While they’re no polar bear, Christmas jokes can break the ice at any festive event - be it family or work.
Oh yes, while Christmas caracker jokes are a small part of the most wonderful time of the year - in between building gingerbread houses (opens in new tab), sipping Eggnog (opens in new tab), and wrapping all your bargain buys from the 70 top Christmas toys (opens in new tab) - they're pretty important. So, throw a few of these hilarious one-liners out there and watch the festive jelly-belly laughs come rolling in, you could even involve your elf on the shelf (opens in new tab) and have them share one a day.
So park the knock-knock jokes (opens in new tab), and dad jokes (opens in new tab) for now, and - while they love ‘em - the riddles for kids (opens in new tab) can take a break too. It’s all about Christmas jokes, tinsel, trees, baubles and elves - there are a lot of great jokes to be had - the material is all there.
Christmas jokes - for adults and kids
Whether it's a knock-knock, Santa Claus or Christmas tree joke you're after we've got you covered. And, they're all PG.
Santa Claus jokes
- Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘hohoho’.
- Why doesn’t Santa drink reindeer milk? Because he’s on a deery-free diet.
- How did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker.
- What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
- What do you call a Santa living at the South Pole? A lost Claus.
- What's St. Nick's favourite measurement in the metric system? The Santametre
- What is Santa’s drag name? Sleigh Queen.
- What does Santa spend his money on? Jingle bills.
- What goes ‘Oh, oh, oh’? Santa walking backwards.
- Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee? Because they're Santa's star bucks!
Christmas tree jokes
- What do Christmas trees get when they go numb? Pines and needles.
- What do Christmas trees wear at the pool? Trunks.
- What do you call a Christmas tree that only appears in action movies? Spruce Willis.
- What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple.
- Why did the Christmas tree go to the Dr? It was feeling green.
- What’s another name for an artificial Christmas tree? Faux Fir.
- What looks like half a Christmas tree? The other half.
- What’s a Christmas tree's favourite sweet? Orna-mints.
- Who is a Christmas tree’s favourite singer? Spruce Springsteen.
- What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed? It started its own branch.
Christmas Cracker jokes
- What do angry mice send each other at Christmas? Cross mouse cards.
- What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days.
- Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist? He had low elf esteem.
- How did Scrooge win the football game? The Ghost of Christmas passed.
- Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught.
- Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
- How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet? 25 - because there’s no L.
- What do you call a deer who can’t see? No eye deer.
- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsellitis.
- What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerky.
Christmas knock-knock jokes
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are coming holly-days are coming.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho who? Your Santa impression needs a little work!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good Christmas joke?
- Knock, knock Who’s there? Honda. Honda who? Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Alaska. Alaska who? Alaska Santa for a new bike.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Hannah. Hannah who? Hannah partridge in a pear tree.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rabbit. Rabbit who? Rabbit up carefully, it’s a present.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary and Abbey. Mary and Abbey who? Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!
- Dad jokes and one liners (opens in new tab)
- Best knock-knock jokes (opens in new tab)
- Best riddles for kids (opens in new tab)
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Stephanie Lowe is Family Editor at GoodTo covering all things parenting, pregnancy and more. She has over 13 years' experience as a digital journalist with a wealth of knowledge and experience when it comes to all things family and lifestyle. Stephanie lives in Kent with her husband and son, Ted. With his love of choo-choos, Hey Duggee and finger painting he keeps her on her toes.
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