‘That’s not how parenting works’ Mum divides opinion after asking if it’s okay to exclude daughter from holiday

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  • A mum in desperate need of a holiday, has caused debate after she asked if it was unreasonable to leave her 'inconsiderate' teenage daughter out of the family getaway because she would ruin it for everyone else.

    As your child gets older, the challenges you face as their parent begin to change. They become more independent and start to develop their own personalities and there is no denying that when they reach the teenage years, it can be a real battle for some families.

    One mum with a 17-year-old daughter took to Mumsnet in need of some advice. The mum explained that she and her family desperately wanted to go on holiday but that her teenage daughter had a terrible attitude and would make the whole experience unbearable for everyone.

    The mum asked if it would be unreasonable to leave her daughter behind, perhaps ask another family member to look after her or organise a small holiday in the UK for her daughter and her friends.

    She wrote: ‘I have DD who is 17 who has a horrendous attitude, she’s incredibly rude, grumpy, snappy, inconsiderate and very very controlling. She is her fathers double, hence me leaving him and her having no contact.

    ‘She has younger siblings who are also NC with him. They are completely different to her, just your average kids, occasionally naughty/ rude/ annoying/ lazy etc, so by no means perfect.’

    The post continues: ‘DH and I are desperate for a holiday, we both work very hard and are very busy with kids etc. But we really want a relaxing holiday. If we take DD she will demand certain rooms/seats on plane/days out/food and constantly ask for alcohol (we rarely say yes, so not sure why she does this) It’s draining. If we leave her at home she’ll trash the house, so not an option, we have no one we want to loose friendship enough to leave her with them.’

    The mum also explains that she has offered to pay for a small caravan holiday for her daughter and some friends near some family but she has refused it as they won’t be able to drink underage.

    However, the idea of leaving one child home outraged some Mumsnet users. One person wrote: ‘You don’t leave a child behind because they are annoying that’s not how parenting works.’

    Another added: ‘I can’t believe you’re thinking of taking all but one of your kids away :/’.

    mum and daughter arguing

    The Mumsnet user says her daughter is ‘incredibly rude, grumpy, snappy, inconsiderate and very very controlling’

    A third said: ‘Of course you are being unreasonable to consider leaving her behind. Can you imagine the fall out when you return? You’d basically be giving her license to really kick-off and guilt trip you about ‘abandoning’ her and that you ‘don’t care’. Part of parenting is really having to ride out the tough storms.’

    Other users sympathised with the mum’s dilemma and offered suggestions on how the mum’s alternative plans could work.

    One wrote: ‘I think, any true good friend/ family member that knows what your going through will watch her for you and not judge you if she behaves awfully (as long as you warn them) You sound like you need a holiday OP’.

    One user warned that this scenario happened to them when they were a child and it left them feeling upset.

    They wrote: ‘Yeah, I’m probably being a bit defensive as my mum did this to me (although I was nowhere NEAR the kind of behaviour the OP has described) It felt really, really sh*t.’

    Do you think this mum is being unreasonable? Would you exclude a child form a family holiday because they might ruin it for everyone? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!