Back-to-school is a whole thing, isn't it? The new shoes, the pencil cases, the uniform buying. It's a rigmarole, a pain, just a whole exhausting production. But, what if you were to reframe it?...
What if we looked at back-to-school like a 'parent reset', a chance to start afresh. Most parents recognise July - September as days of carefully piecing together trips, days out, playdates, various forms of childcare and work projects. And while we do look forward to slower mornings in the summer holidays, we are by and large creatures of routine, and the summer months lack exactly that in most households - I know it does in mine.
The shake-up of slow summer days to school days in September can give the autumn month a far more new-year-ier than New Year itself. September for many marks the start of a new term, a step up between nursery and preschool, or a new school year. September means a shift from summer to crisp autumn and a comforting return to a rolling, more predictable routine.
Ever since our childhood, September carried a newness. And it's not until you're a parent really that you step back into September starts. This newness brings permission to start afresh - September is way better than the actual New Year with all it's Auld Lang Syne pressure.
As a Psychotherapist I encourage my clients to ‘hit the reset button’ whenever they need to, permitting themselves to start the year over, the day over, or even the minute over at any given time. But I know how hard it can feel to offer ourselves the permission to start afresh, so these calendar moments can offer the permission and prompt we crave.
This is why I am going to give you five ways to embrace the September New Year before touching on ways to ensure that any September ‘New Year’ resolutions don’t fail and fall at the first hurdle:
5 ways to embrace a September 'New Year'
- Lean into the nostalgia
- Know your ‘why’
- Stack a habit
- Ringfence your freedom
- Try something new
1. Lean into the nostalgia
Treat yourself to some newness. Be it a fresh journal, a shiny water bottle, lipstick, or a Vinted sale and spree. As a therapist I often work with clients who realise how engaging with their more playful inner child can bring welcome a bit more joy into their lives. I once spoke to someone who wore roller skates at home and had a whale of a time skating the short distance from the desk to the toilet! Consider what feels fun to you, and if it feels a little ridiculous? I’m all the more for it.
2. Know your ‘why’
We can desire to make changes because we KNOW that the way things are going, isn’t going to get us to good places. Maybe you choose to work on your inner narrative, move your body more, drink more water, or cut down on alcohol. Us humans are more effective at making a positive change when we have a strong awareness of WHY we desire to make that change.
Visualise how differently you may feel by December if you’ve nurtured a more compassionate inner dialogue, or how much your skin may glow if you’ve upped your water take and pledged to get outside each day.
3. Stack a habit
As you look ahead to September and consider the changes you’d like to make, think about what you’re already doing and ask yourself whether you could stack a new habit on top! For example, if you’re doing the school run three times a week when working from home, could you wear your running gear and do a quick lap between parking your car at your house and taking a seat at your laptop? Or if you want to be more consistent in having honest conversations with friends, can you organise ahead and diarise some phone calls or coffees in once a week?
4. Ringfence your freedom
If September opens up a little more time in your diary, choose not to fill ALL of it with more work or admin. Ringfence some space each day, or week where you can do something that fuels you in some way, but it engaging in an old hobby, or diarising a catch up with a friend. Claim some of it for yourself before all the responsibilities edge in. You’ll feel all the better for it, I promise.
5. Try something new
As September rolls around, try something new, or do something you always do…differently. It’s great to have routine, and comforting after the summer, however we can find ourselves stuck in ruts, or feeling like we’re on autopilot.
As author Courtney Stevens says ‘nothing changes if nothing changes. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to keep getting what you’re getting’. What can you add into your life to mix things up a bit. Whether you download a language app because you’ve always wanted to brush up on your school-level Spanish, or you take a different route on your commute, or pledge to eat lunch at the table, or near an open window instead of at your desk. Change opens our minds up to new possibilities, and increases a feeling of intentionality and agency.
Tips to keep your September New Year on track
September can feel more new-year-ier than New Year to many of us, but how then do we avoid the crushing frustration and self-criticism that rolls in when we fail to make the changes we yearned to make? Or when that unmarked new journal now feels so full of errors we are tempted to chuck it and start afresh…again. Well, here are 5 ways to ensure your September ‘New Year’ intentions don’t fall at the first hurdle:
Go slow and steady - Consider where you’d like to be in 3 months, let those changes be small and incremental. Instead of one giant ‘all or nothing’, ‘rip the bandaid’ off approach, consider what tweak or change will enable you to take one step at a time up the mountain of where you want to be. Stack one habit (for me, my first one was drinking more water). Once you’ve absorbed one new habit into your life as a new ‘normal’, then add another one! These little positive changes make a huge difference over time as they all act as statements of your worth and value.
Opt for ‘more of the time not all of the time’ - Whenever I write about change, mental health habits or parenting tips, I like to remind people that we should aim for ‘more of the time’ not ‘all of the time’. Growth is a bumpy upward curve. Long, lasting change happens over time, not overnight.
Scribble it down - Journaling helps you zoom out to the bigger picture of your days, weeks and months. Sometimes we can feel like we’re growing so slowly, or not even growing at all, whereas when we look back, we can see with stark clarity how perhaps we are making different decisions, responding differently, feeling more energised or content. Sometimes we have to look back to see how far we’ve come. When I look in my children’s school books, I can see their sweet little scrawling writing and think ‘wow, there’s a way to go there!’. But when I flip back the pages, I can see so clearly how far they have come, and it makes me feel a swell of pride and recognition.
Get accountable - If you’re seeking to make changes this September, find someone to hold you accountable. Perhaps you pledge to walk together, or share your goals and check in on how one another is doing, giving each other a chance to talk about the challenges and wins. Making change is more sustainable when you don’t feel like you’re addressing it alone. Plus, it’s far easier to find words of pride and encouragement for someone else than it is to find them for yourself.
Readdress your goals - For a while, I tried to read ten pages of a non-fiction book per day. Yet, my ‘more of the time, not all of the time’ quickly turned into ‘none of the time’. On reflection, I realised that this was too big a step for me, and missing my own expectation just led to a sense of failure. So, I lowered the bar to ‘one page’. And because it was so much more do-able, the pressure was alleviated, and I often ended up reading more! So, readdress your goals. If you’re consistently avoiding or unable to do what you wanted to do, instead of criticising yourself, make the goal smaller or change it altogether.
As September rolls up, sure, approach it with an untouched journal, fresh hope and new intentions, but don’t forget that you’re entitled to hit the reset button whenever you need to. You deserve to make positive and sustainable change whatever the calendar says, be it September as your child heads to school in their shiny shoes, or on the Thursday 7th November at 7.31am because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed and have decided not to declare it as ‘one of those days’.
I’ll take all the collective fresh starts to remind me that fresh starts feel good. They give us a chance to review, adjust and start walking and working with more intention. Personally? I can’t wait.
Anna is part of our GoodtoKnow expert panel and she creates insightful articles. The most recent on the fear you'll 'mess your kids up' will make you feel seen, and why most mums never feel good enough will make you realise it's not just you. Plus, her heart-aching piece on regretting motherhood shares five brilliant ways to respond to that feeling.
