Relationship expert on ‘the right time’ to walk away from a relationship even when you have kids
It's never a good idea to stay in an unhappy marriage - especially when you have children,
A relationship expert has revealed the hugely negative impact that parents staying in an unhappy marriage can have on their children and shared that it is never better to stay together for the sake of the kids.
Navigating marriage while also dealing with the everyday needs of your children can feel like an impossible task. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The harsh truth can be seen in the statistics. Divorce enquiries reached a record high earlier this year and terms like 'gaslighting' have become ever more mainstream.
But when a relationship breaks down, it's often not just you and your partner who you have to worry about. There's also the matter of the children. Many believe it's better to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids' wellbeing but now relationship expert Paul Carrick Brunson has put a firm stop to that sentiment.
During an appearance on the Lorraine show, Brunson was asked by a viewer whether or not it is better to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of their children. He quickly responded with a firm 'no.'
"This is a tough one because I understand the desire to stay in the marriage because you think you’re doing it for your children, but it’s actually not the best option, most of the time,” he said.
“If you are in an unhappy marriage, I guarantee you your children know. And chances are there’s conflict, or maybe there’s no emotion at all, and what you’re doing is, your child is learning how to model their behaviour on you, and what they see their parents doing.”
Sometimes, the problems can be fixed by learning how to explain the mental load you're experiencing to your partner or to learn how to better deal with family conflicts, but oftentimes, it's best to step away from the unhealthy environment so your children can thrive in better conditions.
GoodtoKnow Newsletter
Parenting advice, hot topics, best buys and family finance tips delivered straight to your inbox.
The truth of the matter is that kids will pick up on the negative emotions you and your partner are experiencing and this can really impact their own mental health. “This ultimately leads to depression, stress, anxiety, and worst of all, it leads to them conducting their relationship the same way," the expert said.
“So I advocate for divorce in a situation like that. You can create a more stable environment for your child and you can model proper behaviour, which is self-love. Don’t feel shamed to stay in a relationship. Pop culture makes us feel like the worst thing in life is being alone. No. The worst thing in life is being in a relationship and still being alone.”
The struggle is one many parents go through. Co-parenting has been a hot topic throughout 2023 and there's plenty of advice out there for parents who are going through a divorce, such as our roundup of 7 rules you need to know before you take your kids on holiday after a divorce.
Charlie Elizabeth Culverhouse is a news writer for Goodtoknow, specialising in family content. She began her freelance journalism career after graduating from Nottingham Trent University with an MA in Magazine Journalism, receiving an NCTJ diploma, and earning a First Class BA (Hons) in Journalism at the British and Irish Modern Music Institute. She has also worked with BBC Good Food and The Independent.
-
Cosatto Wow 3 hands-on review: practical, beautiful and comfortable - wow!
A versatile travel system with a newborn carrycot, upright pushchair seat and a compatible car seat - everything you need in one stylish package
By Heidi Scrimgeour Published
-
14 of the best pushchairs to buy in 2024: buggies and strollers for growing toddlers reviewed
We asked a panel of parents to put the latest pushchairs to the test - here's what they thought
By Heidi Scrimgeour Published
-
Raising an anxious kid? Here are 6 things that mental health experts want parents to know (and #1 could be a game changer)
If you have a child who often experiences feelings of anxiety, psychologists have explained some ways you can respond when they're struggling with their emotions.
By Ellie Hutchings Published
-
How to fix your marriage, while raising kids, without therapy - a psychotherapist unpicks the top three relationship issues
What to do when your parenting responsibilities mean your relationship energy is running on fumes.
By Joanne Lewsley Published
-
"She eventually agreed" - I pushed my partner into having kids when she wasn't ready and here's why I really regret it
There's never a 'right' time to have kids, especially when an age gap between a couple is involved. One dad shares his regret at asking his younger wife to start a family.
By Lucy Wigley Published
-
What to expect when your teenager starts dating - plus, how to make sure they're safe and feel comfortable opening up to you about it
So, your teenager has started dating and you have no idea what to expect. Here are all your questions answered, by a family expert and a psychologist.
By Ellie Hutchings Published
-
Half of British parents are ‘too tired to have sex’ a study reveals, a relationship expert shares her tips (and it’s not just kids who should put down their screens)
Here's how you can re-energise in the bedroom, according to a relationship expert
By Selina Maycock Published
-
Sorry, parents - you might have 18 years of sleep deprivation ahead of you, as a new survey shows teens disrupt sleep just as much as toddlers do
A new survey has revealed that teens disrupt their parents' sleep just as much as toddlers do (and, sorry, it gets worse the more children you have).
By Ellie Hutchings Published
-
How to co-parent: 9 legal-expert led tips that could help (even if you don't get on)
It's hard to get used to the post-divorce dynamic, but don't let it impact your parenting approach
By Stephanie Lowe Last updated
-
Neglectful parenting: what is it and how does it look? We ask two psychotherapists for all the information (plus what the lasting effects might be)
Neglectful parenting isn't necessarily a parenting style choice
By Stephanie Lowe Published