Mum divides the internet suggesting that ‘voluntarily involved grandparents’ are a ‘bigger flex’ than having well behaved children

Do you agree with this statement?

Grandfather playing on the floor with his granddaughter
(Image credit: Getty Images)

A TikTok mother has shared gushing love for the 'voluntarily involved' grandparents of her kids, wanting their involvement more than she wants well behaved children - her thoughts have sparked quite a debate.

It's not a surprise to learn that children who have a good relationship with grandparents, are less likely to have emotional and behavioural issues. Alongside offering much-needed support to busy parents, grandparents can set their grandchildren up with positive habits that last a lifetime. With five types of grandparents identified by psychologists, most will want the variety who take an active and constructive part in their kids' lives.

TikTok user and mother Kelsey P (@kelsey_p90), used her platform to express profuse love for the 'voluntarily involved grandparents' she has in her life, arguing they are her 'biggest parenting flex.' Suggesting she values having grandparents help out more than she does the behaviour of her kids, Kelsey said "Without question, the biggest parenting flex - it isn't the mom car, it's not how much you make a year, it's not how well behaved your children are. The biggest flex is having involved grandparents - voluntarily involved."


♬ original sound - Kelsey P

She added "Having that midday struggle with my children and then getting that text from grandma: 'Hey, can I pick so and so up for a sleepover tonight? Ha ha ha, funny you should say that! Her bag has been packed. Never unpacked it. She’s ready. Grandparents that want to be involved - 10 out of 10. Ones that you can text like, 'Hey, can you fly up this weekend? We need your help.'"

Continuing the endless praise of her evidently very helpful parents, Kelsey continued "Nothing beats a grandparent who wants to do more than required," later adding "They want to go above and beyond." Although light hearted, Kelsey did touch on the fact it's not always common for children to have their grandparents involved, expressing sympathy for those who don't have theirs in the picture. She questioned "Who doesn't want to be involved with their grandchildren? Who?"

"It’s not how well behaved your kids are. Biggest flex is having involved grandparents."

TikTok user, Kelsey P

The post certainly sparked huge debate online, garnering thousands of likes and comments. One commenter added her version of the biggest flex, writing "BIGGEST BIGGEST flex - having voluntary involved grandparents that RESPECT your parenting style and boundaries!"

Another pointed out that it's not always a positive to have grandparents involved, if they're going to display toxic behaviours around kids. They added "In my opinion my parents did me a favour not being involved. My kids are better off not being criticised and yelled at for simply existing as a child."

Some grandparents responded, with some suggesting they adored being a big part of their grandchildren's lives. Others felt it was overwhelming and too much was being expected of them - one wrote angrily "I have six kids, eight grandkids. I still have two teens in the house and am taking care of aging parents. How much more am I expected to do? QUIT with the shaming and comparisons."

However, many agreed that having grandparents involved was simply the best. One wrote "Facts. My parents take my child every Friday night. She has her own room and all her own clothes at grandma and grandpas, no bags packed. They are also basically my only friends."

For more on grandparents, visiting them just once a month can help them live longer. More than half the grandparent aged generations has never been asked for advice, and that really should change. If their advice isn't quite what you want, a psychologist has shared the grandparent code - a list of 12 grandparenting rules to keep family relationships strong and healthy.

Lucy Wigley
Parenting writer - contributing

Lucy is a mum-of-two, multi-award nominated writer and blogger with six years’ of experience writing about parenting, family life, and TV. Lucy has contributed content to PopSugar and In the last three years, she has transformed her passion for streaming countless hours of television into specialising in entertainment writing. There is now nothing she loves more than watching the best shows on television and sharing why you - and your kids - should watch them.