Christmas jokes - 40 of the funniest Christmas jokes for kids and adults

Save these tree-mendously funny Christmas jokes

Christmas jokes as illustrate by laughing adult and child
(Image credit: Getty / Future)

While they’re no polar bear, Christmas jokes can break the ice at any festive event - be it family or work. 

Oh yes, while Christmas caracker jokes are a small part of the most wonderful time of the year - in between building gingerbread houses (opens in new tab), sipping Eggnog (opens in new tab), and wrapping all your bargain buys from the 70 top Christmas toys (opens in new tab) - they're pretty important. So, throw a few of these hilarious one-liners out there and watch the festive jelly-belly laughs come rolling in, you could even involve your elf on the shelf (opens in new tab) and have them share one a day.

So park the knock-knock jokes (opens in new tab), and dad jokes (opens in new tab) for now, and - while they love ‘em - the riddles for kids (opens in new tab) can take a break too. It’s all about Christmas jokes, tinsel, trees, baubles and elves - there are a lot of great jokes to be had - the material is all there. 

Christmas jokes - for adults and kids

Whether it's a knock-knock, Santa Claus or Christmas tree joke you're after we've got you covered.  And, they're all PG.

Santa Claus jokes

  1. Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘hohoho’.
  2. Why doesn’t Santa drink reindeer milk? Because he’s on a deery-free diet.
  3. How did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker.
  4. What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
  5. What do you call a Santa living at the South Pole? A lost Claus.

Christmas jokes illustreated by joke

(Image credit: Future)
  1. What's St. Nick's favourite measurement in the metric system? The Santametre
  2. What is Santa’s drag name? Sleigh Queen.
  3. What does Santa spend his money on? Jingle bills.
  4. What goes ‘Oh, oh, oh’? Santa walking backwards.
  5. Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee? Because they're Santa's star bucks!

Christmas tree jokes

  1. What do Christmas trees get when they go numb? Pines and needles.
  2. What do Christmas trees wear at the pool? Trunks.
  3. What do you call a Christmas tree that only appears in action movies? Spruce Willis.
  4. What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple.
  5. Why did the Christmas tree go to the Dr? It was feeling green.

Christmas jokes illustrated by tree wearing trunks

(Image credit: Future)
  1. What’s another name for an artificial Christmas tree? Faux Fir.
  2. What looks like half a Christmas tree? The other half.
  3. What’s a Christmas tree's favourite sweet? Orna-mints.
  4. Who is a Christmas tree’s favourite singer? Spruce Springsteen.
  5. What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed? It started its own branch.

Christmas Cracker jokes

  1. What do angry mice send each other at Christmas? Cross mouse cards.
  2. What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days.
  3. Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist? He had low elf esteem.
  4. How did Scrooge win the football game? The Ghost of Christmas passed.
  5. Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught.

Christmas jokes illustrated by infographics

(Image credit: Future)
  1. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
  2. How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet? 25 - because there’s no L.
  3. What do you call a deer who can’t see? No eye deer.
  4. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsellitis.
  5. What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerky.

Christmas knock-knock jokes

  1. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly.
  2. Knock, knock! Who's there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are coming holly-days are coming.
  3. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho who? Your Santa impression needs a little work!
  4. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good Christmas joke?
  5. Knock, knock Who’s there? Honda. Honda who? Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…

Christmas jokes illustrated by infographics

(Image credit: Future)
  1. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!
  2. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Alaska. Alaska who? Alaska Santa for a new bike.
  3. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Hannah. Hannah who? Hannah partridge in a pear tree.
  4. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Rabbit. Rabbit who? Rabbit up carefully, it’s a present.
  5. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary and Abbey. Mary and Abbey who? Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

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Stephanie Lowe
Family Editor

Stephanie Lowe is Family Editor at GoodTo covering all things parenting, pregnancy and more. She has over 13 years' experience as a digital journalist with a wealth of knowledge and experience when it comes to all things family and lifestyle. Stephanie lives in Kent with her husband and son, Ted. With his love of choo-choos, Hey Duggee and finger painting he keeps her on her toes.