Mums-to-be look away now, as a mum from from Kilmarnock in Scotland has taken to social media to speak out about how difficult birth stories
can be, painting a rather painful picture.
Mum-of-two Jordan Kennedy was watching the hit TV show One Born Every Minute and felt inspired to share what she considers to be the truth about labour.
She posted a brutally honest Facebook status sharing her reality of giving birth, claiming she was ‘screaming for someone to just cut your throat and end it all’.
Jordan began her post saying: ‘Just watching one born their and it got me thinking how rotten is it giving birth.. it’s some buzz when the baby’s out but seriously being in labour has to be one of the most ugly things ever..’
‘you start off with your wee clean pj’s and matching slippers.. all smiles even a bit of lip gloss ta keep you in gid spirit..then as the contractions start getting heavy the slippers are chuked across the room.. yar hairs scraped back like dog the bounty hunter.. you endup wearing a nappy that could absorb the dean park pond..’
The mum then continues to describe what some mothers may find an embarrassing side effect of birthing their baby: ‘you try so hard to keep your dignity so your man will still want you despite whats about ta happen but as the hours go on your sucking on the pain relief like a burns mall junkie screaming for someone to just cut your throat and end it all..’
‘Then it’s time ta push and God forbid you eat anything in the last 8 hour.. your wishing ta god you had just farted in front of your boyfriend coz now he ken’s you fart.. but trying to keep your thoughts away fay the fact you just shat the bed you just take the next avaliable pain relief ta block out the embarrassment..’
The Scotland native referred to the state of a newborn baby as ‘blue’ with a ‘cone head’ before admitting new mums can finally relax, ‘out pops a giant head and your arse feels like it’s been set alight before the shoulders Finnish you aff.. everyones that happy awww the baby…lets just all pretend hes no blue and got a big cone head..’
‘you forget it all and then just as you relax and take a moment to yarself some dodgy wee midwife that’s no slept in 35 hour trys to set about your vagina with a needle and thread..’
Finally, Jordan signed off her post with a tongue in cheek declaration, calling giving birth ‘a pure magical moment for a woman 😊’.
The 25-year-old’s post quickly went viral, being liked over 22k times, and receiving lots of attention from thousands of followers sharing the post and calling it ‘too funny’.
One Facebook user said, ‘I honestly cried reading this 😂😂 too funny!!!!’ whilst another said, ‘I’m crying at the blue and cone head!’
‘This is hilarious!!’ a third agreed. ‘And it’s so true one born is so misleading lol x’