Kids say the most hilarious things, but they don’t always pick the best moments.
Who hasn’t been embarrassed by a five year old’s loud comment in a shop, or burst out laughing when your child just tells you something completely unexpected?
As an ode to the little accidental comedians and their poor embarrassed parents, here are the funniest things your kids have said.
1. We don’t use public transport now
A Reddit user shared his experience of riding the bus with his daughter; ‘Was riding on a public bus and my five year old put her hand on a guy’s shoulder in the seat front of us and said – “This man is very fat”.’
2. Honesty is not always the best policy
A Reddit user said; ‘My daughter’s day care had circle time every morning as a way to start the day. Anyway we were late and walked into the middle of circle time. My daughter said – we’re late because my Mommy had diarrhoea..’
3. I’m not with them
Another Reddit user said; Standing in line at the Home Depot with my daughters, age 3 and 5. We’re white, in a mostly white city, and the guy in front of us is black. The 5-year-old points at him and says, really loud; ‘A brown person! What’s he doing here?’ I begin the Head Tuck of Shame and calmly explain that there are brown people everywhere, even Home Depot. The 3-year-old twists the knife, yelling at full volume; ‘HE’S BROWN ALL OVER!’
4. Mum’s on loo duty from now on…
‘Daddy, look at your tiny penis!’ is clearly what any dad loves to hear in a public bathroom! A Reddit user shared his 3-year-old daughter’s remark on his manhood, unfortunately heard by two men. ‘I hear the other guys in the bathroom kind of snort…and then let loose in laughter.’ Of course, who wouldn’t?
5. How embarrassing Image: Giphy
‘My daughter once shouted to me in a shop, ‘Oh, Mum, is ‘f**k’ swearing?”
Julie, via facebook
6. Moose or mousse?
‘There was a stuffed animal’s head on the wall at an old manor house we were visiting. My son asked, ‘What animal is that?’ I replied, ‘A moose,’ to which my son asked, ‘Is it a chocolate mousse?’ I don’t think he understood.’
Debra, via facebook
7. Too much information
My 3 -year-old to a man with a lot of facial hair: ‘My Daddy’s got a beard, but my Daddy’s beard is on his willy!’
Ann, via Facebook
8. The best insult
We were at a picnic with my 3-year-old daughter and some geese came near the table – my daughter stood up on the table, kicked and shouted, ‘Boggle off!’
9. Cow’s boobies
‘My 4-year-old daughter announced to the whole shop that milk comes from a cow’s boobies – I was mortified! I was laughing and blushing so much! It’s because I’ve just had a baby and she asked what her baby brother was doing so I said drinking his milk – so she put 2 and 2 together and came up with. I had to explain that they’re not called boobies on a cow they are called udders.’
Dolina, via Facebook
10. Dad’s really busy
‘When asked what her dad does at work, my three-year-old daughter said ‘he buys things and plays games’. If only that was a way to make money – he actually sells vintage clothes!’
11. What’s black and white and lives in the garden…
‘My son once came running into the kitchen very excited and informed me: ‘Mummy, I’ve just seen a penguin in the garden.’ When I went outside, there was a magpie.’
12. A lot of effort
‘My 4-year-old was asking this morning why her great aunt and uncle live in Australia. I explained they used to live in England but moved house. She looked at me puzzled and said, ‘So they pushed their house all the way to the other side of the world?’
Victoria, via Facebook
13. Just a hug!
‘My 8-year-old son was hugged by a girl in school. His friend then told him they’d just had sex, so when he came home from school he asked his 16-year-old brother how often he and his girlfriend have sex… priceless.’
Cathy, via Facebook
14. So ungrateful
‘I took my 4-year-old daughter to the zoo and sat her on the front row for the falconry show – she turned around to the people behind and said ‘I don’t know why they’ve brought me here, they know I don’t like birds!”
15. Their ideal scenario
‘I once asked my 3-year-old why his nursery teacher wasn’t in nursery that day and he told me she’d gone to jail for shouting at him. It turned out she was off sick with a sore throat!’