Push presents: ‘Well done, pet. Here’s something shiny to distract you from your mangled nether regions’

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  • Sally from Wife Of A Wig Wearer was selected by our BISS July panel and in her guest blog has her say on push presents…

    Push presents: I can’t work out if it’s the name or the notion that troubles me. I am as shallow as a puddle make no mistake so I’m always game for a present. Any time. Any place. But I also wince at the idea of being rewarded like a skittish puppy: ‘Well done, pet. Here’s something shiny to distract you from your mangled nether regions’. It doesn’t feel right some how.

    My husband, AO, is many things: criminal barrister, skilled parallel parker and a bit of a dish, but he is not a fruitful gift buyer and as a consequence I haven’t had to wrestle too hard with the morals of push presents.

    After Sprog 1 was born, I was rewarded with three hours in surgery and a watery cup of NHS tea and that was that. Not to worry, I thought, Valentine’s is four days away, AO will pull it out the bag!

    Nope. Not so much as a card.

    Not to worry, I thought, Mother’s Day is next month, AO will pull it out the bag!

    Nope. Not so much as a card.

    Then it was my birthday and I got Wellington boots. Handy for wading through my self pity.

    In between the birth and the birthday, the in-laws came to stay. My mother-in-law is extremely thoughtful and has a weakness for diamonds. I packed her and AO off to the city, and I stayed at home to fantasise about the almighty rock that they would be wheel-barrowing home for me. I got quite excited. Lo and behold, home came my beloved clutching a John Lewis bag: ‘Sal, check this out!’ It was a bread bin. Worse than that, it was a part-share in a bread bin: ‘It’s not for you. It’s for us’.

    And I think that may be one of the troubles with push presents: how can a partner possibly suitably reward a bedraggled, shell shocked wreck of a woman for pushing out 10lbs of child? Surely nothing can match that. You wouldn’t trade us for a spa break, would you, mum?

    But I do love a gift and, even more than that, I do love praise so I see the value of a symbolic pat on the back. Pregnancy is an awful bind and childbirth really hurts so it all demands more than a high five and large bottle of co-codamol. So if you’re hoping for something more glitzy than the topping up of your ISA before the end of the tax year (husband’s eventual token gesture), I advise making your demands clear from the outset/moment of conception. Aim high though because not a lot compensates for the mayhem of childbirth. Except, perhaps, your beautiful new baby.

    Read more from Sally on wifeofawigwearer.wordpress.com

    Sally was selected as a BISS guest blogger after entering our July linky. For your chance to write for GoodtoKnow, check out our Because I Said So platform.