Co-parenting with someone who’s all about structure and rules when you might be a more laid back type can be difficult to navigate.
From therapeutic to permissive, there are so many parenting styles to choose from these days, and while it’s great that people can have some autonomy on what’s best for them and their child, it can cause friction when two people parent differently. Everyone’s got their own upbringing that influences how they raise their children, personalities also play a big part and don’t get us started on when family disagree with your parenting style. Trying to find common ground is tricky, especially when there’s outside pressure from society, family, and friends all with their own ideas about the ‘right’ way to parent.
If you feel like you and your partner aren’t on the same page about parenting, Dr Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and author of Good Inside (£11.99, Amazon) reveals her three steps to transform your partnership.
3 ways to increase connection and improve communication with your partner
- Be open and vulnerable about your own parenting struggles: “Too often there's a dynamic where one partner is always criticising the other partners parenting,” points out Dr Becky. Flexibility can also be crucial, being wiling to adapt and try different approaches can help smooth things over.
- Invite your partner to disagree: Talk openly with your co-parent about your styles, values and goals. “So often, we send our partner a video we like and we say, ‘doesn't this make sense?’ Instead, ‘hey, I have a feeling you're not gonna agree with this, that's okay, I want to better understand your opinion’.”
- Remind your partner you’re on the same team: The next time you're butting heads with your partner, Dr Becky suggests telling them: "'You know what, I don't say to you enough we're on the same team when it comes to parenting and I know we want the same things for our kids'."
Many Instagram users were on board with Dr Becky's advice, with one saying: 'Wow this is a type of radical honesty that is so easy to overlook!! Calling out the possible contention before it even occurs and declaring you embrace it. Love this!!' and another, 'Love the part about inviting them to disagree!'.
Additionally, one user shared an anecdote on the topic of differing parenting styles: 'This is helpful but also makes me laugh as the timing is uncanny. I sent your last video to my partner as I thought it was just what he needed to hear around why teens distance themselves from us. He watched one video and started actioning things straight away'.
Like with most conflicts or disagreements, communication is key. Remember, there’s no one size fits all, as long as you’re doing your best, and your kids are happy and healthy, you’re on the right track.
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