If taking your teen's phone away is your first line of punishment when they need discipline, an expert shares why you might want to re-think this strategy.
Young people and smartphones seem to be the cause of endless debate in the modern world. It looks like we could be heading towards mobile phones being banned in schools, with even companies such as EE speaking out to warn against giving children phones. If your child does have a mobile, there's also the ongoing internal debate of whether you should check your child's phone - the list of parenting dilemmas these devices bring up is apparently endless.
As teens get so attached to their phones, it makes sense that when they need to be punished for a misdemeanour, parents remove it from them. However, child psychologist Dr Claire Halsey urges parents to think before dishing out this particular punishment.
Speaking to The Mirror, the expert shares "It can be tempting to take away a child's device altogether, but this all-or-nothing approach generates a lot of conflict and doesn’t help them make positive choices about where and when to have screen time." Instead, Dr Halsey has five tips for parents to manage their child's screen time as a result of conflict, instead of simply taking their phone from their possession.
- Reduce screen time before bedtime. Instead of a blanket ban on screen time before bed, try reducing it instead. Gently implement a rule that devices aren't to be taken into bedrooms in the evening. Try a family activity before bed that gets everyone interacting with one another with no screens involved, such as playing a board game.
- Have family limits and screen-free zones. Dr Halsey suggests agreeing on a time when the family as a whole turns all devices off. This could just be during mealtimes or car journeys to begin with. If parents are also involved, this models to children positively that switching off can be achievable.
- Negotiate access. If your child can't put their phone down of their own accord, don't take it away. Instead, explain and encourage compromise, and why these are important skills to have for life, not just when it comes to smartphone use. Parents could try asking their child to help prepare dinner or load the dishwasher in return for getting their phone back, instead of simply removing it.
- Look for ways to increase physical activity. If you want to take a phone away, try and provide a positive alternative. Family walks and old-fashioned games like hide-and-seek encourage family bonding while creating much-needed time away from screens.
- Have honest conversations about phone use. In the modern world, most people rely on their phones for socialising - including adults. If you take a child's phone away, be mindful that you could be cutting them off from their friends and breeding resentment. If you're set on phone removal as punishment, you need to be prepared to explain why - outline how the alternatives on offer such as increased family interaction and time spent outside, will be better for your child.
Dr Halsey expands on the reasons why simply taking a phone away from a child doesn't work. She correctly points out that most adults struggle to modify their phone use, and if they're unable to do this, they surely can't remove a device from their child and expect them to cope with this.
The expert concludes "Banning or removing your child's device for a long period is difficult to maintain and doesn’t allow either of you to work out when it's okay and when to turn it off. It may even backfire as children might not tell you when they've gone online or share if they've seen material that is harmful or frightening."
For more on this subject, we share ways your phone addiction is affecting your children and the ten rules that most parents have in place for their child's phone use. If you are thinking of getting your child their first phone, here are some expert tips to make the process easier.
