. 

In addition, for those parents who can't take time off, seeing others do what they wish they could for their kids can bring on the dreaded mum guilt.

As Suzanne explains, "Many parents we support at Parenting Mental Health work doubly hard at work and at home to remain in their job, despite their child’s mental health crisis. But at what cost to their wellbeing?" 

She adds, "Organisations that recognise the changing needs of parents and offer flexibility and empathy benefit hugely from the loyalty and commitment of parents, as well as the skills parents of young people with poor mental health have to develop."

Speaking about what can be done to make 'teen-ternity' a realistic option for more parents, Suzanne tells us, "We need to recognise the important influence parents have and help them to do the hard, necessary work of supporting the next generation to adulthood." 

Expanding our views of the role parents play in society and recognising the transitions they face are essential, Suzanne adds, saying, "There can be a loss of the sense of self with all change, so flexibility over career breaks, working patterns and how time off or adjustments are perceived are key to protecting people, as parents and as employees."

Supporting your teen as a working parent

Founder of Parenting Mental Health, Suzanne Alderson, has offered her advice for parents who are working while supporting a child with poor mental health:

• Communicate as much as you can with your employer. Tell a trusted colleague what is going on and ask for what you need.
• Exercise your parental leave entitlement. You’re entitled to 18 weeks’ leave for each child under 18, in maximum blocks of four weeks per child per year. Find out more at gov.uk.
• Take all the unnecessary froth off your to-do list - not everything needs to be made from scratch or ironed.
• Connect with others who understand what you're going through. Parenting Mental Health’s community is a safe place where parents understand the impacts of a child’s poor mental health on the family and lift each other up.
• Recognise that things won't stay this way forever, even if you can’t see a way through. There might be a shift from parenting to caring, give yourself permission to change your approach.
• Take care of yourself! Everything feels a little more manageable when we are emotionally resourced and rested.
• Remember you’re doing the best you can - some days that feels like enough and other days it might not. On the good days, don’t add more to your pile and on the down days, be gentle with yourself as you adjust to this new normal.

In related news, we've revealed how much sleep teenagers need and better mental health support will be given to all mums who miscarry as part of a new trial. Elsewhere, we share 12 expert tips on managing stress, and 30 free self-care ideas.  

With her two kids now well into their teenage years, Gwenyth Paltrow has shared what she believes to be the parenting secret that helped her avoid ‘the horrible teenage’ years as her kids was growing up. 

Gwenyth Paltrow may be an A-list celebrity, with her work dominating Netflix's top hits and drawing in wide audiences, but her life off screen and at home is much like any other parent's. 

The star shares two children with Coldplay front-man Chris Martin, the uniquely named 19-year-old Apple, and 17-year-old Moses. The couple split up back in 2014 after nine years of marriage, deciding to try co-parenting their children who were just 10- and eight-years-old at the time. 

The family continue to rely on co-parenting with the style working perfectly for both Gwenyth and Chris' hectic lifestyles in the spotlight. But despite the divorce, which Gwenyth told PEOPLE Magazine recently she was worried would negatively affect her kids, and both the kids now being well into their teens, a notoriously angsty time, life has pretty much been a breeze for the family and Gwenyth puts it all down to her laid back parenting style. 

Sharing her parenting secret, Gwenyth revealed to PEOPLE, "I have been so lucky with my teens. We had, probably when Apple, I would say, was about 13, we had a year where I was like, 'Oh wow, okay,' but actually my kids have been - I kind of didn't have the horrible teen thing, I think because I've always been very, very honest with my kids and I think I've always empowered them with a little bit more freedom and responsibility than they thought they were ready for.

"They've treated it with reverence. I've always said, 'I don't need to give you a curfew unless you give me a reason to give you a curfew,' kind of thing. They're responsible and they've never done anything too crazy."

She added, "I really loved having teenagers. I mean, Apple's in her last year of her teenage years now, which is so crazy to me that she'll be 20 on her next birthday. I don't quite know how that happened!"

On top of her giving her kids 'freedom and responsibility,' Gwenyth's compassionate and well-thought out approach to her divorce, which she prioritised her children throughout, likely also gave her kids a solid foundation on which to build their trust in her, ergo giving them a more stable teenhood. 

She told PEOPLE, "[Chris] and I both really did not want to have them experience the divorce as a trauma. We knew it would be hard, of course, but we didn't want them to ever feel in the middle, or that one of us was slagging off the other one."

She went on to explain the in-depth research she carried out in order to find the best way to handle her split while keeping her kids happy. "At that time, I did a very me thing, which was when I knew I wanted to get a divorce, I did this data collection of talking to adults who had been products of a broken home," she explained. 

"Every single one of them said, 'I didn't care that my parents got divorced. That wasn't it. But the fact that they wouldn't speak to each other, that they couldn't both sit at a dinner table for my birthday...' They said that was the most awful thing. You could see they held it with so much hurt and anger. I was like, 'That's what I'm never going to do.' And we really didn't."

In other entertainment news, Robbie Williams' wife has shared the controversial rule she hopes will keep their kids grounded, while fans of MAFS are wondering if Luke and Jay are still together, and we also share everything we know about YouTube star Ms Rachel.

As your child grows up, they might start to wonder how to make money as a teenager. While you might have already sorted your child out with one of the best bank accounts for kids, and used a pocket money app to give them a little spending money, as they grow older, they might want to earn a bit of extra cash. 

Work can be a fantastic way for teens to earn the cash they crave, whether it’s for PS5 games, clothes, or going out. But it can also be a helpful stepping stone to adulthood too. However, parents will understandably want to make sure that any work their teen takes on fits around their education and is cohesive with family life. 

Myron Jobson, senior personal finance analyst at Interactive Investor, says: “For teenagers, earning money for themselves is their first step towards financial freedom. No longer are they reliant on pocket money, or financial handouts from parents."

But it can also help your child learn vital money lessons that will see them grow into a financially confident adult. Myron adds: “Encouraging teens to pay some of their expenses is a good way to teach them how to budget.” 

While teens as young as 13 can legally be employed, strict rules around the hours they work can make it tricky in practice. But that’s not to say it’s impossible for kids to find work or ways to earn some extra cash. Get your teen inspired with our tips.

1. Get your teen to help sell your stuff to earn extra money

If you’ve got piles of books or stacks of DVDs or CDs that are still hanging around, why not get your kids to sell them for you? This is a great one for younger teens (and tweens) as it can largely be done from home – with some apps even offering free courier pick-ups. 

It’s pretty straightforward. Sites like Music Magpie, Ziffit, and Zapper, get you to scan the item’s barcode with your phone and you’ll get an instant quote for your stuff. It’s then just a case of packing it all up and posting it off.

The amounts paid per item are pretty tiddly, but it quickly racks up if you’ve got lots to sell. For bigger payments, you can also use the sites to sell old tech like phones, tablets, and laptops. Follow our guide on how to sell old gadgets if you're not sure where to start.

Payment is made once the items have been received and checked. You might find you get less than originally quoted especially if items aren't in pristine condition, so it's worthwhile being prepared to not receive as much as you thought.

2. Introduce your teen to the world of eBay

Chances are you’ve some items knocking around that you could get a decent price for. But if you haven’t had the time or the inclination to sell them yourself, let your teens have a go at making some money themselves. From boxes of Lego to clothes or collectibles, you could have a wealth of items to sell. Just make sure they check with you first!

While under 18s can’t open their own eBay account,  they can use yours if you’re happy to let them, but make sure they understand how to buy and sell on eBay before you set them loose.

Online auctions can be exciting but the fun – and the profits – don’t have to stop once your home’s been cleared out. Eager auctioneers can start flipping, or upcycling, things. This is where you snap up bargain items wherever you can find them – on eBay, at boot sales or charity shops – and sell them on for a profit.

Alternatively they can ask friends, family and neighbours whether they have any items they’d like to sell. Your teen can either agree a price to buy them, or pass on the proceeds, less an agreed rate of commission.

3.  Your teen could offer pet care services to earn extra money

The summer months can be tricky for pet owners. So if your teen is an animal lover they can easily earn some extra cash helping friends, family and neighbours with their pets.

This could be anything from taking their dogs for a walk when they’re out for the day to popping around to feed cats, hamsters or goldfish when they go on holiday.

If your teen is hassling you to buy a family pet, this can also be a good way to test the waters.

4. Babysitting is a great way for teens to earn money

For responsible teens, babysitting is a great way to make money. But confusingly there are no rules that set when teens can start babysitting younger children – it’s down to the judgement of the little ones’ parents. The key point those parents need to be aware of is that if the babysitter is under 16, they’ll still be legally responsible for the child in their absence.

If your teen is keen to get babysitting start by asking local friends and neighbours. It’s also worth reassuring your teen’s first customers that they’ll have their phone with them at all times and that you’ll be on hand if there’s an emergency.

 5. Teens can earn extra cash by doing odd-jobs

The earnings potential for teens that are willing to give anything (legal!) a go is huge, especially if they don’t mind rolling their sleeves up. 

Maddy Alexander-Grout, founder of the Mad About Money app, says: “From car washing to mowing lawns, DIY, or helping people with shopping, cleaning or any other chores, my best tip is to offer yourself out to neighbours for odd-jobs.”

Grandparents or older neighbours might appreciate the help in particular, especially for more physical tasks like mowing the lawn or washing the car.

6. Teens can get paid for sharing their opinions

Teens that are glued to the sofa or can’t put their phone down can still make money online by sharing their opinions in surveys. “Teenagers are a hot market for paid-for surveys and websites like Oh My Dosh and Swagbucks are great,” says Mad About Money's Maddy Alexander-Grout. “Just make sure you cancel if you sign up to any free trials.”

7. Take on secret missions to earn extra cash as a teen

One app that let’s teens make money when they’re out shopping is BeMyEye. Nick Smith-Patel, senior quality and training manager at MyBnk, the young people’s financial education charity explains: “You take on ‘missions’ - short mystery shopper tasks - that pay between £3 and £10 depending on the amount of work. It's an easy way to add a few pennies to the pocket and the app will even alert you when you're near a money maker!”

8. Teens can find part time work to boost their pocket money

For teens who prefer to go out and get a job, there are still options. The main limits for younger teens will be the hours they can work. For 13-to 16-year-olds they’ll be limited to two hours on school days or Sundays and during term-time they cannot work more than 12 hours a week.

There’s more scope in the school holidays – 13- and 14-year-olds can work 25 hours a week, rising to 35 hours once they’re 15. Nobody under the age of 16 can work for more than eight hours on a Saturday.

Money app founder, Maddy Alexander-Grout says: “There are lots of jobs teenagers can do. Retail, hospitality, supermarkets, or food delivery if they have a bike. Over the summer, teens can also apply to work at festivals, events, theme parks, or garden centres. Just get them to check the minimum age before they apply.” 

9. Your teen might want to become a content creator (but it's not an instant money-maker)

I’m always desperate to get my kids off their phones, but as my own boys would tell me, no list of teen money-making ideas would be complete without mentioning becoming a social media content creator.

Goodto.com's Money Editor Sarah Handley warns this is not an easy or guaranteed route: "Becoming a content creator or social media influencer is a difficult task, especially when there are already so many that have such large followings. You'd need to be online constantly, on multiple platforms, and online trolls are considered part of the job. As well as taking a long time to build up enough of an audience in order to earn money from the activity, this kind of job can also be harmful to your child's mental health."

Knowing how to make extra money as an adult can be really helpful too, especially if you are trying to save money. 

Parenting tips can change with the tide and babies don't come with a manual. This might be the next best thing: 18 parenting tips from our Consumer Editor on her first child's 18th birthday.

There's no substitute, when it comes to parenting, for trusting your instincts and simply doing the best you can. But whether you're navigating baby sleep and night feeds or navigating the trenches of the teenage years, downloading some parenting tips from other mums can really help you find your feet - especially if you're a first-time parent.

As a mum of three and Consumer Editor of Goodto with a lifetime (literally) of experience as a parenting journalist; "I've been there and bought the t-shirt when it comes to motherhood. (I've also washed and ironed the t-shirts, replaced the t-shirts with costly designer alternatives, and now I'm preparing to pack the t-shirts as my son heads off to Uni. Sob.) 

18 parenting tips from a mum-of-three

So, on the occasion of my firstborn's 18th birthday, here are 18 parenting tips I've picked up along the way.

1. Save for your child's 18th birthday

Putting even tiny amounts of cash into an account that my son couldn't touch until his 18th birthday is one of the best parenting tips we've picked up as parents. (Drinks are on him.) You might feel like you can’t justify putting anything away for your child's future, especially when the cost of living is so high. Or perhaps you think the amount you can afford to save right now is too little to be worth it. But saving just £5 a month over 18 years adds up to more than £1000 - hopefully still enough by then to put towards a second-hand car or a decent laptop. Chances are you’ll be able to increase what you save as the years go by. 

Check our guide to the best bank accounts for kids to start saving now.

• Tip: If your child was born between 1 September 2022 and 2 January 2011 they may have received a payment of £250 via the government's Child Trust Fund scheme. Get in touch to find out where your Child Trust Found account is held.

2. Print the photos

Get them off your phone where no-one sees them. Fill your home with family memories. Start a photo wall. Please, I beg you, book an hour in your diary once a month to sort through your snaps and get them printed. You won't regret it and they'll come to mean more to you with every year that passes.

• Tip: Snapfish is currently offering 50% off photobooks if you order by January 29th. Use the code BOOKS123 at checkout.

3. Adopt a parenting mantra

Mine was: ‘The days are long but the years are short’. 

Let me explain: I had two gorgeous but rambunctious boys, both in nappies, born 21 months apart. And then, at the grand old age of 38 when the boys were 6 and 8 years old, I started all over again with my daughter - just as broken sleep was finally beginning to fade into a distant memory. On the most challenging days, I sometimes felt like motherhood was a game I couldn’t master. This mantra - a parenting tip shared with me by an older mum who'd raised three boys - helped me more than I can say. Pick a guilt-free mantra. All that stuff about how few summers you get with your kids is not for me. My mantra was a guide rail for my emotions; acknowledgment of the challenges of early parenthood but an anchor to the long-game goal of loving my children safely into adulthood.

Tip: Buy or download affirmation cards for mums and pick a new one every day.

• New Mother Affirmation Cards | Amazon 

4. Love Bomb your child

Of all the fads that I've put to the test over the years as a parenting journalist, one of the most useful parenting tips I've tried is Love Bombing. The premise is best explained by psychologist Oliver James, who coined the phrase to describe the practice of giving your child an intensive experience of being loved and in control as a way of resetting their emotional thermostat. Love Bombing can be particularly helpful for children with emotional or behavioural difficulties but it's something all children can benefit from. 

Tip: Buy or borrow Oliver James' book and try out the technique. 

• Love Bombing by Oliver Hames | Amazon

5. Laugh. A lot

At yourself. At each other. At the absurdity of trying to raise a human and do life alongside other people. Humour will get you through most (if not all) of the parenting challenges that come your way. And training your kid in the art of laughing often is a tip that will make your lives and your relationship much easier when you come to navigate those tricky teenage years. I've lost count of the times my lads have diffused a difficult domestic moment with a well-timed wisecrack and our shared sense of humour is one of my all-time favourite things about our family.

6. No guilt about not keeping the artwork

Trust me, they won't be delighted if you present them with a memory box of all their treasured scribbles on their 18th birthday. Or ever. Keep this stuff if it matters to you. Otherwise frame the really important stuff (it's good for kids to see their artwork on the walls) or keep a folder on your phone of each masterpiece before you file it in the recycling bin. I've discovered that my kids prefer living in a clutter-free home compared to one filled with every piece of paper they've ever made a mark on.

Tip: Make or buy a slot-sided frame and rotate the masterpieces on display.

• The Articulate Gallery Triple Sided Picture Frame | Amazon

7. Say yes when they invite you into their world

I'm not always good at this but I'm trying. (These are my parenting tips, not necessarily the things I've got right.) But I know that children want us to care about the things they care about. When you're juggling so many things as a mum and dealing with competing pressures, it's easy to find yourself turning away too soon from the things our kids want to show us. Don't do that. Learn the offside rule. Familiarise yourself with the names of the Arsenal squad. Play the video game, even if it makes you feel seasick. 

Even the Queen had this parenting tip nailed.

8. Be open to bend a little

I'm not talking daily stretching, although that's also important if you plan to keep step with your child as they grow up. I mean don't be one of those rigid parents who can't change their minds or won't change the rules. Different seasons of parenthood require different parenting approaches. Go with the flow. Keep learning. Be flexible in your opinions. And always stay open to the possibility that your child has more to teach you than you'll ever teach them. 

9. Be okay with breaking

Some of my closest 'mum friends' are the ones I spilled my guts to when I felt like everyone else at the school gates had parenting nailed, except for me. When my lads were younger I felt like no-one really talked about the challenges of parenting. (They were born before Instagram, I'm that old.) So I often felt alone in the things I struggled with as a knackered working mum. Social media has since made it easier to access encouragement and support from other mums - but that can have its downsides too. If you're surrounded by Instamums who only share their highlights reels, it can feel like you're the only one whose child is still crying at school drop-off, wetting the bed, or not sleeping through the night. You're not. Find your tribe and let them in.

10. Apologise often

As parents, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we have to convince our kids that we've got everything sorted. And it's hard to admit when we make mistakes. But one of the most helpful parenting tips I've learned is to say sorry to my kids whenever I mess up. Far from persuading them that you're a maverick who has no clue what they're doing, saying sorry when you get things wrong is a powerful way of acknowledging their needs. Admitting your shortcomings also teaches kids the value of an apology and modelling good 'sorry skills' means your child is more likely to be forthcoming with their own apology when they make a mistake. 

• I Can Say Sorry | Amazon

11. Tell them you love them

You can't overdo this. Make it unconditional and do it daily. As kids hit their teenage years, expressing affection is more difficult than when you could scoop them up for a cuddle on a whim - and yet more important than ever. Morning hugs is a parenting tip I stumbled on by accident during a post-pandemic family holiday which drew us all closer together than the previous years had allowed. It's simple. I yell 'morning hugs' at random (but strictly only in the morning) and my long-suffering children oblige me with a hug. No words are needed. It connects us, I like to think, with happy memories of that holiday. It also re-establishes a sense of family togetherness, no matter how busy we are. You don't need morning croissants and pool days to deepen your affection - you just need a daily ritual that works for your crew. 

Parenting tips for raising teenagers: never be afraid to offer them a hug. In my experience, they're even bigger fans of hugs than toddlers are.

12. Don't try to get it right all the time

You won't. And you'll exhaust yourself trying. If you remember just one of these parenting tips, let it be this: kids don't need perfect parents. You are the perfect parent for your child.

13. Never say 'because I said so'

Breaking a parenting cycle is hard, and if this sentence was uttered to you when you were growing up it might be hard to stop yourself from saying it. Also, if you say it when they're little expect to hear those words thrown back at you when they're old enough to start doing what they want, with whomever they please, I strongly recommend banishing this sentence from your parenting vocab.

14. Write it down. You'll forget stuff. Even birth

I know, another thing to do right. But, trust me the cute mispronunciations. The funny things they say. All the magical milestones. In the thick of parenting, you believe you'll remember it all but you won't. Not even pregnancy and birth, not in the technicolour detail that you remember it at first. Start a journal. Capture your birth story. Record it all. Write a letter to them on their birthday every year. 

But if, like me, so many of your parenting days are already a blur, don't beat yourself up. Birth is the biggest moment in two lives and yet just a day like any other, fading to the margins as other milestones take centre stage. The real miracle is watching your child unfold into themselves before your very eyes and discovering they're the kind of human you'd choose to be around, even if you weren't their mother.

• Gentle Parenting Journal | Amazon

15. Chill about screen time

Look, I gave away our telly when my son was born. That's how worried I was about the perils of too much screen time on my precious firstborn's tiny brain. I rationed telly time, said no to mobile phones until high school, and I still rant often about excessive gaming on school nights.

The risks are real. I get that. And I understand the worry. But if you're fretting about whether you're giving your child too much screen time, that's probably a reliable sign that you're a switched-on, caring mum. We know all about screen time limits and the importance of issuing boundaries but sometimes screen time wins. My parenting tip is this: cut yourself some slack on this. Their brains (probably) won't melt.

(Just make sure you've got internet safety covered.)

16. It gets easier. (And other lies)

Yes, eventually they start sleeping through the night. They grow in independence and you get some semblance of your mind and body back. But no-one tells you about the panic that hits at 3am on Sunday when you fly into your teenager's room to check they made it safely home after you fell asleep in front of Happy Valley. Easier? It was easier when I knew where they were every waking minute. My tip: ignore these parenting platitudes - there's not much truth in the silly stuff we say to mums. 

On the upside, I find parenting charming teens way more rewarding than looking after sleepless babies or negotiating with toddlers. Easier? Nah. Better? Absolutely.

17. Learn how to take care of yourself

Before my son was born, I'd never kept so much as a plant alive. The words failure to thrive struck fear into my heart as a sleep-deprived breastfeeding mum and made me feel like a failure myself. Over time, I learned to take good care of my baby, of course. But it was a long time before I realised that I also had to take better care of myself if I was ever going to have the resources that motherhood required. Implement a daily and weekly self-care routine, no matter how basic or simple. That's hands down one of the best parenting tips I've picked up and I wish I'd learned it earlier.

18. Trust yourself

"People always told me I knew my son better than anyone else, back when he was a newborn," says our Family Editor, Stephanie Lowe. "They meant well and were encouraging me to listen to my instincts, but I always wanted to shout back: 'Do I though? Do I know him? Because we're rarely on speaking terms!"

It's normal to feel like that and learning to listen to your instincts takes practice. But you've got this. You know your child better than anybody else. Even if it doesn't always feel like that. Listen to your intuition. Trust yourself and the decisions you make.

Caveat: I feel I ought to acknowledge that my son once broke his arm playing football and my 'instincts' told me to give him Calpol and put him to bed as normal. Not a decision that felt good in A&E the following day. The parenting tip I learned from *that* adventure is this: always run your instincts past the nice people at NHS 111 if your child is injured. 

Oh, and that kids can fracture their wrists and still wiggle their fingers.

Related Features:

• How to be a good mother and embrace motherhood
• Why is sleep important
• Resolutions for calmer parenting

Video of the Week:

As parents, it’s our job to protect our children, and that includes doing what we can to prevent them catching back to school germs. So if you want to know how to stop your kids getting the back-to-school flu, or how to make natural cold remedies at home, then you’re in the right place.

As the autumn term approaches many parents are wondering how to protect teens from germs, especially because young people’s immune systems are still developing, making them more susceptible to bugs. And close contact with friends and teachers at school, sharing books, desks and devices, can mean that bugs and bacteria are rife.

Tommy Hatto, award-winning wellbeing coach and founder of Tommy Hatto Online, told Goodto: “During the teenage years, it's incredibly important to start looking at overall wellbeing. In the summer, teens are more likely to be outside in fresh air with good ventilation. So on return to the classroom, they are more susceptible to pick up germs from classmates or teachers if they haven't proactively taken steps to look after their health over the summer.”

The good news is there are some simple steps that teenagers can take to reduce the risk of illness at school, including good hygiene, a nutritious diet, healthy gut, more sleep and less stress. Read on to find out more about the seven tips to protect teens from back-to-school germs.

1) Stay strong and healthy 

Boosting immunity: Around 70-80% of your immune system is in the gut, so this means if it isn’t healthy, then your immunity will be poor, too, and you’ll get sick. A healthy gut has a wide range of beneficial bacteria that is vital for a strong immune system, explains Tommy. “If you have poor gut health, the duration of sickness will be prolonged because your body is working harder to try and fight off illness or infection.”

You can improve your gut health by eating gut-friendly foods including live yoghurt, garlic, ginger and bananas. Good nutrition will help keep illness at bay, and will also fuel the body with energy when you feel run down.

Up your vitamin D: The sunshine vitamin helps the immune system fight off bacteria and viruses, research published in the Journal of Investigative Medicine found. This is especially important for people with darker skin because studies show that they tend to make less vitamin D in the sun than those with lighter skin tones. Vitamin D-rich foods include egg yolks, mushrooms, salmon and tinned tuna.

Get moving: Exercise is great for physical and mental health. Personal trainer Maddy Biddulph says: “You don’t need an expensive gym membership to get fit and healthy. Go out for a long bike ride with your teens, try something new like paddleboarding, or get them out of their comfort zone with a wild swim - it’s so good for reducing stress and being present. Working out with family not only fuels connection and feelings of wellbeing, regular exercise boosts sleep quality, which in turn supports a healthy immune system.”

2) Stop the spread

Germs can spread between people through direct contact like shaking hands, hugging or kissing, or indirectly when germs are on something that gets touched, like a doorknob or towel, and then it spreads when the hands touch the nose, eyes or mouth.

Good hygiene: Hand washing is one of the best ways to keep yourself from getting sick. Rub hands under the water for 20 seconds and rub, scrub and interlink fingers paying special attention to fingertips. Using an alcohol-based hand sanitiser regularly is another way to stop the spread of germs. 

Cover your cough or sneeze: Germs are easily spread with coughing and sneezing, as they remain in the air on tiny droplets, ready to be breathed in. National Geographic found that a sneeze can travel as much as six feet!

They can also linger on surfaces long after you’ve coughed or sneezed on or near them. Use a tissue when you cough or sneeze and throw it away straight after, then wash hands. If you don’t have one to hand, cough or sneeze into your inner elbow. And again, wash hands straight after or use hand sanitiser.

3) Stay on top of vaccinations 

Keep the family up to date with vaccinations: this is an invaluable way to protect young children and teens in autumn. If your teen is scared of needles, give them the opportunity to talk about their feelings to reduce anxiety. Breathing techniques can also help reduce stress levels.

4) Sharing is not always caring ...

Don’t share personal items: avoid sharing things like food, lipsticks, computers, calculators, drinking bottles or anything that might be contaminated with respiratory germs, especially mobiles. A recent study found more than 17,000 bacterial gene copies on the phones of teenage students. 

5) Get good rest 

Invest in good sleep: when we’re asleep, the body repairs and rejuvenates itself, which helps the immune system operate at full strength. According to the Mayo Clinic, people who don't get enough sleep are more likely to get sick after being exposed to a virus, such as the common cold. Sleep deprivation can also affect how fast you recover if you do get sick.

Dr. Naheed Ali, lead writer at Sleep Bubble, told Goodto: “Good sleep isn't just about feeling refreshed in the morning; it's a cornerstone for overall wellbeing. A restful night's sleep has been linked to maintaining a healthy gut flora, which as we’ve heard, plays a pivotal role in our digestion, nutrient absorption, and immune function.

“When our gut is happy, our body responds in kind, leading to increased energy, better mood, and a strengthened defence against illness. So, next time you prioritise a good night's sleep, remember you're also giving a nod to your gut and overall health.”

6) Chill out

Avoid stress: being stressed out can weaken immunity, and while some exam cramming is inevitable, encouraging your teen to be organised and prepare ahead of time can help reduce stress levels. Wellbeing practices including mindfulness and breathwork can help to naturally calm the central nervous system and promote good mental health during stressful times.

7) Invest in anti-bacterial tech

Shockingly, the average keyboard has around 20,000 times more bacteria than a toilet seat, according to research by CBT Nuggets. Microbes attach themselves to devices with every touch and tap so it’s wise to regularly disinfect phones, tablets and computers with antibacterial wipes.

As many teenagers already have their own mobile, and kids often share tablets and computers at school, the spread of germs is rife. Thankfully, anti-bacterial cases and screen protectors are now available, offering peace of mind when it comes to back-to-school bugs.