Are Xander and Vanessa still together? The Ultimatum: Queer Love season 1 update

Here's where the couple are now...

Xander (left) and Vanessa (right) from The Ultimatum: Queer Love sat on a sofa together
(Image credit: Netflix)

Fans of the Netflix show want to know if Xander and Vanessa are still together following the release of the reunion episode.

How better to kick of Pride month than with Netflix's brand new reality dating show The Ultimatum: Queer Love? The show welcomes five queer couples in which one member has given an ultimatum: get married or end the relationship. The Ultimatum cast were then tested with 'trial marriages' - both to their original partner and another cast member from the show.

It's a spin on the original show The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On, and just like fans of the show want to know which of the previous season's couples are still together, many are asking the same of couples from the new spin-off, such as if Sam and Aussie are still together. Here's what we know about whether Xander and Vanessa are still together...

Are Xander and Vanessa still together?

No, Xander and Vanessa are no longer together. The couple broke up at the end of the show, with Xander making the decision to end the relationship seemingly with the intention of pursuing fellow cast member Yoly instead.

Xander has since revealed she decided early on to end things with Vanessa. She said, "It was after Week 1 ... before I even started my trial marriage with Yoly," She added that she continued with Vanessa after that first week "out of respect for our relationship and the four years."

Xander (left) and Vanessa (right) from The Ultimatum: Queer Love sat on a bench together

(Image credit: Netflix)

What happened between Xander and Vanessa on The Ultimatum: Queer Love?

On The Ultimatum: Queer Love, it was Xander who had issued the ultimatum to her partner Vanessa. While Xander wanted to marry her partner of four years, Vanessa wasn't sure if she was interested in marriage at all.

But by the second episode, Xander and Yoly Rojas - who gave an ultimatum to partner Mal Wright - had begun to form a connection. This left Vanessa and Xander finding it difficult to form a connection in their own trial marriage, eventually leading to the pair breaking off their relationship.

Throughout the show, many of the other cast members accused Vanessa of being fake, while viewers questioned whether Vanessa really wanted to be with Xander. But Xander continued to defend her partner, despite forming a connection with Yoly.

As they ended things, Xander said, "You deserve a lot more than what I can offer you right now," while Vanessa thanked Xander for their time together, adding, "I don't know who I would be without those four years with you. I will always love you. You're the reason I know what love is."

After Xander ended the relationship, Vanessa revealed she "would have said yes … under the idea that she decided to recommit to me and was willing to put in the work."

Are Xander and Yoly still together?

No, Xander and Yoly are not together. Though they formed a connection on the show, Yoly left The Ultimatum: Queer Love engaged to her original partner, Mal, after rejecting Xander.

However, Yoly and Mal also didn't last, revealing in the reunion episode that they split just two weeks after the show ended. Mal said she felt Yoly had downplayed her relationship with Xander after seeing the show, saying at the reunion, "I'm also just as confused why [Yoly] even said yes [to the engagement]. It feels like a lack of care because now the both of you have blown up your entire relationships."

At the reunion, Xander and Yoly revealed they had rekindled their romance after the show, but remain friends.

Xander (left) and Yoly (right) sat at a table together

(Image credit: Netflix)

Where is Xander Boger now?

During the reunion, it was revealed that Vanessa and Xander hadn't spoken since their breakup, but it looked like the tearful couple both missed each other, and might even be able to strike up a friendship following the show.

However, in a recent interview with PEOPLE, Xander revealed she felt Vanessa had only changed her mind about getting engaged after seeing their connection with Yoly. She said: "I think it would've been for her control or because she wanted to make herself look good. I think that's something that I knew too when I would visualize myself on the decision day. What if I did propose to Vanessa? If she said yes... I would've looked at her and I would've been like, 'I don't believe you.'"

Xander still lives in Hawaii, but revealed to Netflix's Tudum that she is considering moving to California, and has kept busy by launching her own physical therapy business and studying to become a yoga instructor.

Where is Vanessa Papa now?

At the reunion, a tearful Vanessa spoke about how much she cared for Xander, saying that she felt they were better as friends, but that she missed Xander's presence in her life.

Also talking to PEOPLE, Vanessa denied that she only wanted to get married because of Xander's connection with Yoly, saying, "I would have committed to an engagement if that was her choice. I would've said, 'Okay, so you still have some faith in this. Let's see where this goes.'"

She added: "I was trying to get Xander to come back to reality a little bit. Yes, this is super exciting with Yoly, but is there a long-term situation there? You don't really know that yet, but here's me and I'm offering you this and we know we work well together. Let's try it."

Since the reunion, Vanessa revealed to Tudum that she has traveled solo around Europe and moved to Los Angeles, after leaving the home she shared with Xander in Hawaii.

We've also shared where The Ultimatum is filmed. Looking for more Netflix dating show news? Find out who is still together from Too Hot to Handle season 4, and who is still together from Love is Blind season one and season two.

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Ellie Hutchings
Family News Editor

Ellie is GoodtoKnow’s Family News Editor and covers all the latest trends in the parenting world - from relationship advice and baby names to wellbeing and self-care ideas for busy mums. Ellie is also an NCTJ-qualified journalist and has a distinction in MA Magazine Journalism from Nottingham Trent University and a first-class degree in Journalism from Cardiff University. Previously, Ellie has worked with BBC Good Food, The Big Issue, and the Nottingham Post, as well as freelancing as an arts and entertainment writer alongside her studies. When she’s not got her nose in a book, you’ll probably find Ellie jogging around her local park, indulging in an insta-worthy restaurant, or watching Netflix’s newest true crime documentary.