Forget toy deals, here's everything this Mama wants from Anthropologie this Cyber Monday

For parents, Cyber Monday is traditionally all about snapping up some bargains on toys for the kids ahead of Christmas or bulk-buying cat litter and dishwasher tablets. Well, I say stuff that.

I don't know about you but I am over it already. How about, for once, we totally forget shopping for Cyber Monday toy deals or feverishly hitting refresh on the best Cyber Monday Lego deals? Even the Cyber Monday perfume deals I've snapped up have been pressies for other people. And heaven forbid we fall asleep on the sofa once the kids are finally in bed and forget to grapple with the difference between Nintendo vs Oled before both deals are out of stock anyway - unless you happen to be mates with one of those people who got Taylor Swift tickets. 

I'm not that mum. I'm not even really sorry about it. At this point, I just really want to know when Black Friday ends. I have three kids; I bust my ass all year round trying to make sure that they have enough of what they want and need - in appropriate measure, of course. For one day only, I wish we could make Cyber Monday all about the Mamas. We ought to get some kind of government payment that CANNOT be spent on nappies or cheese strings or anything at all for the kids. Who's with me?

If I get my wish, these are the Anthropologie Cyber Monday deals that will be coming to Mama...

1. The Colette Denim Cropped Wide-Leg Jeans £98 | Anthropologie

They wouldn't actually fit me even if I could afford them. Plus my ankles would get cold on the school run and everyone would see that my socks make me look like I'm auditioning for Flashdance. (I work from home: IYKYK) But oh, how I fancy wearing a pair of denims that aren't mom jeans. And you'll get 25% off at checkout!

2. Effie Velvet Tripod Dining Chair £548 | Anthropologie

Only another parent can truly appreciate why I fancy spoiling myself with a VELVET chair. Sigh. There's also 25% off this at checkout. Maybe when the kids finally leave home. Which at this rate means it'll probably occupy a nice spot in the corner of my nursing home...

3. Saluti Cocktail Square Cotton Napkins £26 | Anthropologie

This is my dream life after all, right? And in my dream life, I have a butler to bring me a cocktail every day at 5 pm sharp. So obviously I NEED these cotton napkins. Apparently, they're the perfect accent to my favourite beverage.

4. Gleaming Primrose Mirror Christmas Tree Decoration £22 | Anthropologie

Come on, now. Surely this needs no explanation? And did I mention there's 25% off at checkout? Whether you let the kids decorate the tree and then refuse to touch it or stealthily rearrange everything afterward to suit your design sensibilities, wouldn't we all love a few grown-up and glamorous tree decorations like this one?

5. Stanley Bottle £46 | Anthropologie

I never treat myself to a new water bottle because I've amassed a cupboard full of freebies from press events. But I don't want a random stroller brand or a motherhood-themed slogan emblazoned on my sips. I want a Stanley in a classy colour. And I'd like it to come with a cast-iron guarantee that my teenager won't slope off to his room with it, never for it to be seen again. Guess what? 25% off at checkout.

6. Luxe Faux Fur Throw Blanket £118 | Anthropologie

We talk about these blankets in the office. One of the team swears by hers on chilly work-at-home days and the rest of us are green with envy. And also tinged blue because we're clearly much colder than her. Why should the kids have all the best cosy stuff? I bought them the perfect baby blankets. I kitted them out in spendy Oodies. Stand back, kids, it's Mama's turn to get her cosy on. Also with the 25% off at checkout.

7. Lou Rota for Anthropologie Twelve Days of Christmas Dessert Plate was £20 now £18 | Anthropologie 

My kids are past the days of bamboo plates and nothing breakable and yet my kitchenware is still robustly kid-friendly. Around here, pudding consists of Frubes or a Crunch Corner if you're really lucky so just for once, I fancy splashing out on a collection of fancy dessert plates. Plus there's 40% off at checkout on these.

8. Snowglobe Ceramic Candle £38 | Anthropologie

The fanciest candles I own are either gifts (thanks, brilliant school mums...) or ones I've shoved in my shopping basket with the groceries and then felt faintly guilty about - so burning them always means deep, earthy base notes of shame. In this world, though, I plan to treat myself - guilt-free - to an expensive candle that's good value for money too, in fact, because it's also a snow globe. You guessed it with the discount too.

If you haven't spotted anything you fancy splashing out on here, have a peek at our guide to the best gifts for new mums - new baby not required - or treat yourself to something from our edit of the best long-lasting perfumes under £70.