After nearly 14 years of parenting and four kids, I’m a total convert to the idea of ‘bringing the grandparents’ on holiday. From helping the kids discover new passions to saving money (and my sanity), here’s how travelling with grandparents works for us…
People love to say that parenting changes you, and they’re right. Somehow, I’ve become that person. The one who only wants to go on holiday with my husband’s parents, aka my kids’ grandparents.
I know, I know. I’m as surprised as anyone. But increasingly, I’m realising there are myriad benefits to multi-generational holidays, for parents, kids and grandparents alike.
As a mother to four kids aged six to 13, family holidays have long been a gamble. On the one hand, there’s so much to look forward to: Sunshine! Relaxation! Glorious sibling harmony!
On the other hand, there’s reality. Car sickness. Airport delays. How insanely expensive everything is. Sisterly squabbles that escalate into screaming, physically violent, extremely public, rows.
For years, due to the expense and hassle, we didn’t bother trying to go away with our brood. But now that our kids are all school-aged, we’re tentatively venturing further afield, whether that’s visiting my half-sister in Munich or seeking out winter sun in Miami. (I’m originally from New York City, but no longer have family or a family home there; Miami feels like a happy compromise that’s both familiar and an adventure at once.)
We’ve also started exploring the UK on trips with my in-laws. On the drive home from our third consecutive May half-term getaway to north Norfolk (Blakeney, Holt, Cley, Holkham, etc.), the mood in the car was glorious. The kids were relaxed and giggling; my husband smiled and cracked jokes at the wheel. Best of all, I felt invigorated. I’d relaxed properly, sleeping well past 8 am daily, consuming an entire novel poolside, and not lifting a finger to cook a single meal or do a load of washing for four whole days.
It hit me then: we’d achieved a getaway that finally felt like a “holiday.” Even more shockingly, we’d had grey skies and storms our entire trip. Which meant the secret ingredient to holiday bliss wasn’t the weather but something else.
I’m pretty sure it was the presence of my children’s grandparents.
Our multi-gen holiday set-up works for all parties. From a parental perspective, it allows us to split the load of child-caring (as well as travel costs, e.g. our older kids stay with their grandparents so we end up paying for one hotel room instead of two).
Our larger group size means we can mix and match who we spend time with throughout the day, dividing up into various couples and trios to allow everyone the chance to do what they like, whether that’s trawling vintage shops, going to the beach, checking out historical sites or playing golf.
Crucially, this setup ensures all parties (siblings, married couples, parents and their kids) have breaks from each other when tensions arise. My husband and I even get the occasional snippet of one-on-one time – a drink on the terrace at sunset, a workout in the gym side by side – to enjoy each other’s company.
If you’re thinking your family is far too difficult, that vacationing en masse would never happen even under extreme duress, I understand the sentiment. My family dynamic is complicated (culturally, too – I’m American; my in-laws are English), and our relationship has the added strain that comes from being the only relationship my kids have with any grandparents. My mother died in my early 20s; my father has always been more or less estranged from me. Though I feel immense love and gratitude towards my in-laws, I’m also desperately sad that my kids will never know my mother.
'Skip-gen travel' and multi-generational travel are having a moment
We’re far from the only family in the UK (and beyond) going on holiday with grandparents. In fact, the practice has become so popular, it’s considered a “top travel trend” of 2024.
Across the pond, you’ll see references to “skip-gen travel”: this involves grandparents taking the kids on holiday while parents stay home (and work). An AARP Research survey on “Grandparents Today” found that 40 per cent take their grandkids on holidays and spend an average of $1,746 a year on these trips.
Multigenerational travel – travelling with kids, adult kids and grandparents – is also on the rise post-pandemic. A 2023 Family Travel Association (FTA) Annual Family Travel Survey of 3,300 parents and grandparents found that 50 per cent took a multigenerational holiday in the past three years. (And 40 per cent of those surveyed were planning to take one in the next three years.)
Even travel providers are getting in on the action: in February 2024, easyJet launched a ‘Grans Go Free’ offering on flights to European destinations like Greece and Spain, in response to a poll of over 2,000 Brits, which found 51 per cent of families had never holidayed with grandparents abroad.
Various studies have shown that the benefits go both ways when it comes to kids spending time with their grandparents: grandparents not only play a positive role when it comes to encouraging healthy emotions in grandkids they have close relationships with, they can help support the mental health of mothers if they live nearby.
Conversely, a strong connection with grandchildren (and getting tech-savvy when it comes to digital communication), can reduce loneliness for older people living further away from their kids and grandkids.
According to government figures in the UK, one in four working families use grandparents for childcare (63% of all grandparents with grandchildren under 16 help out with childcare). Clearly, grandparents are indispensable to families when it comes to plugging childcare gaps and helping ease the immense costs of returning to work with young children.
However, I’m pretty sure one big reason we find travelling with the kids’ grandparents so enjoyable is that we aren’t currently reliant on them for weekly childcare. From past experience, I know how amazing it can be to have energetic and committed grandparents who live close enough to help with early-years children... but differing viewpoints and expectations can massively impact family dynamics.
These days, the set-up works especially well because it feels like a treat, not a chore, for everyone to have the chance to spend time together in a different setting.
Tips for a multi-gen holiday with grandparents
There are no hard or fast rules for making a family getaway with the grandparents in tow successful, but I do think certain ingredients have helped us.
Here are some tips for multi-generational travel I’ve picked up over the years.
The type of holiday has to suit everyone
After the pandemic, we really wanted to spend more quality time with our kids’ grandparents, which felt impossible to do at home without distraction.
We found a kid-friendly option and headed to Saunton Sands beach in Devon for a long weekend over May half-term in 2021. We learned a lot: 1) my husband hates beach holidays and 2) there are basically no standard-sized hotel rooms equipped to fit our family.
But, if we split the kids up and our two older girls bunked with their grandparents, we could manage the admin side of things. This also helped with bedtime negotiations, and bonus, we’d only be paying for one hotel room as a result.
The following year, we decided to try somewhere closer to London, budget-friendlier and with beaches as an additional attraction instead of the main one: the northern coast of Norfolk. With its mix of creature comforts, cultural destinations, and natural beauty, it appealed to us all in different ways.
'Repeat travel' works best
Whether you’re a family that loves to go camping and exploring in nature or enjoys discovering the cuisines and cultures of a new country, there is something to be said for “repeat travel” – going back to the same place year after year – when travelling with youngsters.
Knowing that we’ll be going to the same destination, with the same people, at the same time of year has done wonders for quelling my kids’ travel anxieties – you can almost feel a collective intake of soothing breath as our car approaches the Blakeney quay. These trips have all the excitement of a getaway and change of scene, with the calming familiarity of knowing the lay of the land.
All of us discuss our stay in advance and plan it around a few touchstones (aka non-negotiable must-dos): cycling around the grounds of Holkham Hall, my husband taking one of the kids golfing at the local course, and scouring the racks of the amazing Oola Boola vintage shop in Holt, where we always emerge with our arms full of retro treasures. This year, my mother-in-law kindly purchased a couple of goodies for my kids from there, too.
Feeling confident and comfortable in our surroundings also allows for flexibility and venturing further afield, to try a new beach or explore a village we haven’t visited before.
It’s also how we start to forge new traditions with grandparents. My in-laws’ favourite pastime on holidays is going around stately homes and old churches and my eight-year-old daughter was enthusiastic about joining them this year. She’s adamant that the Sunday church service was the best part of her whole trip (which may or may not have something to do with the 25 biscuits she consumed afterwards).
Indoor entertainment is key
One of the more exhausting things about holidays with kids is the pressure to constantly be out and about, doing something fabulous… especially when the weather has other plans. It’s amazing how much indoor activities like table tennis or a hotel with a pool can make all the difference – while also giving a couple of adults in the group a chance to unwind and relax.
On our last trip, we got into the most wonderful routine of playing games every evening after dinner – one child would play chess with her grandfather, while another group enjoyed a Tate Art Collector card game where you acquire and trade works of art to build your “collection,” supplied by my mother-in-law. The kids are now busy planning a museum trip with her to see the artworks in person in London.
Relax into it
It has taken me many years and tantrums (not just the kids’ ones, but also mine), but I’ve finally got there: I’ve let go of trying to control every element of parenting, especially when it comes to other people looking after my kids.
True joy as a parent isn’t what you see in the perfect sun-dappled family holiday photo. It’s reaching the point where you no longer stress about taking that photo… because you’re too busy smiling as your kids try to beat their grandfather at table tennis.
What I love most about going on holiday with my kids’ grandparents is that they help me remember that a family holiday is about learning to say “yes” – to ice creams, video games on car trips, and letting the kids stay up way too late.
If that's put you in the mood for planning a multi-generational family holiday, check out What is Gramping and why you need to suggest this sweet travel trend or if delving deeper into relationships with your kids' grandparents is more your cup of tea, find out The 10 ‘well-meaning’ phrases grandparents need to stop saying to their grandkids, according to a psychologist. If handling the school summer holidays is uppermost in your mind, read How do working mothers juggle the school summer holidays? or explore Why the summer hustle isn't funny - let's not normalise what working mums are juggling.
