Christmas cracker jokes: The WORST one ever is finally revealed
Brits love Christmas cracker jokes, yes even the most cringe-worthy ones. And now the worst one ever has been decided.
The snap of a cracker, a paper hat-that-never-quite-fits and the inevitable reading out of your Christmas cracker jokes are all synonymous with the festive family get together.
And, whether the joke is good or bad, everyone listens, tries to guess the answer and then groan-laughs at the actual punchline - it's a festive tradition as old as Father Christmas himself.
It makes sense really as, according to a poll of 2000 Brits, more than a third of us love Christmas crackers.
How to make a Christmas cracker Alternative Christmas crackers
But, while we may love a Christmas knock-knock joke, one in five chose THIS to be the worst of the Christmas cracker jokes;
'Who hides in a bakery at Christmas?' A mince spy!' Geddit? Geddit?
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It was closely followed by 'What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker!' and 'What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? NEIGH-bours!'.
Oh, we're not done yet, other cringe-worthy Christmas cracker jokes to make the list include 'What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis', 'Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elfis Presley' and 'Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer.'
But despite such weak gags, the pull of Christmas crackers jokes remains strong for Brits, with three quarters admitting they enjoy reading out the jokes over Christmas dinner.
Though, one in five Brits admitted they only laugh at cracker jokes 'out of politeness', which is amazing considering a whopping six in 10 of us are disappointed by a Christmas cracker joke.
The study was commissioned by electrical retailer Currys PC World as part of its 'Magic of Christmas, Upgraded' campaign.
This campaign has seen them join forces with award-winning British stand-up comedian, Gary Delaney, to ‘upgrade’ some of the nation’s worst Christmas cracker jokes.
The new one-liners include knee-slappers such as; 'Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A sensible turkey.'
'What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? Loads of presents, then a bill.'
And 'What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Mane of thrones? Pony Foals and Horses? Strictly Come Prancing?'
All worthy efforts at upgrading, I think you'll agree. Below are the top 10 worst Christmas cracker jokes - beyond help.
Top 50 worst Christmas cracker jokes ever
- Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
- What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker
- What's a horse's favourite TV show? Neigh-bours
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick
- Why do birds fly south in the winter? It's too far to walk
- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
- What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive? "One day my prints will come!"
- Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
- What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck
- Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elfis Presley
- What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
- How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? 25 - there's no-el
- Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
- What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator
- Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
- What did one snowman say to the other snowman? "Can you smell carrots?"
- Why can't a bike stand up by itself? It's two-tyred
- What school subject are snakes best at? Hisssstory
- What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
- How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz? They had a weigh in a manger
- Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside
- What carol do they sing in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful
- What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence
- What do you sing a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
- What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
- Who's Rudolph's favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh
- Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
- What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper
- What's the most popular Christmas wine? "I don't like sprouts!"
- What does a frog do if his car breaks down? He has it toad
- Why does your nose get tired in winter? It runs all day
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
- What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? A barber-queue
- What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap
- What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson
- Why was the turkey in a band? He was the only one with drumsticks
- What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees? Hornaments
- What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? He got 25 days
- What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack
- What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt Claus-trophobic
- What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry
- How do snowmen get around? By riding an icicle
- How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
- Why is it getting so hard to buy advent calendars? Their days are numbered
- Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin
- How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side
- What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
- When do vampires like horse racing? When it's neck and neck
- How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? He keeps a logbook
- What does a football team do when the pitch is flooded? Bring on the subs.
What do you think is the one of the worst Christmas cracker jokes of all time? Head to our Facebook page and let us know.
Stephanie has been a journalist since 2008, she is a true dynamo in the world of women's lifestyle and family content. From child development and psychology to delicious recipes, interior inspiration, and fun-packed kids' activities, she covers it all with flair. Whether it's the emotional journey of matrescence, the mental juggling act of being the default parent, or breaking the cycle of parenting patterns, Stephanie knows it inside out backed by her studies in child psychology. Stephanie lives in Kent with her husband and son, Ted. Just keeping on top of school emails/fundraisers/non-uniform days/packed lunches is her second full-time job.
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