Loose Women star Denise Welch has revealed that she once wished a plane she was travelling on with her baby son would crash and kill them both at the height of her battle with depression.
The 65-year-old admitted that she was suddenly hit with 'this massive depression (opens in new tab)' the night before she boarded a flight to Australia to visit her then husband, Tim Healy, on the set of a BBC TV series.
Denise was with her son, Matthew Healy, 32, who was one at the time. He now fronts pop rock band The 1975.
Speaking to Laura Dockrill on the Zombiemum podcast, Denise confessed that she hoped for the plane to plummet so she would be 'out of this pain'.
She said, 'The night before I went, this massive depression came on. I cannot tell you what it was like to go the airport and get on that plane with this depression.
'When I was in the air - I told Matthew this years later when he was a grown up, I would never have put this on any child - I wished that the plane would go down.'
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Denise added, 'In my mind, I wished that it would, because then I wouldn't have made the decision.
'It was the point I wanted something out of my control and I thought, "Why doesn't it just go down and then I will be out of this pain". Now I can't believe I had those thoughts.'
Denise battled severe postnatal depression following the birth of Matthew in 1989, confessing that had it not been for her family, she would probably have taken her own life. (opens in new tab)
'I just remember thinking, "Who is this baby?" Looking at the baby thinking, "Why have I got this baby?" And within an hour I was in a black suicidal depression and that was the start of my journey.
'I was almost incapable of getting off the settee. I lost two stone in three weeks and my mum had to sit there trying to make me have food replacements.
'I never wanted to harm my child but I just wanted everything to go away.
'Had I not had the family I had, without a doubt, either through purpose or accident, I would probably not be here now.'
Roxy James is a freelance Celebrity Writer at GoodTo, covering all things royal, entertainment and reality TV. Be it the latest Royal Family happenings, behind-the-scenes gossip at Strictly Come Dancing or breaking engagement, divorce or baby news - Roxy has it covered.
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