Halloween jokes make for some spooky laughs and we have a roundup of the best Halloween jokes around, from ghost jokes, knock-knock Halloween jokes, and corny dad Halloween jokes - they'll have you cackling.
For laughs all year round try our best dad jokes, knock-knock jokes or 180 jokes for kids. Halloween is the time for tricks and treats - and no treat is sweeter than a funny bone tickler. Don't be scared to read on for ghostly gags and monster mirth - these howlers are suitable for the whole family.
Dad of three and Halloween joke master Matt tells us, “Every Halloween, I can't resist using the corniest puns to haunt my kids. Nothing is off limits, from cheesy vampire gags to silly skeleton jokes. They pretend to hate them, but I know they secretly love them… I think!”
Ghost Halloween jokes
- Why do ghosts love to ride in lifts? Because it raises their spirits.
- What's a ghost's favourite position in football? Ghoul-keeper.
- Where does a ghost go on holiday? Mali-boo.
- What kind of music do ghosts like to dance to? Soul music.
- How do ghosts stay in shape? They exorcise regularly.
- What do ghosts put on their Sunday dinner? Grave-y!
- Why did the ghost become a chef? Because he wanted to make boo-rritos!
- Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.
- Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
- Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.
- What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-BOO!
- What's a ghost's favourite game to play? Hide and shriek.
- What do you find in a ghost’s nose? BOO-gies!
- What do ghosts wear if they have bad eyesight? Spook-tacles
- What's a ghost's favourite ride at the amusement park? The roller-ghoster.
- What do ghosts serve for dessert? I Scream!
- What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock their house? A spook-key
- What are ghosts' favourite trees? Ceme-trees!
- What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spook-ghetti!
- What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
- Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
- Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!
- Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store.
- What room does a ghost not need? A living room!
- What did the ghost say when he realised he'd been cheated? I've been bam-BOO-zled!
Corny Halloween jokes
- How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle their funny bone
- What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs
- Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? They didn't have the guts
- What do skeletons say before eating? Bone Appetit!
- What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
- What’s a vampire’s favourite fruit? A neck–tarine!
- Which Halloween monster is good at maths? Count Dracula!
- Where do vampires keep their money? The blood bank!
- Why are vampires so unpopular? Because they're a pain in the neck!
- Why don't mummies like going on holiday? They're worried they'll unwind!
- What car does Frankenstein drive? A monster truck!
- Which spooky animal is best at playing rounders? A bat!
- Do zombies eat their trick-or-treat sweets with their fingers? No, they eat their fingers separately!
- What day do monsters eat people? Chews-day!
- What monster fits on the end of your finger? The bogeyman!
- What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A nightmare
- What is the mummy's holiday job? Gift wrapper.
- Why don’t mummies have friends? Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
- Why are vampires easily fooled? They're suckers.
- What's a vampire's favourite ice cream flavour? Vein-illa.
- Why did the Cyclops give up teaching? He only had one pupil!
- What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow? A numb-skull.
- Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have nobody to love.
- Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
- What’s a ghoul’s favourite bean? A human bean.
Dad Halloween jokes
- Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? He had no body to go with
- What's the funniest day of the year? Ha-ha-Halloween!
- What do you call Winnie the Pooh on Halloween? Winnie the BOO!
- What do birds say on Halloween? Trick or tweet.
- What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
- Who did Frankenstein take to the disco? His ghoul-friend.
- What is a skeleton's favourite instrument? A trombone.
- How do mummies start their letters? Tomb it may concern.
- How can you tell a vampire has a cold? They're always coffin!
- Why don't skeletons fight each other? Because they don't have the guts!
- How do you make a witch itch? Take away the "w"!
- Why was the scarecrow promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- What did one wall say to the other wall on Halloween? I'll meet you at the corner!
- What do you get if you cross a black cat with a lemon? A sour-puss!Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.
- Why don't werewolves ever know the time? Because they're not whenwolves.
- Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
- Where does a skeleton go for a fun night? Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
- What's a skeleton's favourite song? "Bad to the Bone."
- Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
- Where do zombies live? On a dead-end street.
- Did you hear about the coffin sale? That's the last thing I need.
- How do monsters like their eggs? Terror-fried.
- What Halloween treat is never on time for the party? Choco-LATE!
- Who gives Dracula the most treats on Halloween? His fang-club.
- How does a witch know the best time to go trick or treating? She checks her witch watch.
Pumpkin Halloween jokes
- What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin!
- What’s a pumpkin’s favourite sport? Squash.
- What do adventurous pumpkins do for fun? Go bungee gourd umping.
- What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin? “You look a little sick.”
- What did one Pumpkin say to the other? “Happy Hollowing!”
- Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches? They have no hands to knock on the door.
- Why do pumpkins perform so poorly in school? Because they had all their brains scooped out.
- What kind of romance do pumpkins enjoy? A mushy romance.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Pumpkin. Pumpkin who? Things that go pumpkin the night!
- What’s the problem with eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year? You’ll get autumn’y ache.
- What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
- Where do pumpkins hold meetings? In the gourdroom.
- What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach? A life gourd.
- What does a pumpkin use to repair its trousers? A pumpkin patch!
- Why was the pumpkin afraid to cross the road? It had no guts!
- How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music? On vine-yl.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad it's almost Halloween?
- Why was Cinderella bad at football? She had a pumpkin for a coach.
- What did the pumpkin say to its carver? Cut it out
- What did one sad pumpkin say to the other? I feel a little hollow inside.
- What did the fast pumpkin say to the slow pumpkin? Patch you later!
- Why are pumpkins so forgetful? Because they’re empty-headed.
- What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie? Your teeth.
- Why did the man slip on the pumpkin? It caught him off gourd.
- What do pumpkins eat at the movies? Pulp Corn.
Knock-knock Halloween jokes
- Knock, Knock! Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Don't cry, it's just my Halloween costume!
- Knock, Knock! Who's there? Ghost says! Ghost says who? No, ghost says boo!
- Knock, Knock! Who's there? Woo! Woo who? Yeah, I'm excited for Halloween too!
- Knock, Knock! Who's there? Justin! Justin who? Just in time for Halloween.
- Knock, Knock! Who's there? Diane! Diane who? I'm Diane to eat my Halloween candy.
- Knock Knock? Who's there? Figs! Figs who? Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!
- Knock, Knock! Who's there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to give me more candy.
- Knock, Knock! Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad it's Halloween.
- Knock, Knock! Who's there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, W-H-O.
- Knock, Knock! Who's there? Tyson. Tyson who? Tyson garlic around your neck to keep the vampires away
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Eddie. Eddie Who? Eddie body home? It’s Halloween!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Ice Cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream every time I see a ghost!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Tad. Tad who? Tad old black magic!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Dishes! Dishes who?Dishes a very bad Halloween joke!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you can fix my broomstick?
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you will give me some Halloween candy?
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Ivan. Ivan who? Ivan to suck your blood!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana Who? Ivana suck your blood!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Twick. Twick who? Twick or Tweet!
- Knock, Knock Who’s there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda go for a ride on my broomstick?
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Vampire! Vampire who? Vampire state building!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Phillip. Phillip who? Phillip my bag with Halloween candy!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Dustin! Dustin who? Dustin off last year's costume for you!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Voodoo! Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are!
- Knock, Knock! Who’s there? Hutch! Hutch who! Bless you, and trick or treat!
Witch Halloween jokes
- What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
- What do witches learn at school? Spelling
- What do you call a witch who lives at the seaside? A sand-witch.
- What does a witch use to keep her hair up? Scare-spray!
- What’s the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which.
- What do you call a witch with chickenpox? An itchy witch!
- What do the fastest witches use to get around? Vroomsticks!
- How do you make a witch itch? Take away the 'w'!
- What happens to witches who break school rules? They get hex-spelled!
- What do witches put on to go trick or treating? Mas-scare-a.
- What do you call two witches trick or treating together? Broom mates
- How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.
- Why does a witch ride a broomstick? So she can make a clean getaway.
- Why is it good to drink witch's brew? It's very newt-tricious!
- Why was the broom late? It overswept.
- Knock, Knock! Who's there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you will give me lots of Halloween candy?
- Why don't witches like coffee shops? They prefer to brew their own.
- What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
- How do you turn the lights out on Halloween night? Use the lights witch.
- What made the witch go to the hospital? She had a dizzy spell.
- What do you call a nervous witch? A twitch.
- What do witches in Australia ride? Broomerangs.
- What is a witch's favorite TV show? Game of crones.
- What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future? Witchful thinking.
- Who's a witch's favourite movie director? Steven Spellberg.
If you and your kids enjoyed our hellish Halloween jokes and gruesome ghost jokes, then you'll adore 120 of the best dad jokes around, our funniest Christmas jokes for kids and adults and this collection of hilarious, kid-friendly jokes, perfect for ages 4 to 12.
Parenting advice, hot topics, best buys and family finance tips delivered straight to your inbox.
Joanne Lewsley is a freelance copywriter and editor who creates parenting, health and lifestyle content for evidence-based websites, including BabyCentre, Live Science, Medical News Today and more.
A Princess Diana inspired baby name is set to be popular in 2024 - and it's kind of surprised us
This unusual baby name trend is set to be big in 2024 and it has a surprising link to Princess Diana
By Ellie Hutchings Published
Relationship expert urges parents to prioritise partners over children for this crucial reason
'Don't think of prioritisation as what happens at the top' warns Married at First Signt's relationship expert.
By Selina Maycock Published