HELP! | He’s so controlling about sex

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Q: At first I really loved it when my boyfriend played ‘hard to get’ around sex, teasingly making me wait for hours until he was ready. Six months in, however, it’s no longer a game. Now he gets irritable if I ask, makes me wait for days or sometimes refuses completely to have sex. I am careful never to push or nag – I know that doesn’t help. And we really do love each other. So why does he keep saying no?

SUSAN SAYS: Pressure to perform sexually is understandably a turn-off. But from what you say, that’s not the problem here. More likely, your boyfriend’s learned to want complete control around his sexuality, perhaps because he isn’t sure he can deliver. You both need to look deeper, helping him see why he’s so resistant around love-making, helping him feel more confident. Couple counselling can also help.

Jess is the Group Food Editor at Future PLC, working across brands in the woman’s lifestyle group, including Woman and Home, Woman’s Weekly, Woman, Woman’s Own, Chat, womanandhome.com and Goodto.com. Hailing from the Antibodies, Jess has a background in media and video production, with many years of experience working on tv and commercial video projects. After relocating to the UK, Jess studied at Leiths School of Food and Wine in London, graduating with a diploma in culinary arts before gaining a scholarship to study at the Ecole Nationale Superieure de Patisserie (ENSP) in France, where she learned the fine art of French patisserie.