As a parent, you know how much you love your kid and would do anything for them – but are they aware of the extent of your love?
When your child keeps running away from you on the street despite asking them three times to stay close, or your unsolicited advice is met by yet another eye roll from your teen, it can make you question everything you thought you knew about parenting. When you're in a hopeless place with it all, sometimes it helps to be reminded that the one thing kids really need to feel safe and special is love.
And while saying ‘I love you’ might seem like the most obvious solution, children can actually find those words too abstract and grown up for them to process. Parenting educator and mum-of-four Gen Muir said in her latest TikTok video that adults have five love languages – some of which might look like gift-giving, physical touch or acts of service – but because kids process love differently to us, they’ll benefit from being physically shown how much they’re adored.
Gen, (@connectedparentingau on TikTok), explained: “Kids process our love simply through connection. It's showing them we delight in them, that we orbit around them and that we want to spend time with them. We need to show them physically [because] the concept of ‘I love you’ is so abstract; it’s so grown up that a child at three, four, or 13 can’t process it in a way we can so we need to show them."
5 ways to make a child feel loved
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- Light up when you see them: When you see them at the school gates or your co-parent drops them off after spending the day at their house, show your excitement and let them know how happy you are to be reunited with them again.
- Physical gestures: Cuddles, high-fives or ruffling their hair are great ways to express genuine affection. "Say their name and wink and watch the way it impacts them," Gen suggests.
- Create love rituals: There's nothing more exciting for kids than being in on a secret that no one else knows about, so you could agree a code word to give your little one some more reassurance or try "pressing their little hand three times when you’re in public and tell them that it means I love you," advises Gen.
- Stay connected when they're having a bad day: It can be easy to save all the hugs and kisses for the good times, but giving them positive attention when things aren't going so well can be just the ticket. Gen says: "Go in for a hug and hold on until they push you away – this hands the power of affection to your child and makes them feel so special and loved."
- Carve out 10 minutes of 'special time': Wondering how to reduce screentime for both you and your kids? A one-to-one – without any distractions – is a great way to show your child that you love them and really enjoy spending time with them.
So, why does it matter that our kids know how much we really love them? Gen says the reasons are three-fold: "When our kids feel truly worthy of our love, they cooperate better, they make better friendships and they feel better about themselves." We love to hear it.
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