Your reaction to your kid's school report impacts more than you realise - psychologist says 'get curious', here's why

It's school report time, and a child psychologist has shared how parents' reactions can impact kids, and how to be 'curious' about the report's contents.

Kids are about to break up for the summer holidays, and class WhatsApp groups are alight with the best teacher gift ideas and calls to donate to a plethora of end-of-term causes. Parents limping towards the long summer break, no doubt bracing themselves for the wild ride of a monumental balancing act, are probably already feeling the effects of parenting burnout before the long weeks stretching before them have even started. 

It's also the time of year school reports come home, with an overview of what your child has achieved condensed into one short document. Some children feel trepidation over sharing their reports with their parents, and psychologist Dr Martha believes "School reports should not be scary," and shares that parental reaction to them has more impact than you might realise.

Writing on Instagram, Dr Martha says "Let’s change the narrative of school reports.
Rather than a ‘score’ for your child, they can be a useful prompt to celebrate how far your child has come, and be a launchpad for the continuous support your child needs come September." She also shares four ways parents can start doing this. 

4 ways to be positive about your child's school report

1. Get curious. Dr Martha suggests "Ask your child what they think has gone well this year, what they have enjoyed, who they like to spend time with etc… Ask them what has been tricky, boring, or made them feel upset. Will anything be different next year? How can you help them? What can teachers do to support? Before you even read the school report, create an open conversation with your child that makes them feel heard, understood, and reminds them you are on their side."
2. Read the report with them. The psychologist says you should adapt the language whenever needed to focus on strengths and support areas without making your child feel like a bad kid. She adds "For example, if the report says Maths is 'below target level' or 'emerging skill' adapt into: 'you are learning to to addition and subtraction and you can keep working on this next year.'"
3. Celebrate your child for getting through another year at school. "Offer them praise if they lap it up and/or ask them how they would like to celebrate the end of the school year," shares Dr Martha.
4. Don’t make it personal. The psychologist concludes "Your child’s achievements are not a reflection of your parenting and they’re not yours to own. It can feel hard to see it as part of your child’s developmental process rather than a ‘proud moment’ for you but learn to let this go so you can be fully present for your child."

We spoke to some parents to get their perspectives of school reports coming home. Mum-of-one, Sam tells us, "Albie's report was glowing... but given what I'm pulled over for the most on the playground at pick up I'm going to guess that where she says, 'he's so chatty and confident in class,' what she means is 'he won't shut up and sit down'. You have to read between the lines these days."

Mum-of-three Carly, shares "Don’t get me started on reports. My youngest has ADHD and is usually scored down - there’s just something really wrong to me about scoring her down for things beyond her control, it’s so ableist. It feels lazy, unfair, and borderline discriminatory. It’s like pupils who get certificates for 100% attendance vs children who struggle and have emotional based school avoidance- these are the children we should be encouraging, not knocking them down because of their struggles."

Dr Martha herself shares that she threw her daughter an impromptu party with some friends on the day they received their reports. This celebrated all of them, and turned the day into something to be remembered positively, and not a day to brood over perceived disappointments - which sounds like a perfect way to manage what can be a challenging time for some children.

For more expert parenting tips, a psychologist reveals 'overparenting' is making kids weak, and the complex reason your kids might suddenly seem more emotional. An expert also shares the five things kids never have to do, no matter how much you think they should be doing them.