If your child is at the age they want to attend sleepovers, a child psychologist has a lot of things she wants parents to consider to keep them safe.
Keeping our children safe is undoubtedly at the forefront of our minds from the moment they're born. How to model consent is now something parents need to be armed with and instil into their kids - our children need to know the things they should never have to do, such as feel obliged to hug family members and blindly comply with what adults expect of them.
Internet safety is always a hot topic, and parents need to put serious amounts of time into ensuring their child's safety in a sometimes murky internet world where danger seems to lurk around every corner. When your children are old enough to attend sleepovers - and this can be at a friend's house, school residential, Beavers or Brownie camp - you'll need to be alert to the safety dangers these can present, too.
Psychologist Dr Martha covers the subject of sleepovers and consent frequently on her Instagram page. She collates all the safety tips parents need to have at their fingertips if they're entrusting the overnight care of their child to somebody else. Here's Dr Martha's five things she really wants parents to consider before their child spends a night away from home:
5 things to do, learn and teach to safeguard children
- Gather information. Get to know what sort of household your child will be entering - do you know the family well? Have you spent extended amounts of time with them? Do they respond to misbehaviour and uphold household rules in the same way you do? What are their rules around smartphones and social media use? All of this will be useful to know and Dr Martha urges parents not to be afraid to find these things out before letting their child stay with another family overnight.
- Teach body boundaries and consent. Make sure your child knows that nobody is entitled to touch, kiss, or take pictures of their body. If you don't want your child to have a bath or shower at somebody else's house this is completely up to you - firmly tell the family caring for them that these are your wishes.
- Make sure your child knows what to say. If something happens that your child is uncomfortable with, make sure they have the words to effectively make it known. Arm them with phrases such as "I don't kiss anybody on the lips or anywhere else," "pants are private, only I touch them," or "I said NO." Make sure they know they can tell you absolutely anything and won't be shamed, and you'll always believe them.
- Have a no secrets rule. Teach your child not to keep secrets - even something as small as what a present is for another adult or child. Tell your child that if anyone ever asks them to keep a secret, this is unsafe and they need to tell someone immediately. Have the rule "nobody gets into trouble for sharing a secret in our house."
- Give your child a way out. If your child feels unsafe somewhere, they won't want to stay there all night. Tell them they can come home anytime, no matter what the time. Preferably, do this in front of the other parent caring for your child, to prevent them blocking your child from doing this. Say to them "My child has permission to call me and come home at anytime, can you let them use your phone for this please?"
Along with these five very important considerations, Dr Martha adds a bonus consideration into the caption of her post, writing, "BONUS CONSIDERATION: How does your child do on poor sleep? Sleepovers all have one thing in common - children tend to have less quality sleep and for a shorter duration than at home. This can be due to anxiety, excitement, ‘strange bed syndrome’, or chatting late into the night."
She adds "For some children, this may just mean a daytime nap and a long nights sleep the next day. For others, there may be behavioural repercussions the next few days (and it may look like jet lag). Sleep is an important aspect of wellbeing and how your child reacts to low sleep should be a consideration, particularly on a weekend during school term."
For more on keeping your child safe, do you know why 'stranger danger' is outdated and what to teach your child instead? Talking to children about sex can be difficult, but necessary to keep them safe, and we also share how to talk to kids about porn.
