The highs and lows of living life with small boobs

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  • Sometimes life can be so unfair with its scattergun approach to women’s breast size and when you’re on the lower end of the scale, it feels personal.

    The sad thing is, you probably started out in life with a larger-than-average chest. At age 12 you might have dabbled in bras and had big visions of how your well-endowed future would play out. Oh cruel fate, why tease a girl with uncomfortably early development and then leave her boobs at that exact 12-year-old size for the rest of her life?

    Or maybe you were eagerly awaiting them and they just… never arrived? Along with your small chest size come additional (ironically) heavy burdens to bear but it isn’t all bad news! There are some pretty nifty things about having a small chest (or so our big-busted pals tell us, anyway).

    High: You’ll wear a button up whenever you please

    … because your shirt will never accidentally pop open from too much boob-pressure coming from the inside.

    Low: People saying you don’t need to wear a bra

    Well thanks for the advice but I’d prefer not to feel my tiny boobs jiggle freely underneath my t-shirt. Nipple chafe is a real thing, even for those of us who have more nipple than boob.

    High: Back pain is a foreign phrase

    Your lovely small boobs are no traitors, they won’t cause you back pain now or in later life – thanks guys!

    Low: Never being able to wear low-cut dresses

    They gape at the front, yes across the bit boobs are meant to fill, and make you look like you have swimmers’ shoulders. Thanks genes.

    High (literally): Stairs are never an issue

    You can bound up those things, two at a time and at ligtening speed if you like, and never feel any discomfort.

    Low: Genuinely trying to make a cleavage out of makeup

    You heard Keira Knightley is the lucky recipient of contouring cleavage and wanted to have a go. Sadly your cleavage appeared no bigger and your favourite white top is now covered in bronzer. Definite low.

    High: You don’t have to worry about gravity

    Small boobs don’t really sag, thank goodness. So you know that even as you age you’ll always have a nice pert pair of pals.

    Low: Well-endowed women are EVERYWHERE

    … which leaves you thinking you could probably use their bra as a snuggly hammock-style-bed.

    High: Dancing is always fun

    … because your boobs don’t stop you from throwing those crazy shapes that feel so right.

    Low: Looking like a 12-year-old boy when you exercise

    As previously noted, a bra is usually needed but why do sports bras have to flatten every centimeter of boob you’ve been blessed with?

    High: Suffocating your friends isn’t a danger

    Your boobs never get in the way of a good cuddle – everyone knows good things come in small packages anyway.

    Low: Having your friends constantly remark on how small your bras are

    Hey, we’re a real life grown up woman too!

    High: You can wear pretty bras like this until the cows come home

    Because you don’t actually need support, you just need a bit of nipple-smoothing, which also means bandeaus are a completely fine alternative to a bra. Ahhh, cotton comfort.

    14. Low: Your nipples always betray you

    Even when you agree with people telling you that you may not need a bra, your nipples ruin it for everyone.

    15. High: Most models have small boobs

    Therefore you are basically a model.

    Low: You have to routinely deal with men that have a larger cup size than you

    Take some solace in the fact that they’re probably more unhappy with their breast size than you are.

    High: You can sleep on your front

    There’s nothing getting in the way of you and a good night’s sleep even when you fancy sleeping like a child, face first into the pillow.

    Low: Summer brings so many agonising situations

    Bikinis are not made for small breasted woman, why do they have to be so unforgiving?

    High: Your breasts don’t really change size

    So you never need to buy new bras (which are so expensive for such a small amount of fabric).

    Low: You have to live with the fact that your boobs could never cushion a fall like this

    There’s simply not enough padding to intervene in a life or death situation when a kitten falls out of the sky, and that’s a sad fact of your life.

    High: Back fat from an ill-fitting bra? Not here!

    Your boobs are simply not heavy enough to make back fat a problem, thank the heavens.

    Low: The endless ‘I must, I must, I must increase my bust’ exercises

    They don’t work.

    High: The extra room in your bra means you can use it as a purse instead

    Want to go on a night out without checking your bag into the cloakroom? No problem, your keys, change and credit card will fit snugly in beside your boobs.

    Low: You have to show you ID more than is reasonable for a grown woman

    And you’re pretty sure it’s because it’s because of the boobs.

    High: Whenever your friends get changed in front of you, you just have to…

    How are they so big? And bouncy? FUN. 

    Low: There’s nothing worse than attempts to fill your bra being uncovered

    The people of bra land made padding for a good damn reason and you will wear it whenever you please. It just gets slightly embarrassing when a chicken fillet sneaks out to say hello.

    High: Everyone knows ‘more than a handful’s a waste’

    … if Justin thinks so, it’s good enough for us!

    Low: All you ever want for Christmas is for your boobs to meet

    What is this cleavage you speak of and how does one go about making it happen?

    High: You always look modest

    No matter how-low cut your top or dress, you’ll always look classy.

    Low: You seriously considered trying to get a boob job on the NHS

    You heard that if you said you were being bullied for having a small breast size they would give you a boob job for free and you wanted in. (Aren’t you glad this idea lasted all of 5 minutes?)

    High: It makes you feel like you’re part of a cool gang

    Your whole family probably have small boobs, and your friends who have small boobs are secretly the ones you like most. There’s no denying it, you’re a gang.

    But despite all the trials, the high and lows, you know…

    You’re pretty fabulous just the way you are!

    Where to go next?

    What kind of Christmas Day Dad are you dealing with? The grump, the snoozer or the big kid?


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