Christmas cracker jokes: The WORST one ever is finally revealed

Christmas cracker jokes

Brits love Christmas cracker jokes, yes even the most cringe-worthy ones. And now the worst one ever has been decided.

The snap of a cracker, a paper hat-that-never-quite-fits and the inevitable reading out of your Christmas cracker jokes are all synonymous with the festive family get together.

And, whether the joke is good or bad, everyone listens, tries to guess the answer and then groan-laughs at the actual punchline - it's a festive tradition as old as Father Christmas himself.

It makes sense really as, according to a poll of 2000 Brits, more than a third of us love Christmas crackers.

How to make a Christmas cracker Alternative Christmas crackers

But, while we may love a Christmas knock-knock joke, one in five chose THIS to be the worst of the Christmas cracker jokes;

'Who hides in a bakery at Christmas?' A mince spy!' Geddit? Geddit?

It was closely followed by 'What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker!' and 'What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? NEIGH-bours!'.

Christmas cracker jokes

Dan Brownsword / Getty Images

Oh, we're not done yet, other cringe-worthy Christmas cracker jokes to make the list include 'What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis', 'Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elfis Presley' and 'Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer.'

But despite such weak gags, the pull of Christmas crackers jokes remains strong for Brits, with three quarters admitting they enjoy reading out the jokes over Christmas dinner.

Though, one in five Brits admitted they only laugh at cracker jokes 'out of politeness', which is amazing considering a whopping six in 10 of us are disappointed by a Christmas cracker joke.

The study was commissioned by electrical retailer Currys PC World as part of its 'Magic of Christmas, Upgraded' campaign.

This campaign has seen them join forces with award-winning British stand-up comedian, Gary Delaney, to ‘upgrade’ some of the nation’s worst Christmas cracker jokes.

The new one-liners include knee-slappers such as; 'Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A sensible turkey.'

'What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? Loads of presents, then a bill.'

And 'What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Mane of thrones? Pony Foals and Horses? Strictly Come Prancing?'

All worthy efforts at upgrading, I think you'll agree. Below are the top 10 worst Christmas cracker jokes - beyond help.

Top 50 worst Christmas cracker jokes ever

  1. Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
  2. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker
  3. What's a horse's favourite TV show? Neigh-bours
  4. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick
  5. Why do birds fly south in the winter? It's too far to walk
  6. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
  7. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive? "One day my prints will come!"
  8. Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
  9. What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck
  10. Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elfis Presley
  11. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
  12. How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? 25 - there's no-el
  13. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
  14. What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator
  15. Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
  16. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? "Can you smell carrots?"
  17. Why can't a bike stand up by itself? It's two-tyred
  18. What school subject are snakes best at? Hisssstory
  19. What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
  20. How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz? They had a weigh in a manger
  21. Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside
  22. What carol do they sing in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful
  23. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence
  24. What do you sing a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
  25. What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
  26. Who's Rudolph's favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh
  27. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
  28. What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper
  29. What's the most popular Christmas wine? "I don't like sprouts!"
  30. What does a frog do if his car breaks down? He has it toad
  31. Why does your nose get tired in winter? It runs all day
  32. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
  33. What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? A barber-queue
  34. What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap
  35. What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson
  36. Why was the turkey in a band? He was the only one with drumsticks
  37. What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees? Hornaments
  38. What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? He got 25 days
  39. What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack
  40. What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt Claus-trophobic
  41. What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry
  42. How do snowmen get around? By riding an icicle
  43. How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
  44. Why is it getting so hard to buy advent calendars? Their days are numbered
  45. Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin
  46. How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
  47. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
  48. When do vampires like horse racing? When it's neck and neck
  49. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? He keeps a logbook
  50. What does a football team do when the pitch is flooded? Bring on the subs.

What do you think is the one of the worst Christmas cracker jokes of all time? Head to our Facebook page and let us know. 

Stephanie Lowe
Family Editor

Stephanie Lowe is Family Editor at GoodToKnow covering all things parenting, pregnancy and more. She has over 13 years' experience as a digital journalist with a wealth of knowledge and experience when it comes to all things family and lifestyle. Stephanie lives in Kent with her husband and son, Ted. Just keeping on top of school emails/fund raisers/non-uniform days/packed lunches is her second full time job.