Do men marry their mothers?

Don't fool yourself - you're probably more like his mum than you realise! Dr Pam Spurr reveals why men like to choose a partner just like mum

Don't fool yourself - you're probably more like his mum than you realise! Dr Pam Spurr reveals why men like to choose a partner just like mum.

As Prince William and Kate Middleton welcome their baby boy, George, you've got to wonder what the late Princess Diana would've thought of Kate.

Personally, I'm convinced she would've approved as there are a number of similarities between Diana and Kate. And although some mums can't stand it when their sons choose someone like themselves, most are flattered by this.

Not only is Kate slim and elegant like Diana was, but she also has a distinctive fashion sense. I'm sure they would've had loads of fun shopping together. Equally both women love glamming up, hitting the town and having big nights out.

But the similarities run deeper, as it's been reported that Kate experienced some unhappy schooldays as Diana did. Those sorts of experiences as a teenager give you a certain type of vulnerability but also toughen you up at the same time. Diana had that lovely, vulnerable side that made everyone want to look after her, but she also had a feisty side. We'll wait to see if Kate's feisty side comes out too.

What you and his mum have in common

The subconscious similarities Obviously Kate Middleton has her own personality but I'm sure at a subconscious level, William's picked up on the similarities with Diana. It all happens at that subconscious level and that's why men end up marrying their "mothers".

Here's why:

  • They feel comfortable around their girlfriend because deep-down she somehow reminds them of the comfort they felt around their mother.

  • Also we usually choose to settle down with people that "play-out" the relationship role model we saw through our parents' relationship. So if a man's mum was shy - and his dad extrovert - than often he'll be quite extrovert and choose a shy woman.

  • Men are often attracted to the physical type that their mother is - because that's the physical image of the woman they grew up with. With William, he was used to seeing a mother who was slim and attractive and he's chosen a wife-to-be that's slim and attractive.

The positives and negatives of being like his mum

The positive side of being like his mum When things are going well and you're like his mum in temperament, things will go really well. It's as if you have an unwritten understanding of each other, making things easy.

You both feel you've known each other all your lives, which gives you security and comfort in your relationship.

The negative side of being like his mum You might actually find you clash with her because you're both so similar that it's irritating. Particularly if you both have strong personalities then it can become a bit of a battle for power between you.

You might come to resent feeling like you're very similar to his mum when you want to have your own identity - as we all do.

Ultimately the best way forward is to relax and not worry about being like his dear old mum. You can still carve out your own relationship and you don't have to play-out those "roles" you might feel you're cast in.

Dr Pam's new book Steamy Sex: The Sex Doctor's Answers for Keeping It Hot is available at

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Are you similar to your partner's mum? Tell us about your relationship with your mother in law in our comments section below.

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