Conflict and disagreements are part-and-parcel of parenting – no matter how old your kids are.
Struggling with a child who won’t listen can even make you feel like you’re not doing a good job – heck, even Beyoncé’s gentle parenting technique has been heavily criticised recently, but instead of fighting fire with fire, one parenting expert recommends another way of disciplining your kids when tempers flare.
Nik Bowers (@nikbowers on TikTok) posted a video on the platform that is designed to “deescalate tempers”, and it’s one you’re going to want to save if you’re having discipline issues.
Recognising that teens are tricky to navigate, in particular, the parent educator promised that “no matter how old your kids are, this will work.”
When you first have to discipline your child, Nik encourages parents to take a pause and think it through. The next step is to give them a choice in the repercussion of their behaviour: “So, you can say, ‘well do you want to do four hours of chores or lose your driving privileges? Do you want to miss this party or do you want to lose technology for the weekend?’.
“They ultimately make choices in their consequences, but then when they do complain about it or whatever, it’s like, ‘okay well, you chose’, and it actually can deescalate the situation because just that small amount of choice isn’t a bad thing.”
@nikbowers_ ♬ original sound - Nik Bowers
Nik, who worked with children from age four to college for more than 20 years, captioned the video: “I love choices. Teens do not like consequences but it hits different when you can choose.”
Her technique, that she posted to her 11,000 followers, has received praise from other users.
One account said: “I frickin love this thank you!”, while another commented: “I feel like this could be applied to the classroom with success. Thanks for the idea :)”.
Power struggles are something many parents have to deal with and it can be easy to lose your temper with your child. To help you remain calm, Nik suggests turning the situation into a positive one.
In a post on her blog Raising Beautiful Messes, Nik says: “For example, if your child is refusing to do their homework, try asking them to help you with something instead. This will show respect for their feelings and needs while still getting them to do what you need them to do.”
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